I cheated

[Starke]

No, I have never cheated.

You see, I'm not a horrible boyfriend.

You want advice? Suck it up, tell your fiance, and pray that she forgives you.

Honestly, while good advice in theory, in practice, I can't recommend this.

It's either telling the truth, or deny your loved one to hear what she deserves to hear.

Yeah, I know. The simplist solution is to simply not cheat, life is a lot simpler, and nobody's pissed off (except that psychotic ex of mine). But, at the same time, the second part of my statement holds true.

If they're coming to you it usually means they're going to do it again, and they're looking for your blessing.

(Though, the phrasing is a little akward (I'm blaming that on it being 7am)).

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

You want advice? Suck it up, tell your fiance, and pray that she forgives you.

Possibly the worst advice ever.

Better she finds out from him now than from someone else much later.

yea i have already told her. almost as soon as i could and i know I'm a horrble boyfriends or whatever trust me i just want to die that's how bad i feel.

Then we can only hope she knows how sorry you are.

 

[Soxafloppin]

Nah ive never cheated, ive been from one girl to the next and got bitched at for it, but never cheated.

 

[Starke]

I know my GF's on these boards, and posting...

Nothing odd about it, that I can see.

Yeah, I just assumed it to mean that this so-called 'girlfriend' was screening the posts.

Yeah, the phrasing was a little weird in Tomato's post. If it was "A lot of our signifigant others are members and read the shit we write here." That'd be less stalkery.

 

[DazZ.]

Well you only made out with someone, whilst drunk. It's all up to her though now, depends on what kind of person she is.

Not much you can do, but I think telling her was better than her finding out later.

 

[Baby Tea]

Don't tell your fiance for precisely the same reason you don't tell her when she puts on a couple of pounds or her favourite dress is a little snug around her posterior, because it'll needlessly upset her. Yes, telling her may make you feel better, but it'll make her feel lousy, so suck it up, don't do it again.

Excuse me?
Now this is the worst advice ever.

Equating telling your significant other that you cheated on them with saying they've gained a few pounds is ridiculous, to say the least. They have every right to know that you cannot be trusted, and that you're a selfish, immature person. People make mistakes, sure they do, but this girl will be entering a marriage with this guy, and she deserves to know if he can be trusted.

Evidently he has some growing up to do if he can't even go out to the bar and have some drinks without making out with some girl. It certainly doesn't sound like he's ready to be in a marriage, that's for darn sure. I'm celebrating my 2 year anniversary today with my wife, and the thought of cheating on her makes me physically ill.

OP: If your fiancé forgives you, for some reason, take some pre-marital counselling to prepare yourself for marriage, and grow up quick if you want to keep her.

 

[con70solo]

I've never cheated on anyone, nor do I plan to. I'd suggest just being honest, and hoping that she'll understand. I myself hope that you mend your ways because of this. A betrayal of trust is not something to be taken lightly.

trust me i will never do anything like this again I just hope she will forgive me and knows how bad i feel.

 

[Liberaliter]

Don't let your fiance find out and you'll be fine, of course there are the inevitable moral and emotional repercussions - but if you keep running from your problems, chances are they won't catch up with you anyway so you're good to go!

 

[con70solo]

hey everyone, alright so this is what happened this past weekend my fiance was in new york and i stayed at home. well long story short i had ppl over saturday night and went out to the bars next thing i know i was making out with some random girl. I just wanted to see if any one on here has had and simalar experances or advice for me

thanks

Did it mean anything to you? If it didn't then just forget about it. Don't tell your fiance, and don't do it again.

Don't tell your fiance for precisely the same reason you don't tell her when she puts on a couple of pounds or her favourite dress is a little snug around her posterior, because it'll needlessly upset her. Yes, telling her may make you feel better, but it'll make her feel lousy, so suck it up, don't do it again.

It may seem a little harsh, but it's good that you feel guilty. It means you still love her and that your conscience is still operational. This isn't a "get out of jail free" card; you have to live with the guilt and the secret and that's going to be hard, but you did it and you have no right to make her miserable too.

I don't believe in lies, but I also don't believe in unkind truths that serve no purpose.

of course it didnt mean anything

 

[Marter]

Never cheated on anyone. I'm faithful.

 

[The Bum]

hey everyone, alright so this is what happened this past weekend my fiance was in new york and i stayed at home. well long story short i had ppl over saturday night and went out to the bars next thing i know i was making out with some random girl. I just wanted to see if any one on here has had and simalar experances or advice for me

thanks

your sir are most serously screwed and don't lie or you'll be a even bigger dickweed than you already are.

 

[Frungy]

Don't tell your fiance for precisely the same reason you don't tell her when she puts on a couple of pounds or her favourite dress is a little snug around her posterior, because it'll needlessly upset her. Yes, telling her may make you feel better, but it'll make her feel lousy, so suck it up, don't do it again.

Excuse me?
Now this is the worst advice ever.

Equating telling your significant other that you cheated on them with saying they've gained a few pounds is ridiculous, to say the least. They have every right to know that you cannot be trusted, and that you're a selfish, immature person. People make mistakes, sure they do, but this girl will be entering a marriage with this guy, and she deserves to know if he can be trusted.

Evidently he has some growing up to do if he can't even go out to the bar and have some drinks without making out with some girl. It certainly doesn't sound like he's ready to be in a marriage, that's for darn sure. I'm celebrating my 2 year anniversary today with my wife, and the thought of cheating on her makes me physically ill.

OP: If your fiancé forgives you, for some reason, take some pre-marital counselling to prepare yourself for marriage, and grow up quick if you want to keep her.

No, this is the worst advice ever... actually no, I think I saw some worse advice somewhere on Yahoo Answers about using turpentine as a contraceptive, but Yahoo Answers is a *special* place.

