Getting Back Into The Game(About Dating)

[WlknCntrdiction]

Sorry to(kind of)steal your topic title TheNecroswanson but seeing it gave me the drive to finally make this topic, I've had it in the back of my head but just haven't been bothered to post it.

Anyway, moving on to the topic at hand.Right so alot of the oldies know of my ex gf plight, this was about 8 months ago now and since then about 2 months ago I've seriously got back into dating again and interacting with girls again. I read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss(Style)and it has literally changed my life, since reading it I've looked at the world of dating and interactions in clubs, bars etc alot differently. I've befriended a fellow PUA(Pick Up Artist)who is actually on the same course as me so that's lucky and he has been mentoring me on "the ways" of being a PUA and I feel my life has taken a turn for the better in every aspect. I'm getting laser eye surgery in a few days, I'm finally going to pass my theory test and get driving and just a ton of other things that propel me forward into a better future.

Of course I haven't forgotten about my ex, she was my first love after all but if she's off somewhere screwing my "friend" then I don't really care, that's her problem now. I can take a pick of any beautiful woman I want now because I'm single and because I can and it's empowering to say the least
I've laden myself down with material, downloaded seminars and lectures taught by "Mystery" and "Style" themselves, I've just taken on a different persona altogether(one which I have yet to think of a name for so if you have any suggestions then fire away lol).

The point of this topic is to see if there is anyone else who has read "The Game" themselves and who have adopted the same lifestyle choice I have. And ladies, what do you think of this "phenomenon"? Do you think it's deceitful, underhand, wrong, etc? What are you thoughts on it? There is a massive psycological side to it all, it's not just about getting girls into bed(a common misconception), I will try and explain as best as I can(after all I am still learning myself).

Thanks in advance. I am now off to work, I'll contribute once I get back

 

[sammyfreak]

I had a friend who was talking about it once. The whole idea is completely insane, exploiting psychological weaknesses to get laid? I believe this takes sexism and the objectifing of wimmen to a whole new level.

Even if you don't do it to get laid you are basicly toying with the emotions of another human being, something I find to be...tasteless to say the least.

 

[space_oddity]

I had a friend who was talking about it once. The whole idea is completely insane, exploiting psychological weaknesses to get laid? I believe this takes sexism and the objectifing of wimmen to a whole new level.

Even if you don't do it to get laid you are basicly toying with the emotions of another human being, something I find to be...tasteless to say the least.

Woah, woah, woah.......this isn't my batman cup.

 

[Top Dollar]

So basically your ex screwed you over and now you're obsessed with picking up women and becoming a different person? I dunno what this game is but it sounds pretty pathetic if you're downloading seminars and calling yourself a pick up artist. You'll show her huh, sounds like you're totally over her!

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

Whenever I'm around PUA guys they always think that they now have the magic ability to pick up any woman. Since anytime they screw up they just assume the girl has issues and move on, this opinion is never proven wrong. And it gets downright painful to be around guys hitting on a girl they have no chance in hell with. Self-confidence or learning to fake it does not, alas, make your actions any better or worse. Just louder.

Personally, this video sums up my philosophy on how to deal with heartbreak:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85IweNHhOAg

 

[DrunkenKitty]

I had a friend who was talking about it once. The whole idea is completely insane, exploiting psychological weaknesses to get laid? I believe this takes sexism and the objectifing of wimmen to a whole new level.

Even if you don't do it to get laid you are basicly toying with the emotions of another human being, something I find to be...tasteless to say the least.

You should read it before you bash it. What you just described is some ignorant fratboy who hasn't read these books.

The the Mystery Method is actually the most respectful way to behave in front of a girl you're attracted to. Women are the gatekeepers. They choose who they will have sex with in our society. These books acknowledge and respect women in that role. There are no "magic words" or "mind control" that change this.

Using the Mystery Method, the guy will build attraction and will not display any sexual interest(ie- hit on her) until she has displayed interest first. If he fails to impress her, he leaves.

The Mystery Method is a forward-thinking and insightful book in the fields of self improvement and sociology. It's not at all about deceiving women with false value. It's about creating genuine value and becoming the type of man that women want more of in this world.

Ask me. Quote me. Flame me. Praise me. I love this shit and I'll talk about it all day.

