http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/logo16.png
Hi, people. Hell in a Cell happened. Here is how it all shook down.
Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas
This match took place on the kickoff show. During Dallas' entrance, he reminds us that he's beaten Mark Henry four times, and therefore is the new World's Strongest Man. So strong, that he's immune to the disease this city is spreading. Dallas then says he's changing his name for the night to Bo Washington.
Henry squashes Dallas -- er, "Washington." Four moves, maybe, and then a World's Strongest Slam ends the match.
Match Rating: *
Bo Dallas gets a mic after the match and claims that in the record book of life, he's actually 5-0 against Henry because ... Henry cheated, he says. Okay. Henry throws him into a barricade, and that concludes the in-ring part of the kickoff show. Good thing that's not part of the actual PPV.
Hell in a Cell opens with a very well put-together video package, because all of the video packages are amazing and those doing them manage to make any feud seem important, even though most of the feuds have sucked. Our opening match won't involve The Usos, which feels like it never happens. Instead, we get what could easily be the match of the night.
<color=Red>2 Out of 3 Falls Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb410.jpg
It always felt like these two men were holding back in their television matches. They needed something like this. A slow opening transitions into incredibly fast-paced action and an incredibly fun match. The first pinfall comes seemingly early on, which has Dolph Ziggler getting a pin with a small package. Before the second fall, we get a couple of bigger spots, including an incredible superplex from Cesaro. There are also more than a couple of near-falls -- ones that would have ended a TV match.
And then Ziggler kicks out of everything, gets a counter in, hits the Zig-Zag, and gets the second fall, too. He sweeps the match. We don't go to the third fall, which is the first time I can remember that happening -- although I'm sure it has happened before. Still, that was a really exciting opening match, and showcased both men really well.
Match Rating: ****
Backstage, we see The Authority talking. Randy Orton interrupts. He wants to talk to Seth Rollins. Stephanie cuts in and hypes the match later tonight. The Authority defends Rollins' actions. Then Triple H convinces him to channel that rage into winning tonight.
<color=Red>Loser Becomes the Winner's Personal Assistant Match: Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb413.jpg
The loser of this match must be the winner's personal assistant for the next 30 days or else she will have to quit the WWE.
You know, for all the hatred this feud has gotten -- some deserved, some not -- the match isn't bad, you know? It's not a botch-fest, it's not boring, and it works well as the blow-off to the feud. The problem is that, well, it's not the blow-off match. It even has finishers being kicked out of. I mean, that's ... that's a good thing in a PPV match. Brie even locks in the Yes Lock! The match is pretty stiff, too. You can't say the Bellas aren't giving it their all.
Nikki wins after a second Rack Attack. Heels usually win these matches, as they should. Brie will be Nikki's personal assistant for the next 30 days, so be prepared for those segments.
Match Rating: ***
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) vs. Goldust and Stardust
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb407.jpg
I'm surprised that this match didn't kick off the PPV, but that's fine. Maybe WWE doesn't trust this completely lackluster rivalry to interest the fans. Because it doesn't. The only thing they've done is be involved in competent 6-man tag team matches over and over. There's no heat, no passion, no ... nothing to keep us interested. Yeah, the matches have been fine, but that's about it.
The Usos can be very exciting Superstars, as they've proven in recent months. Goldust is in great shape, and Stardust is really impressive in the ring. Theoretically, this should result in a great match. And it's ... much like the other ones these two teams have been involved in. Not bad, but not great, and the PPV didn't really help it all that much. Goldust eventually wins with whatever his finisher is called now. Curtain Call? The Final Cut? Whatever it is. It's not a clean victory, either, as Stardust got a cheap shot on an Uso as the referee's back was turned.
Match Rating: **1/2
There's some breast cancer awareness segment after the match. And then we also find out that Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins will close the show, as it's time for Cena/Orton #8357.
<color=Red>Number One Contender's Hell in a Cell Match: Randy Orton vs. John Cena
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb414.jpg
In recent years, the cell hasn't actually made too much of an impact in these matches. I don't know if we should be blaming the PG rating for that, but it's true. It's a backdrop, one that people are occasionally Irish whipped into.
