Girls & the gym (U.K)

[Hosker]

Obviously it's because women stop going once they're "fixed". Most of them don't want huge muscles like a lot of guys do.

 

[Woodsey]

There's a general attitude that's the same towards dieting too, I think (although its not comparable to guys, since I've never a guy my age say he's on a diet). I see a number of girls say "oh, I'm on a diet" for a few weeks, and as soon as they've convinced themselves that they've tipped just back into the widest range possible of being happy with their appearance, they stop.

Its general, but I would disagree with some of the others in that I do think its at least somewhat gender-related.

It could be said that skinny guys bulking up is just their idea of what "fixing" themselves is though.

Obviously it's because women stop going once they're "fixed". Most of them don't want huge muscles like a lot of guys do.

Its got nothing to do with that; staying toned doesn't mean you've got hordes of muscle hanging off of you. You don't end up like Arnold Schwarznegger in the eighties if you run on a treadmill for X amount of time.

 

[EmzOLV]

Female - I used to go to the gym when I had the time (and money to do so) and I used to love it. The reason I had gone was because I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was helping me to maintain a level of healthiness which I couldn't just rely on with my sit-at-a-desk job. It helped me to feel much better about myself.

I do see where the interpretation of 'fix' came from and I guess yeah, there are girls that will go to the gym to 'fix' themselves. But in my experience, I know of more guys who have told me the reason they go to the gym is because they are overweight and want to do something about it, and more girls have told me they go just to be healthy and because they enjoy it. And those are girls or all shapes and sizes, who genuinely are happy with themselves.

 

[Pariah87]

Have you considered maybe they just don't care? I'm probably going to come across as a bad guy to the community when I say this, but from what I have seen women can get laid/get into a relationship regardless of how they look if they have the confidence or a more "easy" stance on sex and sexuality.

What I take from your posts OP is that you feel everyone shouls strive to be what the current social ideal of physical perfection is. Does that mean you strive for perfection in all areas of your life, or is how you look the most important thing on your agenda? A perfect person in todays multi-national climate should be able to speak multiple languages, a language can be learned with the same dedication it takes to work on the physical form, how many languages do you speak? Have you strived to reach intellectual or cultural perfection? Can you discuss classic works of literature or debate the nuances of fine art? I'd imagine not as to do those things requires an active interest in them and the time and dedication to persue that interest.

Regardless of what you feel to be "proven" as attractive, the vast majority of people will always be simply average in all aspects of their lives. You can bulk a guy up or tone a girl up untill their bodies are worthy of making golden casts of so that forever we may look apon the peak of human conditioning, but if they are ugly in their features they will always still be ugly. And as for personality, well shit is still shit regardless of how much sugar and perfume you put on it.

I think in reality the answer to your question is, everyone is looking to achieve their own view of happiness. Perhaps they slack off in attaining physical "perfection" because it would detract away from the areas of their lives which actually make them happy? As a random example, for a person who takes great joy in helping animals which would be better for them to do, spend 2 hours a day down the animal shelter helping out, or 2 hours a day in the gym?

Another thing I have just thought of regarding why men who regularly go the gym seem to want to "perfect" themselves. Competition, the need to feel they are better than the guy next to them. That guy just did 25 reps at x weight, so I'm gonna do 30. Even if no one else knows about his little victory than the guy himself, it will still make him happy, untill the next guy comes along and does 40 reps.

In that case I could sum it up like this. Women go to the gym to better themselves to the point where THEY are happy, Men go to the gym to be better than each other.

 

[Susan Arendt]

People go to the gym for one of two reasons: to be healthy, or for vanity. That applies to both men and women, you know. It's not like the guys who are bulking up are doing it because they think they'll live longer. They're just as "desperate" as the women looking to be slimmer. They want to improve their appearance, it's just not about losing weight in their case, but rather gaining muscle.

 

[Jimbo1212]

Obviously it's because women stop going once they're "fixed". Most of them don't want huge muscles like a lot of guys do.

I'm not talking about muscles, I'm talking about simply being toned/looking like a celebrity or model. They simply stop once they can not be called fat (but not called hot either). As Woodsey very well puts it : "..as soon as they've convinced themselves that they've tipped just back into the widest range possible of being happy with their appearance, they stop."