Baby Tea, try to keep some perspective here. He went out, he kissed another girl, he feels lousy about it. It's a kiss, not a big deal. Rather turn this into something positive, a reason for him to not do anything like this again, than turn it into something negative and messy that's going to plague their relationship for what could well be the rest of their married lives.

As for you feeling physically ill at the idea of cheating, that's not normal. You have some issues around cheating that you need to resolve. Maybe you were cheated on, maybe you cheated at some point and are guilt-ridden. It means you're not very anti-cheating, which is good for your wife, but makes you a very bad person to give advice to others. You have a massive red-flashing "BIAS" sign over your head and aren't prepared to accept that sometimes people make mistakes.

The trick for living a happy life is to take a bad situation, extract what's good from it and leave the bad behind. Your solution would simply make every miserable and make a bad situation worse, and that's why I think it's bad advice.

OP: Just for reference, I'm also married, and for a lot longer than Baby Tea. I've never cheated on my wife. Just including this incase you were inclined to give Baby Tea's advice more weight because he's married. It's not a good idea to be too honest, and sometimes you just need to bite your tongue and do what's best for your wife and family, like not telling them that you're $10 000 in the hole (like I was at one point) until you have a plan to sort it out. Telling people stuff that just makes them stressed and unhappy isn't honesty, it's selfishness, and unless there's a darned good reason to do so (like you feel you might be unfaithful again and need your fiance to watch/help you) then there's no point in spreading the misery.

 

[Baby Tea]

Telling people stuff that just makes them stressed and unhappy isn't honesty, it's selfishness, and unless there's a darned good reason to do so (like you feel you might be unfaithful again and need your fiance to watch/help you) then there's no point in spreading the misery.

It's selfish? Really?
The selfish part was the cheating. That was selfish.

The fact is, the guy cheated. Does he feel terrible? He says he does. That's good. Can she trust him? He says she can. But guess whose call that is to make? Not his. It's her call to make. Right now, she trusts him completely, because she thinks he's never cheated, and never would. But he did, and that changes things. She has the right to know that he did this, not to ease his guilt ridden mind, but to give her the proper perspective on the guy she's marrying.

And that's the ticket: His confession has nothing to do with him and his guilt.
It has to do with her knowing what kind of guy he is, and whether or not she can still trust him.
Again: Her decision, not his.

And you may be married, and for longer then myself, but I don't know what kind of marriage that is where you can go $10,000 in the hole without your wife knowing. That is simply and absolutely crazy, and it baffles me.

We're obviously going to have to agree to disagree here, but you were right on about one thing: I am biased. I've never cheated on my wife, I'll never cheat on my wife. Opportunities came where it could have happened, but I didn't and I would never. I think cheating is objectively wrong, it's never the right solution, and it's never justified. At least, barring some ridiculous hypothetical situation, I cannot fathom it ever being OK or acceptable.

People can make mistakes, but cheating is a mistake that effects two people, not just one. If I make a mistake shaving, only I live with that mistake. If I cheat on my wife, it involves two people and the other person has the right to know that it happened. They are in the relationship too, and they get to make the choice of whether or not they think the other person is trustworthy enough.

 

[Frungy]

It's selfish? Really?
The selfish part was the cheating. That was selfish.

The fact is, the guy cheated. Does he feel terrible? He says he does. That's good. Can she trust him? He says she can. But guess whose call that is to make? Not his. It's her call to make. Right now, she trusts him completely, because she thinks he's never cheated, and never would. But he did, and that changes things. She has the right to know that he did this, not to ease his guilt ridden mind, but to give her the proper perspective on the guy she's marrying.

And that's the ticket: His confession has nothing to do with him and his guilt.
It has to do with her knowing what kind of guy he is, and whether or not she can still trust him.
Again: Her decision, not his.

And you may be married, and for longer then myself, but I don't know what kind of marriage that is where you can go $10,000 in the hole without your wife knowing. That is simply and absolutely crazy, and it baffles me.

We're obviously going to have to agree to disagree here, but you were right on about one thing: I am biased. I've never cheated on my wife, I'll never cheat on my wife. Opportunities came where it could have happened, but I didn't and I would never. I think cheating is objectively wrong, it's never the right solution, and it's never justified. At least, barring some ridiculous hypothetical situation, I cannot fathom it ever being OK or acceptable.

People can make mistakes, but cheating is a mistake that effects two people, not just one. If I make a mistake shaving, only I live with that mistake. If I cheat on my wife, it involves two people and the other person has the right to know that it happened. They are in the relationship too, and they get to make the choice of whether or not they think the other person is trustworthy enough.

At this stage I'm just endlessly repeating myself, so let me sum it up, "You're wrong.".

How could I go $10 000 in the hole and not let my wife know? Simple, I knew I could sort it out and there was no need to stress her about it. She enjoyed her second honeymoon never knowing that it was money we didn't have. If I'd told her she would have cancelled it or been miserable and she deserved that holiday, and I made it happen. Yeah, I was worried, but sometimes being a good husband means not telling your wife everything. I sorted it out in about 6 months and since I do the shopping and the cooking my wife didn't even notice that I was cooking cheaper meals for 6 months and making some other cutbacks.

You're so judgemental that I'd hate to be your partner. Take a chill pill, stop judging and hating everyone else around you in a vain effort to feel superior and maybe, just maybe you'll life a happier life.

Con70solo - I hope you're doing okay and you've reconciled yourself with this situation. You messed up, I hope you've moved on. As they say, "and this too will pass". Everything is temporary and there's only the present. Make it the best present you can, and only look at the past to learn from it and the future to plan for it.