I'm afraid you've got it backwards. Those jackasses TRIED to make me bend over backwards for them, but that was in total contradiction to what I'd call good personal development, so I disciplined THEM.
How did your parents discipline you?
- Thread starter krazykidd
- Start date
Got spankings most of my life.
I kept getting in trouble, mostly because I always thought I could get away with whatever I planned next. I was always so sure that what I did would go unnoticed.
Basically, I was stupid as a child.
I would happily use it on my children-- if I wanted any. I don't believe the whole "spankings don't work" argument. But I would first explain to them why what they did was wrong, then if the did it again after I told them why they shouldn't, that's when a long strip of leather will speedily meet their buttocks.
I kept getting in trouble, mostly because I always thought I could get away with whatever I planned next. I was always so sure that what I did would go unnoticed.
Basically, I was stupid as a child.
I would happily use it on my children-- if I wanted any. I don't believe the whole "spankings don't work" argument. But I would first explain to them why what they did was wrong, then if the did it again after I told them why they shouldn't, that's when a long strip of leather will speedily meet their buttocks.
Spankings were used when we transgressed badly, but most of the time it was groundings and such. I was never that bad of a kid but my brother and sister sure were. I think one of the misunderstandings about this topic though is the idea that "It worked on me this way, thus it'll work the same for everybody else." My mother and father used the same punishments on the three of us. I turned out great, my sister turned herself around after highschool and my brother is still a total shit-head who probably needs a beating right now.
I had two dads growing up. One was a laid back hippie, the other was a hard ass. Believe me when I say this; personality wise, they were the opposite ends of the spectrum. Hippie dad barely ever even raised his voice at me, and gave me many liberties. Hard ass dad would smack me if I so much as left the crust off my sandwich (he did get a tad more leniant as I got older though).
I'm barely old enough to qualify as an official critic of parenting but in my ignorant opinion, individually, they were both wrong for the opposite reasons - one was too harsh, the other was too easy. However, together they complemented each other quite well. I like to think of myself as a pleseant balance between soft - headed tree hugger and psycho commando fascist because of it.
I had a mother too, but she didn't really do much in the way of discipline.
I'm barely old enough to qualify as an official critic of parenting but in my ignorant opinion, individually, they were both wrong for the opposite reasons - one was too harsh, the other was too easy. However, together they complemented each other quite well. I like to think of myself as a pleseant balance between soft - headed tree hugger and psycho commando fascist because of it.
I had a mother too, but she didn't really do much in the way of discipline.
My parents differed heavily in their discipline style.
My mom was more of the spanking, yelling, and grounding type. Hell, there was like a five year period where every spring break, she would ground me just because she didn't trust me with so much free time. (Pretty sure that counts as psychological abuse actually.)
My dad was the parent that actually spent time with me, so he noticed early on that spanking, yelling, and grounding didn't really work on me and only made me close in on myself even further. (I was the bullied kid at school until 6th grade when I finally hit back.) His form of punishment? Taking whatever video game console I was attached to at the moment, disassembling it, and hiding the parts around the house. I could only have the console back if I could find all the parts. It was bordering on cruel and unusual punishment, but let me tell you, it was effective.
To be honest, I wasn't a really bad kid when it came to my dad. He was sick most of the time and I knew from experience (it wasn't directed at me, I just happened to be in the room) that he had a temper that was as short and fierce as my own, so I rarely wanted to poke what most of my mom's family saw as a proverbial dragon. When it came to my mom though, I'll admit to toeing the line on what I could get away with and even now, at 21, I'm still a total little shit, but she's finally accepted that it's just my personality and that nothing she says or does is ever going to change that.
My mom was more of the spanking, yelling, and grounding type. Hell, there was like a five year period where every spring break, she would ground me just because she didn't trust me with so much free time. (Pretty sure that counts as psychological abuse actually.)
