Have you ever dated someone just to not be single?

[BlackStar42]

You might as well give it a try, she might surprise you. Don't stay with her just for the sake of it though, that's kind of a dick move.

 

[CODE-D]

I was under the impression that almost every girl does this especially in High school.

 

[axlryder]

no

whats so great about a relationship? I mean ok yes I get it...but being single is fine, I'm a bit of a solitary person so it works for me

lack of sex is annoying though but thats par for the coarse I supose

anyway I wouldn't be with somone unless I actually wanted too..Im not so insecure I need somone else to be attathed to to validate my existance

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Yeah, go for it. Worst that happens is you both have a new experience to better prepare you for the future. Best that happens is that you get exactly what you want out of the relationship.

You might end up destroying her emotionally but I wouldn't worry about that, someone eventually will if she's that fragile. As long as you can live with it then I wish you all the best in your new shitty relationship!

 

[axlryder]

Yeah, go for it. Worst that happens is you both have a new experience to better prepare you for the future. Best that happens is that you get exactly what you want out of the relationship.

You might end up destroying her emotionally but I wouldn't worry about that, someone eventually will if she's that fragile. As long as you can live with it then I wish you all the best in your new shitty relationship!

How would I have less of a chance to end up destroying her emotionally if I somehow liked her lots and then got bored later? Also, I don't think people's initial feelings really determine the quality of a relationship, so preemptively calling it a shitty one sounds presumptuous.

 

[Vault101]

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

you know that's not what I ment

I'm talking about the kind of people that need to be chanied to somone, and not in the healthy way...in the clingly/I rely on you for all my happyness way

thats not where my priorites are right now, that may change, but right now..... [i/] "I got 99 problems and a ***** ain't one" [/i]

 

[axlryder]

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

you know that's not what I ment

I'm talking about the kind of people that need to be chanied to somone, and not in the healthy way...in the clingly/I rely on you for all my happyness way

thats not where my priorites are right now, that may change, but right now..... [i/] "I got 99 problems and a ***** ain't one" [/i]

haha, well I didn't know you swung that way

Seriously though, being dependent on someone in that way isn't healthy, but that's really not what's happening here. I've been in enough relationships to distinguish, I'd like to think.

 

[Vegosiux]

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

I think the word you are looking for is "interaction", not "attachment".

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

Well, "life experience" is a redundant justification simply because it applies to everything equally. Trying it gives you some. Not trying it also gives you some.

Companionship I can understand, but you should seek that in a person, not in your relationship to them. Being alone sucks, I know, but being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean you're not alone anymore.

As for your question; it's up to you, really. I wouldn't try it myself because I think it'd, for me, end up as more of a hassle than its worth.

 

[Vault101]

haha, well I didn't know you swung that way

Seriously though, being dependent on someone in that way isn't healthy, but that's really not what's happening here. I've been in enough relationships to distinguish, I'd like to think.

haha..no I don't (as far as I know anyhow)....

I'm just saying, if somone thinks that being single is a "failure state" and can't bear the thourght so they always have to be in a relationship...like they are "half" a person..if that makes sense

not that I would know, some people just desire companioship more than otehrs..theres a differce

 

[miketehmage]

I have been in that situation twice in one year OP. I couldn't bring myself to date either of them and I'm still not sure whether or not that was a mistake. One of them in particular was probably one of the coolest girls I've known. And she was hot too. I just wasn't attracted to her.

But what you might also like to know is that I've never had a relationship.

I've been with girls, but I've never dated. And to be honest, I'd like to, I just never ask anyone out. And it's not the fear of rejection, it's the fear of me hating it like 2 weeks in and wanting to break it off.

 

[malestrithe]

Probably just me, but I would see if she's interested in you in that way first. Maybe, she just likes your company and it not looking to go any further than that.

If she likes you that way, and both of you get closer than normal people should, then make a move. I would not do it because you don't like being single.

 

[chadachada123]

There's a chance that dating her will make it develop into something more.

It's totally possible.

That said, it's far more likely that it'll end up being just a sexual release, and one of you will get hurt. I have experienced this on both sides first-hand.

It's your call.

 

[axlryder]

actually, you do need some form of attachment to other people to validate your existence. Just spend a month in solitary confinement and you'll know what I'm talking about. Or just watch Castaway.

I think the word you are looking for is "interaction", not "attachment".

Regardless, this isn't a case of validation, it's about gaining life experience and companionship. Feeling as though you don't need those things isn't really a sign of strength, just different priorities.

Well, "life experience" is a redundant justification simply because it applies to everything equally. Trying it gives you some. Not trying it also gives you some.

Companionship I can understand, but you should seek that in a person, not in your relationship to them. Being alone sucks, I know, but being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean you're not alone anymore.

As for your question; it's up to you, really. I wouldn't try it myself because I think it'd, for me, end up as more of a hassle than its worth.

Both are true, really. While people need interaction, most need to feel attached to the world and people in some way, not like you're a barely visble ghost. People can feel extremely alone and isolated even when they have interaction. It's emotional intimacy of sorts that they crave, not just waving on the street and "paper or plastic?". You're right though, people tend to go crazy from lack of interaction as opposed to attachment.

