How do you flirt (in a way that works)?
- Thread starter Arkhangelsk
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uh...Flying Dagger said:
...exactly that.
Sure, if you have some talent or skill, go ahead, use them if you want. What I meant was, don't TRY to impress people, in the meaning of going well out of your way to say or do silly/retarded/dangerous/humiliating/fake-macho stuff just to get a girl's attention. If you are naturally gifted, use it, if you want some talent or skill, learn and practice, but only do it if you personally interested in having that skill for yourself. Cheap tricks done without vocation and false-macho stuff very rarely work. Don't learn a card trick only to impress a girl if you are not interested, because you'll come off as fake. That's what I meant.
Splitting hairs... *sigh* By "not caring", I meant not caring about reaction one way or another. If you are deathly afraid of rejection, you'll only be nervous and mess up even more. You might even get angry "after everything I done to impress her, it still does not work, FUCK THIS!" style. If you are at a party and spot a nice female, just go up to her and initiate communication. If she is already having a conversation, chime in, if she is alone, bring up some topic. If you go up to her thinking "oh GOD, what if she doesn't want to talk to me, or if she reject me, ohmygoshohmygosh" then you'll destined to fail. If she is nice, cool, if she is not, her loss
go look for a more interesting conversation partner.Firstly, get a hair cut.
Secondly, read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss... Think he has a new book out now as well might be worth checking that one out...
Secondly, read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss... Think he has a new book out now as well might be worth checking that one out...
Holy hell, flirting is one of the easiest things any human being can do. You can probably do it, probably have done it and haven't realised it. Key: assert your confidence without being aggressive and don't worry about 'will she like me? won't she like me?'. It's meant to be a bit of fun between two people. Best way to flirt, I've found, is to just totally wind them up. It seems to have a charm to it. Though results may vary. I've just been fortunate that girls appeal to my mischevious nature.
While I can see the benefits of this, one of my friends once tried to play a prank on the girl he was dating. What neither of us knew a the time was that she was a second-grade black belt in choi-kwan-do and didn't take kindly to him trying to restrain her in 'stealth-mode'.avykins said:
I don't think she spoke to him for three weeks after that, but they've now been going out for seven months...so something worked.
Being a competent dancer helps a lot in my experience. Nothing better than a guy who can move.
That and don't be a total spaz and start talking about gaming...
That and don't be a total spaz and start talking about gaming...
It comes with time.lava_lamp said:
Just think of how many people there are in the world. Why should you be even the slightest bit nervous or intimidated because of just one of them?
You just have to speak directly. Be sure of what you want to say before you say it. Think quickly. If you're a gamer you're probably good at quick thinking. Use that.
Umm yeah.. some interesting stuff here I can recommend a few things I could st here typin pages of stuff but u can get most of the useful stuff I use from http://www.charismaarts.com/ they have a forum thats free to join although it's still a business, but if ur anything like I was (WoW head recluse, porn addict) they can help u no end
I wouldn't give advice that I didn't know to work. What do you think is wrong with what I said?Kukul said:
Because 8 out of 10 chicks like to be picked up. And those other 2? Well chances are they aren't going to be actively aggressive towards nerds. Most girls like that guys show interest. Telling this guy not to show interest first truly is asking him to probably die a virgin.MoganFreeman said:
The only method that works is to keep trying. You'll get rejected lots, but eventually you'll get comfortable in your skin, you'll have built up some confidence, and you'll start to understand what you need to do to pick up girls.
~rolls eyes~ the amount of times I've fallen for that one and woken up in a dark lonely place..haha...oh...wait..EmileeElectro said:
solidstatemind said:Honeslty, while dwightsteel has a lot of good points, if you're asking about pickup lines, it's an easy conclusion to come to that you might be lacking a little bit in the confidence department.
And the thing is? That is the absolutely most crucial thing for you to have: not because you're not afraid-- any young dude who sees a really hot girl and tries to approach her is going to have his heart pounding like a jackhammer, while the sweat pours like buckets from his armpits. That's called being human.
