There are some people say that suicide is an easy way out. I disagree.
Saying goodbye to every possibility of happiness, no more love, sex, intimacy, no more enjoyment of food, drink, games, films, books, no hanging out with friends, no more anything, anyone or any feeling that you have ever enjoyed. Knowing that in a few hours you will be nothing. That is scary stuff. If you ever really think about suicide it becomes incredibly difficult.
About six years ago I reached the point where none of the above mattered to me, I had no one that relied on me, no real friends (or so I thought), I had lost almost everything that meant anything to me. I had a life-long reliance on alcohol just to function and had been suffering from clinical depression for five years. I not only thought about suicide, I planned it and went through with it. I am able to write this because a friend knew about my condition, became suspicious and sent paramedics and police to my flat. Also, I think I may have been sick from all the alcohol I took to wash the pills down, but I don't know for sure, I was in and out of consciousness.
After getting out of hospital I had an attempt at getting my life back together but all that happened was that I lost even more and a year later found myself homeless on the streets of London.
I now have a place to live and have stopped drinking but life is still very difficult. I suffer massive amounts of stress that actually give me physical pain in my head, neck and shoulders (and make my vision blurry), I have no motivation to do anything and sometimes find it incredibly difficult to even make it out of bed. My concentration is so bad that I would be a liability in any job and that is if I could actually stand being around people long enough to have a job ? certainly my old job as a systems analyst/programmer is now beyond me. I am constantly haunted by my past and feel constant guilt and overwhelming flashes of self-loathing. I get very little enjoyment from anything, even stuff that I used to love (a condition known as anhedonia).
My situation in life is no longer getting worse but I, however, am and so I have set myself a time limit, if things aren't significantly improved within that time frame I will most assuredly die.
When life's problems outweigh your ability to deal with them then it is time to consider going. I have, over the last eleven years or so, simply reached my limit.
Sorry, if that was a bit long-winded and not entirely on-topic but I also get annoyed when people say that not killing yourself is an ethical or moral thing. To me, this is naïve, if you haven't reached the point where ethics or morals are meaningless then are you truly low and desperate enough to want to die? There are some times when it becomes purely an act of self-protection, as weird as that sounds.
I have to go eat chocolate now. I find that helps.
