Girl/Relationship problem(s)

[Issurru]

Alright Escapists I need some help, some advice, and some cheering up. So I figured I'd come here. Yes I know this is another "poor me" thread about relationships (or at least it will be to some extent) But I would like some help. But I need to give some back story
Alright, well It was my grade 8 year (i'm turning 20 in September now so this is awhile ago) I asked out this wonderful girl (sorry not giving out any names) it was my transition from elementary to high school and I was moving away (about 30 minutes) We had a long distance relationship for I think 6-8 months somewhere in there. And I blame the ending of that relationship completely on myself partially due to the fact that I was a stupid kid who didn't know what he wanted.

Now backtrack just about 3 years ago, I moved back to the small town I grew up in and got to know this girl really well again, we became quick friends and I eventually mustered up the courage one night and asked her if she would like to "give us another try". We pretty much were inseparable, I actually went to school early to hang out with her, and stayed late so we could be together more (for anyone who knows me this is a complete shock seeing as how I never get anywhere early let alone school, and by early I mean like 7:30) Our relationship had its troubles like they all did, after we graduated she moved about 6 hours away. But this time I was bound and determined to make it work. I took a week almost every month to make a drive to go out and see/be with her And this happened for about a year and a half until she finally moved out of her parents house to somewhere a bit closer (about an hour and a half closer)

We had been together for about 2 years and we were "in love" (although we knew it alot sooner than that) We had talked about getting engaged (I know i'm still 19 but we felt like we were the ones for each other) just recently an old friend started to hang out with us again (he's a smug prick which is why he doesn't have alot of friends in the first place) and they practically instantly bonded with him laying his head in her lap because she's the caring type and he had just broken up with his girlfriend (who coincidentally I was going out with before, but she broke up with me to date him) My "current" girlfriend asked if i was uncomfortable with it and I stupidly said "no" like I do most things (I try my damnedest not to be the jealous type and I'm always giving and putting her first) then a few weeks after that she decides to break up with me. Now I was completely blindsided and was pretty much crushed and still am. But I JUST found out that she's been hanging out with my new "friend" alot (she's staying at his house this weekend and he actually went to go visit her a few times) And their pretty much dating already... She said that she broke up with me "for her" and that she "wouldn't date him" because she still cared about me and wanted to stay friends. But she also told me that she hasn't truly "loved me" for the last 6 months of our relationship.

And she's pretty much lied to me constantly since, because her and this douche bag are pretty much going out already. She said that she was "staying at a friends farm" (She said it was a family friends place, I've been there before) So I found out today that she's actually staying at HIS place and has been lying to me for a long while and I was the last person in my circle of friends to find out (My friends didn't want to tell me but thought I deserved to know, which is why they told me tonight) I don't know what to do so i'm asking you guys for help. I'm giving her everything she gave me back other than one thing, she got me a custom made necklace and pendant (which was engraved with a controller)

I want to know what I should do about "them" as well as what I should do with the pendant (although to be fair i'm writing this while i'm still pissed off) I don;t want to give that back, but do something else like either sell it (it's made of white gold) or just throw it away. I know I'm probably gonna get told to move on and a slew of other things that I know I should do but I would like some opinions please.

 

[Racistman3d]

Damn, I'm really sorry to hear about that, but I don't think you need to do anything, they hardly seem to be worth any effort or time from you. If you have to say anything, just tell them how what they did has made you feel,let them know why them being unhonest with you has made you so pissed off with them.

As for the necklace, sell it if you want to get rid of it, and buy something nice with it to cheer yourself up.

 

[Guffe]

Sorry to hear, nothing you really can do about it, been in the almost same situation (except that the relationship was shorter), she broke up and said she "needed to be single for a while" and next weekend at a party she had hooked up with a new dude, I know him somewhat and whenever we are at the same places we have a good time together so I have nothing against him (a great guy so to say) but then she left him and took another dude so she's quite a... not going to use the word here... ...but you have my support, just don't go on any streak of vengeance or anything of the sort. Herthbrakes are a part of many peoples lives and let's just hope you get something positive out of this even if it now (and for a while further) will suck like hell.
As for the necklace... I have no freakin' clue -.-
One last hint, don't try to go back to her after that. Friends okay but don't go into another relationship with her, it will just never work. Either you'll be paranoid like hell or you both will just remind each other of this one incident all the time...
Just walk with your head up high and the right one will be there someday for you.

