How to hit on girls on the go

[The Funslinger]

Since you're attempting to pull a PUA stunt

A what?

Pants Under Atention? Propeled Under Arousment? Pizza Und Anchovies (ok, that's cheating)?

Public Urinal Assault?

You fools. Clearly, it's Pandas Under Arrest!

 

[feycreature]

Please, more guys, do this! Please? Pretty please? Or some variant. But just walking up, openly saying you think she's cool and suggesting a joint activity? Even if it's just coffee or something. It is SO nice when that happens.

Please don't guys.

While i can understand that you as a girl might want guys to be the more active part instead of being shy, saying the things you are asking them to say isn't the right way to do it. In the end it's going to do more harm then good for the guys confidence because of more rejections.

Instead, they should focus on getting a conversation started. That way both the girl AND the guy can much more easily determine if they actually link with each other, and from there you can figure out some joint activities. It's the proper way to do things and it's going to boost their confidence way more for the next time. Don't just walk up and ask her out on a date the moment she meets you for the first time (unless your name is Parker McDonald).

I as a person would like someone else to take on the task of initiating contact more often. Hell, I'd like it if more girls did the same, though I think they mostly assume I'm straight so I get the extra hesitation. If I can do it, why can't someone else? You know what's even better for confidence and self-esteem than never being rejected? Realizing that rejection doesn't make you a worse prospect, or less attractive, or less worthy of love. I've gotten a lot of no's...nos? Bah, no good plural. Way more than yeses. I've been turned down a lot of times, because of bad circumstances or simple lack of attraction, or who knows what, but if anything all I've learned is that not everyone is to everyone else's taste. And that's totally okay.

Sure, if you've both got the time you can start a conversation and go from there. That's always nice too (and also almost never happens to me but anyway) Sometimes you don't have time. Sometimes she doesn't have time. And the the title said "on the go". Well, if you're trying to get a stranger's number while going from point A to point B, then a polite compliment and request will either A. fail, probably with a polite but firm no, possibly with histrionics because you have unfortunately found a crazy paranoid girl who you probably wouldn't want anyway, or B. succeed and you get to go on a date with her and get to know her better. If you're going to get horribly wounded by a random stranger not being interested in you (who is from their perspective a random stranger) then yeah don't approach them and maybe work on assessing your self-worth by your own standards and values. But if you don't invest your worth and emotions in a simple request for a phone number, you'll probably be ok.

 

[Udyrfrykte]

Since you're attempting to pull a PUA stunt, whether or not you successfully disguise yourself as a non-creep, the reality of the matter is that you are a creep.

Gah... trying... not... to... rage

SO STUPID!

It's not creepy to want to go out with someone! Grow up!

Want to go out with someone? Not creepy. Try to get someone's number after merely seeing them walking in some random place once? Definitely creepy.

Now, if his gameplan had just been to get her to agree to a coffee date or some other simple introductory outing, that would have been much less creepy and I might be sympathetic to his plight. As it is what he is attempting to do is decidedly in the creepy category.

Yeah.. no. Ask anyone who ACTUALLY knows stuff about this field. You like what you see? You try a taste. Rejected? She is obviously a bit dense if she didn't catch up on how awesome your are. Always that mentality.
The whole "Oh, you should talk with her and see if your souls intervene first..."-shit is for sissies who wish they were man enough. Or simply that low on testostorone and sexual drive that they feel no urge for women.

Experiences are good. The more people you 'try', the better you know what you want(or you try just one and think this is pretty good, stick with it... Good for you?). Well, you can get physically addicted to falling in love, but that's another topic.

To the OP:
I don't think the escapist is the best place to ask for this. You find the most conceited and socially broken nerds on this site. When I asked for introductory good games for my girlfriend, half the posts were some ragepost about me controlling my girlfriends life or disrespecting her (by the way, she thanks me daily for introducing her to gaming). This site is best used for game discussion, just don't mix human relationships in the it

My advice: Go for it (follow some of the tips in this thread on how to do it). Even if you are rejected you just pump your manly muscles and say 'Alright, later then'. Be sure to walk away so she can see your firm manly buttocks. If you know a ladies' guy in real life I would takes notes from him.

It's creepier when you stare a lot, or have seen her several times without talking to her. Do it impulsively. You don't really need more of a reason than "you caught my eye.". You'll learn how to roll with it.

 

[Crazy]

"Give me your phone number or else I'll have to whip it out."

 

[feycreature]

You know what's even better for confidence and self-esteem than never being rejected? Realizing that rejection doesn't make you a worse prospect, or less attractive, or less worthy of love.

