Have you ever told a joke...

[AngryPuppy]

Have you ever told a joke that you though was just hilarious and gotten nothing but stares back? I read a joke online today and thought it was really funny. I told it to my family and they all just eyeballed me. Man that sucked.

If you can remember, what was the joke you told? Mine was

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

 

[Cherry Cola]

"Have you heard about the swine flu? It's a real boar."

Nobody laughed... I was a sad, sad panda that moment.

 

[Frequen-Z]

I don't get it. Does that mean the third guy was really ugly or what?

Yeah I do this a lot, I'm known for it within my circle of friends.

 

[Pegghead]

I tend to laugh at pretty much anything (It runs in the family, get us all together, give us a copy of my name is Bruce [Favourite comedy film!] and let the laughs boom and the tears roll) so when I hear a joke and think it's the funniest thing on Earth I tell my friends and normally they think it isn't very funny.

 

[DoctorObviously]

Yeah, I had a couple of those moments, it sucks indeed.

 

[Mana Fiend]

My female housemate had a really sore throat once... All I said was that "Our little girl's turning into a young man". Apparently that was in bad taste....

Odd, because that was the tamest :/

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

It's quite common that me trying to be funny backfires.

I got roped into going to the pub with my(then)girlfriend and her friends. I had a couple of beers(mistake)as the usual initial chit chat ran it's course. We got to the point where they thought it would be good fun to try to embarass the(relatively)new couple, and the subject quickly changed to babies.
"Dave(one of Panda's alias, Panda likes to talk about himself in 3rd person)is quite cute, you and Ellen(the ex)would have adorable babies"...says the blonde friend...Sarah?
She averts her attention to Ellen who blushes and look down at her legs, so attention quickly turns back to me.
"Uh, well, maybe, I mean...no. I just think that...if we have children, we should adopt...you know...so you'll stay thin." I say in my girlfriends direction, punctuating it with a smile that was supposed to look simultaneously cheeky, nervous, and anxious for a response.

In my defense, she thought it was funny...her friends though.

 

[LaughingAtlas]

I get angry/frightened stares all the time, but my jokes are apparently a bit too esoteric and/or offensive for some.
Ex: one word jokes! Knowledge, love, wealth, and sanity.
Then there's humor some folk seem afraid to laugh at, like
"A man was driving home one day and got in a horrible accident that paralyzed the left half of his body, when his wife was asked about her crippled husband she said 'I think he'll be all right.'"
A cookie to whoever can guess the quote.

Anyway, some people might be a bit too high stung I guess, quoted from the same person as the first one, "One of the sad truths of comedy is that you're always taking shots from people who just don't get the joke."

 

[AboveUp]

I work with Japanese people, they don't have the same sense of humor as we do in the west. So, yes. Then again, I often watch the TV shows that they are laughing themselves silly at while i'm staring back at it wondering how these racism themed slapstick shows can be considered funny.

 

[AvsJoe]

This happens to me all the time. But I have no comedic timing and occasionally stutter so even the best jokes fall flat when I tell them.

 

[Shurikens and Lightning]

I try to tell a lot of jokes during the day... I am that kind of person. And about 10% of the time it just fails and makes me cry in a corner.

I feel the situation is always almost like stewie telling jokes in Family Guy.

 

[MarsProbe]

"Have you heard about the swine flu? It's a real boar."

Nobody laughed... I was a sad, sad panda that moment.

There was another one.

"I've came down with Gammon Flu. It used to be Swine Flu, but I've been cured."

 

[cuddly_tomato]

"Have you heard about the swine flu? It's a real boar."

Nobody laughed... I was a sad, sad panda that moment.

They are actually making a film about the swine flu.

Kevin Bacon is going to be in it.

 

[Player 2]

My Chinese friend: you know we don't drink tea in China, we drink chai?

me: Is that because proper tea is theft?

him: Are you saying all Chinese people are poor?

me: no.

 

[Karlaxx]

Yeah, this happens to me a lot- I tend to over-hype the joke before telling it, or take too long to get to the point.

Occasionally, though, I'll hit one of my manic spells and just blurt out something hee-fricking-larious. Can't remember any specific examples, sadly. They'd probably be lost on you guys; you would have had to have been there.

 

[cheese_wizington]

"Have you heard about the swine flu? It's a real boar."

Nobody laughed... I was a sad, sad panda that moment.

I said "sad panda" to a chick at school yesterday and she just kind of stared at me.

 

[userwhoquitthesite]

My female housemate had a really sore throat once... All I said was that "Our little girl's turning into a young man". Apparently that was in bad taste....

Odd, because that was the tamest :/

dude, thats hilarious! your roommates are stupid

Spoiler: What has 8 legs and makes a woman scream?

Gang Rape.

Someone on here told me that. Not directly but I saw it on this website.

Yes, in a thread that got half of its posters probation and was quickly locked. Probably not the best jokes to reference, neh?

I do this a lot, because my brain works on rickety scaffolding built of esoteric references related loosely by three steps in a logic chain

In other words, noone know what the fuck im on about

 

[latenightapplepie]

Yeah, I get this every now and then. Mostly because I want to share something funny I've found on the internet and the only person I can find is my mother. And she has an odd sense of humour very different to mine.