I have an addict under my roof !

[Iznat]

You can use the email and password which I assume you know, as likely you paid, to control how long he spends on WoW.


https://www.wow-europe.com/en/info/faq/parentalcontrols.html


That'll fix er.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Say the computer broke. That's what got me to stop my addiction, then i couldn't get on it at all, so when the PC came back i didn't want to play it or be assed to install again.

 

[TrogzTheTroll]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

If his schoolwork hasn't been impacted it shouldn't matter.

His life has been impacted! His temperament and personality have been impacted! He has become impossible to live with! If I let him sneak up to play video games all night of course his school work will be impacted!

His life has been impacted? Of course it has! Your child has had the wonderful experiance of being able to pwn n00bz and top the charts on the DPS meter. His life is complete when he downs the LK... let him be little Alliance/Horde he is.

 

[Isolda Sage]

I think a good start would be taking his computers power cable every night.

Yeah, I did that. That resulted in a blow up not so different than that video.

 

[MercurySteam]

So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

I'm afraid so. So people get over it, many others don't. By this I mean the long hours spent on a MMORPG. He will never give up trying to get it back. Limiting his time to a few hours a day is much better for all parties involved instead of cutting him off completely.

 

[Outright Villainy]

I think a good start would be taking his computers power cable every night.

Yeah, I did that. That resulted in a blow up not so different than that video.

He'll get over it. Especially when he realises that he'll have to change his attitude to play the game. Don't let him play at all for a day or two if he throws a tantrum, and make it very clear he can only play for a limited time and IF he cuts the complaining. He'll change tack soon enough.

Limiting his time to a few hours a day is much better for all parties involved instead of cutting him off completely.

Indeed so, if he can't play the game at all, the tantrums might not stop, and he'll become resentful. The carrot and stick approach is the best one here.

 

[Trogdor1138]

(I'm 18)

As some have said, limit his playing time to 3-4 hours a day. Maybe if he's doing well in school (or doing well in whatever else aspect) bump it up to another hour. That's the most simple way I can think of.

I played Wow earlier in the year for about 2 months a lot, it replaced a lot of other hobbies I had and I was always playing with a couple of friends I had in real life, it was distracting me from my classes a little bit but not too much to the point of being worried (I'm a film maker). I played it and I know several people who have the same reason, that I mainly played it due to depression and a complete lack of confidence in anything I was doing, it distracted and kept my mind busy for hours a day. I never got addicted to the game I was able to stop after my subscription ran out and haven't been back to it since (though I'm intending to go back at a point when I feel comfortable to).

The reason I stopped playing was because a girl came along and we fell in love with each other instantly and have been happily with together for over six months now, we're both of the mindset we're soul mates and everything has felt perfect since, so it's very fortunate this all lined up.

Sorry if it's largely irrelevant to the situation, but thought I'd give some perspective from my own experiences. I guess what I'm also saying is that he might have some issues that you don't know about and a reason he wants to play if he's arguing with you about it so much. If he has his online friends it's definitely something that will affect him and in my opinion would be a bad idea to keep him away from them, I know my online friends have helped me more than most would think. You also run the risk of him disliking you and his mind telling him that for years down the track.

I'd say just try talking to him about everything, it's hard with a 12 year old (I certainly was) but if there's something wrong in life then try and help him fix that.

Also, don't suggest what else he can do, coming from personal experience when my mum makes suggestions at times it pretty much deters me from doing that option, it's just how the brain works I spose. At these ages we don't like to be told what to do.

Well hope something out of that wall of text helped, good luck with it all and let everyone know how things are going.

 

[Vidiot]

As someone who has dealt with both behavioral and physical addiction, yes. WoW (specifically, as well as online gaming in general) can become a behavioral addiction.

As posted above, this often comes from issues related to feelings of inadequacy. In game he's a powerful hero, able to lead a team into treacherous territory and slay imposing monsters. I'd venture that out of game he has very little sense of control over his own life and destiny.

Often this can be a coping mechanism for depression and social awkwardness. What he really needs is a reason to like himself and his *real* life. Martial arts, sports, or even just the subtle shift to playing xbox on the couch with real friends can make a massive difference.

*edit* one question to ask or ponder: When he sneaks out of his room to play the game at night, are his friends online or is he playing solo?

Part of what makes the online gaming experience so unique and compelling is the social aspect. The game is more real for him because his online friends help flesh out that realism. When an alcoholic drinks with other alcoholics, they feel less like anything is wrong with what they are doing.
One suggestion, plan a 3 or so hour block when his friends can expect to find him online on a predictable basis. This way it feels less arbitrary when it's time to log off. His friends can expect when to see him, and when not to see him online.

