Having a delema.

[chunkydude84]

Whatever decision I come to, most likely I will not posting here again. I never really had any ambition in my life. The whole electrician thing was just to make my family happy. But as far as what I want, nothing comes to mind. In fact, its fairly accurate to say that I desire to be nothing, to feel nothing. That is correct; I'm contemplating the cowards way out.

I've had a great childhood. My parents were very loving and I never suffered any abuse. I have been given every opportunity to succeed in this world. Despite this, I see no future for myself. There is nothing motivating me to be somebody. Video games and books have been my way to escape from my line of thought, but lately they just aren't enough.

Never had much confidence in myself. I'm overweight and have poor social skills. To this day I have never had a girlfriend. You know who is to blame for all this? Me. I look like the staypuff marshmallow man because I eat every heart attack inducing food known to man without ever exercising. In fact I avoid sunlight and walking whenever possible. As for the girlfriend thing; perhaps if I ventured out and, oh I don't know, talked to people without stuttering like a retard coming off of a crack binge, this would be a non issue.

I know what I need to do in order to be happy. So why don't I follow through? What the hell is keeping me back? It's like my father keeps telling me; "Your keep sabotaging your life." I try to tell myself that there is nothing wrong with me, but it's getting harder to do so when you've been told repeatedly otherwise. I just wish I could stop feeling. Then I can finally stop caring.

I realize the internet is not the best place to express these kind of things, but I don't have any friends to talk to. I know damn well I'll never go though with suicide. If anything, this was just a way for me to vent a little. Sorry for the inconvenience.

 

[Glerken]

Take a break from the Escapist. Go outside, exercise.
Have fun. Meet people.
Come back later.

 

[3rd rung]

hey everyone needs to vent now and then but you should never take you own life. I can't say anything about what you need to keep going but why not make the effort and go to a club (if you are in school) I mean that helped me out good place to meet people with simliar interests but hope you fell better and please keep talking and posting and theirs always some one here to talk

 

[Neonbob]

Hey, if it helps to let all the built-up shit in your life out, so be it. You may not get the sympathy or help you need from the community here, but at least if you get responses, you know people care enough to put their two cents in.
This is going to sound stupid as hell, trite, and something you've probably heard before, but FUCK what other people think. Go look up Katt Williams' Pimpin Pimpin tour, and listen to his opening bit. If games were your passion, give creating content a shot. Fallout 3's GECK is a good tool to see if you like the idea of making stuff for games, and they have a great tutorial here. http://geck.bethsoft.com/index.php/Bethsoft_Tutorial_Layout#Making_a_Hallway

And go do the obvious: get help. There are people out there who are infinitely more qualified than the mass of people online. Go see one.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Well chunkydude, I know that uncertainty in what you want to do in life is a pretty tough thing to overcome. From your story, I've gathered that you have every opportunity to turn your life around in this area, and many others. I don't know what I want to do either, I've been to two colleges already and I'm on my way to my third next semester. Its all about finding yourself, and its never too late to do that.

The overweight issue is mostly about how you look at yourself. If you look in the mirror and are content with yourself as how you are, and you apparently aren't, than its time to do something about it. You are the only one who can do it when it comes down to it. I've never had to deal with a weight issue fortunately enough, but I eventually will once my metabolism slows down and I continue to eat the way I do. I don't want this to happen, which is why I'm shaping up, and actually doing things to prevent this.

Social awkwardness is a thing many people have, trust me, you aren't the only one who is at a loss for words when it comes to making conversation. Don't worry about getting a girlfriend either, there is always time for that too. If I were you, I'd start working on myself before I looked out to someone else.

You should know that suicide is not the answer, I've rarely ever found a reason to take your own life, especially when you've had a life as fortunate as yours.

Feel free to vent man, everyone has to do it every once in a while. Just stand back for a second, slow everything down, stop looking for outlets from this world, and step up to the plate and take charge. You'll be fine.

 

[ThePoodonkis]

Look, you seem like you need help. You should talk to someone. A family member, a friend, an professional, it doesn't matter.

Trust me, it happens to the best of us.

 

[Erana]

This site [http://www.fmylife.com/] always has things that make me feel better about not dating.
Don't worry about that.

But really, you've forgotten who you are. You haven't felt it in a long time. Go do something surreal, like obverve the sky, or dress up in your nicest outfit for an outing to a coffee shop. Something that makes you able to look at all the people around you and notice how obsorbed they are with the insignificant aspects of life.

You'll never be able to pinpoint who you are, but you'll know it when you feel it.

 

[RebelRising]

Don' worry about it. Someone said: "There's nothing so miserable in life that you cannot smile about it sooner or later."

Exercise, but not the exhaustive stuff. Take a couple strolls around the block. Like, once a day. If you have a dog (which is already a good start), take it with you.

Get out and be outgoing. The media may have a distorted idea about body image, But regular people (by and large) aren't going to think less of you for it.

Don't beat up on yourself; find a place to channel that aggression, like the neighborhood hooker. I mean, you do have a neighborhood hooker, don't you? Ah, never mind.

If you don't enjoy being an electrician, staying a rut of a job probably isn't in your best interests. But that may vary.

Stay chill, cool, and lovable.

 

[burninjack4l]

Having a Delema? Yeah you are! It's spelled "Dilemma"

 

[chunkydude84]

Having a Delema? Yeah you are! It's spelled "Dilemma"

So that's the proper spelling then? Go figure.

