How did your parents discipline you?

[krazykidd]

Iv'e been wanting to make this thread for a while out of curiosity . I was talking to my mother yesterday and she said that children these days are not disciplined at all . Which made me think about how she and my father disciplined me as a child . My parents were pretty strict growing up and i got punished a lot ( especially as a child ).

So my question to you guys is:

How were you disciplined ( punished for doing something bad/wrong) as a child, and how effective do you think that method was for you .

As a bonus question i would like to know , as an adult now , do you agree with the way your parents disciplined you , and would/do you use the same method on your children?

As for me, the main method of punishment was spankings . My parents are from the caribbean ,barbados to be exact . Spanking were the way they got disciplined and they used the same method on me . It was usually my mother that did the spanking unless it was something very serious ( usually school related ) then my father was the one to take care of it . It was always bare assed , and with a belt . The average amount of lashes i got was 3 . Unless i tried to avoid a hit ( or put my hand to block it), that earned me more lashes . Pull down your pants , bend over and don't flinch . I was usually sent to my room afterwards for about an hour to reflect on what i did .

I have to admit , it was a VERY effective way to discipline me . Because i never did the same thing twice , because i knew the consequences and i didn't want to get spanked . By 8 years old i was straight as an arrow . I never got in trouble for anything after that. Even as a teenager , i never did anything that would warrant my parents punishing me in any way . I always followed the rules for everything. I'm 24 years old now , and have never been in any sort or trouble at school , at work , with the police , nothing . I always try to do what i believe is right . I guess that means they did their job as parents propely.

However , i'm not sure if i would used that same method on my child . My parents conditionned me to be docile , and i don't think i could discipline a child that way . I also do not want to have children for this very reason . I am sure i would make a terrible father , and would let my kid get away with anything without any severe punishment .

Your turn.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

The details of my childhood are quite inconsequential.
(My parents never hit me and I endorse that, I think I came alright overall)

 

[IndomitableSam]

We got a few spankings when we were young, but probably not after 4/5. After that it was being yelled at and punished by having things taken away or time ours or groundings, the usual. This was in the 80's when we were young kids, though. I can remember making my dad so angry at me once that he raised his fist at me, but he's regretted it ever since. I was young and had a bad infection and the medicine I had to take was banana flavoured, and I cannot stand bananas at all. Revile them. So I was making myself sicker by not taking the stuff, and his patience just snapped. Never hit me, though, and never, ever would.

I did get a lot of smacks growing up, but those were just light cuffs on the arm or back of the head type "you're an idiot" stuff.

My mother slapped me across the face once, but I was a teenager and I damn well deserved worse than that. I probably should have been slapped a hell of a lot more.

We were pretty straght-laced kids, though. My parents actually wished we'd done more dumb things. I think I should have, too.

If/when I have kids, I will spank them, and possibly smack them if they deserve it. I've taught children and young adults who never had a fear of their parents instilled in them, and therefore no fear of consquences, and it has not turned out well for some of them. Not all, mind you, but some never were punished and think they never will be. I'd teach my kids young that life isn't fair and life can hurt, but that I'd always be there for them if they needed me. I'd probably raise them the way I was raised - to respect my parents, but not cross them without knowing I'd pay for it, and to go to them for anything I need and know they'll bend over backwards for me.

 

[Slaanesh]

I received spankings and slaps from my mom when I crossed the line at around 7 or 8 years old. Nothing after that age as I never fucked up bad enough to receive discipline like that. My father on the other hand never layed a finger on me. Reason for this was he just couldn't bring himself to hurt his kids for any reason what so ever. Also because he was able to bring order to the house with a simple, intimidating glare.

Seeing as people tell I'm a spitting image of my father and I can easily pull off that look, its safe to say I wont be physically disciplining my kids.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

They didn't. There was the occasional verbal rebuke if I did something naughty but I was actually a very well behaved little child on my own. I suppose it's because I really loved my parents and not wanting to disappoint them was a far greater motivator than fear of punishment would have been.

As a consequence of the above I managed to hide all my deviancy in my early teenage years very well and once I got to my later teens and stopped giving a shit there really wasn't much they could have done, even if they'd tried.


I don't think it's a question of how they disciplined me, but as a young child I think they raised me very well and if (hopefully when) I have kids I hope I do as good a job as they did.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Discipline:
My parents were pretty easy going in regards to discipline and in a sense for the most part it was unneeded since they instilled in me a very strong sense of right and wrong, in fact when I ask my parents about it now they often tell me how strict they were with me even as a toddler which I guess I carried with me into my older years.

As for discipline it usually consisted of a very serious shouting/telling off which believe me was a very scary thing, especially from my mother since she's got one hell of a voice when she's angry. If more action was needed then I was either grounded, had pocket money reduced or out right stopped, or I was forbidden from going to an event I may have been looking forward to, or perhaps sent to bed early.

