How Do We Break It To The Mom?
- Thread starter Kumori_Kio
- Start date
Tell them you got her pregnant-they'll be too busy trying to puzzle that fucker out to get vexed at you...
I would go with dinner at a nice restaurant, public etiquette would mean if things go bad then at least the tone will be subtle and there's no need to stay the full course, but also it's neutral ground and affects the mindset of everyone which should make most people calmer.
Have no agenda other than a nice civil meal, as you've mentioned they've pretty much inferred what's going on so you don't really need to tell them and kind of rub there noses in it. It's just a nice meal which hopefully they can take away a positive feeling from which in turn will start building bridges.
Then have another, maybe three of four before inviting them over for a meal (assuming one of you can cook, I've known plenty of students to survive on ramen and take out).
Once they get comfortable around you and see how happy there baby is with you they'll warm to you and see you're not the nutbag they may think you're (going on your first post)...or they'll decline the invitation but at least you've openly made an effort.
Follow up with some days out, a walk in a national park or something, bridges take a long time to build but if she's close to her family and they're important to her than it's important to make an effort - I personally find my girlfriends father overbearing and disapproving but I just smile it off with a witty comeback (on the occasions I'm quick witted enough to, though I'll be honest and say most are just the smile).
I feel I was in a similar boat (sans the whole homosexual bit), my girlfriend is my mates sister so her parents already knew me; more to the point the knew the terrible stories lads tell after a night out and I for one had rather a reputation back then (settled down in me "old age" now though) so impressing the in-laws has been a slow up hill struggle but I love her and she loves and we've been together for the best part of a decade now and it's how I started making amends, showing them that I'm not really the person they had an image of in their mind and that their daughters heart is safe in my hands.
Have no agenda other than a nice civil meal, as you've mentioned they've pretty much inferred what's going on so you don't really need to tell them and kind of rub there noses in it. It's just a nice meal which hopefully they can take away a positive feeling from which in turn will start building bridges.
Then have another, maybe three of four before inviting them over for a meal (assuming one of you can cook, I've known plenty of students to survive on ramen and take out).
Once they get comfortable around you and see how happy there baby is with you they'll warm to you and see you're not the nutbag they may think you're (going on your first post)...or they'll decline the invitation but at least you've openly made an effort.
Follow up with some days out, a walk in a national park or something, bridges take a long time to build but if she's close to her family and they're important to her than it's important to make an effort - I personally find my girlfriends father overbearing and disapproving but I just smile it off with a witty comeback (on the occasions I'm quick witted enough to, though I'll be honest and say most are just the smile).
I feel I was in a similar boat (sans the whole homosexual bit), my girlfriend is my mates sister so her parents already knew me; more to the point the knew the terrible stories lads tell after a night out and I for one had rather a reputation back then (settled down in me "old age" now though) so impressing the in-laws has been a slow up hill struggle but I love her and she loves and we've been together for the best part of a decade now and it's how I started making amends, showing them that I'm not really the person they had an image of in their mind and that their daughters heart is safe in my hands.
Give them this:
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
Then make out with your GF right in their face.
Epic Pwnage right there.
And if they try to restrict you?
Sneak in/out.
If they lock the windows?
Have her 'Accidentally' break the door.
Basically, don't take their shit.
If they can't deal, well it's not their love life.
If they kick her out, just take her in.
Easy as 1 2 3.
I dunno, it seems that easy, but I'm not the most 'feeling' person.
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
Then make out with your GF right in their face.
Epic Pwnage right there.
And if they try to restrict you?
Sneak in/out.
If they lock the windows?
Have her 'Accidentally' break the door.
Basically, don't take their shit.
If they can't deal, well it's not their love life.
If they kick her out, just take her in.
Easy as 1 2 3.
I dunno, it seems that easy, but I'm not the most 'feeling' person.
^ Don't do that
I'm in the straight up and tell them boat.
If you pussy foot around the issue it gets worse. If you do what you think is right you won't have a problem. If you really love her and they can see it's a real love, then they might grow to accept it
You have all the support I can give
I'm in the straight up and tell them boat.
If you pussy foot around the issue it gets worse. If you do what you think is right you won't have a problem. If you really love her and they can see it's a real love, then they might grow to accept it
You have all the support I can give
Personally I wouldn't bother announcing it. Its pretty obvious they know.
Just tell your girlfriend to grow some balls and be honest about it with them for a change.
They can have their rant, you can ignore it and everyone can get on with their lives.
