BlueberryMUNCH said:
...I don't understand...why wouldn't you just go ahead and sell a game that you want to sell? You know what I mean?
So like...why would you still own a game that you don't want? xD
Because it's so bad nobody buys it or something, I guess. Or possibly you just have to keep it as a horrible testament to all that is wrong in gaming.
Anyway.
Silverfall. Oh god, I spotted it in a bargain bin going for like five euros. And it seemed like a halfway-decent Diablo 2 -knockoff that might have entertained me for whatever hours I might manage to glean from it. And you could play a troll. Trolls are always a plus.
First thing: I thought the installation killed my computer. Everything just froze for something upwards of 20 minutes. And for some reason I let it be. After that, the game apparently realized I wasn't buying its bluff and begrudgingly installed itself. A harbringer of things to come.
Second thing: the game was the worst kind of a shitty Diablo clone possible and had all of the dready slog and none of the hack n' slash fun. I played the first hour somewhat experimentally and incredibly half-heartedly to see if there would be anything to salvage the thing. But no, the horrible abortion of an effort at making a game stubbornly refused to make itself any better. And after that hour, I felt that playing Minesweeper blind would have been time better spent.
Even worse was that fucking incredibly fucked up horrible Rogue Warrior. I didn't buy it, I snatched it from a friend like some digital Necronomicon after its horrible secrets broke his feeble mind and he smeared "DEMO DICK COMES!" over and over on the walls of his room with his own blood. In other words, he gave it to me (or forced me to take it) and told me that if I ever mentioned it again he'd punch me in the eye.
I got it for free, and yet I felt like I was robbed. That's right, this game is actually worth less than zero of the lowest unit of any currency that has ever existed, including the funny-shaped small stones we used to trade as kids. It's just horrible. There's nothing that's done right. It feels unconnected on every level, from controls to animations to cinematics to every possbible word associated with a facet of a game. It had bugs and glitches up the ass. It had shitty gameplay up its throat. It probably, from the sheer amount of retardation in the game, had railroad spikes hammered up its brains. Hell, I felt like I had some hammered up MY brains by the time I had played it.
It felt like the game was feeding on my very goddamn soul when I played it. I didn't feel angry for playing it. I felt empty and tired, like a worn-out husk of a used, abused and violated man. I felt wronged.
Only weeks afterwards did I manage to muster the resolve to work up a proper rage. And you know what I did to the horrible abomination of a game? I nailed it to a pole like an ancient barbarian warrior displaying his hated enemy's corpse, case and all. Good, strong, long nails. Good, thick wood. And then I put the pole up in an unseen corner of my yard. I even painted a skull on a stone next to it to warn anyone unfortunate enough to trespass of the vile monster that had been slain.
I really, actually, honestly did all that to make sure I had my revenge on the game. It's under the frost and snow now, like some monster of times long gone (specifically 2009). Come spring, and I might just have to take an axe to its exposed, bleached remains. We'll see.