 

[Michael Dagastino]

Being oppressive does not help. If you want him to not do something, have something else for him to do. I dont mean chores either, but fun things. I spend most of my time gaming. Id spend less time gaming though if I could hang out with friends more, for example.

good advice.
Im pretty much the same way. All i have time for is college and (home)work. and when i am free, my friends are at work/school. I mean there are other things like golf i could play, but some how with out someone else, its kind of bland.

 

[Isolda Sage]

Thanks this is helpful. A number of people have said don't give suggestions so I guess I will \give him choices. "Do you want to go to the movies or to your friends house?" because I've got to get him out of the house. The snivelling is too much!

 

[Vidiot]

I imagine part of that sniveling comes from his online "obligations". The more you play the game, the more people expect you to be online. One doesn't want to disappoint...

 

[Zing]

Yes. My brother was the same, but my mum just took it off him completely...and his internet...then sent him to board at school cause he was failing and going to lose his scholarship.

No high school student should be playing WoW, at least not during the term, unless they aren't an addictive person/aren't addicted to WoW.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Maybe you should just sit down and talk to him about why he wants to play. He might be being bullied at school or something, so he feels he has to escape to a better world. I also recommend talking to our resident psychologist Dr Mark. He would be able to help as well. So just have a chat with your kid, try to understand why he wants to play this game so much, and from there you should be able to find a solution. Just remember to be careful with this talk though, your child might get very defensive when you talk about this, so try and be as non-threatening as possible.

Good luck.

 

[RatRace123]

I think you made the right choice, Warcraft does that sort of thing to people.

And if your son is acting up because you've tried to limit his time, you have every right to control it until he starts cutting down.
As much as I hate to generalize it, some people can't play MMOs, they have addictive personalities and get sucked in to the alternate reality, this isn't just child restricted either... look at Korea (only half joking)

I wouldn't completely deprive him, but cutting him off at certain times, or if he's showing an attitude is good.
And thank you for coming to a game focused community with this issue, instead of a parental watchdog group... Ugh.

 

[crazyguy668]

in this case i have to take the conservative side - about the only thing you can do is be oppressive, but you must make sure he has a place to go when deprived of WoW.

what i mean is, if he doesn't have (for example) a friend's house to go over and sulk and do something else, then it's like squeezing one half of a balloon while the other half has nowhere to expand to. something's got to give.

so subtly make sure he has other options for spending his time, then pull the plug and feel no remorse.

it'll definitely help if you don't actually suggest other things to do, because obviously he's going to hate your guts for a while and your very suggestions will taint those other options, thereby further oppressing him whether that's what you intend or not.

and don't think of it as oppression. think of it as steering him away from unhealthy things. in ten years if he has nothing but his WoW life to talk about, he will be a very sad person indeed.

like my little brother is going to be, LOL

i agree here you need to give him no time, wow requires a good bit of time to not be a liability to others, so let him have 2 hours and he becomes angry at you because he thought he had time, it took too long, so other WoW players are angry/dissapointed at him and then he is angry at you.if hes that obsessed into it, he must hate his real life compared to his wow character. There is 2 reasons to play WoW again after he is finished with this obsession, bullying/depression and he wants to get away from it all, or he is very bored(usually near the end of summer) and starts playing about to kill the time and gets obsessed with it again.

i say this as having a former obsession with WoW. i have no self esteem, so the only reason i stopped is because i didnt want to dissapoint anyone, and i figured my Wow friends would get over it faster

 

[LadyRhian]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

Please, please, PLEASE disregard this person's advice:

Being oppressive does not help. If you want him to not do something, have something else for him to do. I dont mean chores either, but fun things. I spend most of my time gaming. Id spend less time gaming though if I could hang out with friends more, for example.

I do NOT believe I am be oppressive! I am providing as much for him to do as possible! I have been encouraging him to spend time with friends and do the other things he love to do!
He has fun when we are out doing things and goes right back to harassing me to let him play the minute we get home.
I don't mind him playing; not at all. I just want him to keep it in balance and show me some better behavior first!

Whether YOU think you are being oppressive does not matter. If HE thinks you are though, does. I am merely stating from the point of view as the child, as my mother took away games and such when I was being "bad" or something. Lets just say I hate her, alot. Beyond for just that ofcourse, but either way, I hate my mother but wish I did not.
How into video games are you? You ARE on this site, and since it is gaming focused, it leads me to believe you are a gamer to some degree. If so, why not try to find games you can play with him? He plays games AND forges a stronger bond with you, and the more he loves you, the more he will like making you happy.

What you're doing (taking away privileges in response to unwanted behavior) is EXACTLY what you should be doing. As others have said, use it as the carrot in a carrot-stick arrangement; get him to show favorable behavior, and he may get his carrot; playtime. If he continues to show the unwanted behavior, keep giving him the stick: no playtime with the game. You are doing what a good parent should and I very much wish that more parents did these days; disciplining their child. You need to lay down the law; be firm, but fair. It's called authoritative parenting and it's the most effective type of parenting there is. Give him play time for favorable activities (monitored and for limited periods of time. Do not lay off on this, as the behavior will come right back as soon as you slack off. Make it a habit.)
My parents did this with me, and even though I was always very angry and pouty about it, it has really helped me in the long run.

