Giving up the drink!

[Tiger King]

Firstly I'd like to thank you for reading this, I hate to moan or winge but sometimes you just need a helping hand.
Ok so, yesterday was my birthday and was officially the end of my drinking career.
I think I'm getting too old to be stumbling back from the pub and I want to give it up. This is something I have been planning since Xmas. My goal is to stay sober, focus on my hobbies, drawing and writing, and hit the gym and get in shape. Sounds good in theory but the real world can be a bit more challenging.
How do you think I should go about doing this?
I tried doing it once when I was younger but my friends kept nagging me and I caved in. Anyone from the uk will know that drinking is the social thing to do so it's hard to go to a pub with friends and not drink.
I'll be honest I like having a drink but I'm worried it might get out of hand, especially since I have a high tolerance for alcohol.

Any advice would be much appreciated!!

 

[Batou667]

I went teetotal for about a year once and I made getting serious at the gym my motivation. There's a lot of broscience and misinformation out there, and moderate alcohol consumption isn't half as incompatible with making gym gains as some people will have you believe, but even so, a clean diet and exercise go hand in hand. It also gave me a legitimate excuse to not drink (people WILL expect you to have a good reason to not drink. "I just choose not to" or "I don't feel like it" aren't good enough) - I'd just say "I'm getting serious about working out" and people would nod and accept my reasoning. Sucks that you should have to explain yourself to people, but hey, we live in the real world.

I also didn't let the lack of booze stop me from partying or enjoying nights out - I'd just drink Red Bull all night, get hyper, and I'd be laughing it up with the drunks like I was one of them. It also allowed me to be the designated driver, which is guaranteed to put you in people's good books.

So in summary: if that's what you want to do, go for it. Expect questions and even criticism for stepping out of line but don't let people pressure you. Just think about all that cash you're saving, and the extra gym sessions you'll be able to make while your friends are all nursing hangovers.

 

[Tiger King]

I went teetotal for about a year once and I made getting serious at the gym my motivation. There's a lot of broscience and misinformation out there, and moderate alcohol consumption isn't half as incompatible with making gym gains as some people will have you believe, but even so, a clean diet and exercise go hand in hand. It also gave me a legitimate excuse to not drink (people WILL expect you to have a good reason to not drink. "I just choose not to" or "I don't feel like it" aren't good enough) - I'd just say "I'm getting serious about working out" and people would nod and accept my reasoning. Sucks that you should have to explain yourself to people, but hey, we live in the real world.

I also didn't let the lack of booze stop me from partying or enjoying nights out - I'd just drink Red Bull all night, get hyper, and I'd be laughing it up with the drunks like I was one of them. It also allowed me to be the designated driver, which is guaranteed to put you in people's good books.

So in summary: if that's what you want to do, go for it. Expect questions and even criticism for stepping out of line but don't let people pressure you. Just think about all that cash you're saving, and the extra gym sessions you'll be able to make while your friends are all nursing hangovers.

Thanks for your help dude.
It is very frustrating when people cant get their heads round a non drinker and try to get you to slip up with things like
"go on it's only one drink" which then leads to two or three or four depending on the social situation.
i wish i was a bit braver and could just come out and say that I think it's becoming a bit of a problem/I think i drink a bit too much sometimes. Cant see that going down to well with my friends though as im sure they will laugh it off/tell me that im being paranoid.

anyhows, thanks for your tips. think i'll give the red bull a miss though ha ha

 

[OneCatch]

Any advice would be much appreciated!!

Tell people it's a late new years resolution because a) you're trying to get in shape and b) cut down. As vapid as it sounds, if you've got a demonstrably high tolerance at the moment you don't have 'anything to prove' so you shouldn't get too much piss-taking from abstaining.
And yeah, you'll probably get a bit of nagging if you go out with friends, but I imagine that'll stop after a while asyou keep it up and people get the idea that you're serious. Also the designated driver angle Batou mentioned is a possible plus.
All in all I wouldn't worry about it too much - and good luck!

