Have you ever told a joke...

[Mstrswrd]

"Have you heard about the swine flu? It's a real boar."

Nobody laughed... I was a sad, sad panda that moment.

I giggled a little (puns tend to make me giggle).

I personally liked "What happens to Jewish people when they get Swine Flu?"

A cabbie told me that one. I chuckled, but when I retold it, no-one laughed.

 

[Jharry5]

It's happened to me a few times, either because the joke was too obscure or, looking back, because it was just plain terrible.
The worse one of this I've managed to forget, thankfully...

 

[Chrissyluky]

i tend to avoid telling my morbid jokes =/ i have a rather sick sense of humor so i tend to keep it to myself and the select few who enjoy it ^^.

 

[Enzeru92]

Have you ever told a joke that you though was just hilarious and gotten nothing but stares back? I read a joke online today and thought it was really funny. I told it to my family and they all just eyeballed me. Man that sucked.

If you can remember, what was the joke you told? Mine was

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.


So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

That was actually pretty funny heard a different version but its still good lol

OT: I have and it was embarrassing cause I laughed at my own joke making look like a idiot and then the awkward silence began !

 

[AngryPuppy]

I know a racist one that is very similar to the original joke I posted, oddly it gets a laugh quite a bit.

 

[justnotcricket]

Yeah...usually when I forget myself and tell science jokes amongst my arts friends ;-) Or vice versa.

 

[S.R.S.]

Holy Crap this thread is hilarious. All of these are incredible especially Xavier78's one. I'm still laughing my ass off. (sorry I don't have a joke)

 

[CouchCommando]

catatonic, as a word I think its comedy gold every one else thinks I'm on drugs.

 

[SimuLord]

I learned a long time ago never to tell jokes I read on the Internet to people who don't spend all their time on the Internet.

A lot of my humor is referential, but sometimes I'll get the ONE person who's never seen Star Wars or Monty Python and the Holy Grail and do a reference joke and *crickets*. Annoying as hell.

catatonic, as a word I think its comedy gold every one else thinks I'm on drugs.

You can get a catatonic, but the caffeine will keep it up all night. (and now everyone who's not from New England is like "huh?")

 

[Latinidiot]

My female housemate had a really sore throat once... All I said was that "Our little girl's turning into a young man". Apparently that was in bad taste....

Odd, because that was the tamest :/

dude, thats hilarious! your roommates are stupid

Spoiler: What has 8 legs and makes a woman scream?

Gang Rape.

Someone on here told me that. Not directly but I saw it on this website.

Yes, in a thread that got half of its posters probation and was quickly locked. Probably not the best jokes to reference, neh?

I do this a lot, because my brain works on rickety scaffolding built of esoteric references related loosely by three steps in a logic chain

In other words, noone know what the fuck im on about

see? we're just too smart.

OT no, not a lot. Like I always say, adjust your speech to your 'audience'

 

[Riobux]

Have you ever told a joke that you though was just hilarious and gotten nothing but stares back? I read a joke online today and thought it was really funny. I told it to my family and they all just eyeballed me. Man that sucked.

I told my little brother that my big brother wanted to try Heavy Rain out because my big brother thought it looked like GTA. Absolutely nothing.

 

[Ren3004]

A lot of times. Seriously. It gets embarrassing, especially if I'm laughing while telling the joke.

 

[Snotnarok]

I work with Japanese people, they don't have the same sense of humor as we do in the west. So, yes. Then again, I often watch the TV shows that they are laughing themselves silly at while i'm staring back at it wondering how these racism themed slapstick shows can be considered funny.

Not at ALL on topic but, your avatar....Samurai Pizza Cats?

 

[KenzS]

I told a girl "If she was trapped under a pile of ice cream, i would eat her out" and she punched me in the face.

 

[manic_depressive13]

These are gold.

Yes this has happened to me several times, but this one sticks out in my mind: (and to be fair it is very extremely lame, but for whatever reason I found it funny at the time.)

A man goes to a bar on the top storey of a tall building and orders a "magic juice". The barteneder serves him the drink and he gulps it down, then jumps out the widow, flies around the building, then flies back in. Another man witnesses this and, in amazement, does the same. He falls to his death.
The bartender turns to the first man and says "you're such an asshole when you're drunk, superman"

 

[AboveUp]

I work with Japanese people, they don't have the same sense of humor as we do in the west. So, yes. Then again, I often watch the TV shows that they are laughing themselves silly at while i'm staring back at it wondering how these racism themed slapstick shows can be considered funny.

Not at ALL on topic but, your avatar....Samurai Pizza Cats?

Yes. It's Speedy Cerviche, he's the leader of the bunch. A heck of a fighter, makes a heck of a lunch.

 

[Daveman]

My Chinese friend: you know we don't drink tea in China, we drink chai?

me: Is that because proper tea is theft?

him: Are you saying all Chinese people are poor?

me: no.

That is such a shame, though probably more hilarious that he took offense like that. Classic joke though.

A lot of my friends are very different, some don't get the more explicit ones which I then explain in intricate detail. That way at least I find it funny. Then most people don't get the random TV/internet references me and my one friend have, so we usually end up ditched at parties.

 

[WhiteRat07]

Happens a lot usually my dirtier ones. Not gonna post any don't want probation. Oh and "The aristocrats' jokes those just never work for me. And i thought with that movie about them more people would know what it is.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Here goes.

Okay, so one day these two biscuits are walking down the road, when one biscuit turns to the other and says
"so where do you live?" to which the other bisuit replies
"I'm not telling you, you'll knick my washing!"

Good stuff.
Also the Plymouth Aquarium joke [http://www.thinctanc.co.uk/overflow/worlds_worst_joke_03.html]. I think it's hilarious personally.

Bloody BRILLIANT! I collect jokes like that. Have you heard of 'Purple Socks'?