How are you doing lately?

[Quiet Stranger]

(Just as a first warning or a discretion, I'm sorry if this thread bums you out or makes you feel sad, I also don't know how to start this topic or how to get what I want to say out so I apologize if all this comes out wrong)

How are you doing? I'm being serious, how have you been lately? I know it might sound weird coming from a complete stranger but I do care about you, each and every one of you, I've never met any of you but have read a lot of your posts and whenever one of you gets banned or suspended for a certain post I always try to track that post down and figure out why. Sometimes when I'm alone in my house I start to think of you and all the other Escapists and people I've met in my life, wondering what you and they are doing now, I wonder if they remember me or think of me (I know that's selfish and I'm sorry) I'd like to know how your day went or is going if you don't mind, I know that might be creepy but I love reading all about your stories and your ideas and where you've been and where you're going, I do care and would like to help with anything if I can, I think all of this sounded better in my head and I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a creep.

(This is kind of the part I most wanted to get down and it's completely selfish and all about me and for that I am sorry and I'm sorry if it comes off as a rant)

I've just become so depressed today (or should that be really down in the dumps?) and I just don't know what to do anymore (okay I know what to do but I'm losing hope) I don't even know where to begin, suppose I should start with the good things.

I'm in love with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, we've been together for more than a year now and she makes me very happy. She is SO smart that we talk about the most interesting things, like time paradoxes and how they work (or don't) and other topics like what's going on in the world with the Olympics and murder cases. She is truly amazing and I've become such a better person because of her. With her I have three beautiful little girls whom I love very much, it was hard for me at the start of when they first came into our lives but over the months we've had them, I've bonded with each of them and I like to think they love me just as much, they're Guinea Pigs by the way, not actual humans, though they're more human than most people I know. I wish I knew how to upload a photo of them onto here so you could see them, they are so cute.

I have a car, live with my mother rent free, have a job at a Target in the city (one of the new ones that opened in Canada, been working there since before it opened) went to College and studied to be a Child and Youth Care Worker, and I have a kick-ass gaming PC that keeps me entertained.

Now for the bad stuff, I'll start with my job. I use to like working at Target but lately it's been pretty shit, when I was at my Orientation months ago, one of the things that the orientation people said was "Don't care if it doesn't get done, as long as you have fun!" Well that went out the doors a LONG time ago, their motto is FFF (Fast, Fun, and Friendly) well I can tell you it's no longer Fun or Friendly (at least not for us employees) now we're expected to do so much in so little time and there's barely enough of us in the store to get anything done. The real problem here is though that this is my second week in a row with no hours at all, next week I don't have any hours either. How do they expect us to live like this? I don't even know what I can do about it (I know people will say get a new job and I'm working towards that) I don't want to leave Target because I really love working with a lot of my co-workers and I would miss them so very much if I leave, I know I never hang out with them outside of work but they've really grown on me. I get treated like shit there too by some of the higher ups, I know I need to be faster but I can't, I do my work to the best of my abilities but they are always telling me to get my job done by the end of my shift, which is basically organizing two whole sections by myself, I can't work that fast, I'm mentally disabled (or as my girlfriend prefers to call it, "differently abled") and it's really hard for me to go so fast, I don't think any of my co-workers even finish their sections by the end of their shifts. I don't know where else to work, I know a lot of you would say to just bite the bullet and go work fast food but I can't work a job I'll hate.

Now you'd think my schooling would be fine but I have so many problems there. First is that my diploma program isn't recognized by any important people or groups in the field of Child and Youth Care so I can't work at a lot of child or youth care jobs. Secondly I owe my school 23 hundred dollars and until I pay them off I won't be able to go on my last job placement which is what I need to do so I can officially graduate from the school. For some reason, student loans didn't want to pay the last quarter of money to my school and now I have to pay most of it, some people say "At least you won't have more to pay later" well I'd rather pay more later than paying less later because right now I have a good amount saved up but when I pay my school I'm going to hardly have anything left. I wish I had never gone to the college, wish I had gone to a more reputable school, too late now.