My dad was the parent that actually spent time with me, so he noticed early on that spanking, yelling, and grounding didn't really work on me and only made me close in on myself even further. (I was the bullied kid at school until 6th grade when I finally hit back.) His form of punishment? Taking whatever video game console I was attached to at the moment, disassembling it, and hiding the parts around the house. I could only have the console back if I could find all the parts. It was bordering on cruel and unusual punishment, but let me tell you, it was effective.
To be honest, I wasn't a really bad kid when it came to my dad. He was sick most of the time and I knew from experience (it wasn't directed at me, I just happened to be in the room) that he had a temper that was as short and fierce as my own, so I rarely wanted to poke what most of my mom's family saw as a proverbial dragon. When it came to my mom though, I'll admit to toeing the line on what I could get away with and even now, at 21, I'm still a total little shit, but she's finally accepted that it's just my personality and that nothing she says or does is ever going to change that.
Always with words. My parents were always strongly opposed to physical reprimendation, and so am I. In the Netherlands generally only religious families might do it, which is frowned upon generally.
So no, I won't be raising my hand against my children either. Words are more effective anyway, as they can express sadness rather than anger.
So no, I won't be raising my hand against my children either. Words are more effective anyway, as they can express sadness rather than anger.
I was never 'punished', only reasoned with.
When I did something wrong, my parents gave a good enough explanation as to why it was wrong that my child-mind understood and learnt.
When I see parents just saying 'no, don't do that or you'll be punished', I hate it. Children need to be reasoned with, resorting to punishment only if reason fails.
When I did something wrong, my parents gave a good enough explanation as to why it was wrong that my child-mind understood and learnt.
When I see parents just saying 'no, don't do that or you'll be punished', I hate it. Children need to be reasoned with, resorting to punishment only if reason fails.
My dad would discipline me by asking me to bring him my favorite toy, then he would proceed throw said toy against the wall, shattering it into billion pieces and then shout to me "WELL NOW IT'S GONE". I eventually caught on to this little trick of his and I would purposely give him my least favorite toy. I remember one time I brought him like my McDonalds Happy Meal Yellow Ranger toy and tried to convince him it was my favorite, but he didn't buy it and he instead went into my room and found my Link action figure because he knew I was a big Zelda fan and threw that against the wall which fucking destroyed it.
I know that sounds kinda fucked up, and I agree my dad's parenting was questionable, but looking back at it I find it actually pretty hilarious.
Bonus Question: I don't know how effective it is to break your child's favorite toy in front of his crying eyes, I mean don't think it taught me any lessons and only made me fantasy about hitting him in the face like sixty-seven thousand times repeatedly. So, I doubt think I'd discipline my kids the way my dad did to me.
I know that sounds kinda fucked up, and I agree my dad's parenting was questionable, but looking back at it I find it actually pretty hilarious.
Bonus Question: I don't know how effective it is to break your child's favorite toy in front of his crying eyes, I mean don't think it taught me any lessons and only made me fantasy about hitting him in the face like sixty-seven thousand times repeatedly. So, I doubt think I'd discipline my kids the way my dad did to me.
I totally set myself up for that . xD.Qwurty2.0 said:Parents hit you.krazykidd said:
Is sexually turned on by being hit.
While I have nothing against masochists personally (I am in fact big into BDSM), there are perhaps some, errr... repressed emotions towards your parents.
(J/k, btw ;P)
Hitting children or young people as a parent or legal guardian is illegal in Sweden since 1979, so there was only harsh words involved when I did something dumb.
Can't say it was effective since I never learned from my mistakes and was a pretty annoying child. I'd do the same with my children... might not work well, but hurting your kids isn't the best solution.
Can't say it was effective since I never learned from my mistakes and was a pretty annoying child. I'd do the same with my children... might not work well, but hurting your kids isn't the best solution.
My mom would take me aside and calmly ask me what I did and why it was wrong. I'd usually dodge the question and try to squirm around, but she wouldn't let me. I couldn't leave until I told her what I did and why I was wrong. It wouldn't be long before I'd crack and feel like a genuinely horrible child and do my best to avoid whatever I did. Worked really, really well and I would definitely use it on my kids.
