"Growing Up"

[w23eer]

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you obviously want things to change. You wouldn't keep making threads like this otherwise. Change doesn't mean giving up videogames or whatever else.

You're supposed to have a girlfriend/planning a family by now

You're supposed to worry about things like owning a house!

You should socialize more

You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. I agree with you there.
But you keep making the point that you can't socialize/get a girlfriend because you like 'alone things.' Yes, video games and reading are usually solitary exercises, but lots and lots of people love those things too. You could easily hit it off with any number of people like that. People socialize over video games every day.

You should go out and do things!

Ok so. Your arguement here seems to be you won't do things because you're bad at them. Here's the thing: nobody cares (outside of school anyhow). I mean jeez, it'd be weird if you started something and weren't bad at it. Ok, you tried skiing and it wasn't for you. That's cool. Have you ever considered anything else? Maybe a martial art? Yoga? A drama club? There must be something you might be curious about. And again, don't be worried if you're bad it. That's why people learn.

Also, as per your point about instruments: if you really couldn't care less about learning an instrument, that's fine. But don't stop just because you're afraid of being berated. I mean, we have the internet now.
Here's a random suggestion: buy a decent harmonica (roughly ?20 - ?30 price range) and listen to this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddM5RlWSJ4E
I mean, if you wanna. You might like it. Even if you fail, no one's gonna care.

You shouldn't play video games so much. You should do more adult things, like X!

Again, there's lots of adults into video games.
Regardless, there's nothing wrong with trying new things either. Not because you need to grow up, but because you seemingly want to.

 

[ForumSafari]

Building a Better Gamer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fXqydQOz2o

Whilst I do agree with this...the fact that he said it is just...

snip

No offense but that is a very impressive list of excuses for why you can't change, I don't think a lot of them are more than excuses though.

 

[Robert B. Marks]

Whenever I hear people discuss the matter, 'growing up' sounds like code for taking a knee, and making peace with the fact that your current lot in life is about as good as it's going to get. That isn't the way I'm wired. We get to spend a limited period of time on this rock-- settling for less would feel like the ultimate betrayal.

I have heard people talk about it that way. Funny thing - now that I've done it, that's just not how it played out. I've spent my entire life chasing my dreams, and I'm still chasing them.

But, over time my tastes changed. The things that excited me when I was 18 didn't seem quite so exciting by the time I was 28 - they had been replaced by better things. And, now that I'm at 38, I'm actually looking forward to getting the mortgage and the kids. They don't feel like settling at all - if anything, it now feels like trading up to something a lot better.

And, it's a gradual thing. You can't really put your finger on when exactly it happened - you just wake up one morning and you're not the person you were before, and for that matter, you haven't been for some time. You just wake up and realize it's happened, and you've become a mature adult - like you've come into your own at last.

I guess it's a bit like growing into a suit, really, as odd as that sounds.

 

[Ryotknife]

You're supposed to have a girlfriend/planning a family by now

Well, I've never had a girlfriend, and I've only ever been on one date, ever. My job isn't exactly a place to meet someone, nor something terribly interesting. Most (read: all) of my hobbies are personal, alone things, like video games and reading. And I'm on the low-end of the desirability scale; shy, awkward, quiet. Don't make a lot of money. Don't have a car and don't like or want children. Thats....pretty much the lowest of the barrel that one can get before you start getting into people with actual issues (IE: Criminals, attitude problems, ugly, etc.).

hahaha aahhhh

(puts a comforting hand on your shoulder) if you think its bad now, wait till you hit 30 and you are not married or with kids. People will either assume you are a closet gay, or that there is something wrong with you. Worse, your friends and family might decide to play matchmaker.

It is a special kind of hell. In this sense, im lucky that im male because i can always fall back to the tried and true "durr hurr hurr, im just a guy" defense.

new y

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Do you desire the things you mentioned? Do you know who you are? Do you have any idea what you want to do with the rest of your life? At 25 I realized that the company I worked for would never promote me unless I showed initiative. So I went to grad school and got my MBA. The problem was that the initiative they wanted was for me to join the big bosses in socializing and I had no interest in being close to them. Without going into details they made themselves as unpleasant as possible, showed little interest in stable growth of the company, and showed even less interest in obeying local fire codes. I finished my degree in two years and found myself working in an utterly different field within a year of that. I started working with the disabled and than kids. I fell in love and got married. Many would say my professional world fell apart but my private life and my job satisfaction increased dramatically.

