I got Ebola, what do I do? D:

[Thaluikhain]

Did you know, that in order to donate blood in Ontario, you must fill out a questionnaire which includes the question "Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a non-human primate"? Is this how you contracted Ebola Taco?

Which answer do they want?

Also, non-primates don't count?

 

[geK0]

Did you know, that in order to donate blood in Ontario, you must fill out a questionnaire which includes the question "Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a non-human primate"? Is this how you contracted Ebola Taco?

Which answer do they want?

Also, non-primates don't count?

Actually I think it was specifically chimpanzee..... it was a while since I filled the questionnaire.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I heard making out is the cure. Godspeed Taco.

Spoiler

I feel terrible about joking about this.

 

[The White Hunter]

Guis

I got Ebola and I dunno what to do. Am I gonna die? ;_;

I knew I shouldn't have trusted that nice nurse but mah dick has a mind of it's own sometimes, I swear >.>

OT: I'm running out of time, what do you people think is the best course of action now?

Spoiler: Joke Ruiner

No, I don't actually have ebola but #TakeBackEscapistForums

What happens now Taco is that internal bleeding intensifies. You've tipped your last fedora I'm afraid.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

So is that why you're a skeleton now? Shit, I thought it was just your new diet, Taco!

 

[Barbas]

Go to hospital.

I was reading something Melissa McEwan said, about how the US has a thing for persuading people not to go to hospitals because it's too expensive, which'd be a real problem if an outbreak occurred.

Of course, due to issues with funding, the care at the hospitals may or may not be that great anyway, but still.

Against expectation, I have actually learned something today.

OT: I recommend a trip to see the renowned wizard Divayth Fyr in his mushroom tower. Be sure to bring a Daedric artifact as a gift, though.

E-bola...Eee-boo-laaa...a strangely funny word.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

I believe that now the only course of action open to you is selling your soul to Nurgle.

 

[Godhead]

Donate all the blood that you can.

 

[nepheleim]

Go to hospital.

I was reading something Melissa McEwan said, about how the US has a thing for persuading people not to go to hospitals because it's too expensive, which'd be a real problem if an outbreak occurred.

Of course, due to issues with funding, the care at the hospitals may or may not be that great anyway, but still.

Go out and volunteer at a hospital for a week. You'd find out that this is in no way true, though maybe we should try to persuade people not to go to hospitals. What hospitals suffer every time there's a new "outbreak" reported by the news (SARS, H1N1, etc) is a phenomena called "worried well", which are tons of healthy people who have convinced themselves that they're afflicted. It kills hospital resources and time, and impedes the treatment of the actually afflicted.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/worried_well

 

[Neuromancer]

OT: I recommend a trip to see the renowned wizard Divayth Fyr in his mushroom tower. Be sure to bring a Daedric artifact as a gift, though.

I dunno, I saw the folks in the Ebolsarium the other day, they didn't look that well.

 

[DANEgerous]

Go to literally any medical facility with a place to quarantine you, seriously a huge reason Ebola is as deadly as it is is that it is in places with no running water, bleach, or real medical care. Yes is is serious but if you live in the US or any first world nation and fear it... just stop the media is stupid on this (and everything else). Do you know how many people die of malaria? No? Here is a hint take all the people murdered on Earth, double it, now you are close. Yeah I am not even joking and guess the last time you feared malaria? Was it never? I bet it was never, and unless you have been in a room with someone know to have Ebola that was symptomatic that is the fear of Ebola you should have.

 

[JagermanXcell]

Lick every doorknob you see Taco.

Eventually you'll come down with a mass variety of sicknesses, sicknesses in need of guidance down the right path. You must train theses sicknesses to combat the evil doer, Ebola, inside of you, kicking it out of your host body to house the superior viruses! From that day forth, you will be forever known...

...as Ill Man!!!... the man who owns over 100 illnesses!

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

The disease has a high risk of death, killing between 25% and 90% of those infected with the virus. The average is about 50%.

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

-

I bet that Nurse was one of those filthy FEMINIST QUINNKEESIAN TYPES, TRYING TO KILL OFF THE HONEST, PURE, GAMERS.
The only way to be rid of Ebola is to destroy Kotaku.

Spoiler

How could you be bored of gamergate? It's the ride that never ends!

 

[Barbas]

OT: I recommend a trip to see the renowned wizard Divayth Fyr in his mushroom tower. Be sure to bring a Daedric artifact as a gift, though.

I dunno, I saw the folks in the Ebolsarium the other day, they didn't look that well.

Oh, they're placid and friendly enough if you play the bongos for them. You have to do it just right, though, or they'll suck your eyes out like jelly.

 

[Bravo Company]

Stop drop and roll!

waaaaaiiiiittttttttt.........

Spoiler: because I feel as if this applies somehow...

 

[RedDeadFred]

I'm detecting three different motives for why you made this thread, Taco.

1. As a joke, because if taco news has taught us anything, it's that you love your joke threads.
2. As a way of drawing discussion away from the topic that shall not be named.
3. As an excuse for you to brag about getting it on with a lovely nurse.

Either way, success on all fronts. Congratulations are in order!

 

[dalek sec]

Thank Grandfather Nurgle for blessing you with such a powerful sickness!

Soon you'll be spreading such joy and suffering to so many people that you'll be a daemon prince before you can "Nurgle loves me!", you're going places Taco!

 

[Irick]

Thank Grandfather Nurgle for blessing you with such a powerful sickness!

Soon you'll be spreading such joy and suffering to so many people that you'll be a daemon prince before you can "Nurgle loves me!", you're going places Taco!

Wait.
The Daleks are part of the forces of chaos?
...
No, no, actually that makes too much sense.

Right, done with the universe, throwing mars into the eye of terror. Have fun with the Void Dragon bitches, I'm out.

 

[Flutterguy]

Run to your nearest scientologist temple. QUICK!

Spoiler: Oh man... I should not have said this.. I'll need a whole fleet of lawyers by tomorrow!

But srsly I will eat tacos everynight if you pull this off escapbro!