I feel sick...

[brutus3933]

Alright, well, this is my first time posting on the forums, so I'm pretty new at this... I realize it's a moot point to ask for help through the internet, but most of my friends are, for a lack of a better term, unhelpful and I doubt they'd be much help with this. A few days ago, my girlfriend (both of us are 16) was arrested for the murder of her mother, she even admits to it, albeit in self defense. Her mother is.. was a ***** to the nth degree. A few weeks ago, she had to stitch herself up after her mother stabbed her and wouldn't take her to the hospital, her mother constantly threatened her and threw knives and things at her. They're letting her use her phone in the juvenile detention center, so I can still get into contact with her some times. I wanted to know if I could get some advice, what I could do to maybe help, something I could say to cheer her up, or if this is some kind of elaborate way of breaking up with me... Oh, she's in Arizona, I'm in Florida, so I am somewhat limited... If you're only going to attack long distance relationships or relationships at such a young age, just skip to another thread.

 

[Julianking93]

Holy shit, dude.

That's one fucked up family

 

[AfroTree]

I'd just make sure she's in a sane and rational state, and try and just be reasonable and honest with her.

I admit that's somewhat vague, but I don't know the complexities of this deal. Be optimistic, and supportive, if you genuinely do love her.

I'd imagine if she can prove abuse she'd get her sentence shortened significantly, and she's a minor (I think, not sure about the US) so that cuts it even more.

being I, a man who relates his mental state to kinder eggs and creme eggs with cracks, say this is the best advice on what i've read so far, (in relation to OP's problem) and seems like the best option, so OP, take the furb's advice

 

[Zetsubou]

She might get off easy, it may be judged as a crime of passion or mentally unfit to stand trial. Be supportive of her, don't leave her alone completely.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

Yeah...

Sounds pretty messed up. If you really care that much about her, it sounds like she'd be able to justify it as self defense, so you may only have to wait for the trial to finish and all that, but maybe she'll go to jail and you'll be left looking for another lady. It's hard to say. Have you ever met her in person?

 

[Kuchinawa212]

Well, you can live with fact that it really was in self defense and if she gets out you can met up after words
or
you can move closer and met up every day during visiting hours
or
ask your parents and trusted adults and ask what they would do

 

[x0ny]

Make every opportunity you can to get in touch with her so that she knows you haven't forgotten about her, get into a routine. Just be warned some people come out of those places a different person, negatively and positively, so brace yourself. If you feel you can't cope, don't feel guilty, many relationships breakdown because of prison.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

I say catch a plane and vouch for her actions of self-defense. If her mother really was pyschotic as you claim and if the stiching is there, then it should be easy to convince the court.

 

[cheese_wizington]

If you really care about her, get over to Arizona and try to mend things as best you can.

 

[Cheery Lunatic]

Da hayell... I'd so flip out if I was in your situation.

Try to be understanding but don't be patronizing. Only talk about it if she wants to. Keep in touch as often as possible. She's probably feeling really scared right now and needs support.

You could break up. You shouldn't be expected at 16 to fulfill something so emotionally draining. Since not only is it a long-distance relationship, she's now in juvie.

 

[SultanP]

There's a go getter if I ever heard of one, gotta love people who take matters into their own hands.

On topic though, if it were me, I think I would wait for her to get out, depending on how long it would take, of course. And if you will wait for her, telling her that might be a sensible thing to do. Other than that, tell her that she did the right thing, and that she shouldn't blame herself or something.

Edit: Also, killing her mother seems like an awfully elaborate way of breaking up with someone, and if you doubt whether she actually has been arrested, you could always call the facility and just excuse yourself with saying you though it was within the calling hours or whatever. They should at least confirm or deny having her locked up.

 

[Mercsenary]

Prove the history of abuse to provide motive for homicide. No jury on earth would convict her and throw her into jail for life.

If in the US. She would most likely be convicted of Third Degree murder, intent not to kill but to harm seeing as she probably wanted her mother to stop yes?

First and Second is (premeditated and being an accomplice respectivly)

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Make sure she's okay, and no matter what...

DON"T BRING IT UP UNLESS SHE DOES. People take things like this in different ways, she might be a burier. Just be supportive, a "shoulder to cry on". Plus it could sound like you blame her if you start talking about it. Just talk like normal and be prepared to comfort. Light jokes are your friend.

 

[brutus3933]

Thank you very much, fellow Escapists for the support and advice. This has been much more helpful than I could have imagined.

I'd just make sure she's in a sane and rational state, and try and just be reasonable and honest with her.

I admit that's somewhat vague, but I don't know the complexities of this deal. Be optimistic, and supportive, if you genuinely do love her.

I'd imagine if she can prove abuse she'd get her sentence shortened significantly, and she's a minor (I think, not sure about the US) so that cuts it even more.

17 and under is minor in the US. Thank you for the advice.

Yeah...

Sounds pretty messed up. If you really care that much about her, it sounds like she'd be able to justify it as self defense, so you may only have to wait for the trial to finish and all that, but maybe she'll go to jail and you'll be left looking for another lady. It's hard to say. Have you ever met her in person?

