Gaming 2012: Naughty and Nice

Recommended Videos

BloatedGuppy

New member
Feb 3, 2010
9,569
0
0
[HEADING=2]REVIVAL OF A CLASSIC FRANCHISE[/HEADING]

It's Firaxis and 2K Games for XCOM: Enemy Unknown! It's not the *perfect* return to form for turn based tactical shooters. Jagged Alliance 2 probably still holds the crown. But it's a lot better than anyone really had reason to expect, especially in the shadow of the dreadful looking FPS that tried to steal its identity. There are issues with repetition and the first DLC was clueless, but the game sold well and suggests a potentially bright future for a franchise and a genre that had seemed all but dead.

It's Electronic Arts and Mythic Entertainment for this fucking abomination, Ultima4Ever! I hope the coal in your stockings BURNS YOUR HOUSES DOWN YOU MONSTERS.

[HEADING=2]EXTENDED EDITIONS[/HEADING]

It's CD Projekt Red for The Witcher 2: Enhanced Edition! For no charge and with no great fan pressure, CD Projekt Red loaded up a bunch of new content and a polished up ending and gave it to everyone who owned the game at no charge for shits and giggles. Here you go, they said, we hope you enjoy! In this age of nickel and diming people for every hat, it was an uncommonly generous gesture.

It's Electronic Arts and Bioware for the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut! Bowing to near hysterical levels of fan pressure, Bioware crumbled and addressed the black hole of awfulness that was their ending with some hastily slapped together denouements that corrected some issues whilst raising new ones. That they did it for free would have put this in the Nice category, save for the fact they could not resist slipping in a less than subtle fuck you to the complaining fans in the form of the new "4th ending". You can love and obey our bizarre plot contrivance, they said, or you can suck a dick. It's coal for you, Bioware.

[HEADING=2]FLOGGING AN OVERSATURATED SUB-GENRE[/HEADING]

It's Yager Development and 2K Games for Spec Ops: The Line! By addressing the real consequences of violence, Spec Ops: The Line takes the lead over its fellow military manshoots in originality and social consciousness (if not necessarily quality game play), breathing faint life into a stagnant genre.

It's Danger Close Games and Electronic Arts for Medal of Honor: Snorefighter! Bang! Kaboom! QTE! QTE! Boom! QTE! QTE! Run down the corridor! Boom!

[HEADING=2]LAUNCHING AN MMO[/HEADING]

It's Funcom (and EA, but they had little to do with this one) for The Secret World! The game was buggy, occasionally clunky, didn't deliver on half of its promise, and was bizarrely shackled to some terrible, aging MMO conventions. People stayed away in droves, prompting the company to blame Metacritic for the games poor performance. Barely a few months after release it struggles to maintain a tiny user base and Funcom is writhing in dire financial straights.

It's Arena Net and NCSoft for Guild Wars 2! The game was buggy, occasionally clunky, didn't deliver on half of its promise, and was bizarrely shackled to some terrible, aging MMO conventions. But there was no subscription fee, so everyone said "meh" and bought it anyway.

Diablo 3 you are not an MMO! Why are you always online? What are you doing? Stahp!​

[HEADING=2]ENDING A FANTASTIC STORY (A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS)[/HEADING]



Do feel free to add your own. You can copy paste my template pretty easily from a quote if you don't want to do the tags yourself.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
We should just ship a few hundred pounds of coal to Bioware's Edmonton office at this rate. We can attach a note that reads, "We're doing this because we love you."
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
13,757
5
43
Heh. That was fun to read. Thanks.

BloatedGuppy said:
You can love and obey our bizarre plot contrivance, they said, or you can suck a dick.
Uh huh.

That's pretty much exactly how I interpreted it too.

"Ohh, not happy with our totally awesome ending, eh, you entitled little shits? Well fine then, here's your new extra ending: Everybody fucking dies... off screen!"

BloatedGuppy said:
So very, very much.

...

Excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye.

(Also the other one, but I've already taken my redundant swing at that particular expired equine.)
 

IrenIvy

New member
Mar 15, 2011
187
0
0
(for people who aren't in the loop, which games last two pictures are coming from?)
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
IrenIvy said:
(for people who aren't in the loop, which games last two pictures are coming from?)
The first pic is from the Walking Dead game and the second is from Mass Effect 3.
 

IrenIvy

New member
Mar 15, 2011
187
0
0
Fappy said:
IrenIvy said:
(for people who aren't in the loop, which games last two pictures are coming from?)
The first pic is from the Walking Dead game and the second is from Mass Effect 3.
(Thanks! I didn't recognize the second game)
 

Rose and Thorn

New member
May 4, 2012
902
0
0
I tend to agree with you on most of those things, although I am not an MMO player, Secret world actually looked really interesting, to bad it didn't do better.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
8,663
0
0
IrenIvy said:
Fappy said:
IrenIvy said:
(for people who aren't in the loop, which games last two pictures are coming from?)
The first pic is from the Walking Dead game and the second is from Mass Effect 3.
(Thanks! I didn't recognize the second game)
I think you're better off that way. Also, I can't help but notice your avatar. As in, it's really noticeable. Did you, by any chance want it to blend with the background, simulating no avatar? If so, here are two avatars to that effect:
↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑

It's right below this line, but I doubt you'll see it.