I'm 43. I haven't been 12 in a long, long time, and when I was, there were no games to play like WoW in such a fashion. But I agree with the above poster. I also think you should use the WoW parental controls. If you can password-protect them, do so with a password he is unlikely to know or guess (mingling letters, numbers and symbols is a good idea- make sure you remember it, and don't write it down anywhere). Start out with two hours a day, but make sure he's done his homework and whatever first, which is why you may want to limit those hours to a time when you can be home to check he has done so before letting him on the computer. I'm sure he'll savage you to all his online friends, but- stick to your guns. Buy earplugs if you need to. Let him know it's this or nothing, and if he acts good and does everything he needs to, you will consider upping that time. You can put riders on this like "This house is a whining-free zone. If you whine, I am not going to be inclined to increase the time you are allowed to play the game."

As others have said, the upping of hours he's allowed to play is predicated on good behavior. The better he acts, the more he is allowed to play. Backsliding will be punished by decreasing back to the bare minimum. Physical acting out, means no playtime that week (or greater time, depending on the degree of acting out- if he's punching, slapping or kicking you, no playtime for the next month, or whatever). I don't know if school has started yet, but this is especially important during the school year, of course. During the weekends, you might want to watch him play. Not in a "I'm watching you to control you," Kind of way, but ask him what he likes about playing. Ask him to tell you what he's doing and what's going on. If you don't know how to play, ask him to teach you for a while. It might help him feel closer to you and not see you as a punishing jailer who is restricting his access to WoW.

He'll probably never be happy about it, but he'll probably grow resigned to it, at the very least.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

With things such as gaming addiction its important to assert the ideas of self control and discipline as virtues. An addiction to gaming, similarly to marijuana addiction, does not exist in a chemical sense- but can exist strongly in a mental sense. Since it is just a mental addiction, self control and self discipline, as well as imposed discipline, can be very effective at eliminating it.

 

[Gudrests]

So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

I'm afraid so. So people get over it, many others don't. By this I mean the long hours spent on a MMORPG. He will never give up trying to get it back. Limiting his time to a few hours a day is much better for all parties involved instead of cutting him off completely.

This is when it comes down to...yell at the kid and he is punished to his room...and pleese do not tell me he has a 360 and HD TV in his room..thats not a punishment. He's what 12....if you shut down the account tell him you have no money to spend on it.....unless he has a serious problem explain that you cant pay for it for him...if its a lie..who cares...and also.....if his friends in real life...also play online with him....it might just be because he dosent know how to act in a real social enviroment.....

P.S, Just dont kill the kid....video games have enough of a bad Rap for crazy parents and that would make this new court case all the worse..

P.P.S!!!! OHHHH idea to make him learn and let him play....tell him to research the supreme court case that is (not exactly sure) upcomming or in progress about video games being protected under the 1st admmentent <---Spelt wrong...AND make sure he has good grades so he can play...something he can acomplish..not A+'s or something he cant do. Who knows mabie he might become a laywer because of you getting him interisted in it. http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/extra-credits/1961-Free-Speech if you havnt watched it

 

[Guest_Star]

I am not much of gamer. I come on here to read the articles, really. I am however the mother of a 12 year old gamer, who has lost his mind to World of Warcraft. I have had to block all access to WoW because He had been acting like a true addict.
He plays all night. He sneaks up in the middle of the night to play. When I take the game and his computer away this normally well behaved child turns into a crazed idiot willing to fight me for his computer and the ability to play it.
So as it stands he cannot play and he is mourning the loss of his online friends. Is this a common experience?

As several others have suggested; carrot and stick.
If he does his chores and homework, let him play a few hours in the afternoon. Give him an extra hour or so if he ace tests or helps his grandma etc...
Let him have the choice, earning pocket money or WoW-hours.

As for raids, let him have the option to save up hours for that all important 8 hour raid, and do that on weekends.

But, and keep in mind this is just my personal opinion, if the he dares to throw a tantrum; cancel the WoW-account. Actions have consequences, and acting like a spoiled brat can't be tolerated. You're his parent, you're an authority figure he can't be allowed to manipulate in this way.
By all means, children are allowed (and should be encouraged) to question decisions. But throwing tantrums aint acceptable behaviour in anyone above the age of 4. And he's 12! What is he, Cartman?

 

[Mechsoap]

happened the same as me, though if you want to make him stop play or play less maybe get something else, like star wars: battlefront 2 is a good game for 12 year olds