 

[WolfThomas]

I read that book. My first impression was that it was bullshit. Then I thought I had to learn all I could and finally I realised it was just a good (albeit true) story.

Some small things have permeated into my life like the three second rule and counting IOIs.

But overall its a story and a fantastic one. Strauss starts as the underdog, learns as an apprentice, has a few victories and losses, equals his masters, goes an adventure in a foreign land, learns more, becomes the greatest, builds a palace for himself and his fellow masters, finds fame, life starts to get chaotic as a subtle new threat enters the scene, finds love, strife between friends and lovers, sacrifices lifestyle and creed for love.

If you replaced picking up women with chess or martial arts it would have worked just the same.

 

[zen5887]

Ehh.. It seems a bit iffy to me.. If I was on the dating scene (which I'm not because I have a long term girlfriend - Booyah) I wouldn't even think of using some book. Not seriously at least.

I would like to point your attention to the episode of Futurama where Fry eats that sandwich full of worm eggs which make him super great and make Leela totally hot for him. In the end Fry questions whether she is hot for him - or the worms.

Now I have not read, heard of, seen or have any interest in this book but wouldn't it be better to.. You know.. Be yourself when it comes to that sort of stuff?

 

[Sennz0r]

I just do that kind of stuff my way, although it does usually take a drink first if it's a girl I have no acquaintance to whatsoever (e.g. friend of a friend or some hanging out with people I know) because when it comes to stepping up to a girl in a bar I find interesting I have an absolute lack of stones.

Might be pathetic or short-sighted not to try it any other way than I'm used to (by the way I don't always drink when I hit on girls ) but I feel comfortable with it and I guess that's what matters. Feeling comfortable with the way you're handling the situation.

 

[superbleeder12]

I read the beginning 100 pages of that book. Interesting stuff. I just can't fake confidence to get a woman to sleep with me. Morally I find it objectionable, and second, I just have shitty self-esteem.

But it did open my eyes up to a fascinating world of study, a combination of human sociology, anthropology, psychology, etc.

I've read 'The Definitive Book on Body Language' and I've noticed a bit more about how people's actions speak louder than words. I find it interesting about how much you can learn from a person from their handshake, gestures, or speech. But its also opened my eyes to how... same-ish we all are. We aren't as unique as we may think

 

[latenightapplepie]

I read some of it on a boring afternoon at university. I found it...fascinating. I'm not going to bash the book or anyone who believes it. After all, it probably does work and probably does help people get laid. And even though it doesn't appeal to me all that much, I can understand the desire to have the ability to seduce people at will. It's a form of power and control. Everyone likes a bit of power and control.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

Quite alot of differing opinions on this so I'll address some:

So basically your ex screwed you over and now you're obsessed with picking up women and becoming a different person? I dunno what this game is but it sounds pretty pathetic if you're downloading seminars and calling yourself a pick up artist. You'll show her huh, sounds like you're totally over her!

My ex didn't "screw me over", she broke up with me, something that happens to alot of relationships all the time, she didn't do anything silly like sleep with my brother or something, sorry it's not as dramatic as you had hoped:/
I'm not "obsessed" with picking up women, I'm sure all guys would be like the "ability" to walk up to a random beautiful woman and talk to her, not necessarily bed her, just get over their anxieties about approaching a random woman, it's natural, it's a mechanism built into us since the dawn of man, I would explain more but I am reading about this at the moment and don't want to get anything messed up.
Whether you like to admit it or not we are all playing some sort of "game", it's called life, every challenge, every obstacle, every "level" we overcome defines us as a person and we're constantly playing, why is it so hard to think that there is a dating "game"? And the last point I'd like to make is that you don't become a different person by doing this, you become the best person you can be by doing this, you bring out the best of everything in you, if that's how you define being a "different person" then I feel sorry for you.

In relation to this, I didn't instantly think to go out and get laid, I picked up other hobbies and things to do to keep me occupied whilst getting over my ex, I began to do Parkour for example.

