Hitman and Bodyguard

[DoW Lowen]

The rules of the game are simple. I send someone to kill the poster after me, it can be a person in real life, form a video game, book, historical figure, another poster, your pet cat, singer etc. But of course the next poster not being an idiot foresaw an attempt on their life and hired a body guard of their choice as well.

You must describe how your would-be assassin plans to carry out the act. For example -

"I send the Master Chief. He waits until you get into a vehicle and hops on to the back of your car to plant a grenade."

Then the next poster's bodyguard will react to defend him/her/it. As shown -

"I hire Optimus Prime. He was pretending to be the vehicle and at the last second transformed and crushed the Master Chief between his revolving gears."

After which the poster then hires a hitman for the unfortunate victim after him. You don't have to word it like mine, your body guard doesn't even have to win. And it doesn't matter if your bodyguard relates to the hitman. Feel free to use someone else's bodyguard/hitman, most of them work for money anyway. Any how I'll start -

"I send Donkey Kong. As soon you open the door he'll throw an endless line of barrels rolling at your feet."

 

[MasterSqueak]

I hire Steve, who revives me with THE POWER.

I send the Arbiter. His roflplasmasowrd goes sliec sliec sliec.

 

[DoW Lowen]

I hire the black guy from Dawn of the Dead. When you go in for the lunge, he'll get a bull true with a shotgun.

I send Altair. He'll scale down a building and knife you in the back of the throat with his hidden blade.

 

[Jav3lin]

I hire a pack of ninjas! They throw ninja stars at Altair when he's going for the throat.

I send a "Panzer V Panther" tank to blow up your house while you sleep.

Spoiler: TANK

 

[MasterSqueak]

I hire Pen-pen, who goes on a mission to retrieve a Joseph Stalin Three tank, so that I may defeat you in tank to tank combat. He sneaks past the communist mudkips guarding it, hijacks it, and brings it to the safehouse. I take the tank and roll into battle against your Panther. Your first shell glances off the armor, and my return misses. Yours fires again, tearing my left tread apart and putting a gaping hole in the side of the turret. I manage to fire a third round, getting a lucky hit and blasting yours' main gun off. Yours attempts to ram my tank, and at the last second I unleash a hail of rounds from my machinegun, the point-blank shots piercing yours' damaged armor and killing your tank commander. The Panthers momentum carries it into my tank, and my last machinegun rounds pierce its fuel tank. It explodes, taking both the tanks down. I barely escape the burning wreckage before it collapses, and I make it back to base safely.

I send a gopher.

 

[AvsJoe]

I pick up a 2x4 and play whack-a-mole, gopher-style!

I hire a Charizard to go after the next poster. He sends a Fire Blast directly toward you.

 

[lolmynamewastaken]

i hire the pyro who axes charizard in to ikle bitty peices

i sen jason bourne (he's a bit strapped for cash and wants a new pair of shoes...) he uses the envrioment to take down the next poster in hand to hand combat

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

I hire Devil Jin. He just flies up high and blasts Bourne with his lasers.


I send Vergil, from Devil May Cry 3. He throws his Summoned Swords at the next poster, while slashing with Yamato faster than the eye can register.

 

[AvsJoe]

Too late. I have already hired Hattori Hanzo and he ninjas the shit out of Vergil. You should've sent Dante instead.

I send Mama from Cooking Mama to go after the next poster. She's only armed with a frying pan, but she's feisty, you have no idea what she's gonna do.

 

[DoW Lowen]

I hire Martha Stewart. No ***** is crazier in the kitchen, what with her queef glitter and all.

I send Samus Aran, she'll roll up into a ball and pop into your bag then lay a giant bomb. MUAHAHAHA.

 

[MasterSqueak]

I hire Dark Samus, who kicks Samus' ass and infects the world with Phazon. Whoops.

I send Pikachu, who shocks you with his electrifyingly shocking powers of electricity. And puns.

 

[Aqualung]

I hire Quagsire, who is made of... rubber? And then uses Earthquake after them shocky powers fail.

I send a Colossus to stomp on your face.

Spoiler: Rawr.

 

[MasterSqueak]

I hire my space stage creature from spore, who uses antimatter bombs to kill the Colossus.

I send Boba Fett, offering him one million credits before the job, and one million upon completion.

 

[DoW Lowen]

I hire Wall Street. They'll make sure you have no money to give to him through bad investment ideas and short term credit deposits.

I send Matilda (from Roald Dahl's book) who lifts a car over your head.

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

I hire the nasty giants from the BFG, who eat Matilda. Nom nom nom.

I send Hunter the Cheetah, the only consistently good Spyro character, to bring you down with his bow and arrow.

 

[NeutralMunchHotel]

I hire Ross from friends. He uses his obvious kung-fu training to defear Hunter in a battle.

I send all three Jonas brothers, because I'm a dick.

 

[Pimppeter2]

I hire Anonymous to kill the,

I send Anonymous to kill the next poster

 

[thepj]

I his mother, who gives him an earfull and sends him to his room

I send the terminator

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

I hire the cast of The Sarah Connor Chronicles and watch as the Terminator crumbles away due to franchisiside (sp?)

I send Han Solo and the Fonz. You can't fight cool of that magnitude.

 

[MasterSqueak]

I hire Darth Vader and the shark. The only things that can steal the cool away from them.

I send Neo.