Well, if it means anything to anyone, my suicidal tendencies have subsided for now. I feel like guzzling cheap vodka until the world starts spinning, but at least I want to wake the next day.

First, I would like to thank all of you for your input. I'll try the walking thing first, as it requires the least amount of effort. Not to mention its an excuse to blare out some System of a Down and Slipknot. The whole "get shitfaced and then meet new people" thing is going to have to be put on hold, however. Nothing quite like being flat broke.

Oh, and to clarify another thing; I am not an electrician yet. I went to trade school in order to become one; setting me back a good $17,000. Chose that field because I figured hell, everything runs off of electricity these days. Thought I'd have some good job security. It's funny, but when I was attending school(Finished a week ago), I felt a genuine sense of accomplishment. Yet when my term was coming to an end and it became time start looking for a job in the field, I was consumed with dread. The whole point of school was to get a better job, so what the hell am I so afraid of? It would be lovely if the process of getting a carrier wasn't so complicated. Wile I'm imagining things, I would like $20,000,000 in my bank account, my own island, and the ability to kill my enemies with a hand gesture.

Can't really think of anything else right now. If nothing else, I was able to vent again. Sorry about that.

 

[KamachoMcSagget]

CHEER UP!!

 

[JokerGrin]

Chin up, brother. There are always millions worse off than you, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Also, for this once, fuck Slipknot and SOAD. Acquire the album "Stay Positive" by The Hold Steady. Damn that album makes me feel good, and I'm usually up to my eyeballs in death metal.

 

[SharPhoe]

Take a break from the Escapist. Go outside, exercise.
Have fun. Meet people.
Come back later.

That is definitely important. When you're having thoughts like that, continuing to remain isolated is the worst possible thing you can do.

 

[The Cheezy One]

this seems exactly like my life
i wear glasses, and im overweight cos my asthma means its hard to excercise
apparently i am good looking, and have a good sense of humour, but then why have i never had a girlfriend?
but dont worry, listen to some good music, avoid metal. get some really close mates, and go see a movie
God wont solve all your problems, make you fit, give you a supermodel and $20,000,000, but after a good night out, telling some jokes, you will feel like the coolest guy on the planet. the exact same thing happened to me just last night
itll get better man, it always does

 

[garjian]

ive felt like this before... and i never really fixed it... just accepted it... so i suppose i cant really help you... i can try though :>

i still think lifes worthless... the only reason i see to live it is cause you only get 1... and being an atheist... death scares me a little

as far as confidence goes... i just started putting people below me... where-ever possible... as horrible as that sounds, it helped a lot...
also... try find something in yourself to be proud of... which sounds really obvious, and when you first try it itll most likely not work and make you feel worse... but i eventually found a few things... aaand i kinda base my life round it now...

occasionally i get depressed again... but i can deal with it now... most of the time...

anyway... that was from the top of my head i hope it helps in some way... just never "take the cowards way out..."

 

[PasDeChat]

Try talking to people who are in your field of work if you have job troubles (I know I do), it helps because they either are going through what you are or have in the past. Plus it's a good way to start a casual conversation because you'll both have common ground.

 

[retro himself]

This thread cheered me up without even being sad in the first place
But this place never ceases to amaze me. A guy just begs for criticism, and yet all of it (if there even is any) is constructive and positive.

Now, about you; I'm kinda in your position, except I'm fairly fit and am half-sociable, but lack every single inspiration in life, despite being given literally everything.
Though games still attract me a bit, I discovered that humor is the thing that has been pusing me up to this far. Try and find out your positive side. Anything will do, just to keep your mind off boredom and despair.

But it's not that hard having a social life. Just show that you want to be a part of something, with someone else. You might not be accepted by society in no-time, but doing nothing will do exactly the opposite.

Find reasons and diversions to stop yourself from thinking like that. It may sound like ignorance, but it's your psyche we're talking about. Just take your mind off of it.

 

[chunkydude84]

That's two recommendations for the armed forces so far. You guys might be on to something. And metal is good music, but not the only kind I listen to. Usually leave my Zune on random, so I'll go from Mudvayne to Gnarls Barkley to Korn to Gorillaz to Mozart within a half hour.

 

[Beffudled Sheep]

Hmmm, how overweight are you? Are we talking a hundred llbs or like a couple hundred?

Anyway you should definitely go for a walk every day and work your way up to a good jog and so on. Forget about not having a girlfriend because you don't need them for anything really. You should go to a bar with a couple friends. If you don't have friends then don't feel bad about that either because other people tend to... suck. I myself have lots of friends and I hate most of them. I myself went through 6 straight years friendless and they were some of the best most peaceful years of my life. About the job thing, find a job and just go with it for a few years untill you can figure out what you really want to do with your life. (and make some money)

Oh and go hunting every now and again, its a great way to vent or find peace.
Oh and tell people who don't like you for reason x to fuck off and insult their existence.

If you need any insults send me a message.
Oh and just relax.

 

[retro himself]

Oh, and about exercise, well, I mostly eat bad food (though I don't eat a lot) and I don't exercise much, but I do have enough willpower to do anything, so I usually spend around an hour to two hours just walking quickly while listening to music. And I disagree with avoiding metal, if you prefer a genre, stick with that. I personally like industrial because I like a nice beat and it fits perfectly with my fast pace.

So walk whenever you can and even more than that. Just for a start. Then start running. Jog with friend, family, whomever. Better to do it with company, trust me.