All of my problems seem to tie in to each other somehow. Now to talk about my girlfriend, she is so very wonderful and amazing for she's overcome such horrible obstacles but she has so many problems, I will say that just what I've been through with her most people would have run away and left her behind but not me, I love her too much to ever do that (and the guilt I would feel would cripple me) She has a LOT of mental health issues which she does take prescriptions for but the medications don't always help her, she gets depressed a lot and I want nothing more than to help her but I have no idea how, I've tried so hard but her depression is just so bad that not even my best efforts work sometimes, and therapists will never help, she's told me herself. She's had such a horrible life and I do my best to show her the good in her life but it's so overshadowed by the bad. Did I mention her parents hate her? They play nice when I'm there (though her father NEVER talks to me and I'm deathly afraid of the man) but under those masks are truly hateful people, and now they are kicking her out of their house in just a few months so now the pressure is on for me to either find another job or start getting full time hours at my job so I can move out with my girlfriend and she doesn't have to be homeless, though she's doing good in the job department. One day I had brought her back home when she was REALLY sick and her parents didn't even care, didn't even asked how she was feeling just blamed her for her sickness. I try to stay strong for my girlfriend but I'm starting to lose hope.

I worry so much for our future, I'm not a very smart man so I worry that my schooling was just all a waste and I'll never get in the Child and Youth Care field, I'm worried I'll never find another job in time to save up enough money to move out with my girlfriend and be able to keep the job, I don't know what to do or where to go anymore, don't know who I can turn to.

I'm sure there's more I would like to talk about but I kind of lost what I wanted to say after doing this and I'm thinking none of you read most of that, I'm sorry for making it so long and mostly about me, it started off being about you and then that kind of train-wrecked.

TL;DR: How is your day going? I am genuinely interested in knowing how you have been lately.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I'm a red-shirt too...if you want more hours try transferring into the back room. If you can work overnight, you should get more pay per/hour and even if you can't get an overnight shift, working in the back room will at least keep you away from the floor/away from the customers guests which leads to higher productivity. I've been with the FFF place for about 2 and a half years, starting on flow team and eventually moving into the back room which improved the number of hours I get and overall left me more satisfied...the only problem is that I got a hernia over the holidays and can't really afford the corrective surgery right now...I'm working on it though and am using a support belt so I can continue working. I'm also thinking about changing jobs though...there are a lot of distribution centers, factories and, packing plants in my area and my experience with skilled labor and, logistics could likely get me a job in any of those with little difficulty.

Don't let that depression get you down! You may be living at home with your mom but you're rent free dammit! I wouldn't be worrying so much about my surgery and how I'm going to pay it off if not for the fact that I do have to pay to continue living where I live. I live with my girlfriend which is great but I really miss the days when I could actually save what little money I can get from Target.

Yesterday, (Feb 5th) was my birthday. I went out and did some shopping at an awesome independent games shop in town. I figure the Mass Effect trilogy will never release on the Wii U so I got a used copy for the PS3, starting a brand new Spehard in ME1. I also picked up Tecmo's Deception (look for a trailer of Deception 4 which is out soon), Persona 3 collector's edition, F-Zero GX and, Star Ocean: Til the End of Time. Also grabbed a couple of graphic novels (New Avengers 1 and, Ultimates: Death of Spider-Man). I topped off my evening with a Jamaican Jerk Burger from Steak-n-Shake which was freaking Awesome. Part 2 of my birthday celebrations will happen tomorrow when The Lego Movie comes out. Sadly, both yesterday and tomorrow morning I have work...oh well, it's 8 to 230 so I had the evening and whatnot.

Also check out my birthday cake:

That my friends, is a Boston Cream Pie-style Cheesecake.

Listen Stranger, hang in there. You have a girlfriend and she sounds awesome. You two need each other and it may seem crap now but you'll get through this. Just remember: Never. Not. Be. Awesome.

...

Yeah...never not be awesome. That's it. ALWAYS BE AWESOME! Just do that and if you think you're not being awesome enough just remind yourself that the un-awesome around you is just jealous of your unadulterated awesome. Don't let the anti-awesome psyche you out!

 

[Quiet Stranger]

I'm a red-shirt too...if you want more hours try transferring into the back room. If you can work overnight, you should get more pay per/hour and even if you can't get an overnight shift, working in the back room will at least keep you away from the floor/away from the customers guests which leads to higher productivity. I've been with the FFF place for about 2 and a half years, starting on flow team and eventually moving into the back room which improved the number of hours I get and overall left me more satisfied...the only problem is that I got a hernia over the holidays and can't really afford the corrective surgery right now...I'm working on it though and am using a support belt so I can continue working. I'm also thinking about changing jobs though...there are a lot of distribution centers, factories and, packing plants in my area and my experience with skilled labor and, logistics could likely get me a job in any of those with little difficulty.