You know, that doesn't really work when pretty much every woman you meet treats you like an automaton or a child (if a precocious one) at best, and a barely-sapient, grotesque, horrific monster whose very presence violates the laws of the universe at worst. The way I've been treated by the vast majority of women in the course of normal conversation doesn't exactly convince me that making the first move is ever a good idea.

Maybe when women stop treating me like a misshapen freak, I'll be convinced that I'm not a bad prospect, monstrously unattractive and that for me to ever receive romantic satisfaction isn't a profound violation of the laws of logic and sense. I'm not holding out hope, though.

Well, someone treating anyone in the course of a normal social interaction like they're a misshapen freak, an automaton, a child etc. is a pretty good sign that person is a jerk. And if she's a jerk, then why on earth would would you take her judgment of you to heart? Like I said, you've got to assess your worth on your own terms, not theirs, otherwise you're just giving them power over you which a lot of people obviously can't be trusted with. Hell, my first guess of any new person ever is they're going to be mean to me until they demonstrate otherwise. I can still be civil, I just don't trust almost anyone because I had some crappy experiences early in life and haven't managed to shake the resulting paranoia. In a fistfight, the first person to throw a punch is generally considered the aggressor. In a conversation, the first person to stop being civil and respectful can generally be considered the jerk. And who cares what a jerk thinks?

 

[Udyrfrykte]

I don't think the escapist is the best place to ask for this. You find the most conceited and socially broken nerds on this site. When I asked for introductory good games for my girlfriend, half the posts were some ragepost about me controlling my girlfriends life or disrespecting her (by the way, she thanks me daily for introducing her to gaming).

The fact that you were effectively gloating that you have a girlfriend in the first place might have something to do with the hostility you were getting. I know I didn't answer to that thread, but when people rub it into my face that they have a romantic partner (and in effect, rub into my face that I'll never have one and I'm apparently missing something good), I get rather pissed off, and I'm not one to keep quiet about that.

I don't know.. It might come of as that, not my intention though.
I never thought of having a girlfriend as bragging material, just as a life situation I am (happy to be) in. And as it has evolved she is my significant other, so it's only natural to talk about her.

If I could advice you anything I guess it would be to not look for a girlfriend, but rather just look for a good time. Girls become alert when you want to chain them (just as us guys!).

 

[SYSTEM-J]

Try having a normal conversation with her, like you would with anyone else, making an effort to be friendly and witty and interesting. If you get along and she seems to like you, at the end of the conversation ask for her phone number, and suggest going for a drink sometime. Going up to someone you've never spoken to before and saying "You're cute, can I have your number?" admits you're basically objectifying her, and few people are willing to hand out their personal details to complete strangers. Also, you might find you have nothing in common or no natural chemistry, and so you don't actually want her number.

The main trick is finding something to open the conversation with that feels natural and unforced, so you aren't frantically trying to think of what to say during the conversation. That way lies awkwardness and failure. I have to admit, I very rarely chat up people in everyday life. I tend to reserve that for when I'm in a club or a bar, partly because it's much easier to get a gauge on whether someone likes you and because there are natural lines of conversation you can open up in that environment.

 

[Athinira]

I as a person would like someone else to take on the task of initiating contact more often. Hell, I'd like it if more girls did the same, though I think they mostly assume I'm straight so I get the extra hesitation. If I can do it, why can't someone else? You know what's even better for confidence and self-esteem than never being rejected? Realizing that rejection doesn't make you a worse prospect, or less attractive, or less worthy of love. I've gotten a lot of no's...nos? Bah, no good plural. Way more than yeses. I've been turned down a lot of times, because of bad circumstances or simple lack of attraction, or who knows what, but if anything all I've learned is that not everyone is to everyone else's taste. And that's totally okay.

The problem is that you are one out of many, and most people will simply never realize that fact.

If most people followed your advice, the fact that they won't make the same realization is going to hurt their self-esteem incredibly. Or to put it another way: What works for you is NOT going to work for most other people.

Sure, if you've both got the time you can start a conversation and go from there. That's always nice too (and also almost never happens to me but anyway) Sometimes you don't have time. Sometimes she doesn't have time. And the the title said "on the go". Well, if you're trying to get a stranger's number while going from point A to point B, then a polite compliment and request will either A. fail, probably with a polite but firm no, possibly with histrionics because you have unfortunately found a crazy paranoid girl who you probably wouldn't want anyway, or B. succeed and you get to go on a date with her and get to know her better.

Then you wait for another time. That simple. And if chances are that you aren't going to see that person again (coupled with the fact that you hardly know each other, IF you even know each other at all), then it's better for you to leave it, because at best your imagination is trying to work out an attachment based on superficial attraction. Not only is that a bad thing, but even if you managed to get a relationship going with the person in question in some manner, it's not good for the relationship either.