My dad used the good old methods of screaming at me and then probably smacking me around a bit until I pleaded for him to stop. I'd usually go out of my way to do bad shit under his nose out of spite. For sure won't be doing that to my kids.
My parents are also from the Caribbean. My mom is a hard working and gentle woman who's always treated us like her closest friends, and my dad has always been a rough around the edges man who's spent nearly all his life on an oil field yelling and being yelled at. My mom's the type to make life friends with the cashiers of stores she frequents and my dad is the type to give the waiter a very very very bad day.
Have a friend who's parents would wail on him and tell him he's useless and a piece of shit (they still do the latter to this day), and he's become the type who gets himself drunk on a weekly basis, takes lots of coke (and has tried selling), gets into fights with random people in bars, and chainsmokes like no other.
My dad used the good old methods of screaming at me and then probably smacking me around a bit until I pleaded for him to stop. I'd usually go out of my way to do bad shit under his nose out of spite. For sure won't be doing that to my kids.
My parents are also from the Caribbean. My mom is a hard working and gentle woman who's always treated us like her closest friends, and my dad has always been a rough around the edges man who's spent nearly all his life on an oil field yelling and being yelled at. My mom's the type to make life friends with the cashiers of stores she frequents and my dad is the type to give the waiter a very very very bad day.
Have a friend who's parents would wail on him and tell him he's useless and a piece of shit (they still do the latter to this day), and he's become the type who gets himself drunk on a weekly basis, takes lots of coke (and has tried selling), gets into fights with random people in bars, and chainsmokes like no other.
Theres a popular phrase used by parents in my part of the world "ill take my hand off your face". Taking thier hand off your face wasnt a problem it was the hand hitting your face prior to that. After it happens once or twice the threat alone is enough
Is that a translated expression? Because the way i'm imagining that is your parents holding one side of your face with one hand , and smacking the other side with the other . [small] which seems funny when i think about it only because i couldn't actually imagine someone doing that [/small]shootthebandit said:
Ehh, depended on what I had done. If it was minor, I just got lectured. I mean, I was threatened with spankings, sure, but the threat was usually enough to keep me behaved. I think that last time I was ever spanked was in second grade...and it was because I thought I'd be the cool kid in class and bring in a section of a nude mag with bare breasted women. I don't know how my teacher found out, surely it wasn't the group congregation of boys going to the bathroom.
As I got older, it was usually 1. Take away video games, or 2. Threaten to take said video games, or 3. Let me learn from my own dumbass mistakes.
I've been told by a lot of people that they don't think number 3 works at all, but my parents seemed to know when I was punished enough by what I had done. Got a timeslip in school? Well, have fun sitting there for a half hour doing homework that won't count towards anything. Broke that lamp I was told to stop playing with? Well, guess who isn't able to get that game they wanted because they need to use that money to buy a new lamp.
By the time I was 13, I was probably the most well behaved teenager in school. Sure, I had my days, but it mainly boiled down to some other kid in school picking on me, and I had enough of it.
There was ONE time that I was spanked HARD, and it was ironically because of how a friend of mine got punished. His dad actually slapped him in the face, pretty hard, so I kicked his dad in the crotch...Believe me, I know it seems like some kids deserve it, but slapping hard in the face is just too personal to me, I mean, further than that. I can't stand the thought, sight, and sound of someone getting slapped in the face, not then, not now, and I usually hate people that do it to their kids.
As I got older, it was usually 1. Take away video games, or 2. Threaten to take said video games, or 3. Let me learn from my own dumbass mistakes.
I've been told by a lot of people that they don't think number 3 works at all, but my parents seemed to know when I was punished enough by what I had done. Got a timeslip in school? Well, have fun sitting there for a half hour doing homework that won't count towards anything. Broke that lamp I was told to stop playing with? Well, guess who isn't able to get that game they wanted because they need to use that money to buy a new lamp.
