How I breached into Valve's office and brought you news of Half Life 3.

[Headsprouter]

I've always wanted to hand something like this in for a peice of creative writing work...

....they might also be waiting for christ's return...oh wait HL3 is gonna be his return...screw it, it would BEAT Christ's return!

 

[mikeli4194]

Gaben is so fat, he has to noclip around the office

Jolly good read, sir. Have you considered writing for Cracked?

 

[Fijiman]

I knew this was going to be BS when I saw the title, but I'm glad I read it anyway.

I personally think that they're waiting for the next generation of consoles to become available before they announce the next Half-Life installment.

 

[Dyp100]

Pretty damn awesome story but until the next game con comes, I doubt they'll be a lack of threads.

Until someoens confirms all the slow drips of tease is false people will get exicted again, even if the game may not come out for a while now.

 

[Urgh76]

snip

Brilliant.

Simply brilliant

Well done sir.

 

[Beautiful End]

So...they were REALLY Jeff and Steve?!

God, someone oughta notify their families! I'm sure somewhere out there, a 30 year old kid is wondering why his papa never came home for X mas.

OT: I suppose that makes sense. I'm not of those "OMG HALF LIFE 3 SQUEE! LULZ!!1!" guys; I haven't even managed to finish Half Life 2. And honestly, it's a fine game, but I don't consider it amazing.
At any rate, I can see the hype about the game and it makes sense for Valve to push back its release date, if they have one. Just like Square Enix is doing with Kingdom Hearts 3. THough in the case, they should have released KH3 like a year ago.

*Sigh*

 

[GiantRaven]

As fantastical and made-up as this story might be, holding back Half-Life 3 to release if Steam ever fails is actually a really good idea...

 

[chiggerwood]

Lies all lies. I have it on good authority that Half Life 3 won't be released until I finish my ice rink in hell.

 

[Porecomesis]

Somehow, I get the impression that Valve are avoiding Half-Life because... maybe they're having too much fun with Portal and TF2?

Half-Life is rather dark and kind of scary. TF2 and Portal have a wonderfully dark sense of humour but they're also easier on the aesthetic. Maybe they're having fun?

 

[Carl The Manicorn]

Great way to start my day. Just made me smile. The Gabe Newell part was the best.

 

[Memoriae]

Lies all lies. I have it on good authority that Half Life 3 won't be released until I finish my ice rink in hell.

You do know that the bottom circle of Hell has the devil trapped up to his waist in ice, yeah?
I think someone beat you to it...

Also, slightly closer to the beaten track...

/clap

Best thread in a long time

..and literally stated that Valve has skeletons under their closet...

Well, that's clearly because there's no more room inside the closet for any more skeletons!

 

[DasDestroyer]

Thank you, that made my day. And unlike most other such stories people post, if you discard the part about you breaking into Valve's office, it actually makes sense. I think it is at least slightly possible that Valve will use Half-Life 3 as a last resort.

 

[Loonyyy]

*Creates HL3 thread to protest HL3 threads*

I think you missed a step in your logic there mate.

No, this is a decent thread that happens to be about HL3. Go read some MLP hate threads, then you can call them on the irony.

Wait, what? Where did I mention MLP? Where did I say the thread wasn't decent? Where did I do anything to get you started on an irrational hate post?

1.) I thought the story was pretty funny. But it also missed its point: Protesting the spam of HL3 threads by making one of your own is hilariously ironic (As you were also clever enough to notice, something I left implied).

2.) What about MLP threads? I didn't mention them. I didn't reference them. I don't actually care at all about MLP, and there was nothing to indicate that it was something you should bring up. This is roughly as clever as posting a comment bashing Justin Bieber on a youtube music video by a Metal or Punk band: Shameless and unrelated pandering.

3.) You also noticed it was ironic, so not only did you notice exactly what I commented on, but you proceeded to rage about it. That's hilarious, and I've no idea how you keep up that cognitive dissonance.

Although apart from patting on the back for the amusing story and clever prose, I can't see this thread as having potential apart from flame wars, so I would say that this is a less than decent thread, despite being the vehicle for an amusing story.

*Creates HL3 thread to protest HL3 threads*

I think you missed a step in your logic there mate.

Can I get an amen?

But eh, Raiyan, wouldn't you say that you too are frustrated with the way Valve is managing this? I mean, as Loonyyy here has pointed out, there is a glaringly obvious double standard here and, well, just looking at you take on Valve like that seems rather passive aggressive to me.
Oh, sure, it has the easy exaggerated tone, but you made a Gabe Newell fat joke (2 actually), made Wolpaw look like a sneaky advisor and literally stated that Valve has skeletons under their closet. I would say that you fit very well into the category 'Why is Valve Trolling Us with Half Life 3?', but in a passive aggresive manner (as stated above).

I'd say Valve's done a pretty good job with their advertising of HL3: Don't advertise, make gamers wait an innordinate amount of time, watch us get antsy and constantly wonder about it. And it didn't even cost them anything. Gabe just gives us that weird smile to make us mad. Winning.

 

[FalloutJack]

You forgot about the filing cabinet in the disused lavatory with the sign bearing the title "Beware of the Leopard".

That said, if you really think this drop in the bucket is gonna keep people from complaining...you must be new here.

 

[Jegsimmons]

firstly...excellent story.
secondly, bullshit, dont get my hopes up again.

 

[Alssadar]

I found this very amusing. Some people say they hack, you just waltz in (turning of your computer beforehand, *gasp*) and find the hidden answers. You are a true corporate spy-you scum-sucking backstabbers.
I'm surprised Gabe didn't even have a proper spycheck inside the walls.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Well done! I enjoyed this!

Go submit to Cracked, mmkay?!

 

[chiggerwood]

Lies all lies. I have it on good authority that Half Life 3 won't be released until I finish my ice rink in hell.

You do know that the bottom circle of Hell has the devil trapped up to his waist in ice, yeah?
I think someone beat you to it...

That's only in the Divine Comedy. Biblically speaking there is no water of any kind in hell which is the basic canon, so HA!

 

[TehWinged]

Guys. Half Life 2 shall follow the same path as Half Life one. We'll get an amazing game (Half Life 1, Half Life 2) followed by two amazing expansions (Opposing Force, Blue Shift, Episode 1, Episode 2) and then after around ten years of mods and such, Valve will release the new game. Calm down. It's inevitable that the cycle will continue.

 

[Timzilla]

This colorful tale is what I am going to brainwash myself with so that I finally give up hope. Thank you.