Help me out here guys (rant, maybe?)

[Quiet Stranger]

I've asked someone else about this but I figure I'd ask all my fellow Escapists their thoughts on it. (It's copy and pasted just so you know)

Okay so here it is. I've known this girl for three years now and we've kind of always been off and on (something usually happens that makes me break up with her) give it a month or two and I won't remember why I broke up with her and we're always friends again. She very well knows how I feel about her but I'm not sure how she feels about me. Recently we went skinny dipping in my pool and fooled around (nothing sexual but like foreplay or something) and she lets me touch her and stuff (which is nice)

Last night though was horrible, we were hanging out with three other friends (and one of the friends I feel (especially because of last night) I have competition with) and my friend, Matt, the competition (maybe, I don't know) was sitting in a hammock and then my heart's desire, goes and sits in the hammock with him. So when Matt gets out and my desire is still in the hammock I go over and ask if I can join her and she just says "I want to be alone" and then (how ever many hours later) she's back in the hammock again with Matt and they're hooting and hollering it up and laughing and having loads of fun and it just makes me sick to my stomach! Oh and my other friend (Matt's brother) tells me this morning (over texting) that my desire knows I was angry at her but she won't even bother to message me why I'm angry at her, I don't know what to do. Should I just wait for her to message me and ask? Am I in the wrong? I know I might be looking too much into it but I don't take to being alone very well and when the touching happens well I get antsy and fuck friends with benefits, worse then the friend zone.

 

[Dags90]

You need to fix "don't take to being alone very well". Get better at being alone. You're probably attaching way too much of your self worth, self identity, etc. to other people. Don't be one of those people who pinballs from bad relationship to bad relationship because they don't like themselves.

 

[IndomitableSam]

She's a teenage girl and she can't make up her pea-brain mind. She likes sex as much as boys and is playing you two off each other. Honestly, tell her you want a stable relationship with her and that it's up to her to make the decision, but it either has to be "Yes, now" or "No, never, let's stay friends/let's never see each other again." Those are the only ways it can be.

And, dude, seriously, (even if I am a girl), your friend is more important than a girl. Make things ok with him, and whatever the hell happens with her happens. But if you lose a friend over a girl one of you would probably only date for a few months, you're pretty damn stupid.

 

[Lucem712]

Have you guys ever...seriously dated? I mean, it sounds like you haven't. (IMO) And if that's the case, don't be that poor sod that complains about the Friend-zone, just leave her. If she's too busy riding someone else's disco-stick, find someone that is gonna give you the time of day and actually care about you. Not use you for make-outs or free food/other things.

-Advice brought to you by someone that gives terrible advice

 

[Quiet Stranger]

She's a teenage girl and she can't make up her pea-brain mind. She likes sex as much as boys and is playing you two off each other. Honestly, tell her you want a stable relationship with her and that it's up to her to make the decision, but it either has to be "Yes, now" or "No, never, let's stay friends/let's never see each other again." Those are the only ways it can be.

And, dude, seriously, (even if I am a girl), your friend is more important than a girl. Make things ok with him, and whatever the hell happens with her happens. But if you lose a friend over a girl one of you would probably only date for a few months, you're pretty damn stupid.

Okay this is why i don't really like making threads because I somehow make myself come off as some creepy guy or a douche bag (I'm SO bad at explaining things) it's not that this guy is my "friend" he's more of a good acquaintance, like I don't go out of my way to hang out with him but if his twin brother is there (his brother is my friend) THEN I end up hanging out with Matt (cause his brother is there and so is the girl) I didn't really get upset, like I didn't let them know, I just bottled it up and kept it on the inside but I've been sick (I feel like my stomach hurts) about it since last night

 

[DugMachine]

Sounds like you're young, in high school perhaps? Cause I went through something almost exactly like this and let me tell you, it's not worth it. She has you on her hook and she knows you're gonna be there for her no matter what. Best thing you can do is not give her that satisfaction and just forget about her.

You think you're close to her cause you get to screw around every now and then but teenagers just like to stick there parts wherever it feels good, don't look at it as anything other than that. But anyways... yeah i'd say move on and look elsewhere.

 

[IndomitableSam]

She's a teenage girl and she can't make up her pea-brain mind. She likes sex as much as boys and is playing you two off each other. Honestly, tell her you want a stable relationship with her and that it's up to her to make the decision, but it either has to be "Yes, now" or "No, never, let's stay friends/let's never see each other again." Those are the only ways it can be.

And, dude, seriously, (even if I am a girl), your friend is more important than a girl. Make things ok with him, and whatever the hell happens with her happens. But if you lose a friend over a girl one of you would probably only date for a few months, you're pretty damn stupid.