Female - I used to go to the gym when I had the time (and money to do so) and I used to love it. The reason I had gone was because I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was helping me to maintain a level of healthiness which I couldn't just rely on with my sit-at-a-desk job. It helped me to feel much better about myself.

I do see where the interpretation of 'fix' came from and I guess yeah, there are girls that will go to the gym to 'fix' themselves. But in my experience, I know of more guys who have told me the reason they go to the gym is because they are overweight and want to do something about it, and more girls have told me they go just to be healthy and because they enjoy it. And those are girls or all shapes and sizes, who genuinely are happy with themselves.

Wow, quite the opposite experience to myself. Are you in the UK and if so, North or South?

Have you considered maybe they just don't care? I'm probably going to come across as a bad guy to the community when I say this, but from what I have seen women can get laid/get into a relationship regardless of how they look if they have the confidence or a more "easy" stance on sex and sexuality.

What I take from your posts OP is that you feel everyone shouls strive to be what the current social ideal of physical perfection is. Does that mean you strive for perfection in all areas of your life, or is how you look the most important thing on your agenda? A perfect person in todays multi-national climate should be able to speak multiple languages, a language can be learned with the same dedication it takes to work on the physical form, how many languages do you speak? Have you strived to reach intellectual or cultural perfection? Can you discuss classic works of literature or debate the nuances of fine art? I'd imagine not as to do those things requires an active interest in them and the time and dedication to persue that interest.

Regardless of what you feel to be "proven" as attractive, the vast majority of people will always be simply average in all aspects of their lives. You can bulk a guy up or tone a girl up untill their bodies are worthy of making golden casts of so that forever we may look apon the peak of human conditioning, but if they are ugly in their features they will always still be ugly. And as for personality, well shit is still shit regardless of how much sugar and perfume you put on it.

I think in reality the answer to your question is, everyone is looking to achieve their own view of happiness. Perhaps they slack off in attaining physical "perfection" because it would detract away from the areas of their lives which actually make them happy? As a random example, for a person who takes great joy in helping animals which would be better for them to do, spend 2 hours a day down the animal shelter helping out, or 2 hours a day in the gym?

Another thing I have just thought of regarding why men who regularly go the gym seem to want to "perfect" themselves. Competition, the need to feel they are better than the guy next to them. That guy just did 25 reps at x weight, so I'm gonna do 30. Even if no one else knows about his little victory than the guy himself, it will still make him happy, untill the next guy comes along and does 40 reps.

In that case I could sum it up like this. Women go to the gym to better themselves to the point where THEY are happy, Men go to the gym to be better than each other.

Really? Girls who just don't care about their appearance? ^^
That is very hard to accept knowing just how insecure girls are with their image - just call one fat and look what happens !
Although I do think you make a very good point about how women do control the strings when it comes to choosing a partner and maybe that is linked to all this and is a result of lack of ambition - not ambitious for a partner therefore not ambitious with their image.

As for my attitude towards life, I am merely not complacent and like to be productive. If I can look better, why not ? If I can do more and achieve greater things, why not try? If I succeed, great, and if I fail, I will still learn something.
I happily accept the idea that not everyone can be bothered or cares about being the best at everything, but to not even try and "happily" sit and average to poor at everything is just a bit confusing and feels like a wasted life.
Also from experience, those who do this (not try) are not happy and tend to be on the verge of depression as deep down they know they are pissing their life away all because something within them is stopping them from achieving.

Your point about competition is a very good and I had not thought about it. It makes a lot of sense because I know many guys who are competitive yet few women who are.

 

[EmzOLV]

Female - I used to go to the gym when I had the time (and money to do so) and I used to love it. The reason I had gone was because I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was helping me to maintain a level of healthiness which I couldn't just rely on with my sit-at-a-desk job. It helped me to feel much better about myself.

I do see where the interpretation of 'fix' came from and I guess yeah, there are girls that will go to the gym to 'fix' themselves. But in my experience, I know of more guys who have told me the reason they go to the gym is because they are overweight and want to do something about it, and more girls have told me they go just to be healthy and because they enjoy it. And those are girls or all shapes and sizes, who genuinely are happy with themselves.

Wow, quite the opposite experience to myself. Are you in the UK and if so, North or South?

I'm from the UK - and my entire family are Northern, except me, who is Southern and we live in the South. The majority of my friends are Londoners or close to London

 

[Shadow-Phoenix]

Back into this thread i go with another question to you OP.

