As far as I can remember, there's at least three versions; One by the Goons (Between Moriarty and Grytpype-Thynne)(60's), One by Emo Phillips or Steven Wright(90's) and the original between Sherlock Holmes and Watson.Crap_haT said:
Greatest Quotes Ever
- Thread starter PurpleRain
- Start date
*Gets out my database*
?Is it weird in here or is it just you?? - Mandy from Grim Adventures
?I?m about to stop playing ?who am I going to kill first? in my head and just go for what feels natural. I think I?ll start with me, then it?s you.? - Bernard from Black Books
?Yes, I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.? - Stewie from Family Guy
RP: ?Sir, I believe you?ve gone mad with power!?
RC: ?Oh, of course I have! Have you ever gone mad without power? It?s boring, nobody listens to you!? - Random Person and Russ Cargill from the The Simpsons Movie
?We blame the Ewoks, as should you.? - Thinkgeek
?I may be crazy but it keeps me from going insane.? - Waylon Jennings
?Insanity doesn?t run in my family, it gallops!? - Cary Grant
?But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You?re from two different worlds.? - Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons
?That?s right, you should just work to death like the pandas.? - Akio from CLANNAD (the game)
?Going crazy isn?t a price you pay, it is a reward you get.? - Quote from a forum somewhere
?That?s comedy, Professor. It?s beyond the reach of your precious ?science?.? - T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics
?I?ve got a fever, and the only cure is SHUT UP.? - Indietits.com
?Light travels faster than sound.This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.? - Unknown Source
?Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.? - Terry Pratchett
?I don?t want to bother the internet with my problems?? - Marge from the Simpsons
?Using your enemy?s spine like a spring to launch you into the air is pretty fun.? - Masahiro Sakurai (The guy from the Super Smash Bros. Dojo site)
?Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.? - Scott Adams
?I?m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I?ve forgotten this before.? - Steven Wright
?You can?t trample infidels when you?re a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.? - Terry Pratchett
?I sentence you to be hung by the neck until you cheer up.? - Monty Python
?This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.? - Vyvyan from The Young Ones
?No, rats couldn?t be trapped this easily. You?re trapped like carrots.? - Russ Cargill from the The Simpsons movie
?Oh! How I wish I were a lighthouse.? - Married to the Sea.com
And... that's enough for now. ^^;
?Is it weird in here or is it just you?? - Mandy from Grim Adventures
?I?m about to stop playing ?who am I going to kill first? in my head and just go for what feels natural. I think I?ll start with me, then it?s you.? - Bernard from Black Books
?Yes, I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.? - Stewie from Family Guy
RP: ?Sir, I believe you?ve gone mad with power!?
RC: ?Oh, of course I have! Have you ever gone mad without power? It?s boring, nobody listens to you!? - Random Person and Russ Cargill from the The Simpsons Movie
?We blame the Ewoks, as should you.? - Thinkgeek
?I may be crazy but it keeps me from going insane.? - Waylon Jennings
?Insanity doesn?t run in my family, it gallops!? - Cary Grant
?But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You?re from two different worlds.? - Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons
?That?s right, you should just work to death like the pandas.? - Akio from CLANNAD (the game)
?Going crazy isn?t a price you pay, it is a reward you get.? - Quote from a forum somewhere
?That?s comedy, Professor. It?s beyond the reach of your precious ?science?.? - T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics
?I?ve got a fever, and the only cure is SHUT UP.? - Indietits.com
?Light travels faster than sound.This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.? - Unknown Source
?Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.? - Terry Pratchett
?I don?t want to bother the internet with my problems?? - Marge from the Simpsons
?Using your enemy?s spine like a spring to launch you into the air is pretty fun.? - Masahiro Sakurai (The guy from the Super Smash Bros. Dojo site)
?Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.? - Scott Adams
?I?m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I?ve forgotten this before.? - Steven Wright
?You can?t trample infidels when you?re a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.? - Terry Pratchett
?I sentence you to be hung by the neck until you cheer up.? - Monty Python
?This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.? - Vyvyan from The Young Ones
?No, rats couldn?t be trapped this easily. You?re trapped like carrots.? - Russ Cargill from the The Simpsons movie
?Oh! How I wish I were a lighthouse.? - Married to the Sea.com
And... that's enough for now. ^^;
Yay!Sammich said:
"ACHTUNG! *BOOM* Now give us some easier questions Bambi, you bastard!"
My teenage years encapsulated, Ta Sammich.
Firstly, Fail!! that is not from Orange Box, it is from Bioshock.SolracAUA said:
also,
"We the willing, led by the unknowing, Are doing the impossible for the ungrateful, and have done so much, with so little, for so long, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing"
Can't believe I forgot the best one:
'Maladict dropped his crossbow, which fired straight up into the air.
*And failed to hit anything, especially a duck. This is so unusual in situations like this that it should be reported under new humour regulations. If it had hit a duck, which quacked and then landed on somebody's head, this would of course have been very droll and would certainly have been reported. Instead, it drifted in the breeze a little and landed in an oak tree some thirty feet away, where it missed a squirrel.' - Terry Pratchett
And:
'The thinnest thing you should put in your is is your elbow.' - Dr. Oz (that guy on Oprah Winfrey's show >.>)
(Yes, the only reason that's funny is because I can totally imagine someone trying to jam an elbow into their ear.)
And this thread will fill my quote database pretty damn quick.
'Maladict dropped his crossbow, which fired straight up into the air.
