How to be properly understood.

[DarklordKyo]

I tend to speak in ways that are not easily understood (or, worst case scenario, tend to make me look like a complete douchebag). For example, I asked a friend if she had any plans come winter if she didn't go to visit her relatives up north (not realizing that her grandpa is sickly, her grandma is lonely, and not realizing that I accidentally made myself look like a self-centered asshole).

The point I'm trying to make here is thus, anyone have any advice on actually speaking in a way that won't cause any problems?

 

[1981]

For example, I asked a friend if she had any plans come winter if she didn't go to visit her relatives up north (not realizing that her grandpa is sickly, her grandma is lonely, and not realizing that I accidentally made myself look like a self-centered asshole).

I'm not sure what the problem is. Why did you ask that? Was it small talk? Or were you hoping that she would instead... maybe... consider doing something else? Like spending time with you.

 

[DarklordKyo]

I'm not sure what the problem is. Why did you ask that? Was it small talk? Or were you hoping that she would instead... maybe... consider doing something else? Like spending time with you.

It was basically me saying "if you got nothing else to do, want to hang out?," not realizing that I was being an
Innocently Insensitive [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InnocentlyInsensitive] douche.

 

[DarklordKyo]

I'm not seeing the issue either. Just think before you speak, though in this specific case I don't see what you've done that's so bad.

She and I live in Florida, and I didn't realize that there must be a big reason why she'd fly all the way to New York (presumably once every 1-2 years or so) just to visit relatives. Essentially, I'm an idiot, and I'm an accidental asshole.

 

[Batou667]

Don't beat yourself up man, you're not a mind reader. Just take the new information on board and proceed from there.