The long and the short of it is keep your eyes and your mind open to new things. We live in a society that used to be conducive to starting families at an early age and working your way up. It is now much more about the late twenties early thirties and being adrift from project to project, job to job at all times. The realization sucks but it can be wonderful if you work it right. Don't let the bastards get you down. Maybe you should save some money and take a trip? Backpacking holidays are awesome and a great way to unwind on the cheap!

 

[lacktheknack]

I, too, felt completely stuck, not useful, untalented, and kind of doomed to do low-wage work and play video games all by my lonesome for the rest of my life.

Then I (almost experimentally) tried a missionary school/trip, and BOOM - I suddenly have life goals and newfound motivation to explore talents I didn't know I had.

Sometimes, it just takes one small thing to trigger a big explosion in your life that wrecks everything you thought you knew about yourself, but it requires experimentation and risks. But really, why not risk some stuff? It's not like you can't fall back to what you're doing already with nothing lost but some time.

 

[BeerTent]

26 here.

You sound like me 2 years ago.

Seriously, OP... Listen to me.

My job isn't going to get much better.

Who are we to blame for this? I'm not saying it's your fault for being in this situation, but it totally is. You are the driving force of your actions. Reach out to a job help place, they're everywhere in Canada+US. Fix up your resume. Realized your current position isn't doing it for you? You still have the drive to change it. There are schools, collages... I'm a year older than you, and I've returned to collage. You can do it. Reach out to family and friends and they can help you. Maybe your boss too. It's a big change, but I'm sure you can handle things better than me.

You wanna keep working in your industry? Then keep sending them out, and don't be discouraged. It's a second job. 2hrs a day. Get on that shit.

You're supposed to worry about things like owning a house!

Where do you want to be in life? That's what you should be worrying about. Me? I want to be comfortable. I want a nice condo, I wanna live alone, and I want a proper wage and no loans in a different province. That's my life goal, what's yours?

Notice how I didn't say anything about any ankle-biters... Or getting my own house. I didn't say anything about getting rich... These are my goals. Yours can be anything. Yours can be "to just be comfortable" too.

On the topic of "Get a girlfriend." If you look for them, you're doing it wrong. Live, and be happy. Spend time with people you trust, and when someone sees your true colors, they will find it exotic. Out of the blue, this woman is asking about what games you play, saying that she doesn't like kids, and that your collection of hardcore BDSM Porn is pretty fuckin' sweet. Some of that may be made up, but you get the point. Every girl I've hooked up has been a surprise, and they didn't run away when I fired up X-com while wearing a collar clearly not designed to be wore in public.

You should socialize more! You should go out and do things!

Do you know how to get a job in Nova Scotia? How 70% of people get jobs? Do you know what a totally mindless skill is? A skill that's impossible to fuck up?

Being social.

If you look at your calender, and see nothing but work hours on it, you really do need to go out. Movies? Fuck them. Concerts? Who gives a fuck. There are places for nerdy people too. A friend of mine hates going out. Would just want to sit at home and play MP games and look at his collection of board games. I FORCED that ************ to go out and play Eclipse Phase with a group of people. It's not my cuppa tea, but I occasionally encourage him to go to places like the boardroom. He's enjoying our nights out, and looks to be quite happy about it.

This perpetual cycle of work/home/work/home is depressing as fuck, and it does nothing but drag you down to the dark depths of depression-land. And if you're a Nintendo-nerd... Depression-Land is like Metroid's Phaaze. That shit sucks.

You shouldn't play video games so much. You should do more adult things, like X!

This person telling you this isn't trying to tell you how to live your life, or dump your interests. They want to see you out more. They want to socialize with you. They want to see your smile, and want you to be a part of their lives, while they're a part of your life.

I won't tell anyone to stop playing a game. Because this is a really cool medium.

But you can kick that 12yo's ass in counter-strike another time. Go with this person. Spend time with them. And for fuck sakes you crayon-eating ************, smile more. Bet you never heard that term before, and reading it made you giggle a bit. Humans are hard-wired to respond positively to a smile. Do you know why I'm telling you this?

[...]Yeah. Its not like I didn't TRY.[...]

Joy.

BAM!!! ************!!

I'm no psychology major, but that's a lack of fuckin' confidence.