*And failed to hit anything, especially a duck. This is so unusual in situations like this that it should be reported under new humour regulations. If it had hit a duck, which quacked and then landed on somebody's head, this would of course have been very droll and would certainly have been reported. Instead, it drifted in the breeze a little and landed in an oak tree some thirty feet away, where it missed a squirrel.' - Terry Pratchett
And:
'The thinnest thing you should put in your is is your elbow.' - Dr. Oz (that guy on Oprah Winfrey's show >.>)
(Yes, the only reason that's funny is because I can totally imagine someone trying to jam an elbow into their ear.)
And this thread will fill my quote database pretty damn quick.
from Outlaws the best british film you have never seen
sean bean "where is (head gangster)"
goon "you kill me and you will never find out"
seanbean smiling "some one will talk" shoots goon in head
it seems kind of poor when you see it in writing but trust me wathc OutLaws and you will see why it is so good.
denzel wasington after putting a bomb timed for five minutes up a guys ass
"well, i have got all the time in the world.... you dont though"
sean bean "where is (head gangster)"
goon "you kill me and you will never find out"
seanbean smiling "some one will talk" shoots goon in head
it seems kind of poor when you see it in writing but trust me wathc OutLaws and you will see why it is so good.
denzel wasington after putting a bomb timed for five minutes up a guys ass
"well, i have got all the time in the world.... you dont though"
british commander "keep firing! keep firing!"
private "sir we have ran out of ammo"
commander "well keep firing we dont want the enemy to know"
i think it might have been from blackadder goes fourth but i am not sure
private "sir we have ran out of ammo"
commander "well keep firing we dont want the enemy to know"
i think it might have been from blackadder goes fourth but i am not sure
"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Felix Legions and General of the armies of the North. Loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengence. In this life or the next."
-Former General Maximus, 180 AD
-Former General Maximus, 180 AD
"I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.
You may have heard of me."
-Kvothe
"STOP TAKING DOWN EVERYTHING WE SAY!"
-Mr. Slant
"We have met the enemy and he is us."
-I forget where this one is from
"Wow. You failed so fast you left skid marks on the metaphorical pavement."
-Zemalac
"Since you cannot pay your interest, I'm afraid that your soul is forfit to the bank."
-I forget where this is from
You may have heard of me."
-Kvothe
"STOP TAKING DOWN EVERYTHING WE SAY!"
-Mr. Slant
"We have met the enemy and he is us."
-I forget where this one is from
"Wow. You failed so fast you left skid marks on the metaphorical pavement."
-Zemalac
"Since you cannot pay your interest, I'm afraid that your soul is forfit to the bank."
-I forget where this is from
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
Just got these today; they're actually great quoted insults.
1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my husband I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd drink it.'
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
3. 'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr
4. 'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' - Winston Churchill
5. 'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' - Winston Churchill
6. 'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
7. 'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.' - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
8. 'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?' -
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
9. 'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.' - Moses Hadas
10. 'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.' - Abraham Lincoln
11 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it .' - Mark Twain
12 'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde
13 'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' -
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
14 'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.'
- Winston Churchill, in response.
15 'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop
16 'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' - John Bright
17 'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb
18 'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.' - Samuel Johnson
19 'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' - Paul Keating
20 'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' Jack E. Leonard
21 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford
22 'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
23 ' In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' - Charles, Count Talleyrand
24 'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' - Forrest Tucker
25 'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?' - Mark Twain
26 'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West
27 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' - Oscar Wilde
28 'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.' - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
29 'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
30 'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx
1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my husband I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd drink it.'
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
3. 'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr
4. 'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' - Winston Churchill
5. 'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' - Winston Churchill
6. 'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
7. 'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.' - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
8. 'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?' -
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
9. 'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.' - Moses Hadas
10. 'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.' - Abraham Lincoln
11 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it .' - Mark Twain
12 'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde
13 'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' -
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
14 'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.'
- Winston Churchill, in response.
15 'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop
16 'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' - John Bright
17 'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb
18 'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.' - Samuel Johnson
19 'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' - Paul Keating
20 'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' Jack E. Leonard
21 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford
22 'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
23 ' In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' - Charles, Count Talleyrand
24 'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' - Forrest Tucker
25 'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?' - Mark Twain
26 'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West
27 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' - Oscar Wilde
28 'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.' - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
29 'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
30 'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx
My favorite Chuchill quotes:
"Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential" -Winston Churchill
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
"I hate nobody except Hitler and that is professional. "
"Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. "
"For myself, I am an optimist it does not seem to be much use being anything else. "
"Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all. "
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. "
"If you are going through hell, keep going. "
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. "
"One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. "
"When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticise or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. "
"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. "
"It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. "
and finaly
"This is Winston Churchill speaking. If you have a microphone in my room it is a waste of time. I do not talk in my sleep"
[When told his room was possibly bugged]
"Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential" -Winston Churchill
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
"I hate nobody except Hitler and that is professional. "
"Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. "
"For myself, I am an optimist it does not seem to be much use being anything else. "
"Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all. "
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. "
"If you are going through hell, keep going. "
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. "
"One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. "
"When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticise or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. "
"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. "
"It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. "
and finaly
"This is Winston Churchill speaking. If you have a microphone in my room it is a waste of time. I do not talk in my sleep"
[When told his room was possibly bugged]
Okay, this requires a bit of context. Tsukihime is an Eroge visual novel game released only in Japan. So when I read this on a comments box on a random site I couldn't help but laugh.
"I finally beat tsukihime, I'm so proud of myself"
"But did you stick it in Ciel's pooper?"
"I finally beat tsukihime, I'm so proud of myself"
"But did you stick it in Ciel's pooper?"