By the time I was 13, I was probably the most well behaved teenager in school. Sure, I had my days, but it mainly boiled down to some other kid in school picking on me, and I had enough of it.
There was ONE time that I was spanked HARD, and it was ironically because of how a friend of mine got punished. His dad actually slapped him in the face, pretty hard, so I kicked his dad in the crotch...Believe me, I know it seems like some kids deserve it, but slapping hard in the face is just too personal to me, I mean, further than that. I can't stand the thought, sight, and sound of someone getting slapped in the face, not then, not now, and I usually hate people that do it to their kids.
Well they tried timeouts which always worked on my elder brother but that never worked because I was a daydreamer.
Verbal mostly, usually I had to explain what I did wrong and why, very very occasional smack if it was something that was actually dangerous but for the most part I didn't actually need to be punished and felt terrible if did something bad anyway. I was liable to just tell them what I done and apologize on my own so I guess it was effective? I was always a bit afraid of upsetting my dad though, he never hit me or my brother but he is prone to rages and throwing shit. I don't think it was ever because of something me or brother did though and its not directed at us, its usually because he messed something up.
Would I do the same? I guess or at least I would try to discipline verbally or with harmless things like timeouts. I'm pretty sure I'd be a terrible parent and don't want kids so I doesn't really matter. Although I don't have an issue with smacking kids unless its closed fist or your first resort.
Verbal mostly, usually I had to explain what I did wrong and why, very very occasional smack if it was something that was actually dangerous but for the most part I didn't actually need to be punished and felt terrible if did something bad anyway. I was liable to just tell them what I done and apologize on my own so I guess it was effective? I was always a bit afraid of upsetting my dad though, he never hit me or my brother but he is prone to rages and throwing shit. I don't think it was ever because of something me or brother did though and its not directed at us, its usually because he messed something up.
Would I do the same? I guess or at least I would try to discipline verbally or with harmless things like timeouts. I'm pretty sure I'd be a terrible parent and don't want kids so I doesn't really matter. Although I don't have an issue with smacking kids unless its closed fist or your first resort.
forbidding stuff, taking stuff away, at worst shouting and maby a solid grip if I wasn't listining at all.
I'm not going to go into discussions about this again because it's pointless but I think there not ever a reason to physically punish someone physically inferior to you, especially if that person is mentally dependent on you. I simply think it's abusing your power and I think it's wrong.
I'm not going to go into discussions about this again because it's pointless but I think there not ever a reason to physically punish someone physically inferior to you, especially if that person is mentally dependent on you. I simply think it's abusing your power and I think it's wrong.
My mother used to smack me, generally round the back of the head, but only when I was terrifically bad, which wasn't very often. She did this right up until the point where, at about the age of 5, I hit her back. She freely admits that it was the fact that I seemed to have taken on the violent behaviour from her that shocked her into reforming it.
The fact is, this practice of not smacking children is a very recent thing, and while I agree that excessive violence in the home is about as bad as bad gets, the odd clip round the ear is not going to scar a child for life. As always, it's up to parents to operate with some discretion when disciplining their children. Don't positively reinforce bad behaviour, but don't mercilessly flog them for every slight misdeed either.
Not being a parent, I can't comment on the practicalities of particular methods of discipline with any degree of validity, but I think that if you bring up your children in an environment where you encourage them to view the actions of themselves and others with a rational and analytical mind, they should grow up with an intellectual predisposition to good behaviour. Or, at the very least, they will endeavour to explain their bad behaviour properly. I've known many, many children who simply do not consider the consequences of their actions and have seen most of them grow into adults with a similar problem. As it is, huge numbers of my classmates from school are now posting on Facebook that they're being told to detox on alcohol and cigarettes by their doctors. As far as I can see, this is probably an indirect result of fashionable, early 90s, 'hands-off' parenting techniques.