Don't let that depression get you down! You may be living at home with your mom but you're rent free dammit! I wouldn't be worrying so much about my surgery and how I'm going to pay it off if not for the fact that I do have to pay to continue living where I live. I live with my girlfriend which is great but I really miss the days when I could actually save what little money I can get from Target.

Yesterday, (Feb 5th) was my birthday. I went out and did some shopping at an awesome independent games shop in town. I figure the Mass Effect trilogy will never release on the Wii U so I got a used copy for the PS3, starting a brand new Spehard in ME1. I also picked up Tecmo's Deception (look for a trailer of Deception 4 which is out soon), Persona 3 collector's edition, F-Zero GX and, Star Ocean: Til the End of Time. Also grabbed a couple of graphic novels (New Avengers 1 and, Ultimates: Death of Spider-Man). I topped off my evening with a Jamaican Jerk Burger from Steak-n-Shake which was freaking Awesome. Part 2 of my birthday celebrations will happen tomorrow when The Lego Movie comes out. Sadly, both yesterday and tomorrow morning I have work...oh well, it's 8 to 230 so I had the evening and whatnot.

Also check out my birthday cake:

That my friends, is a Boston Cream Pie-style Cheesecake.

Listen Stranger, hang in there. You have a girlfriend and she sounds awesome. You two need each other and it may seem crap now but you'll get through this. Just remember: Never. Not. Be. Awesome.

...

Yeah...never not be awesome. That's it. ALWAYS BE AWESOME! Just do that and if you think you're not being awesome enough just remind yourself that the un-awesome around you is just jealous of your unadulterated awesome. Don't let the anti-awesome psyche you out!

Wow, thank you so much for reading that huge post and responding (I didn't think anyone would)

Yeah maybe I should transfer to the backroom but I don't even know how bad their hours have been getting cut (I think everyone's hours are being cut except for the people who are secured) I tried a backshift job at my local grocery store once, lasted three shifts and never went back. I'm on the hardlines team and my hours use to be about 8 hours a shift and now when I can get a shift, it's 5 and a half hours long. What really sucks is when they schedule me for a closing shift (not just me but anyone who has a closing shift) the higher ups always force us to leave at least 30 minutes early which is not doing us any favours.


I try to think more positive and I know there are lots of people in the world who are worse off and I know I am lucky but when I get into these moments of despair, it gets really hard for me to remember that it could be worse because it just feels so bad.

Well Happy belated Birthday, it really sounds like you had a great day, and while I don't like cheese cake, yours looks pretty damn delicious!! I love comics too, they're pretty great, haven't read a new one in a long time because I have about a 200 dollar late fee on my library account and I've kind of lost touch in the latest single issues of all the Green Lantern Comics and buying up all the ones I've missed would be damn pricy right now.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, I know this probably isn't the best place to vent my problems but your positivity really helps.

Thank you Jojo

 

[an annoyed writer]

Funny that you mention Target, one of my most annoying problems was from them recently. I've been going through a year-long hell of a job search and I'd gotten an interview with them for an electronics position, which I did well enough for them to interview me a second time, and I'd made it clear that I wanted the job and would do well since it was my domain that they were hiring for there... and nothing. I got coldly rejected three days later and they won't even respond to my calls for feedback. I recoiled and pulled myself together enough to turn in 15 goddamn applications in less than a month, and... nothing. No response. Instead, I got bitched at by the disability agency I work with for going to the library too much to turn in applications, which to them seemed like 'wasteful usage of the gas money provided'. Thing is, the house in which I live isn't very workable of an environment to do tons of job apps within. Too many distractions and intrusions via drunk parents. My car isn't doing as well either, my gaming PC broke long ago, I've hit a dead end in developing my skills as a 3D artist due to the limited capabilities of my laptop, and well, my friends are all rather distant physically and emotionally. Just can't seem to catch a break here.

relevant image:

 

[Mr. Charles]

Hey man sounds like your going through some tough stuff at the moment. Someone close to me is going through similar health difficulties and i know how difficult it is. I try my best and I've tryed to help for nearly two years but recently i have started to find it difficult to know what to say. Fortunately for me she is getting some help that is starting to help. That being said it is still difficult to see her in so much pain, I want to help and take the burden but I'm not certain if I can. This, along with financial difficulties and presure from my degree has casued me to have some difficulties with alcohol which I am doing my best to keep on top of but it is not easy.

