Hello, Escapists.
I?m warning you right now, this may be long winded. So I suppose I?ll give you the short and the long of it.
The Short:
I?m a freshman in college and I meet a sophomore that went to the same High School as I. I find her attractive on many levels, but nothing over-the-top. This is the problem. We began to talk again and spend time together during college, basing our relationship on mutual interests. I started growing fond of her and she of me ? neither of us had an undying love to proclaim, it was merely a good friendship that turned into a good friendship with dinners and movies. Now, we?ve been together for maybe two months. That?s not long in any stretch of the imagination, but I just don?t feel anything passionate for her. She is visually appealing, stable, a comfortable person to be with, and has dealt with me (as well as consoled me) on some of shittiest of days. However, I just don?t have a drive for her. I don?t think I?d ever say that I?d love her. I think that it?s entirely possible to feel greater for somebody else and give more to another person. I don?t want to say I feel like I?m settling for less, because she is a good person with good values and minimal flaws that can easily be overlooked. Still, I don?t feel a romantic tie to her. However, I feel the exact opposite is happening to her. Although we began the relationship with a mutual ?You?re kind of cool, let?s hang out and see where this goes? kind of idea, with a complete lack of hormone-induced lust or attraction, I feel (purely through her speech and actions) that she is becoming more attracted to me, while I still don?t feel much of anything. I find her to be a great friend, and attractive woman (No sex, but there has been physical activity between us). And I think she?s beginning to get closer than I want to be with her, even though we?re already close in some aspects.
I know what it is going to come down to: I will most likely tell her this and she might resent me, she might forgive me if I don?t let it go too far. I guess I just wanted some third-party insight.
It's not like I don't enjoy her company, I just don't see it ever getting more emotionally... better. Passionate. I can easily see myself becoming attracted to someone else and wanting to leave her (a terrible but true reality).
The Long:
What I haven?t mentioned yet is that 1.) I lost a friend over her. This is where it might get long. Here?s my friend, we?ve done theater together, and he liked her too. It?s not what you think. During one of our opening nights, we were talking about relationships and she came up. He expressed an interest in her, and I admitted the same. I also said ?If it came down to it, I?d rather see you with her than me? ? because it was clear that he had a greater infatuation with her than I did. However, as I started to talk with her more, I asked my friend more and more if he ever asked her out or something of a similar nature. He continually said ?No,? with what sounded like a loss of interest. When I asked, he said things like ?I dunno, maybe.? He sounded like he was truly over her. In retrospect, he might have just been tired that week because of finals. I will admit that I probably made a bad call when I asked her out myself. Looking back on it, I think I read him wrong. Now he hates me (understandable). I think he?s mostly right to be angry at me ? the only thing I find immature about the situation is that he sent me an angry message saying he?d never speak to me again. My girlfriend told me to talk to him, because he was a close friend of hers as well, but he was going to have none of it. I don?t blame him ? but couldn?t he act like an adult and just tell me to fuck off?
2.) This is my first relationship in almost four years. I?m not saying ?omg I?ve been single for too long; forever alone? I?m saying that however smugly charming I want to think I am, I haven?t been in a legitimate relationship for a while, and even then we?re talking early high school ? where relationship drama is laughable at best.
Any words of varying criticism, condolences, or scoldings fellow escapists?
I?m warning you right now, this may be long winded. So I suppose I?ll give you the short and the long of it.
The Short:
I?m a freshman in college and I meet a sophomore that went to the same High School as I. I find her attractive on many levels, but nothing over-the-top. This is the problem. We began to talk again and spend time together during college, basing our relationship on mutual interests. I started growing fond of her and she of me ? neither of us had an undying love to proclaim, it was merely a good friendship that turned into a good friendship with dinners and movies. Now, we?ve been together for maybe two months. That?s not long in any stretch of the imagination, but I just don?t feel anything passionate for her. She is visually appealing, stable, a comfortable person to be with, and has dealt with me (as well as consoled me) on some of shittiest of days. However, I just don?t have a drive for her. I don?t think I?d ever say that I?d love her. I think that it?s entirely possible to feel greater for somebody else and give more to another person. I don?t want to say I feel like I?m settling for less, because she is a good person with good values and minimal flaws that can easily be overlooked. Still, I don?t feel a romantic tie to her. However, I feel the exact opposite is happening to her. Although we began the relationship with a mutual ?You?re kind of cool, let?s hang out and see where this goes? kind of idea, with a complete lack of hormone-induced lust or attraction, I feel (purely through her speech and actions) that she is becoming more attracted to me, while I still don?t feel much of anything. I find her to be a great friend, and attractive woman (No sex, but there has been physical activity between us). And I think she?s beginning to get closer than I want to be with her, even though we?re already close in some aspects.
I know what it is going to come down to: I will most likely tell her this and she might resent me, she might forgive me if I don?t let it go too far. I guess I just wanted some third-party insight.
It's not like I don't enjoy her company, I just don't see it ever getting more emotionally... better. Passionate. I can easily see myself becoming attracted to someone else and wanting to leave her (a terrible but true reality).
The Long:
What I haven?t mentioned yet is that 1.) I lost a friend over her. This is where it might get long. Here?s my friend, we?ve done theater together, and he liked her too. It?s not what you think. During one of our opening nights, we were talking about relationships and she came up. He expressed an interest in her, and I admitted the same. I also said ?If it came down to it, I?d rather see you with her than me? ? because it was clear that he had a greater infatuation with her than I did. However, as I started to talk with her more, I asked my friend more and more if he ever asked her out or something of a similar nature. He continually said ?No,? with what sounded like a loss of interest. When I asked, he said things like ?I dunno, maybe.? He sounded like he was truly over her. In retrospect, he might have just been tired that week because of finals. I will admit that I probably made a bad call when I asked her out myself. Looking back on it, I think I read him wrong. Now he hates me (understandable). I think he?s mostly right to be angry at me ? the only thing I find immature about the situation is that he sent me an angry message saying he?d never speak to me again. My girlfriend told me to talk to him, because he was a close friend of hers as well, but he was going to have none of it. I don?t blame him ? but couldn?t he act like an adult and just tell me to fuck off?
2.) This is my first relationship in almost four years. I?m not saying ?omg I?ve been single for too long; forever alone? I?m saying that however smugly charming I want to think I am, I haven?t been in a legitimate relationship for a while, and even then we?re talking early high school ? where relationship drama is laughable at best.
Any words of varying criticism, condolences, or scoldings fellow escapists?
