girl problem (the saga continues....)

[renegade7]

Ok so the girl in this post http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.292079-What-should-I-do-girl-problem#11605712 just broke it off with the boy she was dating...she called me later and told me why...they were kissing in his car when he decided he wanted to go further ie have sex with her. She said no, and he backed off...he tried again, she said no, he backed off. She tells me after the third time she asked to be taken home, which he did. The next day they got together to discuss boundaries (They had only been seeing each other a couple weeks) the talk went well, and they went back out. Same thing happened. Only this time he seemed to not be as inclined to take no for an answer, she told me he very nearly tried to rape her. Fortunately it was in her car and she somehow managed to force him out and drive home. Apparently, she later caught him lurking outside her house in his car a few times, and she says she's gotten quite a few "really creepy" emails and messages on her phone. She says he is still after her, turning up when she goes out, and she says that once or twice he may have been following her in his car, and driving by her house. She said I'm the only one she's told about this.

Since then, we've been closer than ever...she's calling me like 2-3 times a day, texting constantly and just a minute ago she asked me out... thing is though she's gone from being someone I was attracted to back to being my friend, because now I'm more scared for her than attracted to her. I'm scared that if we started dating he might go after her. I'm already worried he might go after her anyway...

I don't know what to do...I still care for her, but right now I'm more scared and concerned for her than attracted to her, and I would be okay dating her, after this issue is very much behind us, but that's the thing, how do I put it completely behind us? Because I can't be with her knowing this creep might go nuts and come after her, or if she's scared I might turn into that, or just have that general fear hanging over us.

 

[NuclearOsprey]

sounds like some deep shit man

 

[lettucethesallad]

Tell her to get a restraining order against the creep. And right now she's in a really vulnerable spot, emotionally. Let things calm down before trying to take it to the next level. She's probably really mixed up about her (ex)boyfriend, how a guy she used to trust suddenly went nuts. Talk to her if she wants to talk, let her just be if that's what she wants. Be supportive. But get the police involved so that the (ex)boyfriend sees that this shit's serious.

 

[Annoying Turd]

That's how I fell out of my relationship; I painted myself as a creepy psychopath who just wants sex.

Best way to deal with it is to squash all fear of the ex bf, and do your best to sever any contact with him. Not to be spiteful towards him, but just to avoid him. Do your best to communicate to him that she's very very uncomfortable about him.

If the stalking becomes serious, as in following her with his car everyday serious (seemed to be very serious in your post), you should get the law enforcement involved in the matter.

Most importantly, support the girl. Communicate with her put the whole matter behind her if needed; women need whatever emotional support available to them, and you're in the position to give her emotional aid. Leave her alone if needed, and aid her when explicitly requested. She's doing her best to lift her concern away from the guy, and you're her outlet for that.

 

[thecatsme0w]

As a woman who's been through some seriously stalkery guys (including the one I dated briefly in high school who used to call me 10 times every evening to make sure I really was at home doing homework on nights when I wasn't hanging out at his house), be her friend right now. What she most likely needs right now is a friend. She's in a pretty vulnerable place right now emotionally, I'd hold off on dating her until she has her feet back under her and I really would recommend that she get a) a restraining order and b) some therapy. She'll need your support and your friendship too, but it would probably help her to talk to an outside individual for a bit. Not to say don't ever date her, just wait till Humpty Dumpty is somewhat put back together again.

 

[Brandon237]

Tell her to get a restraining order against the creep. And right now she's in a really vulnerable spot, emotionally. Let things calm down before trying to take it to the next level. She's probably really mixed up about her (ex)boyfriend, how a guy she used to trust suddenly went nuts. Talk to her if she wants to talk, let her just be if that's what she wants. Be supportive. But get the police involved so that the (ex)boyfriend sees that this shit's serious.

This, make sure she is safe, and help her through it, as a friend or whatever she wants. Be a good person and help her through this, safely. I guarantee that if you go to the effort of helping her get that restraining order and keeping her safe, you will feel better, she will feel better and the two of you will be closer for it, but that is for later, now you need to be a friend and a protector, because this is just... insane.

how do I put it completely behind us? Because I can't be with her knowing this creep might go nuts and come after her, or if she's scared I might turn into that, or just have that general fear hanging over us.

You deal with it properly now, make sure she is safe, keep both her and the police on speed-dial, and make her do the same. Get a restraining order. Quickly. And if you can show now that you are a good person and friend who will help her through this and protect her and go to the trouble of getting the police involved, she won't worry about that. After you do all this, you won't have that fear, or not severely enough to make things unpleasant for anyone.

 

[LetalisK]

I don't know what to do...I still care for her, but right now I'm more scared and concerned for her than attracted to her, and I would be okay dating her, after this issue is very much behind us, but that's the thing, how do I put it completely behind us? Because I can't be with her knowing this creep might go nuts and come after her, or if she's scared I might turn into that, or just have that general fear hanging over us.

Do what others have said and take care of this situation before moving forward. Once it's taken care of, wait a little bit before doing anything if you want to make sure you're just not her emotionally supportive yet ultimately disposable Plan B.