Hated at uni.

[Doclector]

Basically, a few people have been repeatedly badmouthing me at uni. Then they have the nerve to wonder why I think they hate me. "Oh, we don't hate you, but we think you're shit at things" As if I can fucking believe that.

Needless to say, I'm fucking pissed off. It doesn't help the fact that I'm struggling with things right now.

I see it is as pretty simple. You insult me, you're against me. If I allowed myself to believe otherwise, it'd just get worse as I continually allow the toxic prescence of such people.

Thing is, I don't think I can just ignore it. Not just because it makes me angry that someone did something wrong to me and never paid for what they did, but because of the message that sends. "I can be fucked with". I don't want these pricks having the rest of the course believing they can take the piss. Before you know it, everyone'll be against me.

I see why this happens. To people who don't know about my problems, some of which I can never tell anyone about, I might be mistaken for lazy or uncommited. If they knew the whole truth, they'd know that the very fact I'm even still on the course means I'm more commited than they could ever imagine.

Still, it needs to be dealt with. It goes without saying I can't deal with it the old fashioned way. Despite the fact that these people deserve a swift smack round the face for thinking they can pull that shit, that will unfortunately get me kicked out. I may, when pushed, be a violent man, but I still ain't stupid. I know damn well they'd be very pleased to see me gone, that may even be what they're trying to do, baiting me into attacking so I get kicked out.

Talking directly to them is a waste of effort. They will never understand.

Talking to others? The key would be finding the right words without them shouting me down. Easier said than...well, said.

Doing nothing is simultaneously the most sensible and most risky thing to do. Like I said, I can't have everyone believing that they can fuck with me.

Before anyone asks, yes, I am still pursuing therapy. Perhaps if that was already happening, then this wouldn't be such a huge issue, but I'm still on the waiting list, so it is.

So...what to do? Too much paranoia? Too little assertiveness? What?

 

[Quaxar]

Huh, that even works? We are a few hundred students in my course, if people tried to spread rumors about me nobody would even know who they were talking about...

Anyway, reporting them to an authority wouldn't be the worst of moves. Bullying and all that. Certainly better than just trying to deal with it yourself, especially if these rumors are things that may get your uni involved (like false rape accusations or whatnot).

 

[ohnoitsabear]

Question. In what context do you usually meet these people? Are they people that live near you, are they in the same classes as you, or are they people you happen to stumble across on a regular basis? Depending on the circumstance that you usually interact with these people, it might be entirely possible to just avoid them altogether. There are usually a ton of people at a university, so spend your time interacting with people that don't piss you off.

Of course, if it's not possible to avoid them, I would follow Quaxar's advice and report them to some authority. At the very least, try to see what any authority could do to help your situation. It's always best to not have to try to handle this kind of situation on your own.

 

[gazumped]

I see it is as pretty simple. You insult me, you're against me. If I allowed myself to believe otherwise, it'd just get worse as I continually allow the toxic prescence of such people.

It's hard to tell for sure because you don't say exactly what they're saying about you, but this reads like 'How dare anyone criticise me ever? They should treat me like I'm perfect in every way!!' If you're in a class and especially being relied on, then people aren't going to ignore that you're 'shit at things'. If you're late or lazy with contributing to group work then they have a reason to be annoyed. Even if they're just commenting on your work in general, they have a reason to take note of what you're doing wrong so that they can avoid the mistakes you're making. If this is the kind of thing you're talking about, no it doesn't mean they hate you, of course it doesn't. I've had a tonne of lazy/uncommitted students in classes over the years who as far as I know didn't have any real reason for it, I didn't exactly admire their work ethic but that never made me think they were bad people (some of them I made quite good friends with), the two things are entirely unrelated.

They don't realise that you have reasons for not being as up to speed as everyone else and it's a shame that they're making these judgements without knowing the full story, but really, how does this effect you? You say ignoring it gives the message "I can be fucked with", but are you being fucked with? Some people criticise you. How does that affect you, really? Heck, the entirety of education is being criticised, surely, because if no one points out that you're doing something wrong then you'll carry on doing it wrong.

Basically, in summary, I'd say chill out and stop being so mad about it. If they think you're lazy and won't understand, it doesn't matter. They're not grading your work. They're not affecting your life. You know you're doing your best, your tutors (who I hope you've made aware of your situation, you really should, it is part of their job to help students with problems that may affect their work) should know you're doing your best.

Please don't go through life putting so much importance on what everyone else thinks or says about you. It is certainly not as simple as 'You insult me, you're against me', there are many reasons for criticising someone and some of them are even to be helpful to that person.

 

[Batou667]

There are a million factors here that we don't know.

Who are these people? Friends? Kind-of-friends? Housemates? Friends of friends? People in an authority position? People you see often, or very infrequently? Could you avoid them if you wanted to?

What are they saying? Is it outright insulting and calculated to belittle? Are they joking around, perhaps insensitively, and assume you're seeing the funny side too? Are they trying to exclude you, or could they actually be trying to include you by sharing banter with you? Do they realise they're pissing you off? And perhaps most importantly of all, have you considered that you might be taking it over-literally, overthinking it, and getting yourself worked up over not much at all?

No need to start plotting schemes of revenge and torture. Talk back to them. A small comeback like "I really don't appreciate that, guys" or "Is that meant to be a joke?" might be enough to let them know that you're not best pleased while keeping the opportunity open to work things out.

In general: chill, buddy. Comments can only "get" to you to the degree that you allow them to. If these people really are complete pricks then their opinions should mean nothing, right? Screw 'em.

 

[adamsaccount]

Flip them the bird would be my advice, and try not to let the fuckers get you down