Semi related: Just like everyone can be a better version of themselves, everyone has the capacity to get a six pack, this bullcrap fed to us about having the right genes and stuff is nonsense. Granted some people may have better genes than others and maybe able to achieve a six pack faster and easier but it is not above anyone who is willing to work and strive toward getting one. But due to the way society is today(obesity and whatnot)people just can't get one, because they eat crap, even the ones who wish to get a six pack are fed the wrong information. Did you know that even if something has been processed to be made better for you it is still bad for you? Anything processed is bad for you. I bet there are some people on here who did not know that. / semi rant.

I read that book. My first impression was that it was bullshit. Then I thought I had to learn all I could and finally I realised it was just a good (albeit true) story.

I had the same first impression as you, but as I began to actually step back and look when I was in clubs and such I began to realise the going ons in the background, things a "normal" person would most likely not pick up on. I actually commented to my friend(who incidentally the same night showed me him in action)when I first found out that he did it, that he had this aura around him, not an "I'm an all important person, bow before me" arrogant aura but a calm, soothing and powerful aura that just drew people to him, especially girls, that's when I started to really "invest" in learning the "game".

If you replaced picking up women with chess or martial arts it would have worked just the same.

I wouldn't exactly replace picking up women with anything, I enjoy it too much lol but I do do other things alongside it, like I mentioned I took up Parkour, something else I greatly enjoy doing. The common misconception about PUAs too is that they only go out to get laid, this isn't necessarily untrue but the way you hold yourself, reading people, the way you talk and act spill over into everyday activities and pursuits, for example the people I do Parkour with look to me for answers and seek my approval, even though some of them have been doing it longer than me(I'm approaching 6 months on the 11th)they look to me sometimes to help them and I feel I've just adapted and taken on the form of some sort of leader to these guys and it feels good.

Now I have not read, heard of, seen or have any interest in this book but wouldn't it be better to.. You know.. Be yourself when it comes to that sort of stuff?

You are being yourself. I'll admit when you start out you have to memorise alot of stuff, but only to get you through, once you get out there and continue to do it then you start to inject your own spin and personality into your material and make it your own to suit your situation and your personal style. In the end you are being yourself, you're just being the best "you" you can be. It's yourself X 10.

I just do that kind of stuff my way, although it does usually take a drink first if it's a girl I have no acquaintance to whatsoever (e.g. friend of a friend or some hanging out with people I know) because when it comes to stepping up to a girl in a bar I find interesting I have an absolute lack of stones.

Might be pathetic or short-sighted not to try it any other way than I'm used to (by the way I don't always drink when I hit on girls ) but I feel comfortable with it and I guess that's what matters. Feeling comfortable with the way you're handling the situation.

Right on. If you're comfortable with that then all the more power to you
I'm sure you'll probably wein yourself off the alcohol helping you when you see it's just as easy without it.
Now and again I will be my best when I have a few drinks down me and take more risks, it's a lottery really, just as how you act may vary each time you approach a woman will vary, it may not go as you "planned" so you have to constantly adapt and improve.

I just can't fake confidence to get a woman to sleep with me.

Fake it till you make it

But its also opened my eyes to how... same-ish we all are. We aren't as unique as we may think

Yeah, like I've mentioned already, there's alot behind the scenes going on but alot of it is pretty much the same, or slight variations of each thing that goes on. They aren't all too disimilar which is why I think once you just have the social dynamics down and know your theory it doesn't matter what you say as long as you say it and do it in a certain way it will trigger attraction or whatever feeling you are trying to trigger within someone.

I hope I have adequately addressed some peoples' points in this thread. I myself don't go out specifically to just get laid(it would be nice every now and again I won't lie)but stuff like this fascinates me, there is a deep, ingrained psycological side imbued in all of us and all we do and how we interact and it fascinates me to learn about it.

 

[WolfThomas]

If you replaced picking up women with chess or martial arts it would have worked just the same.

I wouldn't exactly replace picking up women with anything, I enjoy it too much lol but I do do other things alongside it, like I mentioned I took up Parkour, something else I greatly enjoy doing. The common misconception about PUAs too is that they only go out to get laid, this isn't necessarily untrue but the way you hold yourself, reading people, the way you talk and act spill over into everyday activities and pursuits, for example the people I do Parkour with look to me for answers and seek my approval, even though some of them have been doing it longer than me(I'm approaching 6 months on the 11th)they look to me sometimes to help them and I feel I've just adapted and taken on the form of some sort of leader to these guys and it feels good.