Even if you had your constructive answer that you really seek what difference would gaining the answer do for you exactly?.

Also you can argue against someone with a PHD like others have stated and having a PHD does not always make you "right" as i stated before "not everyone is perfect" because humans always have their faults and you cannot deny that is also part of "human nature".

Oh and on a side note as much as i want You to answer my question i would like you to note around 20-30 more references if you would kindly as i was taught by my college professors that you need to cite more than just one area of information in order to make a claim to what you are trying to state and it also has to be physical means like books, notes, tests, and other forms of documented data rather than it just being off the internet, oh and also some interviews and documentaries would be nice too.

 

[Jimbo1212]

Female - I used to go to the gym when I had the time (and money to do so) and I used to love it. The reason I had gone was because I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was helping me to maintain a level of healthiness which I couldn't just rely on with my sit-at-a-desk job. It helped me to feel much better about myself.

I do see where the interpretation of 'fix' came from and I guess yeah, there are girls that will go to the gym to 'fix' themselves. But in my experience, I know of more guys who have told me the reason they go to the gym is because they are overweight and want to do something about it, and more girls have told me they go just to be healthy and because they enjoy it. And those are girls or all shapes and sizes, who genuinely are happy with themselves.

Wow, quite the opposite experience to myself. Are you in the UK and if so, North or South?

I'm from the UK - and my entire family are Northern, except me, who is Southern and we live in the South. The majority of my friends are Londoners or close to London

Ah, thank makes sense and reinforces my idea of the North as all the gyms I've been to are in the North and the only girls I knew who went to the gym (at uni) were either foreign or from the South. I wonder why that is ?

Back into this thread i go with another question to you OP.

Even if you had your constructive answer that you really seek what difference would gaining the answer do for you exactly?.

Also you can argue against someone with a PHD like others have stated and having a PHD does not always make you "right" as i stated before "not everyone is perfect" because humans always have their faults and you cannot deny that is also part of "human nature".

Oh and on a side note as much as i want You to answer my question i would like you to note around 20-30 more references if you would kindly as i was taught by my college professors that you need to cite more than just one area of information in order to make a claim to what you are trying to state and it also has to be physical means like books, notes, tests, and other forms of documented data rather than it just being off the internet, oh and also some interviews and documentaries would be nice too.

To argue against published papers when one is not as informed as those who wrote shows that the opinion has been formed around ignorance and/or arrogance but then heck, I was brought up to respect the opinion of those more informed than myself but I guess not everyone is. I will be able to get the link tomorrow as I can't access them right now for certain reasons but here is a great paper (which is free!) for you to read : http://www.jstor.org/pss/2744016

If you just google scholar something along the lines of : physical attraction in humans then you will get very good papers on this field.

 

[EmzOLV]

Ah, thank makes sense and reinforces my idea of the North as all the gyms I've been to are in the North and the only girls I knew who went to the gym (at uni) were either foreign or from the South. I wonder why that is ?

I have no idea what I've just reinforced!
I have no idea why you have met only girls from the South or from overseas who go to the gym but not the North, you may have to go on a visit to gyms around the North and do some sort of research if it bothers you, because alas, I do not have mind reading capabilities

Even though that would be awesome.

I will go back to the gym as soon as I have time and money to do so.

 

[MarsProbe]

Maybe I just have bad luck and end up at the gym advertised by fat fighters or something.
What is the average age range of the women who are in good shape because at my gyms the overweight women/girls have mainly been 16-24 (no excuse) or 50+ (fair enough).

Well, it would be a lie to say my gym is completely free of overweight people - you tend to get a fairly extensive cross section in the place - but most of the girls/woman in [fairly] good shape are probably in the range from late teens to 30s/40s. As with everything of course, there are always exceptions. The same applies to us men too of course - just so you don't think I'm solely picking on the women here!

It'll be interesting to see what kind of people the usual January influx brings next year and how long they will stick it out for....

 

[Shadow-Phoenix]

Female - I used to go to the gym when I had the time (and money to do so) and I used to love it. The reason I had gone was because I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was helping me to maintain a level of healthiness which I couldn't just rely on with my sit-at-a-desk job. It helped me to feel much better about myself.

I do see where the interpretation of 'fix' came from and I guess yeah, there are girls that will go to the gym to 'fix' themselves. But in my experience, I know of more guys who have told me the reason they go to the gym is because they are overweight and want to do something about it, and more girls have told me they go just to be healthy and because they enjoy it. And those are girls or all shapes and sizes, who genuinely are happy with themselves.