Now, as to life experience, clearly I was saying that you get specific life experiences from relationships. It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships. There are certain things you can prepare for just with basic knowledge, but you generally need actual experience as well.

Finally, obviously one finds companionship in people, not ideas. I've already fleshed out my motivations in this thread well enough to where this statement isn't really needed. However, I can see how the thread title is poorly worded so oh well.

 

[axlryder]

I'm currently contemplating doing what the title implies. I went through a pretty nasty breakup a while back. It was mostly extrinsic circumstances that forced us apart. I'd gotten used to being single, but I met a girl. Well, we've known each other for a while, but only recently started being friends. I'm not madly head over heels for her, but I know if I asked her out she'd say yes. She's nice, fairly smart and has it together; she's not burdened with the standard level of immaturity that most people my age tend to be. While not unattractive, she's not really my type, but I've always thought I could look past that in a person (despite being a naturally superficial individual myself).

Point is, she's not a bad person to date. This isn't a rebound, I've already weighed the pros and cons and I'm looking at this pretty objectively. I know if I don't ask her out soon then the window to do so will probably close. I'm on the fence. I'm not out to use her, but every other girl I've dated has been because I really liked them. This feels manipulative and selfish since the natural feelings that go alone with dating aren't really there (even though personal attraction is really a selfish thing anyway). Has anyone else been in this position? Has it gone well? Poorly?

Have you fucked anyone since your last girlfriend?

If not, don't kid yourself. This is probably a rebound.

Just take her out and maybe hook up with her, but don't be exclusive or anything ridiculous like that.

90% of my friends all just hop into exclusive relationships the second they start seeing someone. Are you ready to get married?

No?

Then go out, have fun, and see anyone you want. The only other option WILL end in disaster.

BTW if you are in high school/early college, none of this applies and you and her have about a 5% success rate of not hating each other come 6 months from now.

I stopped reading after "I'm rebounding if I haven't fucked anyone since my last GF". Unlike you and most other guys, I don't need sex at all. That's not condescending, btw, that's just how I am.

 

[Vegosiux]

It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships.

Same goes for being single. It shows in this case, if I may be so bold. Someone doesn't have experience with being single, sucks at it, and tries to escape to more comfortable waters.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

 

[dyre]

Yeah, it didn't last that long. It didn't blow up in my face or anything, but I never felt really into it. We ended up going back to being friends, although I'd probably say the whole thing was a net loss to our relationship (as friends).

 

[axlryder]

It's like sex. If you never have sex you're going to probably suck at it. Same goes for relationships.

Same goes for being single. It shows in this case, if I may be so bold. Someone doesn't have experience with being single, sucks at it, and tries to escape to more comfortable waters.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

I've been single for over 2 years. I've been fine that entire time. I've now decided it's time that I get some experience and companionship at this point in my life. Sorry bro, but your presumptions are wrong. Also, what? Other than the factors of physical compatibility and emotional intimacy, if the sex is bad it's generally because someone isn't very good in the sack. I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd. Anyway, replace sex with basketball and you get the same basic idea (even though hoops generally don't all behave a bit differently).

 

[Vegosiux]

I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

Reading comprehension?

And as I said, it's up to you, why do you feel the need to defend your position when I am not even attacking it or saying you're doing it wrong? I just said it's not what I'd do myself; and that "experience" applies to everything you do or don't do. You're going to gain life experience either way if you're not exactly comatose.

 

[axlryder]

I don't know what you're basing your views on, but they seem a bit odd.

I find it rather intriguing that you used sex as an example, though. 'specially since from my experience, whether or not sex is good depends on a lot more than just whether or not you're good at it.

Reading comprehension?

And as I said, it's up to you, why do you feel the need to defend your position when I am not even attacking it or saying you're doing it wrong? I just said it's not what I'd do myself; and that "experience" applies to everything you do or don't do. You're going to gain life experience either way if you're not exactly comatose.

yes, that's my point. Your experience is a bit odd. I don't know what your experience, thus the root of your views has been, but it's a bit odd. Anyway, I'm getting the feeling you haven't been in a lot of relationships. Not exactly the person I want to be taking advice from. No offense.

 

[Vegosiux]

yes, that's my point. Your experience is a bit odd. I don't know what your experience, thus the root of your views has been, but it's a bit odd.

"Someone has had different life experience than me? HOW CAN THIS BE!?"

Anyway, I'm getting the feeling you haven't been in a lot of relationships. Not exactly the person I want to be taking advice from.

"Oh, better just brush them off, saying that obviously don't have much experience at all."

Look, if you don't want to consider what I said, fine. That's your decision.

But don't try to rationalize it as if just because what I said is different from what you'd have expected that has to mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

As for how many relationships I've been in, my answer is "enough to know a thing or two about them".

No offense.

I'll settle for telling you that you really shouldn't assume stuff about other people because you're not comfortable with what they say; or because you're surprised by the conclusions they drew from their own experience.