But to you I say this. Your Girlfriend is lucky to have you. If you are standing by her and doing your best that is all anyone can expect. And in the face of her parents hostility that is truely wonderful what you have done. With work, keep going for aslong as you can but apply for other jobs whilst you do, play it smart get the paycheck but don't give up on your dream. As for co-workers, you may not see them socialy now but nothings stopping you.

Anyway, thanks for asking how I am, and I hope your ok and everything works out for you. Stay strong, you sound like a great guy!

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Funny that you mention Target, one of my most annoying problems was from them recently. I've been going through a year-long hell of a job search and I'd gotten an interview with them for an electronics position, which I did well enough for them to interview me a second time, and I'd made it clear that I wanted the job and would do well since it was my domain that they were hiring for there... and nothing. I got coldly rejected three days later and they won't even respond to my calls for feedback. I recoiled and pulled myself together enough to turn in 15 goddamn applications in less than a month, and... nothing. No response. Instead, I got bitched at by the disability agency I work with for going to the library too much to turn in applications, which to them seemed like 'wasteful usage of the gas money provided'. Thing is, the house in which I live isn't very workable of an environment to do tons of job apps within. Too many distractions and intrusions via drunk parents. My car isn't doing as well either, my gaming PC broke long ago, I've hit a dead end in developing my skills as a 3D artist due to the limited capabilities of my laptop, and well, my friends are all rather distant physically and emotionally. Just can't seem to catch a break here.

relevant image:

I can truly empathize with how you feel though your post makes me feel worse, not better haha. All of 2012 all I did was pass out resumes, fill out applications, and do whatever I could to get a job, never got a single call back from any place. Finally in 2013 I got the job at Target and so I was pretty damn happy but what with the current ongoing situation, I'm always worried it's going to be 2012 all over again.

I know not many people enjoy having other people's sympathies (At least that's what my girlfriend tells me, because sympathy is pity whereas empathy is understanding or being in the same shoes, whatever word she used) but you have my sympathy, I'm really sorry to hear about it and I know I'm a complete stranger but you can message me on here if you ever want to vent to someone. I think one of my problems with having a job is when I get too comfortable with someone or I think they are trustworthy, I start to complain and ***** about the job or just anything and that's probably one reason why I have no hours. Now I've been pretty good at not doing this at Target but I'm only human and what with my disability it makes it really hard for me not to get distracted.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Hey man sounds like your going through some tough stuff at the moment. Someone close to me is going through similar health difficulties and i know how difficult it is. I try my best and I've tryed to help for nearly two years but recently i have started to find it difficult to know what to say. Fortunately for me she is getting some help that is starting to help. That being said it is still difficult to see her in so much pain, I want to help and take the burden but I'm not certain if I can. This, along with financial difficulties and presure from my degree has casued me to have some difficulties with alcohol which I am doing my best to keep on top of but it is not easy.

But to you I say this. Your Girlfriend is lucky to have you. If you are standing by her and doing your best that is all anyone can expect. And in the face of her parents hostility that is truely wonderful what you have done. With work, keep going for aslong as you can but apply for other jobs whilst you do, play it smart get the paycheck but don't give up on your dream. As for co-workers, you may not see them socialy now but nothings stopping you.

Anyway, thanks for asking how I am, and I hope your ok and everything works out for you. Stay strong, you sound like a great guy!

Thank you for bothering to read all that, I appreciate it.

I wish you the best of luck with your difficulties, may I ask what your degree is in?

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

I think the problem with me but also the good thing about me is that I love to talk, about anything, and if I think someone is listening and cares to listen or even if they don't and just pretend, I'll spill my guts to them about anything, I think it's a problem because sometimes I don't know when to stop and what not to say, it has gotten me fired from jobs in the past, now I'm actually trying to think of why it might be a good thing and I can't think of anything... hhhhmmm.

And I really doc are about you and everyone else, it might be selfish, I just want friends, or even just acquaintances, I just want to get to know everyone or at least lots of people, I want them to be able to open up to me with problems, I want to make a difference in their lives like so many have made a difference in mine. In the future I want to be in a grocery store and for someone to come up to me and tell me how much good I've done for them, now this might be purely selfish because I'm starting to think I just want all this to make ME feel better at least it would also (I hope) go towards helping everyone else. "We're all in this together" has been my motto for a while now and I try to live up to it the best I can, I haven't been doing so well lately, maybe I'm scared to talk to the fellow next to me, I don't know but I do tell all the crosswalk guards I see that they're doing a great job and I appreciate the work they do and I thank my mailman every time he or she delivers my mail. I even thank every teacher I run into and thank them for wanting to teach the next generation.