I'll admit to missing a good portion of this match thanks to WWE Network issues. It kept freezing and then eventually wouldn't load at all. That was wonderful. Yes, I will take any chance I can to point out flaws in the Network.
But I didn't miss anything. I got to see the part with the table. And the chair. Orton was mostly dominating at this point. I saw the RKO ... out of nowhere. It actually was kind of out of nowhere, and it was great.
The match is a long one. It's entertaining, as you'd expect the millionth match between the two to be. There are some inventive spots, some close calls, and it was really fun to watch. Say what you will about either man, but they put on good matches very often.
Cena wins. You're shocked, I know. After what might've been the billionth AA, Cena eventually wins, putting Orton through a table in the process. Paul Heyman looks on. So much for getting to see an F-5 countered into an RKO.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Mark Henry pumps up Big Show backstage. They're going for BBQ after the match, assuming Big Show wins. Which he better not do.
WWE United States Championship Match: The Miz (with Damien Sandow) vs. Sheamus
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb412.jpg
As has been the case with most of The Miz's matches as of late, it's a lot more entertaining watching Damien Sandow at ringside than it is watching the in-ring action. Neither Miz or Sheamus is particularly bad in the ring -- I'm not a Sheamus fan, but he has his positives -- but Sandow is just so funny at ringside that it's hard to focus on the action in the ring.
The match is solid, and on TV would probably be the match of the night. On this PPV, though? It's on-par with the Bellas. And that's not a bad thing. Sheamus wins with a Brogue kick to a flying Miz.
Match Rating: ***
After the match Sheamus ... plays with Miz's lifeless body, while Sandow mimics everything that Sheamus forces Miz to do. This includes doing the "YMCA." He then hits another Brogue kick on The Miz, because that's what babyfaces do.
The first Bella assistant segment is shown next. It involves Brie putting all of Nikki's stuff in her car, and then getting a smoothie dumped on her head. Boy, we're in for some fun stuff with these.
A Rusev/Big Show hype video is shown, which just reminds us how good whoever edits these videos together is at doing that job. He or she deserves all of the money.
Rusev (with Lana) vs. Big Show
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb408.jpg
I'm so glad that WWE is giving us this breather match before the Divas Championship bout that will happen after. Lana cuts a promo before the match, asking us to rise for the Russian national anthem. Which ... I guess will happen after the match, since out comes Big Show right after that.
We get to see a more technical side of Rusev tonight. He works over the left knee of Big Show. He even suplexes Big Show, and then goes right back to working on the knee. Big Show uses a Texas Cloverleaf as a counter to The Accolade, which was all sorts of swell.
Mark Henry comes down part way through the match. Eventually, he eats a superkick. After a few superkicks to Big Show, Rusev locks in The Accolade and picks up the submission victory.
Match Rating: **1/2
Dean Ambrose cuts a TV promo afterward. He mentions some TV shows and hypes the main event. And then, Divas!
WWE Divas Championship Match: AJ Lee vs. Paige (with Alicia Fox)
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb409.jpg
I think that someday we will see AJ and Paige have a truly great match. It still hasn't happened. It doesn't happen at Hell in a Cell, anyway. Their match is fine, I guess, but it's not even the best Diva match on the card. Paige dominates lots of it, has a big spot countered, and taps out -- immediately, for some reason -- to the Black Widow.
Match Rating: **
Paige slaps Alicia after the match and tells her she is hated. Because Paige is "crazy."
Another video package is shown, this one hyping up the main event. It should be fun.
<color=Red>Hell in a Cell Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb411.jpg
Dean Ambrose starts filling the ring with weapons during his entrance. Then he leaves the cell and climbs to the top. This is before Seth Rollins is even here.
Rollins comes down with his bodyguards, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble. Despite their protests, Seth Rollins begins to climb the cell. Eventually he decides against it. Instead, he tells them to go up and get Ambrose. Ambrose applauds them as soon as they get up there. He still has a kendo stick in hand. He uses it on them. Rollins eventually gets up there and ambushes Ambrose. The bodyguards hold down Ambrose while Rollins beats on him. The match still hasn't started at this point.