Superficial attachments like this simply aren't worth paying any ROMANTIC attention, because it just ends up doing more harm than good in 99% of all cases (even in situations where the people in question do end up making out in one way or another). Once the attachment is actually based on something more profound, even if it's just a short meeting, then chances are that the outcome is going to be a lot better.

Sure, if your goal is just to get a number or a date, your method is a shortcut, but then you aren't setting up the situation for a 'happy outcome' for neither parts involved, because neither a date nor a number is the equivalent of success. If i were to put your method into an analogy, i would say it's the equivalent of thinking that money is equal to happiness and then doing a bank-heist thinking it will allow you to live happily ever after (while in reality, it's going to put you behind bars instead, and even if you managed to spend some of the money on hookers and chocolate it's not going to be worth it). And lets be honest here: People who asks for a date or a number ARE looking for something more. Therefore, using an approach which is unlikely to get you something more isn't very sound at all. At best you'll just be stuck with a number and a date which was more or less useless to you. At worst.... well, there is plenty of scenarios that springs to mind here.

 

[feycreature]

Well, someone treating anyone in the course of a normal social interaction like they're a misshapen freak, an automaton, a child etc. is a pretty good sign that person is a jerk. And if she's a jerk, then why on earth would would you take her judgment of you to heart? Like I said, you've got to assess your worth on your own terms, not theirs, otherwise you're just giving them power over you which a lot of people obviously can't be trusted with. Hell, my first guess of any new person ever is they're going to be mean to me until they demonstrate otherwise. I can still be civil, I just don't trust almost anyone because I had some crappy experiences early in life and haven't managed to shake the resulting paranoia. In a fistfight, the first person to throw a punch is generally considered the aggressor. In a conversation, the first person to stop being civil and respectful can generally be considered the jerk. And who cares what a jerk thinks?

The problem with that is that out of the hundreds of women I've met over the course of my life, only about a dozen haven't treated me in a manner that suggests that they believe I'm sub-human, which gives me a ratio of 100:1 or more in the jerks versus people who won't treat me like I'm some sort of cast-off. Out of those dozen women, I don't believe that any of them have ever been romantically attracted to me, and I have reason to think that no woman ever will.

So, I ask again: Why, when the odds are stacked against me so badly, would I ever want to ask a woman out, given that the answer is not just likely but assured to be negative, and will possibly even land me in trouble? When every woman you've ever met outside of your family regards you as unworthy of love, it's pretty fucking hard to convince yourself that you have any chances.

I can't really gauge how good anyone's "chances" are without really knowing them, so I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to say about that. I know if I were talking to someone I'd been around a lot I could probably make more useful suggestions and evaluations. What I was trying to say is that it's a bad idea to base your self-esteem on other people, especially when they are jerks.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Don't assume every cute girl you meet is single. Some guy on the bus asked me for my number. Firstly, I was horrified as he had just met me. Secondly, he just assumed I wouldn't have a boyfriend. If you're not going to see her again, surely that tells you you probably aren't meant to be together...
I'm gonna guess a good percentage of girls get a little bit creeped out by a random guy we don't know hitting on us. I will admit it's flattering, but I'd rather be friends with someone first. You could try striking up a conversation first and getting to know her a bit. She might be sexy, but she might also be a huge *****.

Buuut if I've taken this too seriously, then you could always get her name and look for her on Facebook. If she's at your school/uni and has it on her profile, you won't even need a name!

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

http://lal.com/home


That ought to do it. It's like facebook for possible love interests/creepers/stalkers.

 

[Bloodastral]

"Hi, did you know it's national give your phone number to a stranger day."

 

[feycreature]

I as a person would like someone else to take on the task of initiating contact more often. Hell, I'd like it if more girls did the same, though I think they mostly assume I'm straight so I get the extra hesitation. If I can do it, why can't someone else? You know what's even better for confidence and self-esteem than never being rejected? Realizing that rejection doesn't make you a worse prospect, or less attractive, or less worthy of love. I've gotten a lot of no's...nos? Bah, no good plural. Way more than yeses. I've been turned down a lot of times, because of bad circumstances or simple lack of attraction, or who knows what, but if anything all I've learned is that not everyone is to everyone else's taste. And that's totally okay.

The problem is that you are one out of many, and most people will simply never realize that fact.

If most people followed your advice, the fact that they won't make the same realization is going to hurt their self-esteem incredibly. Or to put it another way: What works for you is NOT going to work for most other people.

