How do you make long distance work?

[EcHoFiiVe]

I recently went on a trip to Europe with some classmates in my French class. On this trip there were a couple other schools from 3 other states, and I basically became involved with a girl from a suburb of Washington DC. I am living in NYC so this is a fairly long distance relationship. Mind you there is only about a 3 hour bus ride between the two cities so it is not ridiculous, but it is still a distance. So basically I was wondering how people here make long distance work. I do think this is worth it try to keep this alive considering me and this girl are exactly the same as far as interests go, so I'd prefer to avoid the comments saying that long distance is stupid etc.
Thanks in advance!

 

[webby]

Your age is a pretty key factor here as it has obvious implications on travel and future plans.

Anyway, the obvious things are phone conversations, skype, hell, even the odd letter or whatever. Then visit whenever you both are free.

Really though, long distance relationships require lots of trust and maturity, if you have them it can work with good communication but very few people have the required levels of either.

 

[e of pi]

I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years, with more than 3/4 of that being long-distance. The issues webby mentioned are pretty key:

1, Communication is critical. I try and make time to talk over phone or Skype at least 5 days a week if I can, usually for no less than an hour if possible.

2. Visits. As often as your life allows, preferably with a somewhat regular schedule. However, what's even more key is to always have one scheduled. I try and ensure that the next visit's date is set no more than a day or two after the last visit, preferably before I even leave to go see her.

3 Trust--this is huge, basically, if you have worries about your commitment or hers...well, heed them. If you can't trust the other person, you don't want to be in a long-distance relationship with them.

Another big thing is to find something to do together--Portal 2 has been great for this with my GF and I in the past week, but this doesn't have to mean doing things absolutely at the same time--read the same books, or follow things that might be up the alley of the other person, not you. It'll help ensure your lives have something going on you can both talk about. "What did you think of X?" followed by discussion is much more fulfilling than just a stream of "So this is what I've been up to, how about you?"

All relationships represent investment--this is even more true for long-distance relationships. For one to work, you need to make time for it and you need to be sure you're interested in making that investment for the person you're entering it with. It can work (as I said, I've been in mine for over 2 years), but it takes two people committed not just to each other but to the health of the relationship.

 

[e of pi]

Accidental duplicate. Please delete.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

Sounds like everyone else beat me to this one. I met my GF on a facebook/ vampire freaks knockoff site 3 years ago. Since then we've talked pretty much every day. I've been to visit her twice since she turned 18 and when I go down again, it's basically to stay (still not sure why her family likes me so much xD)

but yeah: what they said. Communication is key. Visiting is extremely important if you want to make the relationship a serious one as well. Trust but then that's needed for all relationships really.

 

[Nieroshai]

You're in the same boat as me. I CAN drive to where she lives, it'd just use up half my bank account getting there and back. How we deal with it? Well we talk on the phone nightly and try to see each other once a month. That doesn't always work outt, sometimes we have to wait 3 months at a time, but talking a lot and confiding in each other in everything really helps the wait seem shorter and more worth it.

 

[rees263]

I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years, with more than 3/4 of that being long-distance. The issues webby mentioned are pretty key:

1, Communication is critical. I try and make time to talk over phone or Skype at least 5 days a week if I can, usually for no less than an hour if possible.

2. Visits. As often as your life allows, preferably with a somewhat regular schedule. However, what's even more key is to always have one scheduled. I try and ensure that the next visit's date is set no more than a day or two after the last visit, preferably before I even leave to go see her.

3 Trust--this is huge, basically, if you have worries about your commitment or hers...well, heed them. If you can't trust the other person, you don't want to be in a long-distance relationship with them.

Another big thing is to find something to do together--Portal 2 has been great for this with my GF and I in the past week, but this doesn't have to mean doing things absolutely at the same time--read the same books, or follow things that might be up the alley of the other person, not you. It'll help ensure your lives have something going on you can both talk about. "What did you think of X?" followed by discussion is much more fulfilling than just a stream of "So this is what I've been up to, how about you?"

All relationships represent investment--this is even more true for long-distance relationships. For one to work, you need to make time for it and you need to be sure you're interested in making that investment for the person you're entering it with. It can work (as I said, I've been in mine for over 2 years), but it takes two people committed not just to each other but to the health of the relationship.

This is all great advice. It currently takes me 5 hours on 2 trains and an underground train to see my girlfriend, and for almost a year we lived on opposite sides of the Atlantic. Even so I'm always thinking about the next time I'm going to see her. I try to go at least every 2-3 weeks and for as long as possible: it helps to have something to look forward to like that, but I'm also somewhat lucky in that I have a very flexible work schedule at the moment (obviously if I were really lucky our relationship wouldn't be long distance).

It can vary greatly depending on your personality though: I'm pretty independant, so while I'd like to see her all the time, I can deal with spending time apart. She finds it quite a bit harder, so I try to make it as easy as possible for her with texting, phone calls, skype etc. I'm quite relaxed and easy going about most things, but I know that if I took that attitude to my relationship it might not be there for much longer - it's something I have to work at.

 

[Aur0ra145]

Don't engage in long distance relationships.

 

[spartan231490]

Your age is a pretty key factor here as it has obvious implications on travel and future plans.

Anyway, the obvious things are phone conversations, skype, hell, even the odd letter or whatever. Then visit whenever you both are free.

Really though, long distance relationships require lots of trust and maturity, if you have them it can work with good communication but very few people have the required levels of either.

Mostly this. From what I've seen, the only long distance relationships that work are the ones where both parties want it to work out, and really care about each other. Just stay in contact however you can. Phone, skype, letter, try to talk to each-other every day.
Good luck

 

[Blindrooster]

My girlfriend and I live 20 hours away from each other (went to different colleges thank God this is the last semester) We've made it work. I fly her here at least twice a semester and we skype EVERY day. Its doable man. I promise, just hang in there. Its not always easy but it makes the times you're together so much sweeter.

 

[artanis_neravar]

In my experience it doesn't work, I was with my gf for more then a year when i graduated college. I had trouble finding a job and had to move home for a bit (about 4 hours away from her). Now a brief thing about me, I am not very comfortable talking on the phone, I don't like having real time conversations without being able to see the person I'm just not good at it. We'd text constantly during the day talking about everything but when it came time to talk at night there was nothing to talk about. Needless to say it eventually fell apart. Not really sure where I was going with this except to warn you not to make my mistakes

 

[Naepa34]

I've had a long distance relationship for about a year and a half, with most of that being either an hour or 3 hours away.
The best thing I can say that hasnt already been said is getting a routine and sticking to it. The best case is that, without fail, I tell my girlfriend goodnight every night. Even if all we've said to each other all day is a single text, just keeping communication from stagnating is key.