Thanks to a distraction by Mercury and Noble, Rollins manages to begin climbing down the cell. He and Ambrose begin brawling while they're both halfway down the cell. Then both of them fall off and fall through both announcer's tables.
A stretcher comes for Seth Rollins. So do medical personnel. Ambrose just gets one referee checking on him. Eventually, Ambrose is also placed on a stretcher. Eventually, Ambrose gets himself off the stretcher and goes to attack Rollins, who had no intention of getting off the stretcher. Ambrose drags Rollins and throws him into the cell, and then into the ring area, inside the cell. We're actually getting this match. Thank goodness.
Ambrose spends a good chunk of time just thoroughly beating on Rollins. Like, so much time. After a long period, Rollins gets a counter and begins to take the offensive. But it's not for long. Until Kane gets involved, of course, as he uses a fire extinguisher to blind Ambrose, which allowed Rollins to powerbomb him through a table, followed by a curb stomp. It looked like it was over, but it wasn't, as Ambrose kicks out.
We go back and forth a little more, cinderblocks get involved -- and then the lights go out. It's not The Undertaker getting involved, though; it's Bray Wyatt. We hear him speaking some sort of non-English language, and then when the lights go back on, his lamp is in the ring. It's projecting a hologram. And then Wyatt shows up out of nowhere, quite literally, and hits Dean Ambrose.
Then Wyatt crabwalks, says something to Ambrose, slams him to the ground, and kneels down in the ring. Seth Rollins covers Ambrose and picks up the win.
Match Rating: ****
Wyatt hits Sister Abigail on Ambrose after the match is done. Not on the cinder blocks, which were right there, but I guess that's okay. He continues to kneel in the ring, and this draws the show to its conclusion.
The Good: Bella vs. Bella. Ziggler vs. Cesaro. Cena vs. Orton. Damien Sandow. Ambrose vs. Rollins.
The Bad: The WWE Network's inability to not play properly.
Match of the Night: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro.
Prediction Score: 4/8.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
For an archive of all my previous WWE reviews, please go <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846764-Marters-WWE-Reviews-Archive>here.
Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.
Hi, people. Hell in a Cell happened. Here is how it all shook down.
Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas
This match took place on the kickoff show. During Dallas' entrance, he reminds us that he's beaten Mark Henry four times, and therefore is the new World's Strongest Man. So strong, that he's immune to the disease this city is spreading. Dallas then says he's changing his name for the night to Bo Washington.
Henry squashes Dallas -- er, "Washington." Four moves, maybe, and then a World's Strongest Slam ends the match.
Match Rating: *
Bo Dallas gets a mic after the match and claims that in the record book of life, he's actually 5-0 against Henry because ... Henry cheated, he says. Okay. Henry throws him into a barricade, and that concludes the in-ring part of the kickoff show. Good thing that's not part of the actual PPV.
Hell in a Cell opens with a very well put-together video package, because all of the video packages are amazing and those doing them manage to make any feud seem important, even though most of the feuds have sucked. Our opening match won't involve The Usos, which feels like it never happens. Instead, we get what could easily be the match of the night.
<color=Red>2 Out of 3 Falls Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb410.jpg
It always felt like these two men were holding back in their television matches. They needed something like this. A slow opening transitions into incredibly fast-paced action and an incredibly fun match. The first pinfall comes seemingly early on, which has Dolph Ziggler getting a pin with a small package. Before the second fall, we get a couple of bigger spots, including an incredible superplex from Cesaro. There are also more than a couple of near-falls -- ones that would have ended a TV match.
And then Ziggler kicks out of everything, gets a counter in, hits the Zig-Zag, and gets the second fall, too. He sweeps the match. We don't go to the third fall, which is the first time I can remember that happening -- although I'm sure it has happened before. Still, that was a really exciting opening match, and showcased both men really well.
Match Rating: ****
Backstage, we see The Authority talking. Randy Orton interrupts. He wants to talk to Seth Rollins. Stephanie cuts in and hypes the match later tonight. The Authority defends Rollins' actions. Then Triple H convinces him to channel that rage into winning tonight.