Get used to the overbearing mother. If you want to deal with your girlfriend, then you'll have to deal with her. She can be openly hostile, you can't, you get to be polite and respectful and to hate her stinking guts.
Just tell your girlfriend to grow some balls and be honest about it with them for a change.
They can have their rant, you can ignore it and everyone can get on with their lives.
Get used to the overbearing mother. If you want to deal with your girlfriend, then you'll have to deal with her. She can be openly hostile, you can't, you get to be polite and respectful and to hate her stinking guts.
Yeah, On the internet.BlindMessiah94 said:
Which is more like walking into a police station and asking for weed.
If you suffer from depression maybe now is not the right time to start a new relationship anyways. Take some time and figure out what you need instead of worring about how to please others (Familys!). Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for more hurt.
My advice?Kumori_Kio said:
Tell them in a secluded place, a place where you know the surroundings very well.
...Them pray they have very bad aim, I mean they make the Stormtroopers as olympic levels shooters.
Like the others have said, just tell them. If they don't like you well that's just to bad. It's their daughters decision to date you and they have to live with it and hopefully they will be able to accept it.
Actually. It sounds like the girl lives with her parents.SnootyEnglishman said:
Unfortunately, since the girl is indeed living under her parents house, she can't just say "Piss off" or they'll say, "Find a new place"
You don't want to make someone homeless.
I say tell them, but don't just shove it in their faces. Try to ease them into the situation. Just stay true to yourselves and don't stop trying to work it out. Be civil, honest, and just remember that even though parents can seem like they were spawned from the seventh circle of Hades, they want what's best for their children. If they really love her, they'll try to see it from your perspective.
First: Don't listen to a bunch of 15 year old guys on the internet that would personally love to tell their own parents to f off, and therefore think thats is what you should do.
Second: If her parents are paying for the tuition, I wouldn't create waves. Your girlfriend may not be live under their roof directly, but they are still paying to put a roof over her head. While telling her mom to f off sounds refreshing, if they cut her off you have to live with the fact that you messed up your girlfriend's life. If the relationship doesn't work out, how would it make you feel if you drove a wedge between your girlfriend and her parents. If you must tell tell them, be civil about it.
Third: This is the easiest, Torrent some old Loveline episodes. Adam and Dr. Drew are great on life advice.
Forth: Get therapy... This may sound harsh but almost everyone could really use therapy at least during one point of their life. Your dad has been out of your life, you say you have an open relationship with your mom, but you admit you don't talk often. You are lesbian in a not very accepting world. Your college should offer free consoling/therapy to students... TAKE IT! What could it hurt and it won't cost you anything! I've been in therapy, and my gay brother has too. I'm glade I did it, it didn't rock my world, but it did make me feel better and help me get more organized with my life. Your internal compass sounds like it is spinning like crazy, if you don't take some time to work on yourself, even if you could be open with her parents, that isn't going to solve any deeper issues in your life.
Second: If her parents are paying for the tuition, I wouldn't create waves. Your girlfriend may not be live under their roof directly, but they are still paying to put a roof over her head. While telling her mom to f off sounds refreshing, if they cut her off you have to live with the fact that you messed up your girlfriend's life. If the relationship doesn't work out, how would it make you feel if you drove a wedge between your girlfriend and her parents. If you must tell tell them, be civil about it.
Third: This is the easiest, Torrent some old Loveline episodes. Adam and Dr. Drew are great on life advice.
Forth: Get therapy... This may sound harsh but almost everyone could really use therapy at least during one point of their life. Your dad has been out of your life, you say you have an open relationship with your mom, but you admit you don't talk often. You are lesbian in a not very accepting world. Your college should offer free consoling/therapy to students... TAKE IT! What could it hurt and it won't cost you anything! I've been in therapy, and my gay brother has too. I'm glade I did it, it didn't rock my world, but it did make me feel better and help me get more organized with my life. Your internal compass sounds like it is spinning like crazy, if you don't take some time to work on yourself, even if you could be open with her parents, that isn't going to solve any deeper issues in your life.
This. There is no easy way to tell them about it, so just do it bluntly. Though be careful to appear respectful. Even if they don't like you they'll appreciate that.pickleweasel785 said:
Also make it clear that you truely care about your girlfriend and that you don't intend to hurt them.
At least thats my approach when meeting parents of my girlfriends, it tends to have a large amount of success. At least with the mums.
[sub]dads just seem to fucking hate me...[/sub]
Yeah, seems best.pickleweasel785 said:
Unless, you know, she's underage. Then we might have a problem....