I just want to be there for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on, some people might say this is dangerous thinking or foolish but as I said, We are all in this together.

 

[Sarah Kerrigan]

Hope you see better days, OP. I know they will come your way soon *all hugs your direction*

I've been okay recently. Things to deal with, stuff to get through, you know the daily routine.

 

[shogunblade]

First off, I did read your post. Sometimes, the hardest thing about life is feeling like everything is going to crush you. Work through the pain, that's what makes us grow. Through everything I've dealt with in the last 5 years alone, I can say that I have learned a lot about myself, and it becomes less of a 'blame game' like my father was capable of doing and more of me accepting the problems I have and saying, "I can do better".

Onto my plans: I just got accepted to a job to work as a product Sales Agent. I'm incredibly nervous, but it means I will get to move out of my parents house into a town I can start to get comfortable with, and preparing to do school this fall in the same town. I have a girlfriend, we've been together for about 5 months, by my estimate. I will be moving into a new town, and we will be able to get around the long distance relationship aspect of our life and see each other more often, which will be wonderful.

I am trying to find an apartment that will be close to my work, but I have no real money to put down even the first months rent or the deposit, but I have two weeks to make up the cash (Maybe I'll be a Call-girl... But I'm a boy. No problem, easy fix), hopefully get money from what left I can get in unemployment, while simultaneously quit whatever jobs around town there are (I'm a projectionist and I have a summer job I won't be able to work at). It does suck, but my older brother needs help with jobs, so I'm passing everything onto him to help him and his girlfriend, whose parents are going to kick her out for a long, complicated reason to get into.

Things are getting crazy in 2014... and I couldn't be happier. If you want someone to chat with, I'm always willing to talk, in fact, that's what my PSN info says , "I just wanna talk", so you can message me anytime you want, I'm all ears.

Don't be dismayed by life, jobs are tough to manage, especially those that take you for granted. I was a janitor for two and a half years, Cleaning shit up wasn't fun, and eventually, I was taken advantage of (not sexually or nothing, people just love to mess with me), but I kept with it until they let me go, It was their biggest mistake, but what can you do?

Keep your chin up, good sir!

 

[Quiet Stranger]

First off, I did read your post. Sometimes, the hardest thing about life is feeling like everything is going to crush you. Work through the pain, that's what makes us grow. Through everything I've dealt with in the last 5 years alone, I can say that I have learned a lot about myself, and it becomes less of a 'blame game' like my father was capable of doing and more of me accepting the problems I have and saying, "I can do better".

Onto my plans: I just got accepted to a job to work as a product Sales Agent. I'm incredibly nervous, but it means I will get to move out of my parents house into a town I can start to get comfortable with, and preparing to do school this fall in the same town. I have a girlfriend, we've been together for about 5 months, by my estimate. I will be moving into a new town, and we will be able to get around the long distance relationship aspect of our life and see each other more often, which will be wonderful.

I am trying to find an apartment that will be close to my work, but I have no real money to put down even the first months rent or the deposit, but I have two weeks to make up the cash (Maybe I'll be a Call-girl... But I'm a boy. No problem, easy fix), hopefully get money from what left I can get in unemployment, while simultaneously quit whatever jobs around town there are (I'm a projectionist and I have a summer job I won't be able to work at). It does suck, but my older brother needs help with jobs, so I'm passing everything onto him to help him and his girlfriend, whose parents are going to kick her out for a long, complicated reason to get into.

Things are getting crazy in 2014... and I couldn't be happier. If you want someone to chat with, I'm always willing to talk, in fact, that's what my PSN info says , "I just wanna talk", so you can message me anytime you want, I'm all ears.

Don't be dismayed by life, jobs are tough to manage, especially those that take you for granted. I was a janitor for two and a half years, Cleaning shit up wasn't fun, and eventually, I was taken advantage of (not sexually or nothing, people just love to mess with me), but I kept with it until they let me go, It was their biggest mistake, but what can you do?

Keep your chin up, good sir!