<color=Red>Loser Becomes the Winner's Personal Assistant Match: Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb413.jpg
The loser of this match must be the winner's personal assistant for the next 30 days or else she will have to quit the WWE.
You know, for all the hatred this feud has gotten -- some deserved, some not -- the match isn't bad, you know? It's not a botch-fest, it's not boring, and it works well as the blow-off to the feud. The problem is that, well, it's not the blow-off match. It even has finishers being kicked out of. I mean, that's ... that's a good thing in a PPV match. Brie even locks in the Yes Lock! The match is pretty stiff, too. You can't say the Bellas aren't giving it their all.
Nikki wins after a second Rack Attack. Heels usually win these matches, as they should. Brie will be Nikki's personal assistant for the next 30 days, so be prepared for those segments.
Match Rating: ***
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) vs. Goldust and Stardust
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb407.jpg
I'm surprised that this match didn't kick off the PPV, but that's fine. Maybe WWE doesn't trust this completely lackluster rivalry to interest the fans. Because it doesn't. The only thing they've done is be involved in competent 6-man tag team matches over and over. There's no heat, no passion, no ... nothing to keep us interested. Yeah, the matches have been fine, but that's about it.
The Usos can be very exciting Superstars, as they've proven in recent months. Goldust is in great shape, and Stardust is really impressive in the ring. Theoretically, this should result in a great match. And it's ... much like the other ones these two teams have been involved in. Not bad, but not great, and the PPV didn't really help it all that much. Goldust eventually wins with whatever his finisher is called now. Curtain Call? The Final Cut? Whatever it is. It's not a clean victory, either, as Stardust got a cheap shot on an Uso as the referee's back was turned.
Match Rating: **1/2
There's some breast cancer awareness segment after the match. And then we also find out that Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins will close the show, as it's time for Cena/Orton #8357.
<color=Red>Number One Contender's Hell in a Cell Match: Randy Orton vs. John Cena
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb414.jpg
In recent years, the cell hasn't actually made too much of an impact in these matches. I don't know if we should be blaming the PG rating for that, but it's true. It's a backdrop, one that people are occasionally Irish whipped into.
I'll admit to missing a good portion of this match thanks to WWE Network issues. It kept freezing and then eventually wouldn't load at all. That was wonderful. Yes, I will take any chance I can to point out flaws in the Network.
But I didn't miss anything. I got to see the part with the table. And the chair. Orton was mostly dominating at this point. I saw the RKO ... out of nowhere. It actually was kind of out of nowhere, and it was great.
The match is a long one. It's entertaining, as you'd expect the millionth match between the two to be. There are some inventive spots, some close calls, and it was really fun to watch. Say what you will about either man, but they put on good matches very often.
Cena wins. You're shocked, I know. After what might've been the billionth AA, Cena eventually wins, putting Orton through a table in the process. Paul Heyman looks on. So much for getting to see an F-5 countered into an RKO.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Mark Henry pumps up Big Show backstage. They're going for BBQ after the match, assuming Big Show wins. Which he better not do.
WWE United States Championship Match: The Miz (with Damien Sandow) vs. Sheamus
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb412.jpg
As has been the case with most of The Miz's matches as of late, it's a lot more entertaining watching Damien Sandow at ringside than it is watching the in-ring action. Neither Miz or Sheamus is particularly bad in the ring -- I'm not a Sheamus fan, but he has his positives -- but Sandow is just so funny at ringside that it's hard to focus on the action in the ring.
The match is solid, and on TV would probably be the match of the night. On this PPV, though? It's on-par with the Bellas. And that's not a bad thing. Sheamus wins with a Brogue kick to a flying Miz.
Match Rating: ***
After the match Sheamus ... plays with Miz's lifeless body, while Sandow mimics everything that Sheamus forces Miz to do. This includes doing the "YMCA." He then hits another Brogue kick on The Miz, because that's what babyfaces do.
The first Bella assistant segment is shown next. It involves Brie putting all of Nikki's stuff in her car, and then getting a smoothie dumped on her head. Boy, we're in for some fun stuff with these.
A Rusev/Big Show hype video is shown, which just reminds us how good whoever edits these videos together is at doing that job. He or she deserves all of the money.