Sorry didn't realise how ambiguous what I said was. I meant the content of the book. Had Neil Strauss written the same story, but replaced picking up with kung-fu it would have been just as good, because hes a kickass writer and what happened to him resembles the plot of a film or book.

But yeah it is important to diversify you interests, infact thats a big part of his book.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

Sorry didn't realise how ambiguous what I said was. I meant the content of the book. Had Neil Strauss written the same story, but replaced picking up with kung-fu it would have been just as good, because hes a kickass writer and what happened to him resembles the plot of a film or book.

But yeah it is important to diversify you interests, infact thats a big part of his book.

Ah I get you now
Yeah he is a really good writer, I was kinda hesitant to read onwards when I read the first part because I thought "where is this book heading?" but once you get past the intro the pace never slows down until the end.

If anything too alot of the aspects from your other interests can be used in other things, like Parkour teaches you alot about overcoming your fears and various physical obstacles, approaching women is just another obstacle to me, another fear I have to overcome so in that aspect they're pretty much the same.

 

[WolfThomas]

Ah I get you now
Yeah he is a really good writer, I was kinda hesitant to read onwards when I read the first part because I thought "where is this book heading?" but once you get past the intro the pace never slows down until the end.

Yeah I read it in a couple of days, missed a lot of sleep because I couldn't stop. Needs to made into a film.

Edit: I think the rights have been sold and a screenplay is being adapted

 

[curlycrouton]

My opinion: Anyone who needs to read a self-help book in order to pick up women probably has some serious confidence issues, issues which are probably better adressed by a psychiatrist than a "Pick Up Artist" shaped like an egg. I mean come on, this is just stupid, there's a book telling us, us un-romantic, vegetating sods, who can't so much as look at a women without bursting into tears and snivelling into our own ragged, dirty sleeves, who are so spectacularily dull that we need a bald, magician look-a-like to tell us how to "pick up" women like they're some kind of possesion, like a sidebag, to make you look "cool" or "succesful", what to do with women. Or at least that's what Neil thinks you are, you pathetic vermin!

 

[WolfThomas]

My opinion: Anyone who needs to read a self-help book in order to pick up women probably has some serious confidence issues, issues which are probably better adressed by a psychiatrist than a "Pick Up Artist" shaped like an egg. I mean come on, this is just stupid, there's a book telling us, us un-romantic, vegetating sods, who can't so much as look at a women without bursting into tears and snivelling into our own ragged, dirty sleeves, who are so spectacularily dull that we need a bald, magician look-a-like to tell us how to "pick up" women like they're some kind of possesion, like a sidebag, to make you look "cool" or "succesful", what to do with women. Or at least that's what Neil thinks you are, you pathetic vermin!

Firstly its not a self help book, its an autobiographical novel, its written quite well and is a good story.

While he cites examples of different individual's techniques and styles, he never says you must do this, he is quite critical about the various ideas and becomes cynical with the entire lifestyle. In fact the ending pretty much rejects/discourages the lifestyle. A lot of PUAs are shown to be needy, manipulative or slightly disturbed.

I only liked two people in the book, Style himself and Juggler, who seemed like a nice normal guy and who was aware that some people (Style included) were trying to fill an empty hole in themselves with picking up.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

My opinion: Anyone who needs to read a self-help book in order to pick up women probably has some serious confidence issues, issues which are probably better adressed by a psychiatrist than a "Pick Up Artist" shaped like an egg. I mean come on, this is just stupid, there's a book telling us, us un-romantic, vegetating sods, who can't so much as look at a women without bursting into tears and snivelling into our own ragged, dirty sleeves, who are so spectacularily dull that we need a bald, magician look-a-like to tell us how to "pick up" women like they're some kind of possesion, like a sidebag, to make you look "cool" or "succesful", what to do with women. Or at least that's what Neil thinks you are, you pathetic vermin!

Going back to my six pack analogy, we all have it within us to be confident in approaching and being around women, if some people need a book to "believe" in so that they can get that confidence(fake it till you make it baby)then who are we to judge them?
I was already pretty confident before my ex but she was the first person I ever loved or had had a relationship with, or had dated for that matter, and I'm 19 lol, excuse me if my confidence takes abit of a hit when we broke up. It's been slow, painful and some days you just feel like giving up, I'm not investing my livelihood into it, it's just something that interests me, it just so happens to help me get laid and interact with people on a level I never thought possible, is that so wrong?

