How to stop caring?

[Shadowcreed]

I'm the sort of person that wants to please all parties, always looking for a middle ground so that everyone is happy. I'm open minded, everything is fine by me. I generally do not judge a person, especially not on what he/she is wearing or looks like. For me, logic is important. If I don't see something as logical it can be quite difficult for me to implement it or agree upon, in those cases I again try to compensate and find some logical structure somewhere, even if its far fetched. Now I keep getting this leery feeling, today I was buying some stuff in the city, with every article I looked at I get the feeling that I'm being judged by others for looking at it. I don't get why I feel this. Everything in my logical state says that this is the most idiotic thing I can possibly do - what do others care? why do or should I care that some stranger judges me? Why would someone else judge me if she/he doesn't know me? Why do I feel like I'm getting judged even though I'd never think of judging someone else based on what items he or she buys?

I've got it into my head that everything should be X or Y according to others, but I haven't jumped on that train and I'm not about to do so, so why do I care? It makes no sense.

 

[Giftfromme]

Eh I learned not to care about what others think about me. I used to be like you, always looking for middle ground and not voicing my opinions, lest someone be offended or not like my stance. Now I have learned to hold my ground, hold my own opinions, and have found people like that attribute in others, even if they don't agree with the particular view. I know who my friends are, and don't feel the need to please others. It's quite a liberating feeling imo. Many things can flow on from this.,

As for others judging you, you can imagine that they do indeed so this, but then ask: why should you care? What is the worst that can happen by someone judging you?

 

[Doclector]

Sounds to me like you're a little paranoid. We all are, a little, but when it gets to the point that it starts affecting you, ypu stop doing or buying what you want because of people's thoughts, you stop talking to certain people because you're certain they hate you, or, worse case scenario, you end up holed up in your basement with a shotgun fairly sure everyone's gone mad.

I don't know whether such advice is useful to you, but personally, it didn't help me when I tried to get away from said thoughts. It didn't help me to become "saner". Personally, the more "mnetally unusual" I feel, the less I think about truly harmful things. It's when I'm only a little lost that I think depressing thoughts.

Anyways, something that I'm pretty sure will probably help. Put it on paper/computer. And don't just describe the situation like you have here, how does it feel? Draw it. Write a thinly veiled mataphor for it. Make a video, although that's a whole ton of effort.

When I felt like that, It felt like I was in "frankenstien", and I was the monster. Being chased around. I drew that, and somehow, seeing how I felt, understanding it, made it a little better.

Sorry if this post sounds loose-minded or poorly spelt and said, I'm quite ill, shakes and all. Typing or thinking coherently is becoming a challenge, but if I feel better soon, I'll write a better response.

By the way, what were you buying? I mean, if it was something relatively normal, then you're probably imaging things, or the people there were morons. If it was unsual, say, a hentai love cushion or a strange item of clothing, you may have to learn to deal with the odd funny look, but they probably don't intend anything truly malicious.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

This is one of those things that can't be taught, you need to teach yourself it. People can give you advice but you're unlikely to change because of it.

I suggest you stop trying to identify logic in everything, it's just silly and boring, let yourself go. Logic is for academics not for living by. I also suggest you stop judging others as much, you say you don't but I doubt how honest that is, just stop caring what others do and how they behave. You don't need to stop caring about their actions altogether, but just enough that they don't affect you that much.

After that you might ease into a much more relaxed attitude. Oh, that's another, relax. You're a Snorlax from now on; Snorlax don't care 'bout shit. Soon you should be pretty chill with your own actions.

Maybe don't hide your porn. Having something that embarrassing out in the open might do you some good. If you don't have porn then get some.

 

[Ando85]

I can pin point an event in my life that led me to completely not care what people think of me. In high school I was quite a bit overweight and would get picked on constantly for that. I decided I was sick of being fat so I went on a diet and started jogging. Several months later I had lost about 50 pounds.

Funny thing was that I kind of got scrawny and started getting made fun of for being skinny. Yes, I went from being made fun of for being fat to being made fun of for being skinny. At that point I realized how it is completely impossible to please everyone, so I just stopped caring what people think of me. It was more empowering than I ever imagined.

I had discussed the whole not caring what people think to a good friend who shared the same philosophy. We decided after lunch in my senior year of high school that we would walk down the hall holding hands at the height of homophobia. No, I'm not gay and neither is he. It was just absolutely hilarious to see people's reactions. I owe that all to not caring if people are judging me or thinking negatively about me.

