How do I deal with these feelings?!?

[GartarkMusik]

To start, I am a sophomore in college studying vocal performance. I'm quite happy with where I am currently, except for one thing. I'm kinda having a conflict with myself here, and it concerns whether or not to try and pursue a relationship. I'm kind of an emotional person, so I can get strong feelings for a girl, and once they're there, it's hard to shake it. My brain is telling me to go for her, but experience has taught me that women just don't seem to find me very dateable, and I would always get ignored there. Then the practical side of my brain chimes in, saying that with my choice of career, (opera singer) I'll be moving around a lot after school is over, and I may not be able to find work, so relationships are very pointless now, especially since they may or may not last to the end of the year. So I ask you, fellow Escapists, how on earth do I deal with these conflicting feelings? It feels like my brain and heart are tearing themselves apart trying to make sense of this. I apologize if this thread seems really whiny to you guys, but I need to get this out there and there really isn't anyone here I can really talk to at the moment.

 

[thejdcole]

Brain vs. heart is normal, trust me. I get that all the time. In fact a had a similar situation earlier this term where I was persuing a relationship with this girl I really liked. I thought I got somewhere but she was just leading me on. That left me down for a couple weeks.

Don't beat yourself up about not being dateable, there is someone for everyone, honestly, and im not just being cliched. There will always be one person who you just manage to click with, and you will find that you are very happy together. If you never try then you will never know. In the end I am happy that I persued my relationship with this girl rather than getting 'friend-zoned' because i saw her intentions straight away, I'd rather know that she doesnt want a relationship in the first few weeks, than get led on for a year.

All I can advise is that you really need to ask yourself "Will I be happy going the whole year not knowing what could have been?" and also whether you are happy to not have a relationship at this stage.

If you find that you still do want a relationship, you should go for it! You never know what these things can bring, even if you feel like the relationship couldn't last very long, as the saying goes it is far better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.

However, this is just my opinion and i'm sure im just being bias here. This really is a decision you need to make, I just hope my advice can give you some help.

 

[])rStrangelove]

Your heart finds a way, your brain finds excuses.

Push logic & all that aside, this is has nothing to do with it. Just go for it and if you fail, calm down, learn from it and go for the next one. Otherwise you'll get stuck in that 'what could it have been if i tried' cycle, tearing you apart.
If you never train your selfconfidence girls you'll talk to in the future will notice that and you'll fail again and again.

Just start talking, it gets easier the more you do it.

 

[thejdcole]

)rStrangelove]

-snip

This is some pretty sound advice as well.

Another point is, even if you end up not having a relationship with this girl, what's wrong with getting to know her anyway, and getting a new friend?

 

[Adellebella]

To start, I am a sophomore in college studying vocal performance. I'm quite happy with where I am currently, except for one thing. I'm kinda having a conflict with myself here, and it concerns whether or not to try and pursue a relationship. I'm kind of an emotional person, so I can get strong feelings for a girl, and once they're there, it's hard to shake it. My brain is telling me to go for her, but experience has taught me that women just don't seem to find me very dateable, and I would always get ignored there. Then the practical side of my brain chimes in, saying that with my choice of career, (opera singer) I'll be moving around a lot after school is over, and I may not be able to find work, so relationships are very pointless now, especially since they may or may not last to the end of the year. So I ask you, fellow Escapists, how on earth do I deal with these conflicting feelings? It feels like my brain and heart are tearing themselves apart trying to make sense of this. I apologize if this thread seems really whiny to you guys, but I need to get this out there and there really isn't anyone here I can really talk to at the moment.

First thing: Don't consider yourself "not very dateable" because a few girls ignore you. Just because one or two types of girls with the wrong temperament consider you more of a friend (or hell, a weirdo) should never stop you from trying. I know that it's hard to shake negative thoughts, but that's your first step.

Second: You're thinking ahead way too much. Just work on the beginning of the relationship, if it comes to that.

So persue and see how it feels. Don't think about what you'll do a year from now - that will all work out in due time. The best way to get rid of the conflicting thoughts is to just go for it.

You're not signing a contract with Lucifer. If the relationship doesn't feel right, then end it. At least then you'll know.

 

[Batou667]

Go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Nobody likes rejection, but it's better than torturing yourself and putting yourself down.

Remember: the only things you truly regret are the things you didn't do.