How successful are dates with strangers?

[VondeVon]

I've been wondering this for awhile. I can't imagine getting romantically involved with someone I didn't already know - a friend, not just an acquaintance.

So how successful do you expect/have you experienced dates with strangers to have been? Assume the first date went well - how many dates does it take before the relationship is meaningful? Before it gets physical?

Do they last, when you don't have an every-day connection with the person? When every contact must be scheduled in advance?

 

[Hisshiss]

Because of how easy it is to communicate with people these days, I always have a decent connection to a person before we ever go out on a date, and it has served me quite well.
As far as just jumping into it without any prior knowledge, that's left entirely up to luck, but if you cant hit it off at a decent pace its most likely going to be a painful process.

Same concept applies in terms of how much contact is enough, it depends entirely on how much space the people involved like. I prefer to have fairly regular contact, usually atleast once every 2 days with someone Im romantically inclined towards, but it can be something as basic as a text message conversation. But Ive known other people who have gone weeks at a time out of contact and are still head over heels for eachother.

TLR No right answer, you have to base it off the personality of the person in question first.

 

[Johann610]

My girlfriend of 13 months was a stranger when we first met. I would say there has to be an attraction, on a chemical/physical level. If it's there, within 5 minutes you can decide whether to date until it gets physical, and within 30 you know if you want to hang out before and after the physical and develop a relationship. If it is NOT, then you can make a friend or move on, but the relationship will NOT develop, no matter how hard you try. I have no idea what the predictors are for this chemistry thing, but I can say that appearance is not the only factor in it. So, dating is a mixed bag, but worth the mixing.

 

[Doclector]

I can't remember much of my last date with a stranger after she arrived and asked me to smell a cloth...

 

[Melon Hunter]

Once, as part of a blind date night my uni ran. We got along really well, and even agreed to a second date a few days later to go and see Black Swan (that was a hell of a movie to choose for a date =P). As it turns out, she wasn't interested in me romantically after I texted her about a third date, so I just broke off contact there. So, honestly? I'd say that it's not likely to last. At the time, I was very confused about her sudden rejection along the lines of 'I don't want you to get the wrong idea about us' at the time, as she seemed genuinely interested in me (asked for my mobile number first, agreed to another date, seemed very pleased to see me when we met again), but looking back, I guess I was just seeing what I wanted to see. I didn't really know her at all. It's not impossible to get a relationship out of a total stranger, but I think it's less likely than building one out of a friendship.

 

[Doclector]

I can't remember much of my last date with a stranger after she arrived and asked me to smell a cloth...

Seems kind of hard to do that way around... unless she has a plan to forcefeed viagra to an unconscious person.

Would that work? Hooray for equal rights! Now men can be raped too \o/

Yeah...well...screw it, I wanted to make a joke in extremely bad taste, happy now?

 

[idodo35]

well it can as I see it go in 3 ways
1. you get to know the person and wish you had before you become friends either romanticly or not aniway it can be a great way to meet new and intresting people!
2. you descover the opposite that you dont have anithing in common and you just not become friends/couple
3. meaningless (mostly) sexual relationship...

 

[trooper6]

I feel like you have set up a bit of a false dichotomy. Friends vs. Strangers.
There are other states of being.

I've never dated people who were good friends of mine. People in the friend zone are in the friend zone for me. That's it.

I have dated strangers (people I met at concerts or at conferences or at bars or at parties thrown by friends, etc). I spend time getting to know them and seeing if we have romantic chemistry. If we do, then we move forward.

I have also dated people who are acquaintances. People I know slightly but haven't gotten into the friend zone with.

My two longest relationships? Both two+ years long, both exes I'm still best friends with. One I met in a sort of a bar. It was more a bar night in a community center. The other was someone I went to college with. I had known of her but didn't really have much contact with her until we were cast in a play together. We didn't have a lot of scenes together so we didn't interact too much, but we were both off stage at the same time for about five minutes as this one Sinatra song played and we started dancing cheek to cheek together before our entrances. From there, romance!

I love starting and developing a relationship infused with romantic and sexual chemistry from the start. I love getting to know someone within a romantic context. I don't like trying to push friends out of the friend zone.
Because--
1) I don't have sexual/romantic chemistry with my friends. In my circle of friends it is generally considered a bit dishonest or at best cowardly to cultivate a friendship under false pretenses when you really just want to have a sexual/romantic relationship with the person.
2) If you don't have sexual/romantic chemistry with a non-friend you go out on a few dates with, no big deal. If you try to push a friendship into a romantic/sexual relationship and it doesn't work, you risk messing up the friendship. I don't think an uncertain sexual/romantic relationship is worth mucking up a good friendship.

On to the other questions. How fast does the relationship get physical/serious? That really depends. Now that I'm older and a civilian I take a bit more time before physical/serious. Back when I was younger/in the Army? Heck, I had sex on the floor of an empty classroom at a conference with a woman I'd known for 2 hours. In the Army, relationships got serious fairly quickly...because we were all a bit intense.

As for the everyday contact...I think it is important to not rush things. You don't need to go from 0 to 60 in two seconds. You know?

 

[D0WNT0WN]

Pretty good, I met a girl on the bus on a Wednesday asked her out on Friday (by phone) had a date on Saturday, had a great time and about a month later and after seeing eachother about twice a week we are going out to dinner in about an hour.

Wish me luck fellows.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Um... well, my longest relationship started because of a series of chance encounters at a psychotherapist's clinic... does that count?

 

[LetalisK]

Everone starts as a stranger.

Pretty much this. Though, in the spirit of the thread, I'm betting most people would be more successful* dating strangers than only people they are already friends with. The latter is extremely limiting and often counter-productive.

*Success being defined as time spent in a relationship

 

[Powereaver]

I think dates with strangers could work as well its just the case of finding the right person ... quite a few people meet their potential partners on the bus/train ride into work a lot of the time.. and im always looking around the train smiling at people hoping to get a smile back.. actually got one back last friday so woo success!

 

[Saltyk]

I generally meet someone and try to get to know them a little before asking them on a date. We might not even meet up before the date. Hell, my last girlfriend and I went out to a movie as friends and it became a date halfway through. To be fair, I think we both saw that potential in each other to begin with.

 

[Chasing-The-Light]

I'd say it really depends on the type of person you are. I've dated friends before and it really just didn't work out too well. I've also had people come up and ask me out and I've agreed and then the relationship worked for a year. It's worth it to try both, I'd say.