I now carry this philosophy throughout life and it has done wonders for my confidence and self esteem. I was no longer afraid to ask girls out, I could openly talk about masturbating, and just all around more out going and confident in social situations. Sure, some people would react negatively towards me, but who cares?

 

[Shadowcreed]

Snip

I can relate to that philosophy, logically. Though as a person I can't distance myself that well from judgement, I'd rather be left alone that judged, even though I shouldn't even care on bit about what a random person says, it just doesn't come naturally to me. Mentally, it does.

By the way, what were you buying? I mean, if it was something relatively normal, then you're probably imaging things, or the people there were morons. If it was unsual, say, a hentai love cushion or a strange item of clothing, you may have to learn to deal with the odd funny look, but they probably don't intend anything truly malicious.

I was looking for some white clothing to match a dress-code for an upcoming event I'm going to. The problem is I really really realllllly don't have an eye for clothes, nor do I really care what i wear as long as it fits and is comfortable. I had some awkward encounters while searching around in stores as most white clothes that were on display were in fact ment for girls - which I am not^^
Eventually I even walked into a girls cloth store without realizing it, it was empty besides the cashier, who gave me funny looks for checking out clothes in a women's store. Again logic dictated that she has no idea what I'm in here for - perhaps I was looking for a present for someone or some clothes for a girlfriend, though the reality was I just saw some white pants that might suit me xD
Glad I figured out it was a girl store.. really, who names his store 'Fun Fun Fun' and keeps clothes for women there?
as a side question - how the hell do you distinguish a women's pants from a males one? After a few seconds it sometimes hits me but usually its just a piece of clothing to me, nothing more.

 

[Doclector]

Snip

I can relate to that philosophy, logically. Though as a person I can't distance myself that well from judgement, I'd rather be left alone that judged, even though I shouldn't even care on bit about what a random person says, it just doesn't come naturally to me. Mentally, it does.

By the way, what were you buying? I mean, if it was something relatively normal, then you're probably imaging things, or the people there were morons. If it was unsual, say, a hentai love cushion or a strange item of clothing, you may have to learn to deal with the odd funny look, but they probably don't intend anything truly malicious.

I was looking for some white clothing to match a dress-code for an upcoming event I'm going to. The problem is I really really realllllly don't have an eye for clothes, nor do I really care what i wear as long as it fits and is comfortable. I had some awkward encounters while searching around in stores as most white clothes that were on display were in fact ment for girls - which I am not^^
Eventually I even walked into a girls cloth store without realizing it, it was empty besides the cashier, who gave me funny looks for checking out clothes in a women's store. Again logic dictated that she has no idea what I'm in here for - perhaps I was looking for a present for someone or some clothes for a girlfriend, though the reality was I just saw some white pants that might suit me xD
Glad I figured out it was a girl store.. really, who names his store 'Fun Fun Fun' and keeps clothes for women there?
as a side question - how the hell do you distinguish a women's pants from a males one? After a few seconds it sometimes hits me but usually its just a piece of clothing to me, nothing more.

I don't know how you would distinguish such a thing, actually, aside from perhaps extra space allowed for certain gender exclusive...things. Most clothes stores I know of have clearly marked sections for male/female clothing. To be honest, you were probably being laughed at a little when you were in the female clothing store, but it's a funny story and heck, you'll probably never see that cashier person again.

As for general fashion sense...most people don't really care unless you literally look like a hobo. People tend to notice really good fashion sense far more than bad. If they do judge you for what you wear, well...they're d***s.

 

[Shadowcreed]

It makes me sad thinking about all those people that hold fashion into high regards... Hey, your choice - but I'm not about to admire someone for having expensive clothes that look EXACTLY the same as those that cost $10,00- at a flea market. Its the same! what the hell are people doing?! Are you paying 100 bucks extra for a damned brand tag? really?

Or maybe its still just me and my terrible, terrible sense for clothes... It confuses the hell out of me.. Lady Gaga anyone?? Don't get me wrong - I like the fact shes trying new stuff, regardless of how ugly and retarded they look, but the real issue I've got are the people that want to mimic those clothes, they're dreadful, intended as a joke? People actually want to walk around in that stuff, the extremists that is. Fashion... It comes second right after Religion up on my stairs of What... the.... Fuuuck... are... people... smoking???! Still, If you want to run around in stuff like that or want to believe in a religion then go right ahead I really don't have an issue with it. Just something I wouldn't do. If it makes you happy, then go for it.