The trick is to get comfortable with one fact: you are going to get rejected. Accept it. Because once you do, you won't let it prevent you from even trying (and of course, if you don't even try, you're always going to fail.) The good news is that 99% of the time, the woman will let you down easy tho. Usually by disengaging from converstation, or physically moving away. Sometimes, if they are socially inept (and yes, women can in fact be as big of social retards as guys-- even geeks), they'll be a bit more abrupt, mentioning that they have a boyfriend, or that they're not interested. Then you graciously apologize and then move along. If they're out and out insulting (and it does happen sometimes), you can simply look at them and say "Nevermind then. I certainly wouldn't be interested in someone as rude as you."
Now, some things that will help stack the deck in your favor.
The inital assessment: Do a little surveilance. Watch who she is interacting with. Is she with a guy? With a bunch of friends? What are the pairings like? (i.e.- does it look like she's with a group of couples) Is she alone? How comfortable does she look? Is she fidgeting a lot? Checking her watch/phone?
But for god's sake, don't stare. Stay involved in your conversation with your buddies, and just keep an eye out. You can and probably should make a 'fly-by', where you pass near her. Use it to glance at her and see if she sees and acknowledges your presence, and if she smiles. (If she doesn't, it's not a no-go, but if she does, it's a good sign. Smile back, ya prat!)
Opening strategy: Sometimes, the hardest part is figuring out how to start the interaction. If you're at a bar or a party, and you notice her drink is getting towards empty (or she doesn't have one at all), the "Hi, can I get you (another) drink?" actually works fairly well. It's nice because it has the built in failsafe of allowing them to say "no thank you, my boyfriend is getting me a drink", so you know you're not wasting your time. Failing that, your best bet is usually to observe and try find a comfortable topic. If worse comes to worst, you can probably use the old standby of "How are you doing this evening?" It comes off more sincere than the "nice weather", "come here often" or whatever.
the conversation: this is where you're really going to have to work hard. You need to inquire, observe, process, and then use information very rapidly. Once you open the conversation, you should parlay it into something that is relevant and then try to point it into the realm where she is talking about herself. An example would be "Do you like movies? Have you seen {current release} yet?" She says 'yes', you can ask if she liked it, and if she did, what about it she liked-- is she a fan of the genre, etc., or if she says 'no', you can turn it around and say 'seen anything good?', which you then parlay into a discussion about genres etc. You can also try music as an opening subject. I never did because I like some pretty obscure bands, so it usually ends up being a conversational dead end, because I can't really talk about pop, rap, hip-hop, etc. But of course, if you're at a concert, I think it might be safe to assume that music is a good topic...
During this whole process, it's vitally important to keep observing and using the information you gather. Is she looking distracted, fidgeting, glancing about, etc.? You're either losing her interest or already lost it, if you can't shift topics to something that will engage her again, you probably should cut your losses and get out. You can still try to get her number (after all, maybe it's really not you that's causing her to be distracted), but I doubt that conversation is going to go very far, at least not right then. Is she making eye contact, has an open posture and positive body language? Then you're on the right track.
Normally, you'll find it somewhere in between, but you'll get better at the process as well as figuring out what to do next as you get more practice.
A couple of final thoughts:
1) if you have a female friend or sib who is close to you in age and you trust them, try a little role-play with them. Honestly, the best way to try to understand women and how to meet them is to have 'a spy in the enemy camp', so to speak.
2) when you are going out and you intend to look for girls, make sure you are clean and neat. Not saying you have to dress up, but whatever you are wearing needs to be clean, non-stinky, and generally wrinkle-free. Slobs' chance for success approaches zero. Also, make sure your brush your teeth, your fingernails are clean, your hair isn't greasy, and you don't smell like a french whorehouse (i.e.- don't bathe in cologne. Yes, Oh-Em-Gee, the Axe ads are wrong!) I have had much more success with just smelling like soap and shampoo than I have had wearing the most expensive cologne.
But if that was TL
I still say, your best bet, and the best way to stack the cards in your favor, is to get involved in social activities that involve your interests. That way, you have a built-in conversational subject to broach with any girl who is there than you might want to talk to.
go with this plan this guy knows his stuff...lol