Help! Serious help required!

[cookyy2k]

So I've been in debt since I was 18 (now 25). I seriously try to budget and come up with reasonable plans to get me out that're generally sound (I'm a physicist so good with maths). In the time since 18 I have put various iterations of these plans into action and they've all fallen down on one point and gotten me deeper in debt. The other day I received several phone calls from my bank, I know their number so ignored the first 5 or so but then gave in and answered. The basic gist of the conversation went along the lines of big guys in suits taking a lot of what I own unless I pay them £200 by such and such a date. Today I managed to get £100 by various means (all legal)and borrow £100, the problem you ask?

I spent it already, every damn time I run a plan to get money and throw myself a lifeline I manage the hard part (getting the money) and screw up the easy part (making sure the money goes the right place). Now I'm not going to say I'm blameless because clearly I'm the one spending it, but I never think about that. When I get money I just go get stuff I want and the remorse comes later when it's too late. I guess a part of it comes from denying myself everything when I have no money so then when I get some I get on a high of sorts and then a massive low after it's all gone.

So seriously, anyone have any ideas? Seriously?

Also I know an internet forum is the wrong place to go for this sort of advice but a) I hide this from a lot of people close to me and b) those I don't hide it from are right out of ideas.

 

[Angie7F]

I say, put together a spread sheet and let it do the maths for you. (if you haven't already)
Once you see it in numbers and graphs, it kinda freaks you out.
I also have a separate spreadsheet where i list all the things i want, how much it costs, and what I intend to do with it.
I revisit that list once in a while and realize that many of it gets deleted from the list before I even purchase it and I realize that most of the things I want are things i don't really need.

Now, on a more hands on method, put it in a piggy bank, or a bank ASAP.
The reason hwy you spend it is because you can get your hands on it.

 

[DoPo]

That is tough. You seem to have a problem with money (no, shit! I know) - I mean spending them not just owning them in general. It seems similar to gamblers or junkies (trust me, I do not mean to insult you in any way). What you have to do is more than realise you don't have to spend the money - you have to force yourself not to do it. Make a plan how to spend them and do whatever it takes - put them under the fridge, so you can't just "get" them, put them in a piggy bank - whatever, as long as you don't touch the money unless your plan requires you to. It's best if you have a trusted friend - give him//her the money and tell them how they must be spent. This way you'll not get tempted to spend them early.

I realise, though, that this doesn't help now. You'll first need £200...and it seems some friends/family are out of the question. I can't tell you to "just get a job" because I realise how stupid that is but see if you can find something that pays per day or per work done. I don't know where you could look, though. You can also sell your old stuff on eBay, pawn shops or just to people you know. Books, games, old clothes, your couch - whatever. If it means you get to keep your other stuff, you better do it.

And once you do that - DON'T TOUCH THE MONEY. Go directly to the bank if you can and give it to them. Write this down and stick it on your fridge, if you think it would help. You get the point.

I hope I helped at least a little bit.

 

[daveman247]

Sounds to me like you are addicted to spending money :/

If you cant stop yourself you will have to get someone to help you stop. A good friend maybe, or if you really have to. Get professional help. You must beat the addiction.

 

[cookyy2k]

That is tough. You seem to have a problem with money (no, shit! I know) - I mean spending them not just owning them in general. It seems similar to gamblers or junkies (trust me, I do not mean to insult you in any way).

Sounds to me like you are addicted to spending money :/

It did sound very much this way to me while I was typing the above, especially the high of spending and low of remorse thing. I think I will seek out some kind of help for this as I feel I have no control over it and it is causing me problems. Thanks.

 

[Goofguy]

Is there anyone you REALLY trust who can hold the money for you? You tell them that under no condition are they to give it to you unless you both go to the bank together to pay it off.

If you can't trust yourself with the money you desperately need to keep your head above the water then it sounds like you need to reach out to loved ones (and I'm not talking only about fronting you cash but supporting you by any means possible to get you through this).

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Is a bank really a good choice for you? Until you are able to exercise some self restraint with your spending (you just have to learn it) a bank account, debit card or credit card is a loaded weapon you keep pointed at your own head. Close all accounts and get a safe, when you run out of cash at least you won't have to worry about bank fees and interest.

As fo learning self restraint, some people won't get it until suffering a major setback (like a repossession or eviction) and some people will just never get it no matter what. Maybe some professional help for compulsive spending is what you need to turn your life around.

As for managing your current debt, I don't know if your country has any kind of credit counseling like they offer in th US but it can help if it is available. Still, even that requires a higher degree of discipline than you seem to be demonstrating currently. Deal with you mental/personal issues first.

 

[Batou667]

Don't let the banks bully you. They can sound pretty damn threatening but in reality there's not much they can do. Tell them flatly "I have no way of getting X amount by the date you want it, the best I can do is a repayment of £50 a month" or something similar. They'll grumble and moan and try to insist that it's their way or the highway, but in reality most banks will compromise (even to the point of writing off part of your debt) rather than have you scarper off never to be seen again.

Secondly: however good you may think you are with money, you are fundamentally Doing It Wrong. Try doing something like keeping all your money in the bank, and keeping your "spending money" either in a totally seperate account or just withdrawing a lump of cash and using that to buy luxuries. That way your living money and spending money have no chance of getting mixed up. It also sounds like you need to examine your lifestyle and spending habits in general; although what you earn and what you spend your money on are none of my business it may be in your best interest to see if you can maximie what you're getting and spend less (or better stil, spend smarter).

 

[mikey7339]

It seems like the root of your problem is a psychological condition. Some people get in the habit of spending every cent they have, no matter if they are well off or struggling to get by. Other people learn to keep an eye on their budget, save and take responsibility for their financial situation.

I honestly don't know how or if you can change this about yourself.

 

[OneCatch]

So seriously, anyone have any ideas? Seriously?

Also I know an internet forum is the wrong place to go for this sort of advice but a) I hide this from a lot of people close to me and b) those I don't hide it from are right out of ideas.

If it's gotten to the stage that you're ignoring calls from the bank because you've memorized their phone number, and you can't keep £100 to pay off a debt, you need to sort it out. And the internet probably isn't the place to ask. I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it in the nicest way possible. You need to talk to people who have experience with debt management.

If you're in the UK there are advice services that you can go to free of charge. Citizens Advice [http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/] are really good, and debt problems are the most common thing they deal with.

Here are some advice pages from direct.gov.uk, they might be helpful for you also.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/ManagingMoney/index.htm

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/ManagingDebt/index.htm

The jobcentre also offer help with dealing with debt (specifically loan sharks) because it's a common problem with the unemployed. I'd imagine that the advice service is also available for those who are in employment.

Ultimately, it's going to be about changing your habits and giving you the knowledge to deal with debt effectively, and know when you can and can't afford stuff. Anyhow, I hope things work out - and get talking to the Citizens Advice Bureau!

Good luck!