Looking for excessive word usage, run ons, lack of information/description, improper punctuation, bad/poor word usage, ect.
I know the numbers are an issue I?m leaving them in so I can quickly find the levels/modes and their descriptions.
It took me days to re-read it and edit it to try and un zippify it, I think I have improved some still a long way to go but at least its legible. It?s a start.
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SOL and SOD
Writing exercise: Describing weapons.
The Sword of Light and Staff of Darkness are recurring weapons in my main fictional universe. Some variation of either is always with the immortal main character once he starts Light Force training. They both are powerful and have their own strengths and weaknesses. Mainly they require great amounts of concentration and mental stamina to use. If used too much he comes close to death or gets stuck in a coma for a period of time. He uses these weapons instead of his own powers of energy/matter/reality manipulation which dose permanent damage after each use.
SOL or Sword of Light
Description
The Sword of Light is a orange tinted golden brown shirasaya ,a Japanese katana in an all wood hilt and scabbard. It?s a technology based weapon made up of layer upon layer of nano-circuitry and star forged materials with the later builds using a shard of his soul to expand its capabilities. For repairs and tweaking a small rectangle metal object with the spherical energy core on the protruding end in the hilt and can extend out while length wise the scabbard can fold out upward and downward for miles like a tall double sided scroll. It?s normally kept on the main characters hip or across his back held by an invisible string. Sometimes he will keep it in a mini dimension within his right palm.
History
When he arrives at one of the Light Force core world?s one of his first missions as a corporal is to find a weapon that suits him. He acquires a strange blaster sword, a type of gun sword, and quickly rebuilds it into the first Sword of Light which needed constant maintenance. Over time various SOL?s were made all with the same motif, its purpose is to allow the main character access to some of his power without incurring the penalties of their usage. The more he uses his own power the more he lusts for power and the more power he uses the more madness consumes him until the final cycle eradicates him from time and space.
Build properties
The main properties of the Sword of Light are energy manipulation, storage and compression. The prefect version can contain a galaxy worth of energy. It offers both a basic blade and energy blade as well as various energy projection capabilities though unless he requires more power or the versatility of dual wielding it tends to stay bandaged up. Since it favors direct control over energy it can be used as a scalpel or a sledge hammer but more energy is needed for precision versus overwhelming force. Since it can control energy easily ,and matter to a lesser degree, it makes for an effective healing and repair tool. Typically it?s wrapped in bandages to obscure it from the senses of mortals and hide it from greater beings that seek out the source of energy to either consume or misuse.
Fighting Capabilities
While in the scabbard and unwrapped it?s in its most powerful gun mode. Even wrapped up it can project energy, normally kinetic or particle, to cut, bash and fire energy bolts and beams. Without them it becomes easier to use and gains some increase to power. Out of the scabbard power and agility increase more while the basic blade and energy blade are identical in power it?s more a matter of mood as to which is used. In this configuration the scabbard can be dual wielded offering an energy whip from the scabbard to the compliment of energy attacks from the previous level. Level 3 is where it starts to ware on the users mind as visible energy flows from him and the weapon. Level 4 is generally used in short bursts for attacks worthy enough to be named. Like drawing the sword from the scabbard for a quick slash attack or while in the scabbard firing huge energy beams or thousands of tracking energy bolts. Level 5 and 6 are secret levels that are used as means of a last resort. They allow more control and energy to be released but at the cost of falling into a coma for days, months or years per minute of active time at that level. The higher the level the closer to death he comes.
The Staff of Darkness or SOD
Description
The Staff of Darkness or SOD( or son of a ditch hehehe) is a cursed weapon that was created before the Sword of Light was perfected. It?s a Dark hexagon staff that comes in six one foot sections separated by etched lines. Each section has six sides with up to 6 magic runes craved on each side. The runes move around but never on the same horizontal line. It can extend to great lengths and retract to the size of half a foot. It also can break into 3 inch wide sections that are connected by dark rune etched chains. Later versions are lulled to slumber by turning into chain and wrapping around the main characters left forearm crushing the bone and tissue because of this he normally keeps his forearm bandaged. He can summon weak chains at any time and pop out the staff out like a retractable forearm dagger.