Rusev (with Lana) vs. Big Show
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb408.jpg
I'm so glad that WWE is giving us this breather match before the Divas Championship bout that will happen after. Lana cuts a promo before the match, asking us to rise for the Russian national anthem. Which ... I guess will happen after the match, since out comes Big Show right after that.
We get to see a more technical side of Rusev tonight. He works over the left knee of Big Show. He even suplexes Big Show, and then goes right back to working on the knee. Big Show uses a Texas Cloverleaf as a counter to The Accolade, which was all sorts of swell.
Mark Henry comes down part way through the match. Eventually, he eats a superkick. After a few superkicks to Big Show, Rusev locks in The Accolade and picks up the submission victory.
Match Rating: **1/2
Dean Ambrose cuts a TV promo afterward. He mentions some TV shows and hypes the main event. And then, Divas!
WWE Divas Championship Match: AJ Lee vs. Paige (with Alicia Fox)
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb409.jpg
I think that someday we will see AJ and Paige have a truly great match. It still hasn't happened. It doesn't happen at Hell in a Cell, anyway. Their match is fine, I guess, but it's not even the best Diva match on the card. Paige dominates lots of it, has a big spot countered, and taps out -- immediately, for some reason -- to the Black Widow.
Match Rating: **
Paige slaps Alicia after the match and tells her she is hated. Because Paige is "crazy."
Another video package is shown, this one hyping up the main event. It should be fun.
<color=Red>Hell in a Cell Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb411.jpg
Dean Ambrose starts filling the ring with weapons during his entrance. Then he leaves the cell and climbs to the top. This is before Seth Rollins is even here.
Rollins comes down with his bodyguards, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble. Despite their protests, Seth Rollins begins to climb the cell. Eventually he decides against it. Instead, he tells them to go up and get Ambrose. Ambrose applauds them as soon as they get up there. He still has a kendo stick in hand. He uses it on them. Rollins eventually gets up there and ambushes Ambrose. The bodyguards hold down Ambrose while Rollins beats on him. The match still hasn't started at this point.
Thanks to a distraction by Mercury and Noble, Rollins manages to begin climbing down the cell. He and Ambrose begin brawling while they're both halfway down the cell. Then both of them fall off and fall through both announcer's tables.
A stretcher comes for Seth Rollins. So do medical personnel. Ambrose just gets one referee checking on him. Eventually, Ambrose is also placed on a stretcher. Eventually, Ambrose gets himself off the stretcher and goes to attack Rollins, who had no intention of getting off the stretcher. Ambrose drags Rollins and throws him into the cell, and then into the ring area, inside the cell. We're actually getting this match. Thank goodness.
Ambrose spends a good chunk of time just thoroughly beating on Rollins. Like, so much time. After a long period, Rollins gets a counter and begins to take the offensive. But it's not for long. Until Kane gets involved, of course, as he uses a fire extinguisher to blind Ambrose, which allowed Rollins to powerbomb him through a table, followed by a curb stomp. It looked like it was over, but it wasn't, as Ambrose kicks out.
We go back and forth a little more, cinderblocks get involved -- and then the lights go out. It's not The Undertaker getting involved, though; it's Bray Wyatt. We hear him speaking some sort of non-English language, and then when the lights go back on, his lamp is in the ring. It's projecting a hologram. And then Wyatt shows up out of nowhere, quite literally, and hits Dean Ambrose.
Then Wyatt crabwalks, says something to Ambrose, slams him to the ground, and kneels down in the ring. Seth Rollins covers Ambrose and picks up the win.
Match Rating: ****
Wyatt hits Sister Abigail on Ambrose after the match is done. Not on the cinder blocks, which were right there, but I guess that's okay. He continues to kneel in the ring, and this draws the show to its conclusion.
The Good: Bella vs. Bella. Ziggler vs. Cesaro. Cena vs. Orton. Damien Sandow. Ambrose vs. Rollins.
The Bad: The WWE Network's inability to not play properly.
Match of the Night: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro.
Prediction Score: 4/8.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
For an archive of all my previous WWE reviews, please go <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846764-Marters-WWE-Reviews-Archive>here.
Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.