 

[Flutterguy]

Best advice i can give, really think and come to terms with what put you in that addiction in the first place.

I developed anti-social traits when I was about 5 or 6 due to a very traumatic event. I went through elementary school with very little friends and spent a very large amount of time playing video-games and avoiding all social contact due to the trauma. Got into drugs in highschool as a means to being social and continuing avoiding my problems which only continued to build.

I have just had to realize I cannot change the past after lingering on it and allowing it to shape me for almost 2 decades. I have accepted myself as the introvert I am, accepted life for all its good and bad, and finally after so much self-loathing can finally see myself as a smart person.

What I am saying is DON'T FOCUS ON BREAKING ALCOHOLISM! All that will do is reinforce yourself as an alcoholic. Focus on self-realization and improvement. (Also avoid groups which focus on breaking people of addictions like AA, they run on a cult mentality which simply replaces drinking dependence with group dependence and religion)

 

[Doctor Teatime]

If your decide to stop drinking you shouldn't have to justify it to your friends, if they don't respect you decision they're being shitty and you have every right to call them out on it.

I think that what you should do is tell your friends that you don't mean to drink any more in clear terms, explain your reasoning once and request that they don't make this any harder for you that it already is.

If they keep nagging, don't let them drag you into a discussion or argument about it, it'll only make it seem like they have some chance of convincing you to drink again. Stick to short answers and don't be afraid to point out that they're doing the opposite of what you asked them to do. A simple "Could we talk about something else?" also works.

If they're persistent, don't be afraid to sound like a broken record or just leaving the conversation if they refuse to change the subject.

 

[Tiger King]

I think that part of the problem of people getting their heads around a non drinker is when that person was a drinker last week. Suggesting that they're trying to get you to slip up implies a certain amount of antagonism that probably isn't there.

A change in behaviour like that will usually make people want/feel like they need an explanation. Imagine if somebody who loved stilton turned up to a cheese parlour and suddenly said "I don't eat cheese." A fairly natural response might be "Go on - after a slice of stilton you'll remember why you like it so much."

thanks for your advice archie.
you are right, sometimes the antagonism is imagined. I look back on certain experiences where I didn't want to drink and certain people around me, who had been drinking and were having a good time, perhaps felt that by staying sober I was missing out on the party. They were not trying to wind me up but when you keep getting nagged at, at least for me anyway, get frustrated.

sorry to hear of your troubles flutterguy, glad to hear you came out on top.
It took me some time to realise 'hey i like doing the things i like doing, why do i care what people think?'
Thanks for your advice but gladly it doesn't apply to me. I was a bad binge drinker on occasion but not an alchoholic.

If your decide to stop drinking you shouldn't have to justify it to your friends, if they don't respect you decision they're being shitty and you have every right to call them out on it.

I think that what you should do is tell your friends that you don't mean to drink any more in clear terms, explain your reasoning once and request that they don't make this any harder for you that it already is.

If they keep nagging, don't let them drag you into a discussion or argument about it, it'll only make it seem like they have some chance of convincing you to drink again. Stick to short answers and don't be afraid to point out that they're doing the opposite of what you asked them to do. A simple "Could we talk about something else?" also works.

If they're persistent, don't be afraid to sound like a broken record or just leaving the conversation if they refuse to
change the subject.

Thanks Doc!
I actually had my first few encounters with friends today asking if I wanted to go out this friday. I told them straight up that I am stopping drinking and things were okay.

I think perhaps, that I worry too much about drinking sometimes. maybe it's not as bad as i think it is, but then I am getting near thirty and I personaly think thats a bit too old to be stumbling back from the pub every weekend.
I spoke to my girlfriend about this and i know full well she isn't too big on my weekend binges (being a nurse she likes to tell me all the damage it's doing to me) She suggested cutting back a lot and finding a balance and not to cut out something you enjoy doing. That is to say, having a beer with my friends whilst watching the football and not getting wasted with them every friday night.
She has a point but for now I just want to stay tea total.

again thanks for your help guys!