"I Hate Hanging Out With You And Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend"

[theincurabletragedy]

Thankfully I'm friends with most of, it not all of, my friends' bfs/gfs.
Really, though, guilt-tripping isn't cool. Don't fall for it. :< That's all I can say.

 

[Falconus]

I'll be straight up and say I'm assuming you're a girl. The reason I say this is because girls are terribly notorious for pulling on the heart strings of other girls.

The username "lilmisspotatoes" is also a big clue.

 

[FourEyedPandora]

I had a time like that once. Two of my friends asked me to go to the shopping mall with them, and then they brought their boyfriends. I wasn't even a third wheel, I was like the spare tire. It was totally lame, so I just went home. When they asked me about it the next day, I told them that I wasn't interested in seeing their boyfriends. I'm no longer friends with them. :/

 

[Loves2spooge]

*snip*

The best thing you can do really, is make yourself busy. Say you're writing a story or something so you can retreat to your room (and if you don't have the gusto to start writing one, just grab an unpublished story off the internet, there's plenty).

Or, take the best course of action and be completely frank. Say "I like spending time with you, but your boyfriend's an asshole. Spending time with him is like eating an ice cream made of gravel and dick, and I would very much like to avoid his presence". Or something along those lines.

 

[Manbro]

Hey at least when your friend finds a boyfriend/girlfriend they still want to hang with you. My friend got one then buggered off and hasn't talked to me in over 4 months.

 

[Areani]

Depression, but then I always felt like that around my friends. Becuase I did not want to be that person either, I never did anything with them since I wanted them to invite me cause they wanted to, not cause I forced them to or just followed them.

I'm the exact same way. My friends always contact me when they want to hang out, or else I would feel like I was bothering them or forced myself upon them.

 

[Radelaide]

This is a rant/question. You have been warned.

I've been guilt-tripped into spending the evening with my roommate and her boyfriend tonight, simply because she told me that she feels like she has to choose between him and me.

Really, though, I hate hanging out with her when she's with him. Every time I do, I get ignored. Epic third wheel feeling, and I'm sick and tired of it. She leaves me behind to spend time with him, but wouldn't give up an evening with him just to hang with me.

(Doesn't hurt that I hate her boyfriend anyway. Pretentious douchenozzle.)

How do you deal with that "I don't really belong with you guys" feeling? And what's a more polite way to phrase the title of this thread?

Tell her you don't have anything in common with the douchenozzle (btw, I'm totally stealing that) and that you'd feel more comfortable not hanging out with her while she's hanging out with him.

Also, tell her if she feels like she has to choose, maybe she should and them mention the bro-code: specifically, "Bros before hoes."

 

[wooty]

I hate my mates around their GF's, they're always much more.....arsehole-like. I leave my ball and chain at home when I go out with them, I expect the same courtesy, but never get it.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Get over it (to her), You aren't some emotional rag for her to cry at if something goes wrong with her boyfriend. I know this, my friend would always guilt trip me into hanging out with him cause his girlfriend (well, ex gf now) makes him hang out with her friends. Whenever she told him and me to be friends with them I stood my ground and said "Listen, I came to hang with -friend-, not try and be friends with women who have horrible sense of taste, have aids hanging out of every hole possible and have the nerv to insult my sex life because they sleep with everything that moves."

She started respecting me after wards, and he kept getting whipped until she left him and is now engaged to a random guy she met 2 months ago. Funny how life works...

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I'm sorry, but I'm laughing my ass off at the OP.

Dude, she's just stringing your stupid ass along to make herself feel better. Why have ONE guy that wants her when she can get a second? Who knows, maybe she's already got a third as well.

OP is female...

I understand the situation, it's no fun on your part. I usually end up avoiding friends who are in newly formed relationships. They are likely to ignore you, grope and kiss in front of you, and censor themselves in fear of offending the new boyfriend/girlfriend...

I'd like the opposite, censor the PDA and say something interesting.

 

[Marter]

I would hate that situation as well, and luckily enough for me, I have yet to be forced into it.

I'd find new friends to hang out with if this happens often.

 

[Bernzz]

It's like that with me, but it's the opposite: me paying 'too much' attention to my girlfriend. People want me to pay as much attention to them as I do her. I'm sorry, but isn't her being the girl I love mean I should pay her at least a tad more attention?

And I never ignore my friends, and I never go out with my girlfriend and a third wheel. ut I get accused of it anyway. And then other people in couples act the same way, and no one says a word.

/rant

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

I hate my mates around their GF's, they're always much more.....arsehole-like.

Do they tend to ignore you unless they're big noting themselves or dumping shit on you? I had a few mates like that. I now have no friends like that, and haven't for several years, because I fucked them off.

 

[wooty]

I hate my mates around their GF's, they're always much more.....arsehole-like.

Do they tend to ignore you unless they're big noting themselves or dumping shit on you? I had a few mates like that. I now have no friends like that, and haven't for several years, because I fucked them off.

Yep, thats what they're like. They also try to act "more mature", even criticising things that they like or introduced to me in order to just take the piss, complete character reversal

 

[Bellvedere]

Thing is a group of 3 is always a bit uncomfortable. It's pretty easy for two people to leave out the third, not maliciously just since it's likely that not all 3 people have exactly the same things in common.

Being with someone and their boy/girlfriend can exacerbate this natural awkwardness since they both clearly have a preference for each other.

I would bring up the three is awkward part rather than making any mention of the fact that it's her boyfriend involved. Offer maybe to invite someone else around to make the evening more cheery.

Also she is your roomate... surely you see quite a lot of her anyway? Unless she's one of those joined at the hip to her lover thing. You can try the bros before hoes thing I guess. Pretty much you won't get anywhere making the me or him argument though. Doing that already makes you the less popular one especially if he doesn't mind (or pretends not to mind) you being around.

Or you know you could just man up and get over it. Is the reason you don't like him around some sort of jealousy thing? Because that's kind of how you make it sound.

 

[DividedUnity]

Bring a buddy. Thats the only real solution. People tend to get way to involved and forget their friends when sex is on the table. So bring your own friend who you know you can talk to or better yet bring a date.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Well, not meaning to sound condescending or anything, but when you have time with your friend, you could just say how you feel, and ask that she doesn't invite her boyfriend to your 'friend time' and for her not to invite you to her 'boyfriend time' because it makes you uncomfortable.

I've tried to explain to her, actually. Tonight, I told her flat-out that I don't enjoy being with them, and she proceeded to tell me that he enjoyed my company, even if I don't like his... and that (in not quite so many words) I'm a shut-in who needs to spend more time with people.

Well, you could either a) appeal to the boyfriend to get him to work with you rather than against you, that way your friend has pressure put on her from both parties, tell her you will walk out of any social gathering at which she hangs out with her boyfriend, or you can take the 'martyr' role and try and enjoy yourself.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

You just said she has to choose between you two, if she picks him over you all the time, what makes you think she hasn't already made up her mind?

I'm not sure, to be honest. She has made plans with me, then ditched me to spend time with him more than once. Yet if I choose to skip out on her and spend time with people (granted, these are people who I talk to online, as they're 1000 miles away, but also people I'll be living with in a few months instead of with her), she gets all pissy and refuses to talk to me for a few days.

I appreciate the advice, everyone. I think she and I will be having a talk soon. It's my fault for letting her guilt-trip me and walk all over me, but it's also got to be a give-and-take, right?

 

[DefunctTheory]

In such situations, I have one defense mechanism: sexual innuendo. If you have to be uncomfortable, so should they.