Sure, if you've both got the time you can start a conversation and go from there. That's always nice too (and also almost never happens to me but anyway) Sometimes you don't have time. Sometimes she doesn't have time. And the the title said "on the go". Well, if you're trying to get a stranger's number while going from point A to point B, then a polite compliment and request will either A. fail, probably with a polite but firm no, possibly with histrionics because you have unfortunately found a crazy paranoid girl who you probably wouldn't want anyway, or B. succeed and you get to go on a date with her and get to know her better.

Then you wait for another time. That simple. And if chances are that you aren't going to see that person again (coupled with the fact that you hardly know each other, IF you even know each other at all), then it's better for you to leave it, because at best your imagination is trying to work out an attachment based on superficial attraction. Not only is that a bad thing, but even if you managed to get a relationship going with the person in question in some manner, it's not good for the relationship either.

Superficial attachments like this simply aren't worth paying any ROMANTIC attention, because it just ends up doing more harm than good in 99% of all cases (even in situations where the people in question do end up making out in one way or another). Once the attachment is actually based on something more profound, even if it's just a short meeting, then chances are that the outcome is going to be a lot better.

Sure, if your goal is just to get a number or a date, your method is a shortcut, but then you aren't setting up the situation for a 'happy outcome' for neither parts involved, because neither a date nor a number is the equivalent of success. If i were to put your method into an analogy, i would say it's the equivalent of thinking that money is equal to happiness and then doing a bank-heist thinking it will allow you to live happily ever after (while in reality, it's going to put you behind bars instead, and even if you managed to spend some of the money on hookers and chocolate it's not going to be worth it). And lets be honest here: People who asks for a date or a number ARE looking for something more. Therefore, using an approach which is unlikely to get you something more isn't very sound at all. At best you'll just be stuck with a number and a date which was more or less useless to you. At worst.... well, there is plenty of scenarios that springs to mind here.

It's a totally valid point that what works for me isn't going to work for everyone. However, getting overly invested in a potential partner before you really get started is almost guaranteed to mess things up whether they're a longtime friend or a stranger. Of course people who ask for a date are looking for something more, but think about it: the odds of meeting someone, hitting it off, dating seriously right away and living happily ever after are very slim. If certainty that things will be successful is absolutely necessary for you to consider asking someone out, then you're never going to get anywhere because you never know except by trying. If you're absolutely certain it will all go perfectly, then you're just setting yourself up for one hell of a fall. Lacklustre dates, casual dating that never goes anywhere, or even someone that you end up violently disagreeing with once you get to know them, can happen whoever initiates contact, and if you're going to be permanently damaged by this stuff happening you probably shouldn't be dating cause you're going to get mangled no matter what you do. Even someone you've known for years who you think is a perfect match might be a horrible mismatch, not into you, not looking for the same things you are, probably tons of potential problems I can't think of.

So I partly agree with you. Someone who get smashed by rejection, or whose ego can't take a few hits, should not do this. Someone who takes every potentially romantic interaction super seriously should not do this. I have to admit, I see both of those as kinda problematic issues unto themselves, things that are going to make a person miserable one way or another. And I place a lot of emphasis on having fun, not taking oneself too seriously, and being open to change. I have a hard time dealing with people who have very fragile egos or super srs outlooks on life, and if a guy approaches me to ask me out I'll assume he hasn't bought the ring yet, ya know? Under those circumstances it's a huge mistake to start trying to work out your emotional connection in your head. Results are unpredictable, all I've said is that being pleasant and confident improves your chances. There is no guarantee, ever, and there's even less of one with a stranger. You've gotta roll pretty high. But if you're going to put yourself in that situation (bearing in mind specifically what the OP was asking) then you might as well make your chances as good as you can.

Neither your safety first style nor my flinging oneself into the unknown style will work for everyone and they're not mutually exclusive within the world, there's room for both. Again, I do feel that the things which make the safety first style necessary are problematic. You can only minimize the damage by sticking to more known quantities. There is no true safety, that's why relationships are scary. Still, much as I might want to (I'm bossy by nature, a nature I do try to fight not always with success), it's not my place to decide how other people should live and I don't know every person on the planet so maybe it works for tons of people I haven't met. I do not have a statistical analysis on this ^^

I'm not saying every guy should do this. I wish more guys (and girls) would do it though, and also that more guys and girls were able to without getting seriously damaged. I wish that second part for a lot of reasons. I never said "do this and you will get laid/married." I just said it impresses the hell outta me (and I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one) and in most cases should improve a guy's chances, which makes it a good strategy IF you can handle rejection well enough to ask out a stranger, get turned down, and move on. Otherwise hitting on anyone on the go, hitting on girls in general, or even thinking about dating someone who isn't already slavishly devoted to you is probably a bad idea but I have no useful advice for people in that situation.

