I once wrote a fanfiction called Naruto and the Lobster. One of my friends had an unhealthy obsession with fanfiction (specifically Naruto fanfiction) so one day, while I was extremely high, I decided to write one and send it to him. He didn't appreciate it as much as some of my other friends... My laptop died with the original story on it so I don't remember all of it but here's the very condensed version. It remains the only piece of fanfiction I have ever written.
It basically started with Naruto beating up some gangsters in downtown New York. He then went to Central Park for a stroll when he sees a flash of red. Suddenly, there is a lobster in front of him. He thinks it's funny looking and goes to have a closer look. The lobster launches at him, strangles him, and then eats him. That was Naruto's entire part in the story. I just put him in the title to get my friend to read it.
The rest of the story follows the adventures of this super lobster. The lobster discovers after he eats Naruto that he grows much larger every time he eats a living animal. He goes on a rampage through New York until he finds a Red Lobster restaurant and decides to sample what his own species tastes like. He finds it to be the most amazing flavour ever and grows to the size of a large dog. Then the police start shooting at him and he finds that the bullets do hurt him a bit. He runs and eventually falls in love with a beautiful husky at first sight. The husky runs to him but the car from the head of the police (the main antagonist) smashes into her as he's trying to chase the lobster.
This of course sends the lobster into a rage but he has to flee because the head of police has an smg. He climbs the buildings and starts leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading for the ocean. He escapes to his freedom but with the intention of returning once he was strong enough.
Time fast forwards a year to the police chief (now the mayor of New York) watching the news. The story is that the world's lobster population has seen a startling decrease over the last year. That's when he feels these massive tremors. He looks out his window and sees the ocean in the distance. The lobster has returned only it is now about the size of Godzilla.
It goes on a massive rampage, and eventually kills the mayor. The mayor however had anticipated the lobster's return so he orders in the boiling water bombers right before he dies. The bombers dump millions of gallons of boiling water onto the lobster, cooking it almost instantly. The city of New York feasts on his delicious carcass.
Suddenly, the clouds open up and a giant, lobster claw crushes all of New York State. The claw is attached to a Lovecraftian Horror of a Lobster (referred to in our final minutes as the LHL) who speaks to every single person on Earth telepathically. It explains that it had left its child here so that it may grow from the feasting on all of the living things on the planet. Unfortunately, we murdered it before it had become unstoppable. The LHL voices its extreme displeasure with us and then proceeds start ripping apart our planet.
The LHL then returns to its master, The Supremely Awesome Lobster Commander (SALC). The LHL informs SALC (who is about the size of our sun) that he failed to create another troop for the war against the Crap People. The SALC is displeased but spares the LHL since this war is to close to lose any more troops.
It is revealed that our planet was created by the Crab People to spy on The SALC because our planet was relatively unknown and was near The Lobsters main base of operations. The Crab People now seeing this loss decide that their forces are equal to the Lobster's so they decide to launch an all attack hoping to catch the Lobsters off guard.
It is a massive blood bath of galactic scale and result in the destruction of both parties and our entire galaxy. It is then revealed that both parties were being controlled telepathically by two Supreme Beings of infinite size and power. One takes the form of a Lobster and the other takes the form of a Crab. The two are actually good friends and have just finished their version of chess which resulted in a stalemate.
The End.
The rest of the story follows the adventures of this super lobster. The lobster discovers after he eats Naruto that he grows much larger every time he eats a living animal. He goes on a rampage through New York until he finds a Red Lobster restaurant and decides to sample what his own species tastes like. He finds it to be the most amazing flavour ever and grows to the size of a large dog. Then the police start shooting at him and he finds that the bullets do hurt him a bit. He runs and eventually falls in love with a beautiful husky at first sight. The husky runs to him but the car from the head of the police (the main antagonist) smashes into her as he's trying to chase the lobster.
This of course sends the lobster into a rage but he has to flee because the head of police has an smg. He climbs the buildings and starts leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading for the ocean. He escapes to his freedom but with the intention of returning once he was strong enough.
Time fast forwards a year to the police chief (now the mayor of New York) watching the news. The story is that the world's lobster population has seen a startling decrease over the last year. That's when he feels these massive tremors. He looks out his window and sees the ocean in the distance. The lobster has returned only it is now about the size of Godzilla.
It goes on a massive rampage, and eventually kills the mayor. The mayor however had anticipated the lobster's return so he orders in the boiling water bombers right before he dies. The bombers dump millions of gallons of boiling water onto the lobster, cooking it almost instantly. The city of New York feasts on his delicious carcass.
Suddenly, the clouds open up and a giant, lobster claw crushes all of New York State. The claw is attached to a Lovecraftian Horror of a Lobster (referred to in our final minutes as the LHL) who speaks to every single person on Earth telepathically. It explains that it had left its child here so that it may grow from the feasting on all of the living things on the planet. Unfortunately, we murdered it before it had become unstoppable. The LHL voices its extreme displeasure with us and then proceeds start ripping apart our planet.
The LHL then returns to its master, The Supremely Awesome Lobster Commander (SALC). The LHL informs SALC (who is about the size of our sun) that he failed to create another troop for the war against the Crap People. The SALC is displeased but spares the LHL since this war is to close to lose any more troops.
It is revealed that our planet was created by the Crab People to spy on The SALC because our planet was relatively unknown and was near The Lobsters main base of operations. The Crab People now seeing this loss decide that their forces are equal to the Lobster's so they decide to launch an all attack hoping to catch the Lobsters off guard.
It is a massive blood bath of galactic scale and result in the destruction of both parties and our entire galaxy. It is then revealed that both parties were being controlled telepathically by two Supreme Beings of infinite size and power. One takes the form of a Lobster and the other takes the form of a Crab. The two are actually good friends and have just finished their version of chess which resulted in a stalemate.
The End.
