I hate the music she loves.

[RedIvy]

So I have started dating this girl that I think is absolutely wonderful. There is not a spark, but a wildfire. We share hobbies and an attitude towards romance that I never thought I would ever have in common with a woman before.

But I hate her music.

Whenever she sends me a youtube clip or plays a song I absolutely cringe inside. It is the sappiest suger-sweet bland kind of pop you could ever find. I have to use all my self-control not to make a snarky comment or just laugh out loud. That I can make even a positive comment when she asks for my opnion is a minor miracle.

We have much major differences: she's a practicing catholic, I'm an atheist, but oddly enough it is not as big a problem for me as her taste in music. I know it might sound incredibly shallow but it just makes my stomach churn.

I don't want to break up with her, period. But if anything would pry us apart I would not want it to be something as superficial as this. Yet as soon as I am comfonted with it I cannot stop my thoughts from wandering there. And if there ever were to prove too much for me then I could never be honest about it as we have worked hard to overcome other obstacles between us.

I might sound irrational to you. In fact, I hope I am; irrational thinking can be 'cured'. I wish I could just understand why I dislike it so very much.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Just tell her you don't like her music. I don't see what the big deal is. Headphones exist for a reason, as well as countless opportunities for each of you to listen to the music you like in your own time. As long as you don't start insulting her for liking that music, or demanding she never listen to it again, I don't see why it would cause a rift. Respectfully explain that her genre of music just isn't your style. There must be something that you both like well enough that you could listen to together, like classical music.

Never met anyone who had strong feelings against classical music.

 

[Karhukonna]

Never met anyone who had strong feelings against classical music.

Can't stand the stuff myself.

Anyways, on topic and all that, I really fail to see the problem. I don't think even half the couples I know like the same music. It's not exactly a deal breaker. You don't have to listen to it, and if you do, make sure you both play fair. I have, for instance, a deal with the missus regarding music in the car. The passenger decides. So I listen to a lot of pop music, which I dislike. But when I'm the passenger, she has the chance to "appreciate" classical... heavy metal. Ooh, almost had you there, didn't I.

So all in all, just let it slide, will ya? Opposites attract and all that jazz.

 

[Vegosiux]

I hated my ex's reading, she hated mine. I liked her music, she hated most of mine. Those weren't the actual problems with our relationship. The superficial stuff is never what actually breaks up a relationship, it might contribute if it's already rough, but it never does it on its own.

Just tell her it's not exactly in your taste. When you start dating, you're really not expected to merge minds and stuff.

 

[Abomination]

I don't listen to any music, my girlfriend doesn't like that I don't like her stuff but I have made it perfectly clear that I won't judge her for any subjective thing she likes or dislikes and in turn I expect the same respect and treatment.

It works wonders and sets a fine tone of independence from each other in our relationship as individuals who share other mutual likes and dislikes.

I?m certain you have some musical interests in common or could potentially appreciate an artist or two together? or both dislike a current popular artist together. Find common ground, stop fighting over differences.

 

[RedIvy]

Just tell her you don't like her music.

Yeah I suppose. I've just haven't had the heart to tell her since she thinks it's REALLY romantic to listen to music together.

I tend to overthink things or go into panicmode as soon as everything's not perfect, so it is good to hear about people who have a more sound perspective.

 

[ERaptor]

As a tip, talk to her about it and go surf youtube together. You're bound to find SOMETHING you both enjoy listening. I detest almost all Hip-Hop and mostly listen metal. But even i can find stuff of the first genre that i can listen to.

And if all tries fail, music isnt _that_ important. From everything else you listed, you two seem to be absolutely fine with each other.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

Hahaha! There's actually a song about your very problem [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnH2MC00sMg]: a German punk-rock/pop-punk piece where the singer laments that is girlfriend is "unrockbar" which translates to "unrockable" and ultimately throws her out because of this.

But anyway now for something a little bit more substantial: I have to echo what the rest said in that it's less of a big deal than you make it out to be and I doubt your relationship will end if you point out that you really don't enjoy that particular kind of music. She has to accept that difference as do you. And I mean, where we would be the fun in dealing with people if everyone would just like the same things equally? Especially when it comes to relationships I imagine. That's also why you can also try to turn that difference into something exciting: a difference is always an opportunity to learn about new stuff and have some fun while doing it. For instance you both could turn it into a kind of contest where each of you has to take turns with one song to get the other into liking something outside of their musicial comfort-zone.

 

[RedIvy]

For instance you both could turn it into a kind of contest where each of you has to take turns with one song to get the other into liking something outside of their musicial comfort-zone.

I think I'll try this. We've done things similar to that before, a bit of tit-for-tat "trading". Maybe there is a third genre that none of us have listened to, but is actually our common ground?

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the tips!

 

[RedIvy]

Pondering about it made me realize that part of the problem might be that I agree with her; I too think it is romatic to listen to music together. So not having anything in common there makes me feel that we are missing out on something that's important to both of us. Hence why looking for common ground outside our current favorites sounds like the best idea to me (and it's always fun to explore!)

 

[TeamDei]

Best thing to do; communicate with her how you feel about it.

It's not going to be the difference in music that kills your relationship.
It's not communicating with each other that will.

 

[Super_John]

Just don't listen to music together and have fun! Besides the music is not the most important thing in the relationships