Wow, quite the opposite experience to myself. Are you in the UK and if so, North or South?

I'm from the UK - and my entire family are Northern, except me, who is Southern and we live in the South. The majority of my friends are Londoners or close to London

Ah, thank makes sense and reinforces my idea of the North as all the gyms I've been to are in the North and the only girls I knew who went to the gym (at uni) were either foreign or from the South. I wonder why that is ?

Back into this thread i go with another question to you OP.

Even if you had your constructive answer that you really seek what difference would gaining the answer do for you exactly?.

Also you can argue against someone with a PHD like others have stated and having a PHD does not always make you "right" as i stated before "not everyone is perfect" because humans always have their faults and you cannot deny that is also part of "human nature".

Oh and on a side note as much as i want You to answer my question i would like you to note around 20-30 more references if you would kindly as i was taught by my college professors that you need to cite more than just one area of information in order to make a claim to what you are trying to state and it also has to be physical means like books, notes, tests, and other forms of documented data rather than it just being off the internet, oh and also some interviews and documentaries would be nice too.

To argue against published papers when one is not as informed as those who wrote shows that the opinion has been formed around ignorance and/or arrogance but then heck, I was brought up to respect the opinion of those more informed than myself but I guess not everyone is. I will be able to get the link tomorrow as I can't access them right now for certain reasons but here is a great paper (which is free!) for you to read : http://www.jstor.org/pss/2744016

If you just google scholar something along the lines of : physical attraction in humans then you will get very good papers on this field.

I was also taught to respect those around you as well as others "opinions" but i guess everyone is different.

Also yet again you like to claim those who argue against papers are "not informed" by claiming everyone who goes against a paper's idea as stupid which again is not true at all and hell i just asked around a few neighbors who have high end jobs and it is perfectly fine to argue against someone with a PHD let alone a paper so you can either pull back your "only the PHD's and papers are right" or claim everyone i just asked as stupid to which i could easily relay the message to.

And from tomorrow onwards i expect those 20-30 references to be posted and not just come from the internet as per my wishes.

 

[LordFisheh]

Guys go to the gym to "perfect" themselves.
They either want to improve from being normal and aim to be big, or go from being big to massive. The mentality is positive and ambitious.

Knowing several people who go to the gym (men), this doesn't seem to be the case. The feeling that it's something that they need to do to be good enough is often not there, but sometimes you could reach out and touch it. Additionally, the group that go talk about it constantly. Not just in conversation but as in 'you going down the gym?' 'yeah you just been?' 'hey guys just got back from the gym' 'cya guys, going gym'. They don't just go, they want people to know they're going. They draw attention to it. To me, that looks like it's less a 'positive and ambitious' thing and more a desire to establish a manly identity because that's what a man should have. It's like how you'd see teenagers brag about drinking because that's what they're 'supposed' to do. They're fitting the identity the world has allocated them and taking pride in it, and want others to know it too.

Not that any of this is a bad thing. It's a strictly neutral thing, and if it makes you happy, do it. If it makes you unhappy and you want to do it anyway, that's fine too. I think we're a bit too quick to condemn people for caving to 'pressure' or not 'being themselves', as though we know who they really are and our ideas for how they should be (yes, our ideas, however much we call it 'being true to yourself') are superior. It's for people to choose what they want to do, and if they fall under 'pressure', well, the pressure is a part of them too, whether they decide they want to resist it or not.

 

[LordFisheh]

Gah, double post.

 

[spartan231490]

(Only constructive or thought provoking ideas please, and remember, this is my experience and a generalisation)

In my experience of going to the gym for the last couple of years, I have noticed a trend and difference between why women and men go to the gym.


Guys go to the gym to "perfect" themselves.
They either want to improve from being normal and aim to be big, or go from being big to massive. The mentality is positive and ambitious.


However, girls go to "fix" themselves.
Many girls go to the gym because they are overweight and they have become so distressed at their image that they need to resolve the problem by simply becoming normal. Unlike guys, this attitude seems to be based around desperation.


So why don't both genders have a positive attitude to the gym and use it as a tool to perfection rather than a tool to fix themselves?
Or is this just something that is in the U.K and not in other countries?

Welcome to social constructions and body image. The genders are very different in what is expected of them, and what they are pressured to look like.