It's not that you don't like music, or that TV is just fucking shit... (It really is.) Your primary "unattractive flaw" is derived from a lack of confidence. Why? Because it's work. You meet a cute girl, and she's cute, and nice, but you need to literally hold her hand and coax her out of her shell to move her player character, and just doesn't try because she'll just fuck it up when the first bad guy appears on screen. That's not sexy. That's just awful. Yeah, there's someone out there that will deem that to be worth their time. But there are very few of those people. Aside, why wait, when you can resolve this issue yourself.

So, even though I don't want to tell you how to live your life, I'm going to do this. Consider it a doctor's prescription. I'm totally licenced. See? Not fake at all. [http://www.alanaragonblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/fake-diploma-e1290115516150.png] You wanna change your life for the better, or do you want to remain in a depressed slump? I can't make you change, only you can get a better job. Only you can decide to socialize and modify your body's chemistry.

Siddown, shaddap, and do this. Did you just ask, "Why?" to your monitor? Read these, and THEN write a response asking why. Quote me though, so I know.

Drink pop? Not anymore. Cut down to a maximum of 500ml a week. That's one of those teeny bottles, because you need to treat yourself. If you drink a lot of pop and juice, water is your only replacement. Juice, you can treat yourself a lot more to, but soda-pop is pure fucking poison.

Same goes with alcohol/smoking. If you drink a lot of that, then I can no longer help you. You need a professional. One that's not me. Especially if you drink cigarettes. Ew.

Look online for something interesting to eat. Get the ingredients, and cook it yourself. This goes back to our prehistoric human roots. Cooking interesting meals, and actually thinking about healthy foods and interesting snacks.

Feel like you can do a few of those interesting dishes...? Now invite a friend or two over. Note I said "Friend" and not "Cute girl." Because we're not looking for girlfriends. We're looking to instill a sense of community. You can totally cheat on this too, tell the bastards to bring a slab of meat, and just bring out the BBQ.

And then you can totally turn that into a LAN party/game-night.

Get a gym membership, and go a minimum of 3 times a week, for 2 hours. No idea what the fuck your doing? Talk to people, or look online for something to improve about your body. For me? My cardio and overall strength blows. I'm working on it with the treadmill, bike, and free-weights.

Bookmark a local, trusted news site. And actually visit it. Every time you check the Escapist, go to CBC News or whatever you think is alright. Something local, worldwide is good too. You'll feel smarter when someone asks "You know what the Trailer Park Boys are doing about the cuts?" and you don't respond with "Someone got cut on the set?" (That was a local thing. You get what I mean, right?)

This is where it gets harder. But you can do this.

You have a few questions to ask yourself.
"Do I want to stay in this job?"
"Do I want to work in my industry?"
"What industry is more appealing than this one? Can I get support to achieve it?"
"What is my end goal in life?"

For me, I answered those questions. It was "Fuck no." - "I could never be where I want, so no." - "[redacted]" - "To be comfortable."

Spend a minimum of an hour every day looking for a work. Look up advice, but be wary. There's a fuckload of bad advice online. Consider a local program to help you get work. Talk to people in these places like job junction. It's stupid and corny sometimes, but these people are here to help. You're getting paid $12/hr? That's not a lot. That sounds like a legally mandated min.wage. That's fucked because you can do better, and I know damn well you can. Deep down, I know you can.

If you got this far, and feel like "Yeah, I can do it." Go in your bathroom with a dry-erase marker, and write on your mirror that "InflatableBeerTent knows you're awesome." and point an arrow to the middle so when you look up after spitting out the shit from your toothpaste, your head lands right where that arrow's pointing. Beware, it's easy to regress. But that little 2-3 times a day reminder might help.

Nobody said bein' human was easy.

 

[RoBi3.0]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-ways-growing-up-changes-way-you-see-video-games/

So this article got me thinking the other day; why is that every time someone mentions things grown-ups need, have or "should" be doing, they don't seem to apply to me, or appeal to me. Its like there is this block that keeps me from giving a damn about things I'm apparently suppose to. I mean, I'm 25 and;

My job isn't going to get much better

I kind have to face the fact that my job isn't going to get much better. I'll likely be stuck making $12 an hour for the rest of my life - jobs are few and far between around here. What professional jobs there are immediately get sucked up by people with way fancier and better degrees than I have. And the kinds of jobs that people like me used to get promoted to either got cut, or shipped off to India/Pakistan/China where the workers work for the daily wage of "If you work we won't beat you", a wage most can't compete against.

"Career Advancement" isn't much of a thing nowadays.

