I feel generally down...

[Doclector]

...and I know it's stupid to be so.

Lately I've been feeling down alot. Mostly about the fact that I am 19 and still haven't had a girlfriend for longer than two weeks or even casually lost my virginity. It frustrates me, because I know I'm far too ugly for anyone to care about me. That's the harsh reality of this world that I have learned. Thus, it should be easy for me to forget about it, right?

Wrong. For some damn reason I can't get my head off of the subject. I know it's a problem I can't ever fix, so I should just forget about it. I'm not surposed to get like this anyway. If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. If you are seen as weak, people hate you. If people hate you, it's only a matter of time until they try to kill you. I haven't been weak for a long time, not since school. I'm supposed to be better than this, I'm not supposed to feel lonely. I'm supposed to be able to survive wihtout a female companion. Without any companions, if strictly necessary. It makes all the logic and sense in the world to give up on these foolish dreams of having a girlfriend, so why the hell can't I?

So please, can someone tell me how to get rid of these feelings? Their must be a way. Feelings without a purpose only make you weak, so I can't have that strong a need for them.

 

[zombiesinc]

It frustrates me, because I know I'm far too ugly for anyone to care about me. That's the harsh reality of this world that I have learned. Thus, it should be easy for me to forget about it, right?

Wrong. For some damn reason I can't get my head off of the subject. I know it's a problem I can't ever fix, so I should just forget about it. I'm not supposed to get like this anyway. If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. I'm supposed to be better than this, I'm not supposed to feel lonely. I'm supposed to be able to survive without a female companion. Without any companions, if strictly necessary. It makes all the logic and sense in the world to give up on these foolish dreams of having a girlfriend, so why the hell can't I?

So please, can someone tell me how to get rid of these feelings? Their must be a way. Feelings without a purpose only make you weak, so I can't have that strong a need for them.

The first step, is to stop telling people (and more importantly yourself) that you're ugly. The more often you say this, the more you'll believe it. The more you believe it, the more down and out you'll come off to those around you. This will push people away.

Just because you're a guy, doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel sad. It used to be that men weren't supposed to cry, or show emotion, because it was looked upon as weak, and socially unacceptable. Well, we've broken away from those gender roles, and that isn't something anyone should continue to enforce. Do not tell yourself that it isn't okay to feel sad, or show emotion. You're a human being, who has emotions.

And no, it doesn't make any sense to tell yourself that it's foolish to have dreams of having a girlfriend, being in love, and sharing a life. Period. It's what every human wants, and it's natural.

You need to realize that you do not need to get rid of those feelings. You need to throw out those thoughts regarding traditional and ridiculous gender roles, and embrace what you want in your life. It's your life, you deserve to be happy. You want a girl in your life to grow with, love, and to share experiences with. Nothing wrong with that, and it certainly isn't something you should try to get 'rid' of.

You'll end up more unhappy than you currently are if you try to 'rid' yourself of these feelings. You'll be more unhappy because you're denying yourself something that you truly want.

You're not weak because you feel emotion. It's not something you have to fix. You should not try to force yourself to forget it. Don't try to give up on that dream of having someone. Start focusing on accepting yourself, and your feelings. Get rid of those beliefs that what society used to deem as acceptable is actually right, because it isn't. Stop telling yourself you're ugly and don't deserve someone because of it.

 

[Fawcks]

Your dogmatic approach to what makes a man weak is exactly what keeps you from being strong.

What makes a man stronger? Living afraid of being weak? Or accepting this weakness, and working hard to overcome it? I have the same problem as you currently. You can never throw aside your feelings, they are a part of you; no, they are you. If you're lonely, you need to find friends. Not wallow in despair. Humans are a social animal, and while we may be weak and powerless on our own, we can pull each other up. We keep each other standing, the same as a link in a chain.

What you need is some help. Without love, can't you at least find companionship? What friends do you have? What hobbies?

In my case, I was born physically attractive, but I had never loved anyone. When I did find love, it was taken from me... and I did nothing but wallow in despair. I kept telling myself I should reject these feelings, to reject my weakness... My pathetic self who could not move on. However, you must first accept it before you can rectify it. Once you realize what is making you hurt, it is far easier to solve. Don't run away.

 

[Imp Poster]

1) I don't think you think you are ugly. Most ugly guys I know accept the fact they are. Nothing they can do about it and say fuck it. I gotta use some charm/humor to get them. They go balls out and if they get rejected so what? They use their "ugly" nature as an excuse to get them past their rejection. It's not their fault. On to the next one. They aren't intimidated by hot looking girls this way. This is why alot of hot girls I see have fugly(fucking ugly) BFs.

2)

If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. If you are seen as weak, people hate you. If people hate you, it's only a matter of time until they try to kill you. I haven't been weak for a long time, not since school.

