Hey guys...I don't know what to do. I've had a big fight with younger sister, let's call her K.
Here's relevant information.
I'm late 20s. K is 18 at the end of November. Both of us were raised by our mother. K never really knew our father, because he was kicked out of the house when she was around 2, accused of sexually abusing our mutual older sister.
I went through school, got my school leaving degree and went into work. Two years into that, (when I was twenty and K was ten), I myself got kicked out of the family home (for stupid reasons I won't get into). For four years, I was unable to see K, as our mother forbade it. I tried several times over that period to get in contact, even involving social workers, but nothing.
K from what I hear, didn't even get through 1st year of secondary (high) school. In 2013, she wrote a letter to me, that managed to get to me at work (although given the handwriting, grammar and spelling, I suspect it was her social worker, and not her herself).
We arranged to meet, and although a bit awkward, we managed to hit it off. We got close again, and I even helped her to get braces, which left me about 4 grand out of pocket, and I'm not exactly what you would call well off.
Fast forward to the earlier half of this year, and this is where things just start going downhill. Our mother I have mostly patched things up with (to be honest, I only talk to her for the sake of the sisters, keeping it friendly). The mother rings me up one day, and asks me if I can talk to K, and I ask why.
Turns out K went out and got herself a boyfriend, and not only that, but she's sleeping with him. He's 19 Apparently K told the mother herself. Worst of all, K is for all we know, not taking precautions against pregnancy. She had dropped her dancing classes (what she had been doing instead of school for the past few years).
So I invite K out to my place, sit her down and I tell her the reason why. I ask her, in as calm a tone as I can manage, is it true that she has a boyfriend, is it true she's having sex and what she's doing to to prevent pregnancy (since no-one in our family is in any position to look after a baby).
She stormed out. I sat with her at the bus and wouldn't talk to me.
After this, is when shit really hit the fan. Apparently, she for all intents and purposes moved in with the BF. She stopped going to dance classes, stopped talking to anyone from the family, and on the EXTREMLY rare occassion she'd come home (we're talking weeks in between visits), she'd just go to bed, and be out the next morning.
Both the mother and I have tried to talk to her. On the rare occassion I do get to talk to her, its...how do I describe it? Apathy? Lack of empathy? She doesn't want to do voice calls, so text or f'n Youtube videos are about it (honestly, it's that bad, that I've done it twice, since I vastly prefer voice conversations, preferably in person).
Now is where it officially hits the fan. Today, once I finished work, I booked K's birthday off. Manager okays it. I get home and on Facebook, I hit up K and I tell her I've got her bday off. In my head, I'm planning things to try and do something about our strained relationship. Maybe a cake, her first legal drink.
K says she won't be at home.
I'm struck dumb at that. While this is usual over the past 9 months or so...I didn't think her first response to talk about her birthday would be she wouldn't be home. I ask her what she's doing and she says nothing. Says she didn't think anyone would do anything, to which I sarcasticlly point out that something should have clicked when her big brother tells her he's got the date of her birthday booked off from work.
Apparently, she doesn't want to do anything at all, she just views it as any other day. I'm hurt at this, and also greatly worried. Over the past year, there's been what I might describe as teenage apathy, but she takes it to extremes.
On the rare occassion I do manage to talk to her, and tell her that what she's doing hurts me, she doesn't express much emotion other than annoyance. She doesn't seem to care. I try to arrange dates to hang out with her, and when the day comes, she's elsewhere, blaming it on me for not having checked in the day before to double triple confirm (my words).
Today, I blew up at her. This is all done via text, since again, she doesn't like voice calls. I told her that she was blocked on Facebook and not to come near me, for her own good, since I really really want to slap some sense into her.
So Escapist...I don't know what to do. I'm trying my hardest to have a relationship with my younger sister...but she's letting it all drift away out of apathy. She doesn't go to college, as far as our mother is able to tell.