On an interesting note both my parents grew up in the 50's/60's of England and had very traditional parents so they both experienced beatings at home, beatings which by today's standards would be classed as out right abuse, and had to deal with canings at school, with all this most likely contributing to their own parenting methods since neither have so much as raised a hand to me never mind hit me, which in a way seems to break the pattern since you often hear about children experiencing the same discipline that parents were dealt when they too were children, I guess they just realized how barbaric the practices were and had no desire to inflict that upon their own children.

Did it work and do I agree?
As to my own views I think they did a pretty damn good job since I was a model student at school, have done well academically and have never been in trouble with the police, which just proves you can raise a child to be respectful without serve forms of punishment like spankings/canings or possibly worse.

So in conclusion I'll probably adopt the same policy if and when I ever have children of my own, although I could possibly see myself resorting to spankings if my child ever did something like stealing, because that's not just bad behavior that's actually a criminal act and if they were older they could go to prison for it, but that would only be a last resort and I'd probably feel like I'd failed as a parent in the first place if my child ever stole anything.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I got spanked bg hand from my mother. Sure I didn't like it but it did get the job done. All I can say is that I was quite a wild child back then.
Granted these days if I were to become a father I would try to adopted the child disicpline via this TV show (super nanny) as she seen to get the result without getting phyical. Also I'm pretty sure spanking is no longer allowed in the UK I think.

 

[omega 616]

She (single mum FTW!) didn't really, there was no spankings (I think that is an American thing though), never really shouted, never stopped us playing games, couldn't ground us (sorry, when I say "us", I have a brother who is 2 years younger) etc.

Pretty much are discipline was "oi, stop it" or something along those lines. If I missed homework (which I did, a lot) my mum never punished me and the school rarely did.

I owe a years worth of science homework and I got 1 detention and one of my science teachers told my mum, who said to me "I thought you liked science" ... I said "I do, just don't like homework" and that was that. I never excelled at school but never really struggled, well except for math.

I don't drink, which means I don't party or go out. I don't do drugs and I have never been in a fight. My relatives have always said me and my bro were great kids, never threw a single tantrum etc.

At about 5-7 I did have a pyro side that I indulged by setting rubbish on fire (I was a city kid), cardboard boxes, carpets etc, sometimes I would set fire to toilet paper, then flush it but quickly stopped 'cos my mum could always smell it. I grew out of it though.

Maybe if she had said "stop playing games and do your homework" I would have more motivation and a job, can't really blame her though, I can't imagine working all day then trying to control two kids, who keep to themselves if you don't bother them. In terms of parents fucking there kids up, I got very lucky!

 

[teqrevisited]

Usually it was either sent to my room, which I never understood because all of my things were in there, or a good whack.

Back when my age was somewhere in the single digits I swore and my dad heard it. I think I only made contact with the stairs twice before I got to the top.

Personally I'd probably just confiscate their stuff for a while but I wouldn't say that my parents' methods didn't work.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Also I'm pretty sure spanking is no longer allowed in the UK I think.

It's a common misconception that smacking/spanking isn't allowed in the UK and originates from the fact the government changed the legislation in 2004 I think? (It's awhile since I researched it so my memory maybe fuzzy) Basically they didn't outlaw it outright but they did tighten up the definitions of child abuse and what constitutes a legal slap. Basically you can slap your child as long as you don't draw blood or cause a bruise i.e. "leave a mark," so a reddening of skin resulting from a bare ass spanking would be allowed, although the police and social services are much more stricter now and you'd probably have to prove you didn't cause harm than it be the other way around, so while it's still legal I guess it's much more frowned upon.

 

[Qwurty2.0]

When I was really young, my parents would punish us with spankings when we were really out of line.

I was a fairly well behaved kid, and as I naturally sought to please others (especially my parents), a simple angry lecture was usually enough to make me rethink what I did.

I was so afraid of disappointing my parents that, rather than take the punishment of not finishing my homework (which I had forgotten to do), I went to the turn in bin and replaced another kids name with my own (rather poorly, I might add).

Later, I got called to the principle's office and they called my parents. I apologized to the kid whose work I stole, and nearly cried as my mom berated me for what I did. She took away TV and computer use for a month, which I obeyed, and after that made certain to do my homework and take responsibility.

So I would say yes, their punishments worked. They never spanked me when I was older, but when I was young the spankings simply made me afraid of the pain, rather than teaching me to consider why what I did was wrong. Which is why psychologists say spanking is not advised in the long run, and rewarding kids for good behavior is preferred.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I think my mom grounded me once when I was 6. It didnt last very long.

My mom never really needed to discipline me. I was, and still am, so shit scared to cross her that I never did anything that bad. When I started going out and/or drinking with friends at 16/17 she knew about it and always knew where I was.
I actually physically cannot lie to my Mom. A fact, people are always puzzled by.

She always gave me a certain degree of independence so I was able to go out and do things with my friends, within reason, but I always did well in school and whatever else.

I have no idea how she managed that level of control considering I don't remember ever being disciplined by her. Über parenting, I guess.