I also hate, absolutely hate to bring religion into this too but the Bible(or any religious scripture for that matter)gives people hope, they follow it word for word and worship it, are you calling them wrong for following the(supposed)word of God? We might as well burn all the books in the world that tell us how to cook, dance, meet people, read body language or any instructional how to book on anything because before people learn from any books they were obviously "vegetating sods" weren't they?

And you're stating the obvious in the first sentence, self help book? not confident? Um, I thought self help helped you be confident at whatever it is you're helping yourself with so obviously the people who read this aren't confident. Yet there's no such thing as you're either confident or not, there are varying degrees, for example I have no problem approaching women and talking to them, I however am not confident in maintaining a conversation with them, something I can do well with my friends because they're my friends after all, I know them alot better than a random woman on the street. I'm not confident in that. I'm willing to learn and become more confident in maintaining conversation so I go out there and I start conversations and over I get better at it, I get more confident andless "stressed out" about it.

Don't tell me you've never had a situation at a new job, or school, or college where you meet new people, it's awkward at first that's for sure, not many people talk to each other, it only takes one person(like myself on many occasions)to get everyone involved, to make everyone feel comfortable, that's a life skill you carry with you to wherever you go, whatever jobs you take, you will meet new people and will have to be confident, there's no substitute.

The assumption here(and from many people who I've discussed this with)is that you only use this stuff on women, if you think that then you must be really closed minded, adapting to different situations and scenarios, not every approach you do will be the same, just like not every aspect of a job will be the same, you have to adapt, something this teaches and embeds into you.

At the end of the day people can believe what they want to, I'm not trying to convert anyone but at the same time I will be logical and get them to see that it's just about bedding women and it's just about power and control, there's so much more to it if you bothered to read up on it, but no, like many others you've just skimmed the surface and made a judgement straight off and I pity you for that.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

My opinion: Anyone who needs to read a self-help book in order to pick up women probably has some serious confidence issues, issues which are probably better adressed by a psychiatrist than a "Pick Up Artist" shaped like an egg. I mean come on, this is just stupid, there's a book telling us, us un-romantic, vegetating sods, who can't so much as look at a women without bursting into tears and snivelling into our own ragged, dirty sleeves, who are so spectacularily dull that we need a bald, magician look-a-like to tell us how to "pick up" women like they're some kind of possesion, like a sidebag, to make you look "cool" or "succesful", what to do with women. Or at least that's what Neil thinks you are, you pathetic vermin!

Firstly its not a self help book, its an autobiographical novel, its written quite well and is a good story.

While he cites examples of different individual's techniques and styles, he never says you must do this, he is quite critical about the various ideas and becomes cynical with the entire lifestyle. In fact the ending pretty much rejects/discourages the lifestyle. A lot of PUAs are shown to be needy, manipulative or slightly disturbed.

I only liked two people in the book, Style himself and Juggler, who seemed like a nice normal guy and who was aware that some people (Style included) were trying to fill an empty hole in themselves with picking up.

I don't know. To be honest I think it is, but in the loosest sense possible. It helps you, I would say more indirectly than telling you what to do and not to do. But either way my point still stands about any self help book really.

 

[WolfThomas]

I don't know. To be honest I think it is, but in the loosest sense possible. It helps you, I would say more indirectly than telling you what to do and not to do. But either way my point still stands about any self help book really.

Yeah, I guess my statement is that its not like "Picking up chicks for dummies" or something, I see it as a story first.

The point of this topic is to see if there is anyone else who has read "The Game" themselves and who have adopted the same lifestyle choice I have. And ladies, what do you think of this "phenomenon"? Do you think it's deceitful, underhand, wrong, etc? What are you thoughts on it? There is a massive psycological side to it all, it's not just about getting girls into bed(a common misconception), I will try and explain as best as I can(after all I am still learning myself).

Thanks in advance. I am now off to work, I'll contribute once I get back

I did want to get a tan and my teeth whitened after reading it. I also now have a desire to dye my long hair green that I can't stamp out.