The fact is, this practice of not smacking children is a very recent thing, and while I agree that excessive violence in the home is about as bad as bad gets, the odd clip round the ear is not going to scar a child for life. As always, it's up to parents to operate with some discretion when disciplining their children. Don't positively reinforce bad behaviour, but don't mercilessly flog them for every slight misdeed either.
Not being a parent, I can't comment on the practicalities of particular methods of discipline with any degree of validity, but I think that if you bring up your children in an environment where you encourage them to view the actions of themselves and others with a rational and analytical mind, they should grow up with an intellectual predisposition to good behaviour. Or, at the very least, they will endeavour to explain their bad behaviour properly. I've known many, many children who simply do not consider the consequences of their actions and have seen most of them grow into adults with a similar problem. As it is, huge numbers of my classmates from school are now posting on Facebook that they're being told to detox on alcohol and cigarettes by their doctors. As far as I can see, this is probably an indirect result of fashionable, early 90s, 'hands-off' parenting techniques.
When I was a little kid I was usually sent to my room. If I did something REALLY bad I would get a spanking with a shoe or a belt on top of being sent to my room. I didn't like being spanked so I actually started padding my butt with socks to lessen the sting.
At around 8 my dad stopped spanking me and started taking away my computer by taking away the power cord. This was devastating when it worked and when he was around but, eventually, I learned to simply take my dads computer power cord while he was gone.
Once I got a laptop as my main computer, though, my dad just took my computer with him to work. This led to me sneaking it out of his truck or even sneaking into my mothers office at night to watch cartoons on her computer until morning.
When I was 14 any punishment was starting to become ineffective and we started to simply talk things through with one another. This was VERY effective and helpful to my development. Now, I tell my parents almost everything and talk things through with them all the time. I have a very good relationship with my parents and actually broke up with one girlfriend I had because of how disrespectful she was towards her incredibly loving, kind, and smart parents.
On reflection I think that the spanking was effective because I didn't tend to repeat any of my offenses. Taking away my computer for a week was also absolutely devastating to me and pretty much ensured that I didn't make the same mistake again.
I think that spanking is fine for a child when they still don't have a good sense of right and wrong and aren't really going to listen to anything else. However, once a punishment becomes available that is not violent and is more effective I believe that that punishment should be done instead. Once the child's morality starts developing (around middle school) I believe that it is definitely better to talk things through with the child.
Violence to a child who is finalizing how they view right from wrong is almost bound to screw them up, as it shows that might makes right.
At around 8 my dad stopped spanking me and started taking away my computer by taking away the power cord. This was devastating when it worked and when he was around but, eventually, I learned to simply take my dads computer power cord while he was gone.
Once I got a laptop as my main computer, though, my dad just took my computer with him to work. This led to me sneaking it out of his truck or even sneaking into my mothers office at night to watch cartoons on her computer until morning.
When I was 14 any punishment was starting to become ineffective and we started to simply talk things through with one another. This was VERY effective and helpful to my development. Now, I tell my parents almost everything and talk things through with them all the time. I have a very good relationship with my parents and actually broke up with one girlfriend I had because of how disrespectful she was towards her incredibly loving, kind, and smart parents.
On reflection I think that the spanking was effective because I didn't tend to repeat any of my offenses. Taking away my computer for a week was also absolutely devastating to me and pretty much ensured that I didn't make the same mistake again.
I think that spanking is fine for a child when they still don't have a good sense of right and wrong and aren't really going to listen to anything else. However, once a punishment becomes available that is not violent and is more effective I believe that that punishment should be done instead. Once the child's morality starts developing (around middle school) I believe that it is definitely better to talk things through with the child.
Violence to a child who is finalizing how they view right from wrong is almost bound to screw them up, as it shows that might makes right.
Its just something they say in glasgow. Billy connolly does a bit about itkrazykidd said:
When my dad was at school teachers hit them with a belt if they misbehaved or didnt keep up with the learning. if your parents found out you got a beating at school you then got another beating at home