Google Patented Super-Creepy Teddy Bears That Always Watch You

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
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I'm reminded of that bit from Tiger & Bunny where a ton of these ugly-ass stuffed bears are being controlled by a villainess who puts them all in exploding mechs all around the city to take the whole of Sternbild hostage.

With that in mind, I have THIS to say to Google: No, we will NOT give you Jake Martinez! Go to hell!
 

Hairless Mammoth

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Jan 23, 2013
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MysticSlayer said:
In some cases, it may really be about bettering people's lives, but for the most part, it is probably all about business. For larger companies, it is another avenue of revenue and ways to integrate their products into people's lives. For smaller companies, it may be about finding that one thing that helps them make it big.
I agree. I would say that the bettering people's lives part is when a single person or small group in a company create something new with mostly noble intentions, but without the foresight to see if the idea can be twisted. The big companies sure as hell only wish to use the positives as selling points on the new product and downplay or ignore the negatives (and later exploit those negatives, if possible as additional revenue streams).

OT: I forgot to mention this originally. At least these are only patents, that may not ever become products during the duration of the patent. (Of course, now everyone knows someone thought of this idea and can be inspired to make a Wifi spy teddy themselves, either under license, after the patent expires, or on the down low.)

In fact, maybe Google is being a valiant knight, by twisting the concept of a patent troll into something that can benefit society. As long as they own the patent, they can sue anyone trying to spy on people this way.

Ah, who am I kidding? This is the first step towards a real life version of the Tediz from Conker's Bad Fur Day. Only this time, they'll be powered by Google Adsense.
 

The Great JT

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Oct 6, 2008
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Aw, Google, why would you ever do that?! You know that tech's just going to be used to either spy on people or terrify children, neither of which are things a good person would do.
 

CaitSeith

Formely Gone Gonzo
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Jun 30, 2014
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I was laughing all along the article. Teddy bears, bunnies, dragons and aliens, oh my! I think I'll buy the whole collection. My home isn't creepy enough and, hey, we are just 5 months away from Halloween!
 

Mikeybb

Nunc est Durandum
Aug 19, 2014
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The trigger word part made me chuckle.

Then I wondered "will they have a speaker too?".
I can just see the prank/child traumatizing possibilities.
 

Mikeybb

Nunc est Durandum
Aug 19, 2014
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The Great JT said:
Aw, Google, why would you ever do that?! You know that tech's just going to be used to either spy on people or terrify children, neither of which are things a good person would do.
Combine it with the american christmas tradition of the elf on the shelf?
I've heard that thing is evil enough.
Add a turning head, evidence capturing eyes and a little speaker to randomly whisper "i'm watching yooooo."

Christmassy!
 

MoltenSilver

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Feb 21, 2013
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Did anyone else start thinking about Kyubey from Madoka Magica while reading this? A being in a cute form meant explicitly to get children to trust it while constantly watching for ways to exploit the details of their lives...
 

Flames66

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Aug 22, 2009
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I could see this being a fun idea, if they weren't connected to the internet. It is the same problem I have with most modern technology. It cannot be used without being online, so it cannot be used by anyone who cares about privacy.
 

Czann

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Jan 22, 2014
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It's not about this one article but it's the final drop.

I can't stand the Luddite crap I see on supposed tech friendly sites anymore. All AI is Skynet, all new tech is evil, blah-blah-blah.

Damn annoying.
 

Scarim Coral

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Is there a stalker that got hired by Google recently? First that typing your name onto Google map reveal your location and now this?

OT- This would be useful for babysitter situation but there already spy kits for those that are more subtle about it.