Okay this is why i don't really like making threads because I somehow make myself come off as some creepy guy or a douche bag (I'm SO bad at explaining things) it's not that this guy is my "friend" he's more of a good acquaintance, like I don't go out of my way to hang out with him but if his twin brother is there (his brother is my friend) THEN I end up hanging out with Matt (cause his brother is there and so is the girl) I didn't really get upset, like I didn't let them know, I just bottled it up and kept it on the inside but I've been sick (I feel like my stomach hurts) about it since last night

Then give her the choice, take it or leave it. Honestly I'd just leave it, but I don't have teenager hormones anymore, so the choice is yours to make and you can make the judgement call. Like DugMachine says, she knows she's got you and she's going to drag you through the mud before she's done with you. You need to give her the choice and stick to your guns.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Taking this at face value I would say she is either trying to make you jealous for whatever reason or is lining a new partner. Whatever the reasons I'd say you need to talk to the girl when possible and talk about how you feel. And definitely confront your friend about his intentions. Basically find out whether you have competition and decide what to do from there. I personally say if this girl is torn between the two of you, don't waste your energy fighting for her, it's very rarely worth it.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Sounds like you're young, in high school perhaps? Cause I went through something almost exactly like this and let me tell you, it's not worth it. She has you on her hook and she knows you're gonna be there for her no matter what. Best thing you can do is not give her that satisfaction and just forget about her.

You think you're close to her cause you get to screw around every now and then but teenagers just like to stick there parts wherever it feels good, don't look at it as anything other than that. But anyways... yeah i'd say move on and look elsewhere.

I'm turning 22 soon and she's 23 (or 24) we're not very young. (Well, not High School young)

 

[Quiet Stranger]

You're angry at a girl you repeatedly break up with for not wanting you and only you? Yeah, sounds perfectly reasonable.

I never said I break up with her for not wanting me (unless I did then I completely mean something else) no the last time I broke up with her was because we had made plans to spend a day together and she blew me off to go hang out with some friend of hers and didn't even have the decency to tell me but still wanted to go to the movie we were suppose to go see that night.

 

[DugMachine]

Sounds like you're young, in high school perhaps? Cause I went through something almost exactly like this and let me tell you, it's not worth it. She has you on her hook and she knows you're gonna be there for her no matter what. Best thing you can do is not give her that satisfaction and just forget about her.

You think you're close to her cause you get to screw around every now and then but teenagers just like to stick there parts wherever it feels good, don't look at it as anything other than that. But anyways... yeah i'd say move on and look elsewhere.

I'm turning 22 soon and she's 23 (or 24) we're not very young. (Well, not High School young)

Well then. Either way you're still on her hook and my advise still stands. Best of luck.

 

[Phasmal]

You're angry at a girl you repeatedly break up with for not wanting you and only you? Yeah, sounds perfectly reasonable.

I never said I break up with her for not wanting me (unless I did then I completely mean something else) no the last time I broke up with her was because we had made plans to spend a day together and she blew me off to go hang out with some friend of hers and didn't even have the decency to tell me but still wanted to go to the movie we were suppose to go see that night.

What I meant is you keep breaking up with her and now you're upset she might like someone else. Doesn't make sense. If you keep letting her go you can't get upset that she'll move on. She's not just going to wait for you. If she's special let her know that (not dumping her over and over would be a good starting point).

Yeah, this.
If you're breaking up for stuff as simple as she ditched you one day, it's obviously not a massively important relationship to you.
I'd move on if I were you, sounds like she wants to.

 

[Jonluw]

You were just touching eachother naked. Nothing sexual.

Apparently there are some strange definitions of 'sexual' out there.

And you're asking whether you should just wait to see if a female friend gives you a text message asking why you were angry last night?
Wut?
Maybe she figures it isn't much of her business.

A few pieces of advice:
If you keep breaking up with her, consider the possibility that she isn't right for you and you should let it go.
Fix your shit regarding the "not good at being alone" part. Before you go out and find someone else to share your life with, make sure you're comfortable with yourself first. People who want to be your partner just because they can't bear to be without a partner themselves aren't a huge turn-on. It can be pretty creepy, if done right, actually.
If you're in love with her or have a crush on her or whatever, and you think she knows; make sure that she does. Tell her. That way you'll have to deal with it. Whether she shoots you down or decides to give it a shot at least you're moving on. If you try it out and it doesn't work out: maybe try considering that she doesn't need to be part of your life. Try living a life where you're comfortable with yourself, maybe looking for someone else to date.
Don't chain yourself to one woman who doesn't want to be your partner.

 

[Goofguy]

Okay so here it is. I've known this girl for three years now and we've kind of always been off and on (something usually happens that makes me break up with her) give it a month or two and I won't remember why I broke up with her and we're always friends again. She very well knows how I feel about her but I'm not sure how she feels about me.

Really, just how do you actually feel about her? Clearly, you can't hold her in very high esteem if you keep dumping her and then forget about why you did later on.

You seem to have a cycle of love it and leave it with this girl, you can't seriously expect her to wait for you to repeat it over and over.