Funniest NPC Dialogue

[Brown Cap]

What is the funniest conversation you have ever witnessed/heard in a game?

I have two examples:
Morrowind: Between Two Commoners that live in a swamp-
"I saw a mudcrab today"

FarCry: Between two Mercenaries -
"That guy better not be dumb enough to come around here, or I'll fix his little red wagon!"
"You'll What?"
"You heard me - I said I'd fix his little red wagon!"
"What are you? Like 200 years old? My grandpa talks better trash than that dude.
"Fine, Fine! I'll cut him up! I rip off his head and drink his fluids! Is that better?!"
"Man... Cool just can't be taught..."

 

[Wierdguy]

Any conversation inbetween characters in DA:O Really... too many awesome ones for me to name right now =p

 

[JamesStone]

Muggy form FNV Old World Blues:
"Oh, Please,PLEASE TELL ME YOU got me some coffe mugs!"

 

[Miles000]

In Bad Company 2, while operating a UAV.
You can sometimes hear one of the other guys on the channel say...

"If you get the bad guy, I'll buy you ice-cream..."

 

[Mariena]

Well, pretty much that.

 

[mirror's edgy]

This is not actual dialogue, but I love seeing the excited reactions of Metal Gear henchmen when they find porn lying on the ground.

"Well, this wasn't here ten seconds ago... and I'm in the jungle. Alone. Who cares? Free porn!"

 

[Damura]

Bard's Tale. Nuckelavee song.

 

[gbemery]

I love the random chats that Ken and Gabby have on the Normandy. I tried to pick my favorite but here is four of them. I just enjoy alot of the NPC dialogue in Mass Effect and Mass Effect2.

 

[subject_87]

From a civilian in Half-Life 2, while you're fighting your way to the Citadel: "Hey, if you see Dr. Breen, tell him I said FUCK YOU!"

Also, if this counts, pretty much everything in Portal and Portal 2, especially the 'lemons' speech.

...And the Captcha gave me 3 Greek characters. Oh joy.

 

[Stall]

Divinity 2 is full of great dialogue.

My favorite is everything with Amdusias. He basically hates hearing the name of his former mentor, Maxos, and get's driven into a rage by it. As soon as your character figures it out, you get the option to basically use Maxos as a schoolyard taunt towards him with hilarious results. When you encounter him again later in the game, he gives you this big, epic, flowery boss speech, and you have the option of just replying with "Maxos!", and then he just screams and attacks you. It's great. The best part is during the x-pack, Flames of Vengeance though. This world's afterlife is called the "Halls of Echos," and you stumble upon a dying soldier who asks you to find his wives ring. There is one dialogue option along the lines of "If you see a guy named Amdusias in the Halls of Echos, can you say "Maxos" to him, and let him know I asked you to say it?" I laughed so hard, and the way the NPC responds is just great (he's like "Oh, it's great to bring old friends together!"). It's priceless.

There are tons of other great dialogue in the game, especially with the mindreading mechanic as well. The game has such a great sense of humor. It's easily the funniest RPG I think I have ever played, yet it never goes into the realm of parody, despite all the hilarious dialogue you have the option to engage in. Top fucking notch writing, if I do say so myself.

 

[Sp3ratus]

Well, I don't remember encountering this personally(though I probably did, it's been a while since I played Shivering Isles), but this video is an example of the most hilarious and outrageous behaviour by any NPC I've ever heard of. I know Shivering Isles is a place for the crazies, but I still think the above is hilariously awesome.

 

[MonocleClaire]

My all-time favourite is Okami; Amataerasu is swimming away from the Sunken Ship with Rao and Issun on her back. Suddenly, the waves begin to swell, signalling that the Water Dragon, a HUGE sea serpent that's been terrorising this part of the ocean, is coming and Rao panics, pleading with Ammy to swim faster. Issun's confused for a moment then says he knows what's wrong... and thinks she needs to pee. He then proceeds to tell her that it's totally fine, she can go there and then, since they're in the ocean and "everyone does it!"
I had to stop playing for about five minutes because I was so helpless with laughter.


Another one, this time from Earthbound; for context, an NPC in one of the towns had previously complained about his wife running away to join a cult. Once the player manages to de-brainwash everyone, you can go and talk to the NPC again and this is what he says (paraphrased):

"My wife came back from the cult but then she ran away again. I'm such a lucky man!"

Brilliant.

 

[kuroshimo]

I thought most of what came from HK-47 was fun, but I kept him in my party the whole game just to hear the random sugestions and threats he throws into other peoples' conversations in KOTOR.

 

[Daveman]

Everything from Timesplitters.

One example, about 3 minutes in:

 

[Dendrobates]

in fire emblem for the gba.. not sacered stones but the other one. there´s this dude with a tent you can use as a bank and when you save him so that he can join your team he says:"let me burry my head in your bussem to keep me free from harm" with an picture of him crying