Oh gods, the run on sentences...ugh...Sorry.

So....yeah. Friends?

EDIT: actually I do need to fix something. As I've said, I don't have hard data on who can and can't take rejection, neither of us does. I've met more people who can than can't, maybe the ratio is reversed for you, but it would be difficult for either of us to prove what the answer is for MOST people.

 

[CODE-D]

I as a person would like someone else to take on the task of initiating contact more often. Hell, I'd like it if more girls did the same, though I think they mostly assume I'm straight so I get the extra hesitation. If I can do it, why can't someone else? You know what's even better for confidence and self-esteem than never being rejected? Realizing that rejection doesn't make you a worse prospect, or less attractive, or less worthy of love. I've gotten a lot of no's...nos? Bah, no good plural. Way more than yeses. I've been turned down a lot of times, because of bad circumstances or simple lack of attraction, or who knows what, but if anything all I've learned is that not everyone is to everyone else's taste. And that's totally okay.

The problem is that you are one out of many, and most people will simply never realize that fact.

If most people followed your advice, the fact that they won't make the same realization is going to hurt their self-esteem incredibly. Or to put it another way: What works for you is NOT going to work for most other people.

Sure, if you've both got the time you can start a conversation and go from there. That's always nice too (and also almost never happens to me but anyway) Sometimes you don't have time. Sometimes she doesn't have time. And the the title said "on the go". Well, if you're trying to get a stranger's number while going from point A to point B, then a polite compliment and request will either A. fail, probably with a polite but firm no, possibly with histrionics because you have unfortunately found a crazy paranoid girl who you probably wouldn't want anyway, or B. succeed and you get to go on a date with her and get to know her better.

Then you wait for another time. That simple. And if chances are that you aren't going to see that person again (coupled with the fact that you hardly know each other, IF you even know each other at all), then it's better for you to leave it, because at best your imagination is trying to work out an attachment based on superficial attraction. Not only is that a bad thing, but even if you managed to get a relationship going with the person in question in some manner, it's not good for the relationship either.

Then Im never gonna meet anyone for my schedule doesnt allow it. Wake up, drive to school, classes, home. Cant talk in class if theres a girl I want to talk to so that basically just leaves the time Im walking about. If I actually had a reason(person) to stay after for I could but I dont so I just head home unless I want to go eat at the caf or go workout at the gym.

For the topic, this song is perfect.
<youtube=gtsX8H7xSek>

Im sorry but Im gonna ignore what you said and take some chances, wouldnt hurt and I wanna meet somebody. And Im not gonna just hope I see them again or try someone just cause I see them everyday(say class), thats relying on a structured situation that forces us to see each other and I dont want that...

 

[ApophisMP]

from your topic title i was going to say FALCON PUNCH!!!

 

[Athinira]

Then Im never gonna meet anyone for my schedule doesnt allow it. Wake up, drive to school, classes, home. Cant talk in class if theres a girl I want to talk to so that basically just leaves the time Im walking about. If I actually had a reason(person) to stay after for I could but I dont so I just head home unless I want to go eat at the caf or go workout at the gym.

For the topic, this song is perfect.
<youtube=gtsX8H7xSek>

Im sorry but Im gonna ignore what you said and take some chances, wouldnt hurt and I wanna meet somebody. And Im not gonna just hope I see them again or try someone just cause I see them everyday(say class), thats relying on a structured situation that forces us to see each other and I dont want that...

It seems more like you have a problem approaching people who are otherwise busy.

You're setting yourself up for failure, because you are uncertain about approaching women in different situations. I don't buy for a SECOND that your schedule doesn't allow you to meet other people at all. Even people on a tight schedule pretty much always fit another 10 minutes in. Sometimes your class might be cancelled so you get off early etc. Meeting people does not take long at all (especially not if you know how to tie it in with your other activities. It's perfectly possible to talk in class, or in short breaks between class). You are just making up excuses for yourself to pick the easy solution.

It seems more like you have a problem with social interactions in general (or at least around women). That doesn't make my advice unsound, and it's definitely NOT an advice that should be ignored. Sooner or later you are going to realize that if you want your success with women to improve, you need to get that problem handled, because the skills you need to get a great conversation going is the same as the skills you will need once you start dating a woman. Will it take practice and time? Yes. But it's way better than hoping for a miracle to happen, because if you are just going to rely on your 'luck', your luck needs to be extremely incredible. Attempting to brute force this problem is not advicable.