Anyone got any ideas? I'm at my wits end with her.
Here's relevant information.
I'm late 20s. K is 18 at the end of November. Both of us were raised by our mother. K never really knew our father, because he was kicked out of the house when she was around 2, accused of sexually abusing our mutual older sister.
I went through school, got my school leaving degree and went into work. Two years into that, (when I was twenty and K was ten), I myself got kicked out of the family home (for stupid reasons I won't get into). For four years, I was unable to see K, as our mother forbade it. I tried several times over that period to get in contact, even involving social workers, but nothing.
K from what I hear, didn't even get through 1st year of secondary (high) school. In 2013, she wrote a letter to me, that managed to get to me at work (although given the handwriting, grammar and spelling, I suspect it was her social worker, and not her herself).
We arranged to meet, and although a bit awkward, we managed to hit it off. We got close again, and I even helped her to get braces, which left me about 4 grand out of pocket, and I'm not exactly what you would call well off.
Fast forward to the earlier half of this year, and this is where things just start going downhill. Our mother I have mostly patched things up with (to be honest, I only talk to her for the sake of the sisters, keeping it friendly). The mother rings me up one day, and asks me if I can talk to K, and I ask why.
Turns out K went out and got herself a boyfriend, and not only that, but she's sleeping with him. He's 19 Apparently K told the mother herself. Worst of all, K is for all we know, not taking precautions against pregnancy. She had dropped her dancing classes (what she had been doing instead of school for the past few years).
So I invite K out to my place, sit her down and I tell her the reason why. I ask her, in as calm a tone as I can manage, is it true that she has a boyfriend, is it true she's having sex and what she's doing to to prevent pregnancy (since no-one in our family is in any position to look after a baby).
She stormed out. I sat with her at the bus and wouldn't talk to me.
After this, is when shit really hit the fan. Apparently, she for all intents and purposes moved in with the BF. She stopped going to dance classes, stopped talking to anyone from the family, and on the EXTREMLY rare occassion she'd come home (we're talking weeks in between visits), she'd just go to bed, and be out the next morning.
Both the mother and I have tried to talk to her. On the rare occassion I do get to talk to her, its...how do I describe it? Apathy? Lack of empathy? She doesn't want to do voice calls, so text or f'n Youtube videos are about it (honestly, it's that bad, that I've done it twice, since I vastly prefer voice conversations, preferably in person).
Now is where it officially hits the fan. Today, once I finished work, I booked K's birthday off. Manager okays it. I get home and on Facebook, I hit up K and I tell her I've got her bday off. In my head, I'm planning things to try and do something about our strained relationship. Maybe a cake, her first legal drink.
K says she won't be at home.
I'm struck dumb at that. While this is usual over the past 9 months or so...I didn't think her first response to talk about her birthday would be she wouldn't be home. I ask her what she's doing and she says nothing. Says she didn't think anyone would do anything, to which I sarcasticlly point out that something should have clicked when her big brother tells her he's got the date of her birthday booked off from work.
Apparently, she doesn't want to do anything at all, she just views it as any other day. I'm hurt at this, and also greatly worried. Over the past year, there's been what I might describe as teenage apathy, but she takes it to extremes.
On the rare occassion I do manage to talk to her, and tell her that what she's doing hurts me, she doesn't express much emotion other than annoyance. She doesn't seem to care. I try to arrange dates to hang out with her, and when the day comes, she's elsewhere, blaming it on me for not having checked in the day before to double triple confirm (my words).
Today, I blew up at her. This is all done via text, since again, she doesn't like voice calls. I told her that she was blocked on Facebook and not to come near me, for her own good, since I really really want to slap some sense into her.
So Escapist...I don't know what to do. I'm trying my hardest to have a relationship with my younger sister...but she's letting it all drift away out of apathy. She doesn't go to college, as far as our mother is able to tell.
Anyone got any ideas? I'm at my wits end with her.