Whoa here, where is all this hostility coming from? Kill you? Isn't that extreme? First of all, people don't care as much as you think. Hating takes effort as much as loving. Second, most people don't kill people they hate. Or is this some kind of hunting analogy?


3)

I'm supposed to be better than this, I'm not supposed to feel lonely. I'm supposed to be able to survive wihtout a female companion. Without any companions, if strictly necessary. It makes all the logic and sense in the world to give up on these foolish dreams of having a girlfriend, so why the hell can't I?

So please, can someone tell me how to get rid of these feelings? Their must be a way. Feelings without a purpose only make you weak, so I can't have that strong a need for them.

Better than this? What is "this"? and how are you supposed to be better than it? You are a typical 19 year old with insecurities that have raging homones. Guess what? That is most of what guys your age go through. Having a girlfriend isn't like having a car. There isn't supposed to have an age to where you get one or have had one.

3.5) You are going to have to accept who you are and understand what you are going through. It is just a phase. More importantly, live life like that and not what you think you are supposed to live life like. Knowing and understanding the problem can bring change easier than just fixing the problem. EDIT: if you don't understand this part, watch Tombstone(1993,Kurt Russell/Val Kilmer), What is the last thing Doc Holliday(on his death bed) say to Wyatt Earp just before Doc dies? That is what I mean.

 

[Cupid]

Hmm, being female and 18, I can say that most of my friends from my old HS went for looks when it came to dating guys. The strange thing is, they weren't so good looking themselves, yet they went for looks first, and personality second. Something I never understood, but w/e. I can say that for me, looks don't come first, and I have proof of that with a few of my past boyfriends, however, they were somehow very good looking to me..it was with others that they had seen them to not be so attractive or have looks in the looks department. I always questioned what are looks anyway? Is it hair? the eyes? the lips? how tall a guy is? These things for me never mattered, and I can with all honesty say that. I would much rather fall for a guy and what he is about rather than his looks, and I have learned that looks won't make the man, and I learned it at a young age,..so, lucky me.

I also can tell you of my experience that most people will go for looks first, but not all of us. I think you just haven't met the right girl for you is all. Someone who will appreciate you for who you are, and not what you look like. I have met good looking guys who are ugly inside, and ugly on the outside (going by what ugly is in our society) who are the sweetest in the inside. It's a shame people are so narrow minded in this way, but their loss. I'm sure you are a nice guy and have alot to offer somoene if given the chance, but hey, give yourself that chance. Don't let your feelings of your looks define who you are. You are more than your looks and the more you put that out there, the better you will feel and you will project that same feeling to all of us females out there. Knowing this is easier said than done, but at 19 you are so young yet and havent met everyone you will meet so relax! Have fun, enjoy who you are and as soon as you know it, someone will be enjoying who you are too.

 

[Doclector]

2)

If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. If you are seen as weak, people hate you. If people hate you, it's only a matter of time until they try to kill you. I haven't been weak for a long time, not since school.

Whoa here, where is all this hostility coming from? Kill you? Isn't that extreme? First of all, people don't care as much as you think. Hating takes effort as much as loving. Second, most people don't kill people they hate. Or is this some kind of hunting analogy?

That's what happened in school, and from all through school they said thing would change, but they didn't. How am I supposed to know people are different now?

I'm supposed to be better than this, I'm not supposed to feel lonely. I'm supposed to be able to survive wihtout a female companion. Without any companions, if strictly necessary. It makes all the logic and sense in the world to give up on these foolish dreams of having a girlfriend, so why the hell can't I?

So please, can someone tell me how to get rid of these feelings? Their must be a way. Feelings without a purpose only make you weak, so I can't have that strong a need for them.

Better than this? What is "this"? and how are you supposed to be better than it? You are a typical 19 year old with insecurities that have raging homones. Guess what? That is most of what guys your age go through. Having a girlfriend isn't like having a car. There isn't supposed to have an age to where you get one or have had one. [/quote] The thing is, I survived this before. Everyone in school was alot further in life than me, no matter how little they deserved it. Why was I able to put those feeling away then, and not now? It's not like the things I've got to do at college are less important, in fact, they're probabally more critical to my life than anything in school ever was.

But yeah, I do know that putting away these feelings isn't the most healthy solution, and I know that getting a girlfriend isn't like getting a car, but I find it hard to believe the point that I'm normal to go through this when I don't know anyone who is this age and still single. Worse, most people I know are younger than me (late college entry, one more year, and I'd be paying for it). I just think there are far more important things to deal with right now than something so petty as the same loneliness I've coped with fine for most of my damn life, and there seems to be no real solution at the moment. All the girls at college are in relationships, and far too far out my league anyway. I'd go out, but all that'll happen then is some drunken fling with yet another girl who doesn't even remember my name in the morning, seeming as I live in a town where the only way to socialise is getting drunk.