Here is a link [http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/9185/transparent1m.png]

OT: I like the Spec Ops mention, I would support that list, I believe. And I like the Diablo 3, mention too :)
 

IrenIvy

New member
Mar 15, 2011
187
0
0
DoPo said:
I think you're better off that way. Also, I can't help but notice your avatar. As in, it's really noticeable. Did you, by any chance want it to blend with the background, simulating no avatar? If so, here are two avatars to that effect:
(Um, I didn't realize that my avatar was so noticeable but it is not a "fade into background" idea. It is a white space, "area to start something" idea like a piece of paper when you can doddle and draw ^^". Sorry for any inconvenience)
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
8,663
0
0
IrenIvy said:
DoPo said:
I think you're better off that way. Also, I can't help but notice your avatar. As in, it's really noticeable. Did you, by any chance want it to blend with the background, simulating no avatar? If so, here are two avatars to that effect:
(Um, I didn't realize that my avatar was so noticeable but it is not a "fade into background" idea. It is a white space, "area to start something" idea like a piece of paper when you can doddle and draw ^^". Sorry for any inconvenience)
Ah, no problem then. And it's noticeable, since I have a darker background. It only bothered me a bit, since I thought it should have been doing the opposite.
 

dyre

New member
Mar 30, 2011
2,178
0
0
I've heard a few friends say the Secret World is actually a pretty good game with a fair degree of creativity, just with some severe issues I couldn't be bothered to remember.

I see you mentioned Jagged Alliance 2 holding the crown on tactical turn based shooters, and right you are...so Jagged Alliance Back in Action should've gotten an honorable mention on fucking up the revival of a classic franchise!

Otherwise, good list. I agree almost completely.
 

DustyDrB

Made of ticky tacky
Jan 19, 2010
8,361
3
43
Oh. I like this thread. Very enjoyable. Though I think years of reading Cracked has made it so consuming things in list form triggers a release of dopamine. Sweet sweet lists...

There's a lot of EA there, but it's hard to argue with. I know it gets old to hear people bang on about them, but they really are that derpy/shady. I'm surprised you didn't mention The Secret World's business structure, with the box price, subscription, and microtransactions.
 

Chairman Miaow

CBA to change avatar
Nov 18, 2009
2,091
0
0
[HEADING=2]Giant stompy robots[/HEADING]​


Mechwarrior Online is already a great game, with a lot more potential to follow. Although not without faults, it is still a beta, and has had a very short development cycle. I know that it technically isn't releeased this year but I'm really excited for this game, and am already having loads of fun with it.
the MWO online community. Stop whining, it's a beta, criticism is fine, but be constructive.
 

Chairman Miaow

CBA to change avatar
Nov 18, 2009
2,091
0
0
rhizhim said:
Chairman Miaow said:
[HEADING=2]Giant stompy robots[/HEADING]​


Mechwarrior Online is already a great game, with a lot more potential to follow. Although not without faults, it is still a beta, and has had a very short development cycle. I know that it technically isn't releeased this year but I'm really excited for this game, and am already having loads of fun with it.
the MWO online community. Stop whining, it's a beta, criticism is fine, but be constructive.
what? no unplayable steel battalion on your naughty list?
I got that on rental and sent it back pretty damn quick figuring that if I couldn't catch an apple or shake a guy's hand, I definitely wasn't going to be able to shoot anything.
 

bullet_sandw1ch

New member
Jun 3, 2011
534
0
0
Zhukov said:
Heh. That was fun to read. Thanks.

BloatedGuppy said:
You can love and obey our bizarre plot contrivance, they said, or you can suck a dick.
Uh huh.

That's pretty much exactly how I interpreted it too.

"Ohh, not happy with our totally awesome ending, eh, you entitled little shits? Well fine then, here's your new extra ending: Everybody fucking dies... off screen!"

BloatedGuppy said:
So very, very much.

...

Excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye.

(Also the other one, but I've already taken my redundant swing at that particular expired equine.)
i must be the only one that likes the 4th ending. i mean, it seems like all the games have been building towards valiant defeat, what with shepard even coming to realise that "they cant save everyone". in my mind, its either bullshit space magic or a logical, if sad, end to what is possibly the best sci-fi game series of all time.
 

BloatedGuppy

New member
Feb 3, 2010
9,569
0
0
bullet_sandw1ch said:
i must be the only one that likes the 4th ending. i mean, it seems like all the games have been building towards valiant defeat, what with shepard even coming to realise that "they cant save everyone". in my mind, its either bullshit space magic or a logical, if sad, end to what is possibly the best sci-fi game series of all time.
Give us the valiant defeat then. Hollywood has been given us pyrrhic victories, noble defeats and pathos for years. We lap it up. And ME is nothing if not heavily inspired by Hollywood tropes. Play out the battle. Show our doomed last stand. Let us bloody their noses so badly that "we'll get them next time". Don't cut to black and give us a videotape of Liara saying "Lol we failed, we should've listened to the Catalyst!". It was a deliberate pisstake if ever there was one.