Have you ever considered suicide?
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I suppose it's the difference between an academic understanding of a concept and actual hands-on experience - I consider myself insensitive primarily because I can't actually relate, not because I can't identify various emotional states that others are experiencing. I'm the sort of individual who never understood "peer pressure" because I can't recall ever experiencing it, and my sense of self-worth has never much been tied to the opinions of others; it makes me rather hard to truly insult for one, but also leaves me a tad bit baffled when people take insults to heart (instead of just getting mad at whoever insulted you).Swollen Goat said:
I'm quite emotional though in certain contexts - I can make myself cry simply by thinking of certain concepts for instance - and I comport myself as a quiet, unassuming and generally pleasant fellow throughout the lions share of my societal interactions, so recognizing and responding appropriately to emotional cues is a crucial part of that. My real personality is almost nothing like what most people end up seeing, but for all my caustic and mercurial tendencies I don't have it in me to be cruel; hence why the few people who get me to engage on a deep enough level that the topic of emotional frames of mind come up would probably tell you that I am sensitive.
I know I'm not of course, but I also don't believe that being wired to be an insensitive jackass who doesn't give a crap about the opinions or feelings of others therefore gives me the excuse to behave like one. And so I choose to comport myself in a manner quite dissimilar from my natural tendencies - not because I care about how my conduct will be perceived, but because I care about my conduct itself, regardless of who might be watching; I make an effort because I believe it's the right thing to do.
Hopefully that little glimpse into my psyche was helpful, because I'm not sure what else I can really say about the topic - it's just something I can't comprehend on a personal level, and since my worldview suggests that one can choose to find joy in even the most miserable of situations, I tend to ascribe the sort of crippling depression that leads to suicidal impulses as a personal failing that people ultimately need to "snap out of" (I would never actually tell someone that though).
I wouldn't call that insensitive but a lack of empathy. No offence, but you describe yourself in a kind of sociopathic way.Gildan Bladeborn said:
Saying that depression is a personal failing (I've actually heard this a lot)is a little too strong. Depression is influenced by several factors, many of them are genetic and cannot be changed. That doesn't mean that some people are meant to be depressed only that they will find it harder to fight agains it, but with a little help everything is possible.
I think about suicide some times but I now that in the end I'd be way too scared to do it so I have never consider it seariosly. Also I'm not sure that I could do that to my family :\
I am assuming you mean clinical depression, if so, you have my condolences. But, I had to laugh because my depression has also made me somewhat cynical.Olorune said:
I agree with pretty much all you said but had to highlight the above comment. People don't tend to get this. I have various psychlogical problems but I also have an ongoing physical injury that I take painkillers for an a daily basis. It ranges between discomfort at it's best and 'holy fucking hell' bang-your-head-against-a-wall flashes of agony at it's worst. Physical pain I have learned to cope with, I avoid, as much as I can, doing things that aggravate my condition and I medicate with reasonable success. It is also logically easy to understand, a part of my body was damaged and didn't heal properly therefore I am in pain. It has no other impact than that. Mental pain is all-pervasive and affects every aspect of my life. I have had no success with medication for it. What's more I don't really understand it fully. I used to think I was a rational person but half of the time my deeper feelings are not even close to rational or realistic most especially with how I think about myself. Not sure where I am going with this but I felt it needed saying er.. whatever it was that I just said.Pips said:
Also, I too have things to do before I bugger off.
Excellent, you sir are an example to all 'insensitive jackasses' everywhere. We also seem to share many personality traits which is interesting, I, however, am obviously quite mad.Gildan Bladeborn said:
Diagnosed with severe bipolar depression, here. I hit the worst low of my life at the end of the last spring semester at college, and almost killed myself. I had the blade, I'd practiced with it to make sure I could cut deep enough on my first attempt(turns out I could), and was about to go through with it when my friend stopped me. I'm on medical leave now and my meds have been increased. Again. Fun.
I'll think about it sometime and tried it twice but my fear of the what the afterlife is what usually stops me. I have no real advice for anyone thinking about it because you probably have your reasons and it's not my place to lecture you when I don't know you.
oh yeah... man when i found that out.... those were some dark times... oh god you got me thinking about it again... that cube was too young to dieCrazy_Dude said:
I thought about it... then i realized i'm too much of a coward who, despite a miserable existance, loves being alive too much.
Yes. Most weeks.
My teenage years were eaten up contemplating this.
In the end I decided that I can die at any time I choose, but I have only so many years to live.
Dying is certain, living is not. I decided I'd live as long as I felt I wanted to, and kill myself when I got tired of it all.
I still live by that decision. Some weeks are harder than others, but in the end living is usually a better choice because there are a lot of fun to be had in this world.
For someone contemplating suicide I would tell them exactly my thoughts. You can die any day you wish, and sooner or later you WILL die, and most likely remain dead forever. Living however can be done only so many years, why not live a while longer and see what happens? Whats the worst thing that can happen?
My teenage years were eaten up contemplating this.
In the end I decided that I can die at any time I choose, but I have only so many years to live.
Dying is certain, living is not. I decided I'd live as long as I felt I wanted to, and kill myself when I got tired of it all.
I still live by that decision. Some weeks are harder than others, but in the end living is usually a better choice because there are a lot of fun to be had in this world.
For someone contemplating suicide I would tell them exactly my thoughts. You can die any day you wish, and sooner or later you WILL die, and most likely remain dead forever. Living however can be done only so many years, why not live a while longer and see what happens? Whats the worst thing that can happen?
I've thought about from time to time, but not because I was particularly unhappy or dissatisfied. I thought, from an atheistic and philosophical standpoint, that once suicide has been committed it can't really be considered a negative thing per se, at least not for the one who committed it. I figure that, in death we lose our capacity to care about such things. That our perception of positive and negative dies with us.
