How does she make the torrent of thoughts stop?

[Ochidi]

Hello, everyone. One of my good friends is in a predicament. She just graduated from high school and is looking to go to a university. However, her father isn't able to pay for her schooling and she may not be eligible to get a student loan. She's not even sure if she'll get into the college of her choosing. She already has one summer job, but she is thinking of getting another one to help pay for her tuition and fees. Whenever she comes home from work, she usually finds herself just lying down, thinking about her financial woes, which fill her head with negative thoughts and end up making her more depressed. This goes on day after day for her, and it saddens me to see her like this. If you could give her any advice on possibly paying for college or any way to stop her negative emotions or temporarily get her mind off of her troubles, I would greatly appreciate it, and I'm sure she would as well.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Tell her to suck it up. We all have problems, and going "oh woah is me, my life is so hard" isn't going to help anything. It might sound harsh, but it's something she needs to hear.

 

[gazumped]

I'm afraid I've got to agree with MasochisticAvenger. She has a chance to go to university and she's getting depressed because she's going to work hard for it? If she responds to pressure by lying down and doing nothing then maybe she shouldn't be going to university in the first place.

Unless she has actual clinical depression in which case maybe she should see a doctor and put uni off for a year or so until she has her head sorted. (That's what my friend's sister is doing, for example.)

In fact - more compassionate advice here perhaps - maybe she could put uni off for a while until she's saved up enough to stop stressing about it anyway?

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Lots of people have to work to get through university. If she can't afford it now maybe she could work for a year, save up and go next year?

 

[Guy from the 80's]

There are very few jobs around. Why go to college and get a degree and have tons of debt when you might not get a job? Getting a degree doesnt mean you will automatically get a job when you are done. How many graduates are flipping burgers and living with their parents? Many and the number is rising.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Agreed - many of us worked all through school, and more than one job at a time. I paid my own way, and even paid rent while doing so sometimes. Many people did. She's realised real life sucks, which is hard on everyonbe, but she's got to suck it up and do it. Why university, by the way? Colleges are cheaper and often offer jobs right out of school. Could be technical, vocational, or a business college. All will get her jobs faster than a bachelor's. If she wants on, get a college diploma, get a decent job, and do distance courses for University. That's how a lot of people do it.

But, seriously, many adults went through what she did and didn't complain. Wait until she has bills, a car, a mortgage and kids to pay for, then worrying about money is real. How do you think her dad feels, not being able to pay for her? I hope she's considered that, else she's being selfish.

Honestly - because I worked so hard to get through school, I'm so much more proud and actually (even though it makes be a bit of an ass) look down on those who had school paid for them. I did it all by myself, which is something I'll always be proud of.

 

[Galletea]

All these answers so far seem a little mean to me. I think that getting her to look at the situation realistically is probably the way to go. If she can look at her options, then work out how she can achieve what she wants and then go for it, it will cut out some of the uncertainty.
But I don't think that calling her selfish is going to do her any favours.

 

[Smooth Operator]

No wonder everyone is so depressed and all sorts of shooting happen, you people are hostile as all hell.

OT: Your friend should seriously consider postponing college for a year or two, the world will not end if she doesn't follow the heard, and her health is far more important then any degree that might not even happen if she breaks down.
I'm not sure how things work overseas but here a lot of people take an extra year for work and redoing final exams so they can get into a better schools, it is something well worth looking into.

Heck my freshman roommate was 28, finances got bad for him and he needed to sort his life out first, then while we were trying to juggle it all and figure out what to do with ourselves he already had it all sorted, to him college was a vacation.

 

[Weaver]

How I got through school is my school offered a "co-op" program; that's what we call it here.

You do 4 months of school, then 4 months of paid real industry experience. This flip-flopped for 5 years. If it weren't for this program there's no way I could have afforded school. It's my understanding though that tuition fees are much higher in the states, so I don't know how feasible this is.

 

[Batou667]

Tell her to drink more booze.

And also, to consider taking a year out to work and save money, look into scholarships and grants, perhaps see if she's entitled to any financial aid (really milk any minority or low-income status), and (this one could backfire) take out bank loans to cover tuition.

Where there's a will there's a way.

 

[Ando85]

I agree with a few posters here that she should try waiting a year to save up money for college. Also, she might not get into the school of her choosing which isn't the end of the world. There are always a multitude of other choices.

Telling someone who is depressed to just "suck it up" doesn't work. Depression is not like a light switch you can turn off and on. If so there wouldn't be so many depressed people.

She might consider seeing a therapist and she might have a depressive disorder and medication might help. Some people are offended by the whole medicine for depression. But, it is just like taking Tylenol for a headache. It isn't a sign of someone's weakness.