 

[Ambi]

It sounds like she's like you in grade eight, not knowing what she wants. Why would she even say she didn't really love you for the last six months?! I wonder what "love" is to her.

I don't know what you should do, except if you don't already, try some coping mechanisms like doing healthy things that distract you from what is bothering you. Working out, doing creative things to vent, cooking, teaching yourself things, meeting new people, etc.

There are probably many girls who are just as good potential partners for you. Apart from the fact that you had/have a personal attachment to her because of past experiences, she probably isn't very special when you put it in perspective, unless she is an incredibly rare and eccentric type.

Or you could just wait it out a little, see if she leaves the other guy and comes back. Her feelings might be shallow and fleeting, maybe she just pities the guy and thinks he's cute when he's sad, and is flattered by his flirting with her.

Maybe you could ask her if she thought you should be jealous? Tell her you actually were kind of jealous but pushed the feeling away for whatever reason? I'm not sure how she thinks. You keeping the pendant could be a sign of your sentimentality or of nothing. But I'm not even sure I'd advise taking her back after how much she hurt you.

If you'd really want this to work, it sounds like you'd have so much to work through and change anyway, making some solid decisions about the relationship.

 

[Danzaivar]

Sell the necklace, definitely. I'd recommend joining a local gym and just exercising til your body can't physically lift stuff anymore, it's cathartic as hell and getting into shape is never a bad thing.

Oh and keep away from the new couple/avoid contact, it'll just get you depressed / angry with yourself. Teenage hormones and heartbreak will prevent any decent friendship from happening for a good while yet. Sounds like a damned annoying situation, can't say I envy ya!

 

[Akalistos]

ULTRA COMBO... I mean Snip.

First off: If you aren't at some point jealous, it not normal. Just don't go overboard and start spying in her live. That said, If you ever saw a romantic movie (not a romantic comedy) you would have known that Chick love that shit. It mean that they you love them enough that whatever she does with X hurt you.

Second: If she ask you: "Are you alright with this?" BE HONEST. Otherwise... well, you'll post a relationship thread on the escapist, if you know what i mean. That and you may be able to avoid the "Is it alright that i bring my ex with us?"

Third: Brood, Learn, Heal, Love... You'll have to face the music now. She's over you and into someone else's pant. And that guy has stolen 2 of your girlfriend, so by now you should know to sucker punch him in the throat on site. Don't try to win her back, as it will only cause you more misery. I'll explain.

My friend (he's on facebook, look at my account) was dump by his girlfriend because she spotted someone she had a "kick" on back in the day. She started flirting with him over Facebook (Hence, i made a account when My friend spotted her "messages") and eventually leave and for him (ass wipe name Marty) in a spend of 2 hours. But, she's not well emotionally and she's mentally insecure so... it didn't go well. Her parting word with my friend? "Don't forget me or date another girl, please." I'm not making this up... I'm too smart for this. Eventually, she call him back for another chance, (she was booted of by marty) and they came back together

Spoiler: Ta Ta DAAAAMMMMM!

a motherf'ing week

before she dumb him for another old crush. Yeah, now she's rolling in dept and his stoner boyfriend don't work.

So, if she dumped you before, she will do it again. Don't be the fool that take her back because she will use you until better opportunity arise. But keep the necklace as a momento, be honest or be alone.

 

[Issurru]

This just in, she says she didn't break up with me for him. BUT and I quote "I knew he was there waiting on the other side to see what would happen" as well as she "had a schoolgirl crush" on him when they met but she "thought it would pass" like another one she had.

Also I think I;m at the point where I don't even know what I want anymore. I know its stupid to want her back in any way shape or form but I just have this stupid feeling in the back of my head that won't let me stop caring for her. At this moment in time i'm actually physically sick with grief/worry/other bullshit

@Akalistos: I wanted to be honest but I figured that I was being stupid and childish over something so simple (now that I think about it I don't know why) which is why I never said it bothered me, although she continued to do it despite the fact that she knew without me telling her that it made me jealous

Also, any good tips for getting my mind off of this? I tried punching stuff at work (which by the way was a very very stupid move, punched some tile in the bathroom, shattered the tile, punched a metal support column, damn near broke my hand it feels like, and I punched a box and it decided it was going to have wine glasses in it so I cut it up a bit, also Fyi gaming won't work I tried it after we broke up and I just couldn't concentrate on anything and my mind decides it going to constantly drift back to thoughts of her

Spoiler: Edits Galore!

Damn that was alot of edits for one post