You're supposed to have a girlfriend/planning a family by now

Well, I've never had a girlfriend, and I've only ever been on one date, ever. My job isn't exactly a place to meet someone, nor something terribly interesting. Most (read: all) of my hobbies are personal, alone things, like video games and reading. And I'm on the low-end of the desirability scale; shy, awkward, quiet. Don't make a lot of money. Don't have a car and don't like or want children. Thats....pretty much the lowest of the barrel that one can get before you start getting into people with actual issues (IE: Criminals, attitude problems, ugly, etc.).

You're supposed to worry about things like owning a house!

Yeah well...what if I don't need a house? They're massively expensive to buy, maintain and use. I don't have any need for that kind of room anyway. A small apartment suits me just fine, and costs less.

You should socialize more

The thing is...I could not possibly give less of a damn about things people like to socialize over. I don't care about sports. Or music. Or art. Well, I suppose I care about sports, since League of Legends and Starcraft have made gaming into a sport...but not sports that people actually get together about.

I play video games and read. I maybe go see a movie once or twice a year (this year will likely only be Age of Ultron. Maybe the Water Diviner if it turns out to be good). None of that is very "social". I don't have anything to socialize over - I'd just be that weird guy, not there doing anything. Things I could socialize over are out of my price range; I'll never be able to afford to go Blizzcon or PAX East or E3 or anything like that.

You should go out and do things!
Yeah. Its not like I didn't TRY.

Skiing? Tried that. Was a danger to myself and those around me even after 2 years of lesson and practice. Stopped, 'cause I don't want to be that guy who winds up breaking someone's kid because he shouldn't be on the slopes.

Play an instrument? Tried that too. For years when I was a kid. I was so bad I actually got berated and told to just stop by the music instructor at school.

Volunteer work? Did enough of that to last me a lifetime in high school.

You shouldn't play video games so much. You should do more adult things, like X!

Yeah. Adult things suck. TV isn't that interesting. Adult sports, like golf, tennis etc. aren't that fun to play or watch. Or any of the other things you're probably thinking of listing. But yet, I'll be inundated with articles like this one suggesting that the thing I DO like to do isn't appropriate for adults, likely for the rest of my life.

Joy.

Here is the best advice I can give you. If you live your life based on what you believe society or other people think it should be you will never be happy. You will constantly be running after the carrot on the stick always grasping never achieving "adulthood".

You don't need a house to be an adult. Friends I have talked to from Europe are floored by the American obsession with home ownership. Eventually you may come to the point where owning a home makes sense financially and with your actual life goals. Until that time you should not lose sleep over living in an apartment that seems to be meeting your current needs.

If socializing is something you want to do then do it. Tie it into something you enjoy doing already. If you like to read join a book club. I would venture a guess that most areas have a book club of some sort. You clearly like playing video games. Would you be interested in tabletop gaming as well? Most dedicated game stores have some type of gaming related event most days of the week. If you however don't really feel like socializing that is okay as well. You definitely should not force yourself into a social event if you do not want to be there. That is only going to guarantee that the experience end badly.

Significant others are great, but they are not necessary to be happy. I have friends that feel they need a significant other. What this ends up being for them is a never ending string of relationships that don't work out. Sometime it is because they aren't right for each other or my friend needed a S.O. so badly that they took the first person that would have them and my friend ended up getting taking advantage of. Most of the time my friend was so desperate to not lose another S.O. that they ended strangling the relationship to death. If you want a life partner. You will find that partner when you find them.

If you can figure out how to be happy with your life, you are an adult. If does not matter if your life is not what people think it should be so long as you are content. Adulthood much like life is what you make of it.

 

[briankoontz]

We're always living in the past. Our current expectations are based neither on current reality or future reality, but on an idealized version of past reality. Back when the third world was happily exploited and the West (and especially the United States) was reaping the benefits, it made sense for the exploiters to have a very rosy outlook for their economic future - a house for each child, large income, and the like. Now that the world has become more globalized and slightly less exploited, the wealth spread around a bit, and especially the internalized knowledge that "the end is nigh" and therefore there's less reason to fight on behalf of people against institutional power such as is found in corporations and banks thus leading to a rise in relative wealth within large institutions, there's a massive disconnect between the actual reality of the world and the reality that people desire to perceive.

It doesn't help matters that it's advantageous to be deluded. Delusion is rewarded with happy participation in whatever corrupt organization offers sufficient rewards. Seeing reality as it is may allow you to pat yourself on your own back but otherwise leads to either social disfavor or ostracism.