For instance, If I committed suicide, I certainly wouldn't care that I was dead, I couldn't. Sure my family and friends would still be there to mourn me, but wouldn't be around to feel guilty about it. Even if I were one who unabashedly loved my life and everything about it, I simply could not regret it post facto.
It wouldn't be a good or bad thing from the perceptive of the one who's dead. That person would simply not exist. Simple as that.
For instance, If I committed suicide, I certainly wouldn't care that I was dead, I couldn't. Sure my family and friends would still be there to mourn me, but wouldn't be around to feel guilty about it. Even if I were one who unabashedly loved my life and everything about it, I simply could not regret it post facto.
It wouldn't be a good or bad thing from the perceptive of the one who's dead. That person would simply not exist. Simple as that.
I'll admit I have. Frequently. But never too hard or for terribly long. No. That's a lie. Very hard, but I usually don't anymore.
For loss, for guilt, for general feeling of hopelessness, for pressure, for curiosity (who doesn't want to know, at least?). I probably never will.
Out of fear, out of more guilt, out of a desire to keep pushing. I keep going.
But mostly for this:
The world is a horrible place. Hands down, life sucks. Doesn't matter who you are or where you are, something's always shit.
But that's why I love it.
It seems backwards logic at first, and even a bit mentally disturbed, but consider this:
You live in the era of discovery, where things constantly become more convoluted and hopeless.
You live at your home, where sleaze rules supreme.
Nothing ever seems to change for the better anymore.
You get to watch it.
We are spectators to an ever more confusing world, one that is constantly changing and evolving. It's become my hobby unravelling it to the best of my ability. Life isn't a game, it's certainly hard to get by and it's incredibly easy to fall down. But what if you could forge through it as a good person? Wouldn't it be spectacular if you could be the best you could be, know as much as you could know about people and pass by as abnormally generous. I'd love to be different.
Wise words I once heard and am now paraphrasing: "Live every day as you would your last, had you the choice. Make sure you leave yourself room to regret nothing, and you seldom will."
Watch the world as you go and remember to laugh at how absurd the whole thing is. And escape when you need to, or just feel like it.
If you're feeling depressed:
Comprehension of your own spirituality. Doesn't matter what it is, it helps. I'm an atheist, but just thinking about what you believe in (rather than arguing over it) produces much happier people.
A good example: I had an english teacher once. He used to be an alcoholic. He had no job, was struggling and very close to the edge. He had a change of faith, an increase in devotion and became one of the teachers I most trusted and respected. (Faith really means nothing for these purposes, he follows Ba'hai, I have friends of other religious persuasions, it all has to do with something that fits with how you thing things are and should be.)
And off-topic, misconceptions of atheism. People think it means that it's pointless to live, pointless to achieve and pointless to be good to each other. I'd say the absolute opposite. To me, it's pointless to be malicious, pointless not to achieve and pointless to die. To me, it's even more pointless to do what doesn't feel right. (not really sure why I said that, just felt like it needed saying)
and finishing off with the wisest words I have ever heard:
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
For loss, for guilt, for general feeling of hopelessness, for pressure, for curiosity (who doesn't want to know, at least?). I probably never will.
Out of fear, out of more guilt, out of a desire to keep pushing. I keep going.
But mostly for this:
The world is a horrible place. Hands down, life sucks. Doesn't matter who you are or where you are, something's always shit.
But that's why I love it.
It seems backwards logic at first, and even a bit mentally disturbed, but consider this:
You live in the era of discovery, where things constantly become more convoluted and hopeless.
You live at your home, where sleaze rules supreme.
Nothing ever seems to change for the better anymore.
You get to watch it.
We are spectators to an ever more confusing world, one that is constantly changing and evolving. It's become my hobby unravelling it to the best of my ability. Life isn't a game, it's certainly hard to get by and it's incredibly easy to fall down. But what if you could forge through it as a good person? Wouldn't it be spectacular if you could be the best you could be, know as much as you could know about people and pass by as abnormally generous. I'd love to be different.
Wise words I once heard and am now paraphrasing: "Live every day as you would your last, had you the choice. Make sure you leave yourself room to regret nothing, and you seldom will."
Watch the world as you go and remember to laugh at how absurd the whole thing is. And escape when you need to, or just feel like it.
If you're feeling depressed:
Comprehension of your own spirituality. Doesn't matter what it is, it helps. I'm an atheist, but just thinking about what you believe in (rather than arguing over it) produces much happier people.
A good example: I had an english teacher once. He used to be an alcoholic. He had no job, was struggling and very close to the edge. He had a change of faith, an increase in devotion and became one of the teachers I most trusted and respected. (Faith really means nothing for these purposes, he follows Ba'hai, I have friends of other religious persuasions, it all has to do with something that fits with how you thing things are and should be.)
And off-topic, misconceptions of atheism. People think it means that it's pointless to live, pointless to achieve and pointless to be good to each other. I'd say the absolute opposite. To me, it's pointless to be malicious, pointless not to achieve and pointless to die. To me, it's even more pointless to do what doesn't feel right. (not really sure why I said that, just felt like it needed saying)
and finishing off with the wisest words I have ever heard:
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
I have thought about how I would do it and the reactions everyone might have, but thats about it. I would never go through with it.
I'm just gonna say, if you're thinking of doing it, don't read The Wall by Sartre. I read that in philosophy the other day... never has life felt so meaningless. It's basically about a guy who is sentenced to death, and spends the night coming to terms with it, realizing the inevitability of death, and how, with death so close, nothing seemed worth living for. Interesting read, but very depressing. I myself have thought about suicide, but only in the academic sense; how I would do it and such. Never been close to going through with it. Hope I never am.