Help Needed : Advice in Romantic Pursuits

[Mr Godfrey]

I've been friends with this girl for about a year and a half now, but I just recently became interested in her. I never really noticed that our personalities matched until having a lengthy conversation with her on the way to our lockers from history class. Now; I would ask her out, but over the summer I had a fairly short lived relationship with a girl I was close friends with up until we started going out. After she broke up with me, it was just sort of awkward around her (And it felt like I was being partially forced out of my closest comitatus [ although that was probably also attributable to one of the newest additions to my 'closest comitatus' immediately proceeding to date my ex-girlfriend soon after the break up]). I'm in High School, this isn't a matter of life and death. Still; I don't want to let a potentially golden opportunity pass me by.

I don't want to alienate another group of friends, but I really think this girl and I would mesh well. What does the consensus of the escapist think?

 

[Danz D Man]

You could just be honest about it:
"We've been friends for a long time and I think I may like you, do you want to go see a movie?"

Obviously not exactly like that, since it sounds robotic.

You don't have to go from friends immediately to "going out."

You can go to a few movies first, have dinner, etc., before you start being boyfriend/girlfriend.

That way, if it doesn't feel right (which you'll probably know by the first date anyway), it isn't much of a shock to go back to being friends, especially if you talk to her about that too, and say that you're not interested anymore. That way, there's no awkward feelings about whether or not the other person likes you.

Well, that's my two cents.

Hope it helps.

EDIT: I don't know about the "alienating friends" bit though. I know that can be rough. Two years ago I was "going out" with someone after talking to her a lot after school on MSN and such. Once we were "dating," she didn't talk to me, and then after a week said that "her family was too weird and she didn't want to pull me into it."

And basically most of my friends at that time were her friends, so I basically stopped hanging out with them. Though the one actual good friend of that group I still talk to.

So hey, if they're your real friends you can talk to them about it.

 

[Umberphoenix]

I agree with Danz. A cautious approach would be the best approach for this situation.

 

[BonsaiK]

I've been friends with this girl for about a year and a half now, but I just recently became interested in her. I never really noticed that our personalities matched until having a lengthy conversation with her on the way to our lockers from history class. Now; I would ask her out, but over the summer I had a fairly short lived relationship with a girl I was close friends with up until we started going out. After she broke up with me, it was just sort of awkward around her (And it felt like I was being partially forced out of my closest comitatus [ although that was probably also attributable to one of the newest additions to my 'closest comitatus' immediately proceeding to date my ex-girlfriend soon after the break up]). I'm in High School, this isn't a matter of life and death. Still; I don't want to let a potentially golden opportunity pass me by.

I don't want to alienate another group of friends, but I really think this girl and I would mesh well. What does the consensus of the escapist think?

I have posted a reply to this in the Relationship Problem Thread, which is at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=23#4827550

 

[FranzTyphid]

Slowly tempt her
go up to her and say "I'm going to see a movie would you like to come"
If its to akward invite some others friends

 

[KiLl_RoY]

Make her love you.
Spent quality time with her, try to sit with in clases,walk her home, buy her something nice, say something like: "yesterday i was trying to study but i coulden`t stop thinking about something you said the other day" or i don`t know you know her better than i do.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

"We are currently building a consensus."

Now I'm going to keep quoting Legion. :S

If you want her, go for her I say.

Did you know in the 19th century shaking hands was a sign of very close intimacy? It'd be like nowadays' romantic equivalent of kissing someone sensually.

So I'd go for that, not the hand shaking, unless she really REALLY digs Jane Austen novels.

 

[Daveman]

Spoiler: The only real solution

 

[SantoUno]

snip

You need to be extremeply careful about to trying to hook up with someone you've known for that long. Chances are the established friendship will get in the way of any really intimate feelings, and it just won't work out.

I don't know what you could do to advance on her though, especially if you two have been good friends that long, I don't think it's possible.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Yeah just ask her out nice and casual like. Go on a few "dates" before you decided if you want the relationship or not, either way if you really don't wanna lose a friend, you could try to establish the "Post-Break Up Rules".

 

[Hiphophippo]

Before I answer I need to know one thing: Does she have a penchant for delivering you samviches? If not, reconsider.

 

[jubosu]

Yeah just ask her out nice and casual like. Go on a few "dates" before you decided if you want the relationship or not, either way if you really don't wanna lose a friend, you could try to establish the "Post-Break Up Rules".

That makes it sound like you are destined for failure

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Yeah just ask her out nice and casual like. Go on a few "dates" before you decided if you want the relationship or not, either way if you really don't wanna lose a friend, you could try to establish the "Post-Break Up Rules".

That makes it sound like you are destined for failure

Well it worked for me. It's just a contingency.

 

[jubosu]

I suppose contingency is good and thinking that every relationship is going to last forever is a serious misconception.

 

[Tymathee]

tbh, if you've been friends for a year, you're in the friend zone and screwed so i'll just stop you right there lol

 

[aPod]

I dont know man... i was in highschool so i remember the "friend game" but i prefer to pick girls up i dont know beforehand nowadays... but i've been there done that so my advice to you is let her know you like her. No awkward letters, or text, or phone call. Be a man, when your talking you can just say, "You know, i kind of like you."

Then the ball's in her hands. You had a bad experience before but honestly as long as you dont get awkward around her after telling her then nothing will be stranger for it.

 

[Ironsouled]

I'm laying odds it won't work, but every once in a while it does. Be cautious but not so cautious you just confuse the hell outta her.
Oh and PS
Hope to HELL she doesn't ever see this in your topic made list.

 

[Mr Godfrey]

Thanks guys. I'm grateful for all advice.

 

[xDarc]

If she's a good friend it doesn't really matter if you ask. Good friends get over stuff like that and in the long run it doesn't matter. This goes both ways as well. If she says no- value her friendship or get over it.

It doesn't sound too promising considering you basically just did this with another girl and it lasted all of a summer. The friend you're interested in is probably aware of this and is probably already anticipating your move... She may already have a canned response.

You won't know unless you talk to her though. Don't ask her either. Just talk to her about how you feel. Be honest. A good place to start would be explaining how you felt when you were walking to lockers or some such teenage thing.

High school is such a serious thing. These problems matter. Sorry. Couldn't help it.

 

[bluepilot]

Let it be

It sounds like you are transferring your feelings about your first friend onto her

If you really liked her, you would have noticed before now. I seems like you are trying to make her fit into your `ideal` picture

There is a time and a place for everything and it is called college. High school should be spend getting into a good one.