Power trumps truth for the vast majority of people. It doesn't matter what the truth is - it matters what is advantageous to believe. Gordon Gekko's "Greed is good" is what is advantageous for him to believe, allowing him to maximize wealth accumulation with a minimum of internal discomfort.

Or as a poor person struggling to get by might put it - "Power IS truth". That is to say, the power functions that shape the world are the most clear truth there is. This allows the poor person to live his life without any higher meaning or goals, since all of his efforts are doomed to be crushed by the tyrannical Power.

 

[FalloutJack]

Ah, c'mon. You're going to take information like that from Cracked.com? You need to take it with a grain of salt and not sweat the small stuff. Everybody does things differently. There may be similarities in some case, but not all cases. Don't worry about it.

 

[sageoftruth]

We're always living in the past. Our current expectations are based neither on current reality or future reality, but on an idealized version of past reality. Back when the third world was happily exploited and the West (and especially the United States) was reaping the benefits, it made sense for the exploiters to have a very rosy outlook for their economic future - a house for each child, large income, and the like. Now that the world has become more globalized and slightly less exploited, the wealth spread around a bit, and especially the internalized knowledge that "the end is nigh" and therefore there's less reason to fight on behalf of people against institutional power such as is found in corporations and banks thus leading to a rise in relative wealth within large institutions, there's a massive disconnect between the actual reality of the world and the reality that people desire to perceive.

It doesn't help matters that it's advantageous to be deluded. Delusion is rewarded with happy participation in whatever corrupt organization offers sufficient rewards. Seeing reality as it is may allow you to pat yourself on your own back but otherwise leads to either social disfavor or ostracism.

Power trumps truth for the vast majority of people. It doesn't matter what the truth is - it matters what is advantageous to believe. Gordon Gekko's "Greed is good" is what is advantageous for him to believe, allowing him to maximize wealth accumulation with a minimum of internal discomfort.

Or as a poor person struggling to get by might put it - "Power IS truth". That is to say, the power functions that shape the world are the most clear truth there is. This allows the poor person to live his life without any higher meaning or goals, since all of his efforts are doomed to be crushed by the tyrannical Power.

You again? You seem to only have one thing on the mind. If you're trying to get a message across, I'd strongly recommend finding someone else to do the writing. You're grammar is top-notch, but you sound kind of... insane, like you're narrating straight from a film noir comic, and most people aren't going to just accept something that sounds like it came from a comic book.

 

[visiblenoise]

I think adulthood is being unfairly represented in here. All it means is being able to handle yourself in the world you're in, while pursuing some semblance of meaning in life. People default to talking about a career, a house, and a significant other because that's what the beaten path takes you to. But any truly mature (and probably partway liberal) adult knows that those aren't the only successful outcomes.

 

[thoughtwrangler]

I'm 33. I'm married, have a daughter and we own a house. We do okay. The only thing I haven't done on the "you're a total grown-up" list is go to college, though I entertain the thought of doing so someday, maybe when we pay off all our existing debts. Until then, it's more of a nice-to-have.

But despite that, I think a "grown up" is anyone who can support themselves, works, pays taxes and is more or less self-sufficient. What someone does on their own time with that is their own damn business. You don't have or want a spouse or mate? Cool. You have a spouse or mate but don't want kids? I'm cool with that too. You like to play video games instead of playing the Cello or watching the hockey team score touchdowns from the 3-point line on a par 5? Awesome.

The important thing to being a grown up is that you *can* take care of yourself if you need to. I'm not talking about people who have medically prohibitive conditions or legit (not self-diagnosed) psychological or mental disorders to where they have no choice. I'm talking about your garden variety, able-bodied, grown-ass adult. That's the key.

If your infrastructure was pulled out from under you, would you be able to take care of yourself and help others where needed? If you lost your job tomorrow would your first reaction be to file applications like the dickens and budget like crazy to make ends meet? Are you a bad enough dude to save the president from his ninja kidnappers? Then YOU, sir/madam are a grown-up.

If on the other hand, you don't look for jobs, sabotage yourself, rack up credit card debt up to your eyeballs and sponge off others while never failing to have the coolest toys, you are not a grown up. But the good news is, you can change that.

And any grown-up who says they don't wish they could just take a month off of being a grown-up is lying. Or they have no soul. Or both.