History
Originally a weapon built based on darkness, the soul and entropy it slowly became a part of him. In order to stabilize the weapon and prevent it from falling apart after limited use he used a shard of his soul not knowing of the dreadful side effects. Heavily amplifying negative emotions the weapon is a double edge sword but still a better choice than using his own powers directly. In dark modes 1 and 2 he has complete control over himself but when he unlocks mode 3 or above he starts to lose it. The longer he remains in the higher dark modes the greater the chance of death, madness and rage become.
Build properties
A shard of his soul is infused into a simple black rune staff. Then layer upon layer of bloody runes written on living paper is wrapped around the staff that is melded together this process is repeated a few times. Minus the soul shard this same process is used for making the scythe blade. The chains are hammered out one by one using a dark rune hammer to weave and etch the runes into the chain the weaker chains are merely imitations of the real thing. The weapon can absorb great amounts of energy some of which can be sent to SOL or another target making it a makeshift healing tool by trading damage with someone else. The scythe can cleave the soul and slice through dimensions when sufficiently powered. Normally it drains some energy on contact the higher the mode the more energy drained. Caution needs to be used in higher dark modes as it can freely absorb life energy and kill even the hardiest of flora and fauna in the area even whole planets are not safe. Like SOL it?s bandaged up either as a 6 inch rod or chains warped underneath his bandaged left arm.
Fighting Capabilities
The staff can be used as a normal staff while bandaged in order to use its abilities you have to release the dark modes which destroys bandages. Dark mode 1 lets you extend the staff. Dark mode 2 allows use of the chains and separation of the staff. Dark mode 3 it?s a much more powerful version 2 but takes mental stamina to use. It allows use of a scythe blade near the top of the staff that can change from axe and spear like configurations. This mode also allows for powerful special moves like the chains of purgatory. From the ground and shadows it floods an area in a pentagram shape with burning chains that ensnare and absorbs great amounts of energy. This mode comes at great risk as madness sets in and slowly takes over. Dark mode 4 drains his mental stamina completely to give him access to the perfect dark scythe blade overwhelming opponents with darkness, entropy and madness upon the edge of a black hole.
I know the numbers are an issue I?m leaving them in so I can quickly find the levels/modes and their descriptions.
It took me days to re-read it and edit it to try and un zippify it, I think I have improved some still a long way to go but at least its legible. It?s a start.
==============================
SOL and SOD
Writing exercise: Describing weapons.
The Sword of Light and Staff of Darkness are recurring weapons in my main fictional universe. Some variation of either is always with the immortal main character once he starts Light Force training. They both are powerful and have their own strengths and weaknesses. Mainly they require great amounts of concentration and mental stamina to use. If used too much he comes close to death or gets stuck in a coma for a period of time. He uses these weapons instead of his own powers of energy/matter/reality manipulation which dose permanent damage after each use.
SOL or Sword of Light
Description
The Sword of Light is a orange tinted golden brown shirasaya ,a Japanese katana in an all wood hilt and scabbard. It?s a technology based weapon made up of layer upon layer of nano-circuitry and star forged materials with the later builds using a shard of his soul to expand its capabilities. For repairs and tweaking a small rectangle metal object with the spherical energy core on the protruding end in the hilt and can extend out while length wise the scabbard can fold out upward and downward for miles like a tall double sided scroll. It?s normally kept on the main characters hip or across his back held by an invisible string. Sometimes he will keep it in a mini dimension within his right palm.
History
When he arrives at one of the Light Force core world?s one of his first missions as a corporal is to find a weapon that suits him. He acquires a strange blaster sword, a type of gun sword, and quickly rebuilds it into the first Sword of Light which needed constant maintenance. Over time various SOL?s were made all with the same motif, its purpose is to allow the main character access to some of his power without incurring the penalties of their usage. The more he uses his own power the more he lusts for power and the more power he uses the more madness consumes him until the final cycle eradicates him from time and space.