I haven't met her in person, no, which is why I expected people to have issues on the long distance thing. She's had a hearing with a judge and the verdict will be out, soon...

I say catch a plane and vouch for her actions of self-defense. If her mother really was pyschotic as you claim and if the stiching is there, then it should be easy to convince the court.

Cross-country flying isn't in my family's budget at the moment. Her father is already going to be a character witness. I hope it'll be enough.

There's a go getter if I ever heard of one, gotta love people who take matters into their own hands.

On topic though, if it were me, I think I would wait for her to get out, depending on how long it would take, of course. And if you will wait for her, telling her that might be a sensible thing to do. Other than that, tell her that she did the right thing, and that she shouldn't blame herself or something.

Edit: Also, killing her mother seems like an awfully elaborate way of breaking up with someone, and if you doubt whether she actually has been arrested, you could always call the facility and just excuse yourself with saying you though it was within the calling hours or whatever. They should at least confirm or deny having her locked up.

I hadn't meant her actually doing it to break up, but say she did to gradually talk less.

Make sure she's okay, and no matter what...

DON"T BRING IT UP UNLESS SHE DOES. People take things like this in different ways, she might be a burier. Just be supportive, a "shoulder to cry on". Plus it could sound like you blame her if you start talking about it. Just talk like normal and be prepared to comfort. Light jokes are your friend.

Thank you for the tips. She is a bit of a burier. She really only came out to her twin brother (Who died last Saturday, whup-de-fucking-do) and myself, on occasion.

 

[SultanP]

I hadn't meant her actually doing it to break up, but say she did to gradually talk less.

Right, that was what my second paragraph was about, even though it was a bit vague. What I meant was that if you are genuinely concerned that she has not killed her mother, but says she did to talk less to you. You could try to figure out which facility she would be locked up in, I suppose, and try calling to see if you could talk to her, under the pretence that that's how you thought it worked. I would assume that they would either say they don't have anyone by that name in there, or that they do, but you have to wait for her to call you, or however it works.

 

[Fire Daemon]

If her mother was throwing knives at her and if she did indeed have to have to stitch herself up after an attack then it seems that it probably was self defense. I have no idea how the attack went down, obviously, but unless there were witnesses saying that she was unprovoked than your Girl Firend shouldn't have to worry about going to jail. I'm no lawyer or detective, I'm just a dude on the net, so don't take my word as final, but I'd be pretty damn surprised if she went to jail while being completely honest as to how things went down.

As for words of comfort, I don't really have any. You can tell her that things will be ok and they'll work out, that might help. You know her better than us, you're probably the best person to know what to say here.

 

[BonsaiK]

Alright, well, this is my first time posting on the forums, so I'm pretty new at this... I realize it's a moot point to ask for help through the internet, but most of my friends are, for a lack of a better term, unhelpful and I doubt they'd be much help with this. A few days ago, my girlfriend (both of us are 16) was arrested for the murder of her mother, she even admits to it, albeit in self defense. Her mother is.. was a ***** to the nth degree. A few weeks ago, she had to stitch herself up after her mother stabbed her and wouldn't take her to the hospital, her mother constantly threatened her and threw knives and things at her. They're letting her use her phone in the juvenile detention center, so I can still get into contact with her some times. I wanted to know if I could get some advice, what I could do to maybe help, something I could say to cheer her up, or if this is some kind of elaborate way of breaking up with me... Oh, she's in Arizona, I'm in Florida, so I am somewhat limited... If you're only going to attack long distance relationships or relationships at such a young age, just skip to another thread.

I have answered this in the Relationship Problem thread, which is at the following link: ---> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=25#5108894

 

[JanatUrlich]

WOT.

Yeah uh, I reckon you should get help from professionals, not a load of game nerds.

I wish you good luck <3

 

[BlindMessiah94]

That's....fucked up.

I thought I had problems!

I honestly don't know what advice to give. That is a scenario I have no experience in obviously.

Seeing as how you've never met her I don't know, could this all be a charade? Sorry if I insult your situation with that statement, its just a thought to keep in mind. The whole thing just sounds so surreal it's hard to believe.

If it is true, I'd say this is the kind of thing you should ask a PROFESSIONAL for advice on. A lot of the advice on this forum is great mind you, but seeing a counselor who deals with situations like yours would be worthwhile. And no I don't mean your high school counselor, those people don't know what the frak they are talking about.

 

[driveBYargument]

Err... I don't know if the Forums are going to be as forgiving as perhaps you may believe. Also the situation is really extreme but whatever, I'll try to tackle this.
Sooner or later you'll come to realize that there are times where you can't say or do anything, and you know what? That's perfectly fine. The most important thing for you to do is BE THERE. That is it. It might be tough not being able to say something to cheer someone up, but sometimes there just isn't anything you can say, or it isn't appropriate. Just be there, and treat her like you normally would. When the time comes to help you'll know it. That brings up another question just how far do you wish to go to pursue this girl? I would think murder is a pretty keen turnoff to most folks. But if you're willing to go after her after all this, I say this is true love and wish you all the best. Just don't be left alone in a room with her and a bunch of sharp objects.

... Sorry couldn't resist.