how to find someone?

[shootthebandit]

Im just wondering what sort of avenues there are for meeting someone to potentially have a relationship with?

Im quite a confident and outgoing person and im always first to make a joke so naturally Im not uncomfortable around women. However I tend to go into town on a friday/saturday and the girls I attract arent "relationship material". I know this makes me sound like a bit of a dick and that may be partially correct however the truth is that id actually quite like to meet someone long term for a change.

Im not looking for "the one" or a "love at first sight" or a "soul mate" just someone nice who I enjoy their company

So do you guys have any advice for me. Im not to keen on the idea of internet dating and such like but I may warm to the idea. A lot of my friends swear by tinder but again it seems suited more for a casual encounter rather than anything serious

 

[Random Argument Man]

When you say "Are not relationship material", what do you mean? If it's "sleep with every guy she meets or lacks any sense of responsibility , but keeps complaining she wants a good guy who takes care of her", I would understand. If it's "she has that one thing that I find annoying and I therefore reject her", then maybe you should give them a chance.


Anyway, my actual advice is befriend more women (even the non-relationship types). They probably have friends who are single and more of your type.

 

[Colour Scientist]

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

You might be missing out by assuming that they aren't.
Do you have set criteria or something?


Internet dating is definitely becoming more common, two of my friends met their significant others on dating sites and one of those times was through Tinder.
I don't think I'd use a dating site, at least I haven't been tempted to yet, but I met my current boyfriend online so I can't really judge.

 

[shootthebandit]

"sleep with every guy she meets and lacks any sense of responsibility"

Pretty much this

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

I didnt really want to specify because as you can see it makes me look like a bit of a dick

 

[Colour Scientist]

"sleep with every guy she meets and lacks any sense of responsibility"

Pretty much this

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

I didnt really want to specify because as you can see it makes me look like a bit of a dick

Why does her having sex with people indicate that she lacks any sense of responsibility? Assuming the sex is safe, what's the problem?
Added to that, how do you know she sleeps with every guy she meets or even a lot of guys if you've just met her out?

I mean, whatever, you're entitled to your preferences, it just strikes me as really judgemental and clearly you think it makes you look like a dick so you must see some sort of issue with it.

 

[Nomad]

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

I didnt really want to specify because as you can see it makes me look like a bit of a dick

If your argument is reasonable, I would disagree: not specifying forces the reader to fill in the blanks, though, and there's no telling what that might make you seem like.

I'm curious about the concept itself, though: does not being "relationship material" mean that it's someone that you personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with, or that the person seems generally unsuitable for any relationship?

 

[shootthebandit]

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

I didnt really want to specify because as you can see it makes me look like a bit of a dick

If your argument is reasonable, I would disagree: not specifying forces the reader to fill in the blanks, though, and there's no telling what that might make you seem like.

I'm curious about the concept itself, though: does not being "relationship material" mean that it's someone that you personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with, or that the person seems generally unsuitable for any relationship?

I wouldnt say I dont want to be in a relationship with them or that they are unsuitable. Its just the nature of meeting people in town tends not to be a great way to meet people for anything other than a casual fling. Sure you can meet someone for something more but from my experience its unlikely.

 

[Random Argument Man]

"sleep with every guy she meets and lacks any sense of responsibility"

Pretty much this

What makes you so sure that the girls you meet out aren't "relationship material"?

I didnt really want to specify because as you can see it makes me look like a bit of a dick

Why does her having sex with people indicate that she lacks any sense of responsibility? Assuming the sex is safe, what's the problem?
Added to that, how do you know she sleeps with every guy she meets or even a lot of guys if you've just met her out?

I mean, whatever, you're entitled to your preferences, it just strikes me as really judgemental and clearly you think it makes you look like a dick so you must see some sort of issue with it.

Should have put a "or" instead of an "and". I can understand some people hooking up with lots of people and still be decent human beings.

I should have stressed that it's mostly the "lack of any sense of responsibility" that's important since it tends to be an important factor in a healthy relationship. I mostly responded from personal experience and based on my general entourage. The OP probably had some similar experience.

However, like I said, it doesn't hurt to befriend them nonetheless since it can create friendships. That friendship can either develop into a romantic one when you tend to know them better (it would be important to establish this early on in a direct way) or it can lead to an entourage where someone has more friends who are more the OP's "type".

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Go to better places. Every type has their kind of bar. The micro-brew pub attracts a certain crowd(beer snobs and some kinds of hipsters), the college bar attracts another(college kids who prefer this to nightclubs). Then you have cozy little local bars where a slightly older crowd tends to come in to kill an hour or two(vary massively depending on the neighborhood). I've no experience with nightclubs as I detest loud techno and over-priced drinks.

If you're looking for something not like a bar at all, try the grocery store. All types go there and it's a great place to meet a massive cross section of people. It's also a place where most people feel pretty comfortable, no one met there is considered an immediate threat unlike meeting in a bar. The biggest difference is that most interactions will be fleeting, so you've got to work quick.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I don't think I'd use a dating site, at least I haven't been tempted to yet, but I met my current boyfriend online so I can't really judge.

I met my girlfriend in a dating website over a year ago and in conclusion am a happy camper, though most of the feedback I hear about online dating seems to be negative so even then I don't know if I would recommend it very emphatically. Seems to run on a combination of luck and CV skills.