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, it means a lot to me and I may just take you up on that offer... eventually

 

[an annoyed writer]

Funny that you mention Target, one of my most annoying problems was from them recently. I've been going through a year-long hell of a job search and I'd gotten an interview with them for an electronics position, which I did well enough for them to interview me a second time, and I'd made it clear that I wanted the job and would do well since it was my domain that they were hiring for there... and nothing. I got coldly rejected three days later and they won't even respond to my calls for feedback. I recoiled and pulled myself together enough to turn in 15 goddamn applications in less than a month, and... nothing. No response. Instead, I got bitched at by the disability agency I work with for going to the library too much to turn in applications, which to them seemed like 'wasteful usage of the gas money provided'. Thing is, the house in which I live isn't very workable of an environment to do tons of job apps within. Too many distractions and intrusions via drunk parents. My car isn't doing as well either, my gaming PC broke long ago, I've hit a dead end in developing my skills as a 3D artist due to the limited capabilities of my laptop, and well, my friends are all rather distant physically and emotionally. Just can't seem to catch a break here.

relevant image:

I can truly empathize with how you feel though your post makes me feel worse, not better haha. All of 2012 all I did was pass out resumes, fill out applications, and do whatever I could to get a job, never got a single call back from any place. Finally in 2013 I got the job at Target and so I was pretty damn happy but what with the current ongoing situation, I'm always worried it's going to be 2012 all over again.

I know not many people enjoy having other people's sympathies (At least that's what my girlfriend tells me, because sympathy is pity whereas empathy is understanding or being in the same shoes, whatever word she used) but you have my sympathy, I'm really sorry to hear about it and I know I'm a complete stranger but you can message me on here if you ever want to vent to someone. I think one of my problems with having a job is when I get too comfortable with someone or I think they are trustworthy, I start to complain and ***** about the job or just anything and that's probably one reason why I have no hours. Now I've been pretty good at not doing this at Target but I'm only human and what with my disability it makes it really hard for me not to get distracted.

Thanks. Also, it sounds like your trajectory at Target is mirroring mine when I was at WalMart, though mine ended with a freak car accident and an early termination due to no vehicle. Hopefully, you won't receive the same fate. Job or not though, it's still a crappy time to be poor.

 

[Weaver]

Have you considered talking to a manager or higher up about why you need more hours? I'm not sure what your managers personalities are like, but if you think they would be understanding it might be worth talking to them about.

That said, from experience: sometimes it seems like life is simply suffocating you. It feels like you can't do anything and that you're trapped and all the bad in the world is coming your way. In my experience... well, somehow you just manage to work through things. Either things work themselves out, you catch a break, you change your outlook on things, etc.

Maybe this sounds hopelessly optimistic, but somehow I've found it to be true.
What province do you live in, by the way? I'm in Ontario myself.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Have you considered talking to a manager or higher up about why you need more hours? I'm not sure what your managers personalities are like, but if you think they would be understanding it might be worth talking to them about.

That said, from experience: sometimes it seems like life is simply suffocating you. It feels like you can't do anything and that you're trapped and all the bad in the world is coming your way. In my experience... well, somehow you just manage to work through things. Either things work themselves out, you catch a break, you change your outlook on things, etc.

Maybe this sounds hopelessly optimistic, but somehow I've found it to be true.
What province do you live in, by the way? I'm in Ontario myself.

I have talked to the higher ups and they all give me the same spiel, there's just nothing I can say to them to give me hours, I don't know what to do there. Just going to have to look for another job.


I'd tell you where I live but I don't want to give out too much more information, just in case someone might be reading this (I know it's paranoid but you never know)

 

[username sucks]

I want to start by saying that I did read your entire post, but being younger and unable to get a job I have no practical advice to give. I do wish you the best, as I also do to everyone who posted here before me. I do understand wanting to hear everyone's stories. I have been considering making a similar thread.

As for myself, I'm a senior in High School in a very high level honors program with no friends or support from family. I hung myself a few months ago due to stress from both school and family, but the overhead lighting fixture I tied the rope to broke as soon as I jumped. I had a stiff neck for about a week after that, and also went kind of insane, and now I think I am a very different person.

The moment I jumped I had an overwhelming desire to live, and life suddenly seemed much better. But I still expected to die, and, well, it was just a very strange and scary experience. I cleaned up the broken glass and made up a story about how it happened, and went back to the hum drum day to day. I was surprised to find that I no longer wanted to die, if anything death was now one of my greatest fears. I began writing in journals, trying to make sense of things I suppose. There were two, and at the time I didn't even know why I felt that some entries should go in the blue notebook and others in the black. I wrote, whenever I needed to. Just phased out the world, and ignored all the work which had been drowning me.