 

[tharglet]

Wrong. Everyone has the same generalisation on what looks good. This has been proven and published. This point can not be debated unless you have researched it.

Damn, I've got some studies to bugger up with my, er, weird, preferences.
Yeah, there's a massive commonality to what people do/don't like, but there's a small percentage of oddities.
I know there's certain traits that don't usually change - such as symmetry, but for things like body size... hasn't that changed over the years? Yer, there's "perfect" dimensions, but they can change.

Wouldn't be surprised if it was like 95% of people attracted to the perfect-dimensioned mate (of the "correct" race - my experience is that people generally have a preferred race), which would make the research accurate (there's a preferred mate) but there's always those damned exceptions ¬¬.

 

[BakedAlaskan]

Eeeesh, OP.

This has been the most indulgent thread I have ever read on The Escapist. Why seek a retort to every comment received- especially when asking for other people's viewpoints!! Accept other people's opinions or dont ask for them.

I live in the UK, have gymed in Edinburgh, Cambridge, London and Belfast. Men take advantage of large weights at the gym as they are expensive and cannot fit them at home in the most part. I have seen plenty of men in gyms losing weight and going nowhere near weights. I wouldn't even aim to suggest what percentage of them are fixing or perfecting- both are subjective opinions YOU have bestowed on their gym attendance. I have got plenty of women in my gym who do weights and kettlebells, and equal numbers of runners, rowers and cross-trainer users.

The time you visit a gym, the catchment of the local population, i.e. student-area? will all play a part in who is there and for what purpose. You portray a really negative opinion of women in your comments, those who have no self-esteem and are looking to move from "bad" to "normal" - and dont get me started on that! I feel the OP likes his big muscles...

 

[Broady Brio]

Male. When I used to go to the gym, I used to;

"Fix" my arms. (They be weedy yo'.)
"Perfect" everything else.

 

[Pappeska]

Female, I go to the gym to keep fit, and because I enjoy lifting weights. Helthy body, healthy mind. If I'm anxious I can work it out, maybe that's considered fixing myself, I don't know and foesn't particularly care.

Isn't getting bigger muscles fixing? I know some guys who compplain about their lack of muscles, and they talk about going to the gym to fix this problem...

In a sense, but the end result is being "perfect" (the best you can be). It is only "fixing" yourself if you are comparing yourself with someone who could not be physically better. The girls I have seen simply stop when they are no longer fat (not attractive though as they are far from toned)

My muscles are visible, and when I came home this vacation my mother clearly stated that it was unhealthy to have so little fat over them. I doubt I'm the only one who has heard this, but I should guess it goes for men as well, not just women. Although I've heard we need it more in case we're going to have a child, but since I'm not planning on that in near future I don't see how that relates to anything.

Not everyone would say a toned body is attractive. I don't like six packs, it would have to be very very lightly toned for me to find it attractive.

All you really need for a full workout would be a barbell with about 50kg of weights, a gi or really sturdy piece of cloth, a good pair of running shoes and a place to run. Maybe a bike if you prefer cycling to jogging. I sorted all my workout needs for life at a cost of around £150, and £60 of that was the shoes. As such, I tend to think that people go to the gym to be seen working out. There's no need for the crazy membership fees most gyms charge, but that's hardly the point is it. The gym is a social club. The aim is to do something with ambient sociability, not necessarily to get fit.

I think so too. Going to the gym to lift weights when you're a woman can get you some weird looks. Except for the other women who are there for the same reason I don't go to a gym as of now because my school has its own training area. Out of the ten or so people who use it regularly, there are only two girls.

For some people it is very important to be seen working out... and then they are not really doing it for themselves. Physical exercise is important and all that, but personally I thin it should be done because you find it enjoyable, not because you want to create an image of yourself (in the eyes of others) that you're a healthy person.

And for the money cost, I got my own little home gym set, and it works brilliantly. But many people also go to the gym to get guidance. Maybe they can quit after they feel they've mastered the exercises, but proper form is important and people shouldn't just jump into heavy lifting just like that.

 

[Dags90]

Guys - being well developed is fine, but being a huge body builder doesn't do anything for most women.

Isn't the point supposed to be that men and women should care less about what others think of their bodies, not to simply get the "right" idea of what others want?

And many people would say that men don't go to the gym to impress women at all anyway, they go to impress other men.