I think she did a pretty good job.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I would get told to go to my room, occasionally my dad might give me a clip around the ear, maybe get no pudding and if I was being a right little shit my pocket money would be docked (rarely happened, I was far and away the best behaved- as the youngest the other two would get into trouble mostly for picking on me). Obviously all this would be accompanied by some serious shouting. It wasn't bad really, although I do feel that perhaps the clips around the ear were unnecessary it's not like they were very painful.

To be honest, given my stubbornness as a child, there is no punishment in the world that would ever have had any affect on me. I just refused to do stuff if I didn't want to do it, but considering I spent most of my life playing with Lego or reading I wasn't too bad to deal with. If my mischievous prick of a brother was as stubborn as I was then I think my parents would have gone thoroughly insane.

I guess I'd probably be fairly similar with my kids, although I doubt I'd ever hit them and I would make them sit on a step or something rather than go to their room, seems like a better punishment.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

I never got hit by my parents, but they still managed to lay the ground rules and get me to follow them. Largely because my mum was quite good at basic psychology.

Basically we got sent to our rooms without any toys and made to stay there until we'd learned our lesson. Now, the clever bit comes from the fact that we where never all in trouble at the same time, so the rest of the family would then noisily have fun family activity which we couldn't join in 'until we'd learned our lesson'. So you where stuck there, bored rigid, knowing that you could be having fun. In a similar line, if you threw a hissy fit at the dinner table, you went to bed hungry, simple as that. You quickly learned to eat what you where given.

As we got older, then we got more standard punishments such as loss of pocket money, groundings etc. Simple tellings off often worked as well.

All you really need to instil discipline is to set boundaries of acceptable behaviour, let the consequences of transgressing them be known, and then follow through when the rules are broken. The punishment doesn't have to involve violence, it just has to be applied consistently.

 

[Dragonclaw]

I remember in the 70's you could actually buy wooden paddles at the store specifically for spanking your kids (nowadays you probably could still find them, but only at...um...specialty stores ) The paddle was always hanging in the kitchen in plain sight with it's little cartoon bears holding their butts and a handle that sai d"Grip firmly in case of frustration" . It didn't get used on ME many times because by the time I became a rebellious teen I was bigger then them...Like others have said: send me to my room? Awesome, all my stuff is there. Ground me? That'll last until you get tired of hearing Twisted Sister blaring from my stereo and send me off to a friends house just for some peace and quiet

 

[Cheery Lunatic]

My mother usually hit me with whatever was handy (usually wooden spoons or shoes or whatever)

My dad on the other hand scared the shit out of me
He'd usually used his belt

Funny story, when I was like 7 my older sister and I got in trouble (I don't even remember why) but when my dad got home from work he took off his belt and was about to hit us
bUT MY SISTER STARTED RUNNING AWAY and since we're locked in the room (we tried to escape before) shE JUST LITERALLY RAN IN CIRCLES AROUND THE ROOM
I was like, no I'll be the good smart kid and stay where I am and just take it, my sister will get it worse
lolno my dad was so exhausted he gave up chasing her and just took it out on me and she got off scott free
moral of the story: ALWAYS FUCKING RUN

IMMIGRANT PARENTS
FUK YEAH

(I sound more bitter than I actually am, I usually laugh about a lot of my spankings with my friends just because how stupid the situations were)

 

[krazykidd]

When I was really young, my parents would punish us with spankings when we were really out of line.

I was a fairly well behaved kid, and as I naturally sought to please others (especially my parents), a simple angry lecture was usually enough to make me rethink what I did.

I was so afraid of disappointing my parents that, rather than take the punishment of not finishing my homework (which I had forgotten to do), I went to the turn in bin and replaced another kids name with my own (rather poorly, I might add).

Later, I got called to the principle's office and they called my parents. I apologized to the kid whose work I stole, and nearly cried as my mom berated me for what I did. She took away TV and computer use for a month, which I obeyed, and after that made certain to do my homework and take responsibility.

So I would say yes, their punishments worked. They never spanked me when I was older, but when I was young the spankings simply made me afraid of the pain, rather than teaching me to consider why what I did was wrong. Which is why psychologists say spanking is not advised in the long run, and rewarding kids for good behavior is preferred.

That's funny , because i think ( i have no proof of this ), that because of the spanking , iv'e become a bit of a masochist .

 

[Tiger King]

I got a slap round the head for bad behaviour when I was little.
Being a lot older now I disagree with it. Well mostly.

Some kids you see nowadays deserve a slap but I always look back and feel that hitting a child was not the best way to solve a problem

 

[Qwurty2.0]

That's funny , because i think ( i have no proof of this ), that because of the spanking , iv'e become a bit of a masochist .

Parents hit you.

Is sexually turned on by being hit.

While I have nothing against masochists personally (I am in fact big into BDSM), there are perhaps some, errr... repressed emotions towards your parents.

(J/k, btw ;P)

 

[Foolery]

Spankings when I was young. The threat to do so in public was enough to keep my behaviour in check. "In front of God and everyone" as my mum used to say. If I argued in the car with my siblings, my mum would just pull over, open the door, and tell me to walk home. Usually a few miles. Also at dinner, if you rested your elbows on the table, she'd prod you with a fork.