How far for Love?

[SilentCom]

So, image that you're in a scenario that you've met your true love. I'm not talking just some cheesy concept of love but rather you actually found someone who fits your dream girl/guy. The problem is that you two could not have a relationship unless both of you were to have an arranged marriage based upon the religion of her/his parents and agreed upon by your parents. To make things complicated, you must also adopt the same religion as her/his (her/his parents). Let's say the religion isn't very radical and is something you could tolerate, would you be willing to change your belief structure (not necessarily your actual beliefs but just the way it was practiced) and also try to get consent from both sets of parents to be with her/him?

If you're already married, what if your partner had a change in belief, would you consider changing too?

 

[Aur0ra145]

Uhh, kidnapping sounds like the best option here.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

I'd just be lying to myself and everyone around if I claimed to have changed my beliefs. You believe what you believe, you don't get to pick it, because if you picked it, you wouldn't ever do anything more than convince yourself that you believed it.

So no, as much as I might want to, I would know that it would be wrong and as happy as the relationship might make me, I would always be haunted by the lie I'd have to live.

 

[SilentCom]

I'd just be lying to myself and everyone around if I claimed to have changed my beliefs. You believe what you believe, you don't get to pick it, because if you picked it, you wouldn't ever do anything more than convince yourself that you believed it.

So no, as much as I might want to, I would know that it would be wrong and as happy as the relationship might make me, I would always be haunted by the lie I'd have to live.

What if it's a religion that you had once believed in but are now unsure of? Would you be willing to go back and try to re-evaluate your (past) belief to be with her?

 

[loc978]

...um... my "dream girl" would not feel tied in any way to a religion, and would feel the same loathing for the concept of marriage that I do... anything less and there would be no "dream girl".

 

[drizztmainsword]

I'm an atheist. If she's my dream girl, she is too. Therefore, it doesn't matter at all what her parents believe or what religion they want us to follow. We're both adults, we can do whatever the hell we want.

Side note: Dream girl would have perfect parents too

 

[Everin]

It's my opinion that my perfect girl wouldn't want me to change my views or beliefs to fit hers, but then again sometimes that happens. I'd tell her that I can try to change, but if I don't believe in it then I can't follow something I don't think is real. We'd try to work around it, hopefully. Is it definetly a break up if you don't follow him/her into the new religion?

 

[Kpt._Rob]

I'd just be lying to myself and everyone around if I claimed to have changed my beliefs. You believe what you believe, you don't get to pick it, because if you picked it, you wouldn't ever do anything more than convince yourself that you believed it.

So no, as much as I might want to, I would know that it would be wrong and as happy as the relationship might make me, I would always be haunted by the lie I'd have to live.

What if it's a religion that you had once believed in but are now unsure of? Would you be willing to go back and try to re-evaluate your (past) belief to be with her?

Hell yeah I'd be willing to try and re-evaluate, but trying and doing are two really different things, and I think that in the case of trying to believe something that you don't believe, you can end up forcing yourself. And I'm not just saying that, I know it from experience. You're talking to a man who really gave Christianity a second try in hopes that I'd see it in a new light, and the reason I did it was because of a situation very much like this one. But it just wasn't gonna happen. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I knew that I didn't believe in the way the other people at that church believed, and even beyond that, I really let myself down in the standing up for my beliefs and values department. I just sat and listened while people at that church said some of the most ignorant hateful shit I've ever heard, and to top it off, they called it love. But when you say that you'd "rather die than see the day that gay marriage is legal," that is not something you're saying out of love, that's some hatred and disgust right there.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm really skeptical of the idea that I would be able to change my beliefs for love. I've changed my beliefs for a lot of reasons in my time, but it was always because I genuinely saw the world in a different way. But wanting to be with someone doesn't change what I believe about life, what's important, or what's true; and while there may be people who can genuinely change their minds, not because they were presented with contrary evidence, but because they wanted to for something else, I am not one of them. I have reasons to believe the things I believe, they're things I've thought long and hard about, in fact, they're things I've devoted a really sizable portion of my life to thinking about, and since I did not come to them easily, I can not let go of them without good reason. And while being in love is a good reason to do a lot of things, it's not a good reason to change what you believe.

 

[viranimus]

Ive learned over time... If you expect someone to change themselves to be in a relationship, the relationship is doomed.

You pretty much have to be able to accept someone for who and what they are. If you cant do that, then expecting change will almost always end in unanticipated ways.

So if you have to change something fundamental about yourself to be with "the one you love" then your better off getting over it and finding someone else, because eventually it will come back to bite one of the two of you in the ass if not both.

 

[Goofguy]

Elope is the only way to go. But seriously, I would never force my religion (or lack thereof) on my dream girl and I would certainly hope she wouldn't do the same to me.

Converting to (or accepting) her parents' religion would be so contrived based on the circumstances. I think even the parents would think it shallow and insincere for me to change my religion for the sake of a marriage.

Religion has never really played a part in my life so even if this one isn't radical and I could tolerate it, I wouldn't want to accept a religion for the sole purpose of my dream girl.

 

[khaimera]

I would not change my own personal spirituality to keep a true love, ever

 

[SilentCom]

I'd just be lying to myself and everyone around if I claimed to have changed my beliefs. You believe what you believe, you don't get to pick it, because if you picked it, you wouldn't ever do anything more than convince yourself that you believed it.

So no, as much as I might want to, I would know that it would be wrong and as happy as the relationship might make me, I would always be haunted by the lie I'd have to live.

What if it's a religion that you had once believed in but are now unsure of? Would you be willing to go back and try to re-evaluate your (past) belief to be with her?

Hell yeah I'd be willing to try and re-evaluate, but trying and doing are two really different things, and I think that in the case of trying to believe something that you don't believe, you can end up forcing yourself. And I'm not just saying that, I know it from experience. You're talking to a man who really gave Christianity a second try in hopes that I'd see it in a new light, and the reason I did it was because of a situation very much like this one. But it just wasn't gonna happen. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I knew that I didn't believe in the way the other people at that church believed, and even beyond that, I really let myself down in the standing up for my beliefs and values department. I just sat and listened while people at that church said some of the most ignorant hateful shit I've ever heard, and to top it off, they called it love. But when you say that you'd "rather die than see the day that gay marriage is legal," that is not something you're saying out of love, that's some hatred and disgust right there.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm really skeptical of the idea that I would be able to change my beliefs for love. I've changed my beliefs for a lot of reasons in my time, but it was always because I genuinely saw the world in a different way. But wanting to be with someone doesn't change what I believe about life, what's important, or what's true; and while there may be people who can genuinely change their minds, not because they were presented with contrary evidence, but because they wanted to for something else, I am not one of them. I have reasons to believe the things I believe, they're things I've thought long and hard about, in fact, they're things I've devoted a really sizable portion of my life to thinking about, and since I did not come to them easily, I can not let go of them without good reason. And while being in love is a good reason to do a lot of things, it's not a good reason to change what you believe.

This is a well spoken and very reasonable answer. I guess then belief is irrespective of love and therefore shouldn't get in the way of love and vice versa.

 

[caselj01]

Would I be willing to sit through a few boring church services every now and then in order to live the rest of my life in happiness? Hell yeah I would.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

As many have said before me, my dream girl wouldn't expect me to go through such ridiculous hoops like that. Besides, I don't change who I am for anyone. Someone can either accept me for who I am, or walk away. I'm just as comfortable single as I am in a relationship.