I can't remember exactly what I was thinking back then, but I looked back at my older journal entries and saw the ravings of a madman. I do remember hearing voices for a while after I attempted suicide, and it looks like I let them speak through me onto the blue journal. I genuinely started to believe that I was some sort of god who held the minds of "infinite from the cycles of past, and those to come".

But if I look at the black journal, I see pleas for help, poetry that lacks style yet full of my own feelings, particularly a feeling of uncertainty.

After a while, I changed to writing my understanding of the world in the blue, and poetry with meter and rhyme about things I observe in the black. I no longer want to die, but I also do not find much motivation for the goals I had set before, such as to get an IB diploma, or go to Irvine and major in Chemical Engineering. I still have my love and talent with science, but now I only live for... well, life. I love life, and I don't think I care anymore where I end up in this world. But even still, I am very unsure about the world and many of my perceived failings hurt me.

Another interesting thing happened yesterday. I got into a private chat with a stranger on Imgur, and even though we started with a conversation about Pokemon, they somehow saw from my words that I was confused and hurting, and broke from the small talk and started breaking past my mental barriers. Not only did I end up telling them all about my feelings, thoughts, and uncertain goals, but they were willing to listen, and gave advice that wasn't in the form of cliches or mere sympathies. I have never seen that degree of caring and willingness to reach out and help from anyone before, not even my parents. So even though I doubt the advice I was given, that experience was rather world-shaking for me, in a good way.

 

[Nouw]

School has started and ***** I love it, woop de woop de woop de-woop-de woop! I get to meet my friends everyday and even better, my classes are all pretty swell.

 

[DragonStorm247]

I have a close friend who also works in retail, so I'm familiar with the trials that come with it. I myself have actually been fairly good lately, currently have a job as a research assistant and level designer under one of my university's game design professors, and I'm also making nice progress on my own independent game. Hopefully it will get enough traction when we put it up on Kickstarter in a few months.

I'm in love with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, we've been together for more than a year now and she makes me very happy. She is SO smart that we talk about the most interesting things, like time paradoxes and how they work (or don't) and other topics like what's going on in the world with the Olympics and murder cases. She is truly amazing and I've become such a better person because of her. With her I have three beautiful little girls whom I love very much, it was hard for me at the start of when they first came into our lives but over the months we've had them, I've bonded with each of them and I like to think they love me just as much, they're Guinea Pigs by the way, not actual humans, though they're more human than most people I know. I wish I knew how to upload a photo of them onto here so you could see them, they are so cute.

Here would be my advice to you: no matter how bad things might seem, never forget that you have this. For all the good things that I have going in my life right now, a significant other is not one of them, and to be quite honest it gets to me sometimes. I went through a particularly ... spectacular rejection a few years back (now you asked how I've been doing lately, so I won't go into details unless you're really interested) and ever since then I've carried a lonely feeling inside me.

 

[FPLOON]

Well, I can tell you one thing up front, OP... You, at least, have two things I legitimately do not have... A women that I love in my life and a actual paying job...

Now, how have I have been doing? Well, it could be better, however it could be worse... I say it's pretty neutral right now... I'm currently waiting for a letter from a college I want to transfer to, which I feel like I'm not going to get accepted to due to my overall semester GPA... I should be glad I don't have to take as many classes as I used to two years ago, but dammit it do I wish I had the choices in classes I had back then...

Lately, to pass the time, I have been writing A LOT, trying to improve myself since I'm trying to become a published writer... There's this Writer's Workshop I was invited to about a year ago when I was forced to take a semester off (due to a poor fall semester performance) and I have been going to it ever other week on the weekends... It's so much fun hanging out with other writers of the SoCal area, despite still being the youngest person in the workshop all the time...

Due to lack of proper time management and a "small" case of sleep deprivation (that I have caused myself to have after graduating High School), I can barely schedule anything in the morning without oversleeping passed it... and, even if I did have a job, I would be begging to have hours during the afternoon/evening shift... Then again, despite having a driver's licence for over a year now, I do not have a car on my own, so hopefully I don't have to walk no more than 5 or 10 miles just to get to work in that scenario...

Also, as I'm typing this, I keep pausing and weaving my arms in the air for no reason whatsoever... It's really addictive and it's keep me from reminding myself how much I tend to have the most negative thoughts while still cracking a positive smile on my face... (Then again, I have never forgotten my acting days in high school, which always reminds me that I can still rock a mean prom dress in my current state...)

