Have you ever told a joke...

[Danman1]

Have you ever told a joke that you though was just hilarious and gotten nothing but stares back? I read a joke online today and thought it was really funny. I told it to my family and they all just eyeballed me. Man that sucked.

If you can remember, what was the joke you told? Mine was

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

I GET IT!!! haaaaaaa

 

[Soxafloppin]

Its happened plenty of times, I cant think of any examples right now though, il come back.

 

[Spectrum_Prez]

My Chinese friend: you know we don't drink tea in China, we drink chai?

me: Is that because proper tea is theft?

him: Are you saying all Chinese people are poor?

me: no.

What a weird co-incidence, I heard a variation of that one for the first time last night.

My friend's version was, "Why do communists only drink fake tea?"

 

[ThePreshFrince]

Me: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party?

Everyone: *blank stare*

Me: He had no-BODY to go with.

I pulled my "I'm hilarious" face and nobody laughed.

 

[e2density]

Hahah, that joke was pretty funny.
But I've gotten blank stares from many hilarious jokes. Me and a friend of mine test jokes on each other, because it takes a lot to make one of us laugh.

 

[Disaster Button]

I laughed, like a lot at that joke, I think there's something wrong with your family.

And yes sadly I have, I don't remember it but it was in a group of my friends, after I told the punchline there was silence and stares, I just said '..well.' and walked off. That got laughs but I think they were directed at me, not for me.

 

[TankCopter]

Mostly when I make nerdy or literary jokes/ references. Even when I talk normally, people don't understand.

 

[Datalord]

Any cyanide and happiness joke i've tried to tell

Except for the cotton candy ingredients joke:

Guy:So what's in the cotton candy?
Cotton Candy Salesman: Cyanide and Happiness.
Guy:HAPPINESS? i'll take 4

 

[micky]

OH! i got a good one. where does napoleon keep his armies?



in his sleeveys no one ever laughs at that one...

 

[Trikeen]

I told the joke;
"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa."
to my social studies teacher, who has a thing for bad puns, and he roared. He repeated it to the class and exactly 1 person actually understood the joke.

 

[Daniel Cygnus]

OH! i got a good one. where does napoleon keep his armies?



in his sleeveys no one ever laughs at that one...

Here's one in a similar vein:

How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little Nazis!

I get that kind of reaction all the time. I guess it's because I lean more towards British humor.

 

[mr-fix_it]

I remeber getting a warning on the escapist for PMS joke once. other then that i don't really remember last time sutch a thing happened.

 

[InsertWittyName]

OH! i got a good one. where does napoleon keep his armies?



in his sleeveys no one ever laughs at that one...

Here's one in a similar vein:

How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little Nazis!

I get that kind of reaction all the time. I guess it's because I lean more towards British humor.

I don't get it.

 

[atalanta]

OH! i got a good one. where does napoleon keep his armies?



in his sleeveys no one ever laughs at that one...

Here's one in a similar vein:

How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little Nazis!

I get that kind of reaction all the time. I guess it's because I lean more towards British humor.

I don't get it.

say it out loud:

With little knots
With little knot-sies
With little Nazis

(I lol'd)

I've got a joke that's a bad pun based off of slide rules. Sometimes people think it's funny. Mostly they don't.

 

[Spoonius]

OH! i got a good one. where does napoleon keep his armies?



in his sleeveys no one ever laughs at that one...

Here's one in a similar vein:

How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little Nazis!

I get that kind of reaction all the time. I guess it's because I lean more towards British humor.

I don't get it.

say it out loud:

With little knots
With little knot-sies
With little Nazis

(I lol'd)

I've got a joke that's a bad pun based off of slide rules. Sometimes people think it's funny. Mostly they don't.

Oh, right, it's a little vague cause in Australia we pronounce it "Naat-zees".

As for failed jokes, there's one that I'll always remember from a few years back. My friends and I were sitting on a bus, and the girlfriend of my mate Sam was stretched out on a seat with a teddy bear in-between her knees. So I turned to Sam who's sitting beside me, gestured at his girlfriend and said:

"Hey Sam, you'd better watch out. That bear's taken your rightful place between her legs."

Nobody laughed, and his girlfriend looked as if she was about to disembowel me.

 

[ultrachicken]

Someone in my class was talking about how "everyone is taking this drug."
It was total bullshit, so I asked sarcastically what school they were talking about, and mentioned a school that is known for crime in my area.
Instead of laughs I received claims that I was racist. Everyone thought that the school was predominately black without any knowledge other than there was a rape there recently, which is pretty hypocritical if you ask me.

 

[The Cheezy One]

swine flu and avian flu are merging
and im like "yeah when pigs fly"
how is this not hilarious? it was actually happening, according to a news report online (which was probably just trying to get people scared), and i was in there! bam! and no-one laughed

 

[darthcendiarygrenade]

I'm gonna post this on behalf of my 11th grade history teacher:

So, my teach is driving through Georgia to visit his folks and he's going around 85 or so and gets pulled over by the most Southern cop in history.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were goin' son?
Teach: Apparently not fast enough.
Cop: Boy, nobody goes that fast through the state of Georgia!
Teach: Sherman did.

...yeah, he got a ticket.

 

[blankedboy]

Why did BroadyBrio get probation?

OT: Yes, this happens to me, and it sucks balls.