Build properties
The main properties of the Sword of Light are energy manipulation, storage and compression. The prefect version can contain a galaxy worth of energy. It offers both a basic blade and energy blade as well as various energy projection capabilities though unless he requires more power or the versatility of dual wielding it tends to stay bandaged up. Since it favors direct control over energy it can be used as a scalpel or a sledge hammer but more energy is needed for precision versus overwhelming force. Since it can control energy easily ,and matter to a lesser degree, it makes for an effective healing and repair tool. Typically it?s wrapped in bandages to obscure it from the senses of mortals and hide it from greater beings that seek out the source of energy to either consume or misuse.
Fighting Capabilities
While in the scabbard and unwrapped it?s in its most powerful gun mode. Even wrapped up it can project energy, normally kinetic or particle, to cut, bash and fire energy bolts and beams. Without them it becomes easier to use and gains some increase to power. Out of the scabbard power and agility increase more while the basic blade and energy blade are identical in power it?s more a matter of mood as to which is used. In this configuration the scabbard can be dual wielded offering an energy whip from the scabbard to the compliment of energy attacks from the previous level. Level 3 is where it starts to ware on the users mind as visible energy flows from him and the weapon. Level 4 is generally used in short bursts for attacks worthy enough to be named. Like drawing the sword from the scabbard for a quick slash attack or while in the scabbard firing huge energy beams or thousands of tracking energy bolts. Level 5 and 6 are secret levels that are used as means of a last resort. They allow more control and energy to be released but at the cost of falling into a coma for days, months or years per minute of active time at that level. The higher the level the closer to death he comes.
The Staff of Darkness or SOD
Description
The Staff of Darkness or SOD( or son of a ditch hehehe) is a cursed weapon that was created before the Sword of Light was perfected. It?s a Dark hexagon staff that comes in six one foot sections separated by etched lines. Each section has six sides with up to 6 magic runes craved on each side. The runes move around but never on the same horizontal line. It can extend to great lengths and retract to the size of half a foot. It also can break into 3 inch wide sections that are connected by dark rune etched chains. Later versions are lulled to slumber by turning into chain and wrapping around the main characters left forearm crushing the bone and tissue because of this he normally keeps his forearm bandaged. He can summon weak chains at any time and pop out the staff out like a retractable forearm dagger.
History
Originally a weapon built based on darkness, the soul and entropy it slowly became a part of him. In order to stabilize the weapon and prevent it from falling apart after limited use he used a shard of his soul not knowing of the dreadful side effects. Heavily amplifying negative emotions the weapon is a double edge sword but still a better choice than using his own powers directly. In dark modes 1 and 2 he has complete control over himself but when he unlocks mode 3 or above he starts to lose it. The longer he remains in the higher dark modes the greater the chance of death, madness and rage become.
Build properties
A shard of his soul is infused into a simple black rune staff. Then layer upon layer of bloody runes written on living paper is wrapped around the staff that is melded together this process is repeated a few times. Minus the soul shard this same process is used for making the scythe blade. The chains are hammered out one by one using a dark rune hammer to weave and etch the runes into the chain the weaker chains are merely imitations of the real thing. The weapon can absorb great amounts of energy some of which can be sent to SOL or another target making it a makeshift healing tool by trading damage with someone else. The scythe can cleave the soul and slice through dimensions when sufficiently powered. Normally it drains some energy on contact the higher the mode the more energy drained. Caution needs to be used in higher dark modes as it can freely absorb life energy and kill even the hardiest of flora and fauna in the area even whole planets are not safe. Like SOL it?s bandaged up either as a 6 inch rod or chains warped underneath his bandaged left arm.
Fighting Capabilities
The staff can be used as a normal staff while bandaged in order to use its abilities you have to release the dark modes which destroys bandages. Dark mode 1 lets you extend the staff. Dark mode 2 allows use of the chains and separation of the staff. Dark mode 3 it?s a much more powerful version 2 but takes mental stamina to use. It allows use of a scythe blade near the top of the staff that can change from axe and spear like configurations. This mode also allows for powerful special moves like the chains of purgatory. From the ground and shadows it floods an area in a pentagram shape with burning chains that ensnare and absorbs great amounts of energy. This mode comes at great risk as madness sets in and slowly takes over. Dark mode 4 drains his mental stamina completely to give him access to the perfect dark scythe blade overwhelming opponents with darkness, entropy and madness upon the edge of a black hole.