By the way, thanks for asking how I have been doing... and, yes, I do not regret mentioning the whole "dress" thing, despite being as straight as a #2 pencil... that I probably stole from school to add to my [growing] pencil collection... (Don't tell the teachers I've said that...)

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

Uhhh, today my parents and I talked about me seeing a therapist to find out if I have depression. That's certainly news in my world and hopefully a step forward me. It's been a slgithly anxious day but I'm feeling good at the moment.

Nothing's been going on with me since before the holidays when I lost my job. I left my phone job after a couple of years for a retail job which, after three or four weeks, didn't work out. I'm getting therapy sessions soon but I'm also tossing up whether to find another job for now or start studying something. That 'something' I have no idea what. That's pretty much the question that put me in therapy in the first place.

Anyway, I'm doing fine. Not much to complain about here I think, thank you for asking.

 

[Yopaz]

I worry so much for our future, I'm not a very smart man so I worry that my schooling was just all a waste and I'll never get in the Child and Youth Care field, I'm worried I'll never find another job in time to save up enough money to move out with my girlfriend and be able to keep the job, I don't know what to do or where to go anymore, don't know who I can turn to.

I'm going to be very blunt with you about this part so please excuse me if I come off as rude, but most likely you aren't very smart. Nor am I nor the majority of the world. I have felt the way you do myself that I shouldn't have wasted time with school and just learned something practical such as fixing cars and I would have been working now and made decent money. This is a self destructive way of thinking and it's bad for you. You are not alone in thinking so and this is one of the most common reasons people over here go to therapy. In fact there are so many people with this problem that there's a lack of therapists to deal with all of them. Stick it out and I'm sure you'll do great.

For those other issues I can't offer any help or statistics that will make you feel better and I'm not sure how people get new jobs where you live, but I hope you'll figure something out.

OT: If you had asked this question 3 weeks ago I would have said I was doing poorly. I just dropped out from my studies after more than 3 years because I didn't feel fit for that line of work and transferred to molecular biology (I had some overlaps which will get me a degree in just half a year's worth of extra courses)and I was quite shocked at the different structure of it all. I am now spending 6 hours a week in a lab and about 25-30 hours of writing reports afterwards. The deadline is set 2 days after the lab meaning I need to be extremely well prepared and I need to sit long hours after those 6 hours in the lab just writing reports if I want to have any hope of finishing on time.

In cell biology I feel like an idiot, everyone is smarter than me, everyone works harder and none of it makes sense.

In my molecular biology course I can't follow the lectures at all, they confuse me, they bore me.

I regret ever taking the leap towards this.

However my second week of this started. I didn't get my lab report which had almost given me a heart attack trying to finish on time approved and I had to do it over. I had to write a new lab report on top of rewriting my first report. Then I was called in to teach some classes in English and gym which means my time to write the reports was cut by quite a bit. I ended up sitting at the university from the moment I got out of work until closing time (10 PM) only interrupted by a dinner I wolfed down as quickly as is physically possible. Then when I was sitting there at 9:30 I realized something strange. I was enjoying myself. I have never spent this much time on that kind of work, never had so much to do, but damn it felt great. I realized that those other people taking cell biology weren't that much smarter and I was able to catch up being one of the more vocal people in my group while answering questions. Perhaps the most amazing thing of all is that I like the people that I study with. I've always had a hard time to reach out and I've always been silent in crowds. These people are amazing and I feel like I get along with them without even trying to reach out. I was worried that they would already be set in groups since they are mostly 2nd year and 3rd year students while I am just butting in from nowhere.

So yeah, I am happy with how things are right now. Molecular biology is still boring and I still can't follow the lectures, but I'll work it out eventually.

 

[Launcelot111]

After a depressingly long period of classes, internships, part-time jobs, and self loathing, I'm starting Monday on a shiny new full time job with salary and everything. And in a field I'm actually interested in, to top that off. Super super pumped.


As for your quandaries, I'd say to talk to your managers and see if there are any other areas in the store you could fill in just to try and get some extra hours. If that doesn't work and you're still not given any hours, then it would seem to me that the managers are trying to squeeze you out a bit and that it would probably be for the best to concentrate on finding a new job. As for your girlfriend, I don't have much experience with depression, but it sounds like you're one of the few people even making the effort to help her, success or not, so just try to keep that positive energy flowing.