<captcha -- Nut Case> is it that bad? ;o

The internet is mocking me! how dare it!

 

[Smooth Operator]

Distractions, you simply shift your care onto something that is more important to you.
Get a hobby with some heavy cerebral demand and keep a task or two always open for solving and whenever you find yourself obsessing over something trivial go back to that happy place.

One very beneficial topic to look into is sociology and social behavior, not only will you always have a puzzle to solve (trying to figure out the people around you) but you will also better understand where your compulsions come from.
Just for the love of christ never analyze people out loud as they get a very strong desire to punch you in the face.

 

[Doclector]

It makes me sad thinking about all those people that hold fashion into high regards... Hey, your choice - but I'm not about to admire someone for having expensive clothes that look EXACTLY the same as those that cost $10,00- at a flea market. Its the same! what the hell are people doing?! Are you paying 100 bucks extra for a damned brand tag? really?

Or maybe its still just me and my terrible, terrible sense for clothes... It confuses the hell out of me.. Lady Gaga anyone?? Don't get me wrong - I like the fact shes trying new stuff, regardless of how ugly and retarded they look, but the real issue I've got are the people that want to mimic those clothes, they're dreadful, intended as a joke? People actually want to walk around in that stuff, the extremists that is. Fashion... It comes second right after Religion up on my stairs of What... the.... Fuuuck... are... people... smoking???! Still, If you want to run around in stuff like that or want to believe in a religion then go right ahead I really don't have an issue with it. Just something I wouldn't do. If it makes you happy, then go for it.

<captcha -- Nut Case> is it that bad? ;o

The internet is mocking me! how dare it!

I don't hold fashion in high regard at all, I just tend to analyse things a lot, and generally, people don't really care. I usually just wear jeans and a t-shirt (they don't even match most of the time! For shame...).

Lady gaga? It's a PR thing. Gets her in the papers and magazines for sure, which gives her more publicity.

Or she could be geniunely insane, in which case, things must be hilarious when she sees her tailor and asks to be covered in kermits.

 

[Galletea]

You could look at the Gaga thing as a way of covering up insecurities. If people are focused on her appearance then they're not looking at her as a person and it distances the public from the woman under the outfit. As
A lot of what you talk about comes with confidence. If you're the sort of person who doesn't talk to new people easily despite your non-judgemental attitude, then you are likely to get a bit paranoid about things that you know don't matter. In time, you'll probably find you won't care about these things, but right now you're just over-thinking it, because you're logically inclined.

 

[Angie7F]

Yeah I think it's a obsession with the logic thing that is driving you out of your mind on this issue.

I used to be like that too, and ow I simple put in loud music and drain people out when I. Am asking around outside.
If ai am forced to interact, I try to picture The situation as a reality show...
The usually helps me from becoming too emotionally and mentally involved and what ever people may do or think just becomes entertaining..

 

[Relish in Chaos]

I think everyone cares about others think about them, even if they don't want to admit it. Everyone cares about what they look like, so they don't look undesirable to people that might shy away from them or are already wary of you, which is why so many people take the time to gel up their hair in the morning, wear a clean shirt, put on make-up.

Everyone cares about rumours about them. People generally aren't fine with all their peers thinking that they're gay when they're not, especially it potentially ruins their chances with a girl they've got a crush on.

Everyone wants to fit in, because if you don't fit in, you don't have friends and you're lonely. No-one wants to be lonely, not even the hermits that "choose" to. It might certainly be a peaceful life in theory, but you'll drive yourself insane and if you go around with an attitude of "I don't give a shit what you think about me" when it actually matters (say, in a job interview), then no-one's going to give you a second thought.

Of course, you should still live your own life, but find a balance between awareness and individuality.

 

[idodo35]

well for me caring is like a switch when i decide to care i care when i deside to not care i dont however im guessing it isnt that simple for you or else you wouldnt have posted this...
so just remember that what other people think doesnt matter unless you decide it does so unless you care what other people think it doesnt matter at all its your desicion...
btw did you post that before? i can swear i saw a post like this like a month ago...