 

[quiet_samurai]

"Doclector" post="538.250646.9283075 I'm not surposed to get like this anyway. If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. If you are seen as weak, people hate you. If people hate you, it's only a matter of time until they try to kill you.

WTF Buttercup? First off, I think you are thinking way, way, way,waywayway, way too hard on this. To the point you are having delusions and paranoia... try to kill you? Really? No, the most is that they will maybe ridicule you , or even pity you, not kill you. I think you actually ahve a lot of things to take care of internally before you start worrying about finding a GF. Your self esteem seems to be affecting you on a social and psychological level. Go to a doctor or something, seriously. And besides, once you get better your confidence will go up as will your outlook on life, and that is what girls want more then anything anyways, confidence. Good luck.

 

[quiet_samurai]

If you feel sad, you are seen as weak. If you are seen as weak, people hate you. If people hate you, it's only a matter of time until they try to kill you.

WTF Buttercup? First off, I think you are thinking way, way, way,waywayway, way too hard on this. To the point you are having delusions and paranoia... try to kill you? Really? No, the most is that they will maybe ridicule you , or even pity you, not kill you. I think you actually ahve a lot of things to take care of internally before you start worrying about finding a GF. Your self esteem seems to be affecting you on a social and psychological level. Go to a doctor or something, seriously. And besides, once you get better your confidence will go up as will your outlook on life, and that is what girls want more then anything anyways, confidence. Good luck.

 

[Imp Poster]

2)

snip

Whoa here, where is all this hostility coming from? Kill you? Isn't that extreme? First of all, people don't care as much as you think. Hating takes effort as much as loving. Second, most people don't kill people they hate. Or is this some kind of hunting analogy?

That's what happened in school, and from all through school they said thing would change, but they didn't. How am I supposed to know people are different now?

Benefit of the doubt and treating each person with a "clean slate". I know how easy it is to label people and to categorize people into groups, but people fit into alot other groups as well. Enhence grouping doesn't work atleast for me. For the most part, it makes me feel like I know them because I grouped them and I know how that group is. When the reality is, I really don't know that person at all and I get suprised when they show me another part of them that is not that group. But you got to give them a chance to show you another part of them though. And back to your response, you are not dead so what makes what they say/do to you worth any grief? You are still thinking and fighting. Their words are meaningless. Treat it so. Be stronger.

I'm supposed to be better than this, I'm not supposed to feel lonely. I'm supposed to be able to survive wihtout a female companion. Without any companions, if strictly necessary. It makes all the logic and sense in the world to give up on these foolish dreams of having a girlfriend, so why the hell can't I?

So please, can someone tell me how to get rid of these feelings? Their must be a way. Feelings without a purpose only make you weak, so I can't have that strong a need for them.

Better than this? What is "this"? and how are you supposed to be better than it? You are a typical 19 year old with insecurities that have raging homones. Guess what? That is most of what guys your age go through. Having a girlfriend isn't like having a car. There isn't supposed to have an age to where you get one or have had one.

The thing is, I survived this before. Everyone in school was alot further in life than me, no matter how little they deserved it. Why was I able to put those feeling away then, and not now? It's not like the things I've got to do at college are less important, in fact, they're probabally more critical to my life than anything in school ever was.

But yeah, I do know that putting away these feelings isn't the most healthy solution, and I know that getting a girlfriend isn't like getting a car, but I find it hard to believe the point that I'm normal to go through this when I don't know anyone who is this age and still single. Worse, most people I know are younger than me (late college entry, one more year, and I'd be paying for it). I just think there are far more important things to deal with right now than something so petty as the same loneliness I've coped with fine for most of my damn life, and there seems to be no real solution at the moment. All the girls at college are in relationships, and far too far out my league anyway. I'd go out, but all that'll happen then is some drunken fling with yet another girl who doesn't even remember my name in the morning, seeming as I live in a town where the only way to socialise is getting drunk.

Stop comparing yourself to what's "normal" and to other people. That is just too much stress and is that what is important in life? To live like other people or to live what is normal? What is normal anyways. Shouldn't living life be your pursuit of happiness? I would suggest living outside your box or your world. Something like if your university has a dormatory, go live there your freshman year or sophomore year. I bet you will find students more confused than living "normal" than you think. Give them a chance, smile, say hi. Travel to other countries and see how they live. My love of snowboarding has made me travel to different states and countries. I have gotten out of my world. It has made me a better person by appreciating what I have and see what I want in my life that would make me happy. The only thing that you would need to do just like everyone else is sustain your life. Find/study/do something to make money in order you to feed/shelter/etc. yourself. But that doesn't mean you need to do what everyone else is doing. Last but not least, keep an open mind.

 

[Anarchemitis]

The Bible teaches that in weakness, his strength is made perfect.